Chapter 11
Realization“Seulgi. Hey, Seulgi. Are you listening?” Jongin’s voice brought back Seulgi’s attention. “You called me out yet you’re not even saying anything. What’s going on?”
Ever since she got back from Irene’s apartment, Seulgi has been a mess. So many thoughts ran through her head, but one thing for sure was that she now knows what she initially thought was just fleeting feelings for Irene was actually something much more. But first and foremost, she was still with Jongin. And she needs to do something about that.
“Jongin ah, I don’t know how else to do this but to be completely honest with you,” Seulgi said somberly. Judging from her tone of voice, Jongin could already tell where this is heading.
“This past month has been nothing but smiles and laughter for me, and you were the reason for that. You always take care of me and does everything you can to make me happy. Yet I haven’t done anything for you. I didn’t put 100% effort into this relationship and I feel like it’s unfair to you. And lately, I felt myself sinning because I thought about someone else while I’m still with you. You don’t deserve that and I certainly don’t deserve you. That’s why I called you out tonight to say that we should end it. I’m sorry, Jongin.” Seulgi’s head hung low as she waits for Jongin’s reply.
After a while, she hears him heave out a sigh. “I knew this talk was bound to come, I just didn’t know it would be so soon. I guess I was just hoping to make you happy enough so that you wouldn’t think about it anymore… think about her anymore.”
Seulgi jerk her head up at the pronoun. “Her? What do you mean?”
“Is it not her? Is Irene not the reason why you’re breaking up with me?”
“H-How did you know? Even I didn’t realize that until yesterday.”
“Come on, Seulgi. Don’t think I didn’t notice all the subtle glances you give Irene and how your brows twitch whenever Wendy gets close to her. Or how you look at her in the way I hope you would one day look at me. Maybe you just realized it yesterday, but your eyes have been telling me that the one you love is Irene since a while back,” Jongin said with a bittersweet smile.
“I-I’m so sorry. I really didn’t know I was doing that.”
“It’s ok, I know you didn’t consciously do it. At least I’m glad you’re finally able to admit it now,” he ruffles Seulgi’s hair.
“Even if I do acknowledge it, I don’t think I will do anything about it.”
“Why not?”
“First of all, we just broke up, I don’t think it’s right for me to already be going after someone else. And secondly, you don’t think it’s weird?”
“First of all, thank you for being considerate of me. But you don’t have to, I’m fine as long as you are happy. And secondly, why would it be weird? Love is just love, there’s no social context attached to it. I mean, I didn’t know you like girls but it’s not weird, it’s pretty common now.”
“I don’t like girls, just Irene,” Seulgi corrected.
“Got it. Just Irene,” Jongin smiled, “And just because we’re not together anymore doesn’t mean that I’m going to hate you and never want anything to do with you anymore. So if you ever need anything or want to hangout, just let me know.”
“Thank you Jongin. And please believe me when I say that you truly did make me happy.”
“Anytime, Seul.”
“But still, don’t call me Seul,” Seulgi gave his shoulder a slight shove.
“Irene?” Jongin asked.
“Yeah, only she calls me that.”
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After talking with Jongin, Seulgi felt so much weight lifted off her chest. The fear that people would judge her dissipated and she’s confident in loving Irene now. But question is, how is she going to tell Irene about it? She rejected the girl before, how is she going to say that she actually likes her this whole time and would like to be her girlfriend now.
“Ugh whatever, I’ll worry about that in
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