He tries not to think about it, about the blood transfusion pack and what exactly Chanyeol does with them, but it still breaches his thoughts every now and then. He can’t help it, he’s curious. Scared. Concerned. 

“So are you free tomorrow?” Chanyeol asks when he’s in the kitchen, cooking up two packets of ramen.

Baekhyun steals a glance at the date on his phone. It was actually one of the days he was planning to go back home but... “Valentine’s Day? I think Lu Han’s planning some bigass romantic dinner for Minseok so yeah, I’m going to have to be hiding out here whether you like it or not. And plus,” He adds as an afterthought, “When am I ever not free?”

“Nice to know that you’re only hanging out with me so you don’t third-wheel, and not because -- oh, I don’t know -- we’re dating?” Chanyeol deadpans but the playful undertones shows that he’s really not taking any offense to the situation.

“Well yeah, isn’t this how this relationship works?”

“True.” Chanyeol says as he approaches the dining table, the large pot of ramen in hand. “Put out the thing that you have to put a pot on.” He instructs.

Baekhyun can’t help but laugh at Chanyeol’s elementary level vocabulary but he follows the orders regardless. “You mean a trivet?”

“Oh, well look at you and your fancy culinary terminology.” Chanyeol teases as he sets down the pot and then disappears into the kitchen to retrieve some bowls and two pairs of chopsticks. When he returns, he hands off a set to Baekhyun who accepts graciously.

“Thank you for the food!” Baekhyun grins, going in to take the first grab at the noodles. Chanyeol lets him.

“You know, I could do some bigass romantic thing for you too.” Chanyeol points out as he rolls around the chopsticks in his hand, waiting for Baekhyun to finish getting his share.

Baekhyun stops for a second and looks up at Chanyeol. He raises a questioning eyebrow. “You could. But do I want you to?” 

“Yes?”

Baekhyun quickly crosses his arms to form an x and makes an accompanying buzzer-like sound. “Nope. You’re wrong. Better luck next time.”

“Come on,” Chanyeol whines, “It’d be fun and so romantic.”

“If you haven’t noticed by now, you’re the only one in it for the fun and romance in this relationship.” Baekhyun rolls his eyes as he backs off the steaming pot of ramen for Chanyeol to take his part.

“So what are you in it for?” Chanyeol asks distractedly as he hurries to get the rest of the noodles. 

“For the .” Baekhyun smirks and Chanyeol drops his chopsticks into the pot.

x    x    x

I’m sick, Chanyeol texts early in the next morning.

It’s Valentine’s Day. Way to be romantic, Baekhyun texts back as he’s on his way down to get his mail. He’s not exactly sure how he’s going to actually open it without the help of Chanyeol. 

And as he expected, it’s nearly impossible to get it open and he has to employ the help of a random young boy who looks like he’s on his way to grade school. The boy gives him a weird look but helps him regardless. He has to stand on the tips of his toes but still manages to get it open anyways. He hands over the mail to Baekhyun and then leaves, only sparing one look of complete and utter condescending pity before going.

Whenever the boy’s left the building, Baekhyun flips his middle finger in the direction of the door before looking down to inspect what’s come for him today. lt’s a couple of advertisements for a nearby restaurant and some letter from Minseok’s parents but at the very end is a square piece of paper folded in half and sealed shut with a cheesy little heart sticker. On the front is From: Your Secret Admirer scrawled out in the front and though Baekhyun would’ve guess Minseok as the culprit for this little gesture, the handwriting says otherwise. Without a doubt, it’s Chanyeol’s quick and precise that wrote this out.

Making sure not to rip the paper, he pries it open and is met with a terribly large picture of a heart printed in an obtrusive shade of red. Did I just sneeze? reads the card in a fairly girly computer font, Because god just blessed me with you.

He actually laughs at loud, but he’s unsure whether he’s laughing at the sheer cheesiness of the pickup line or if he’s laughing because the line is oddly endearing. It’s original, at the very least, and actually just a tad clever. 

Baekhyun’s just about to put the card away in his pocket but he finds a small message on the top right corner of the backside. Take the back staircase up, it says. The back staircase. The one that virtually no one uses. Shrugging, Baekhyun decides to go along with it, shoving the rest of the mail in his pocket while keeping the little valentine in his hands. 

It takes a bit longer to actually get to the back staircase; he has to actually venture into the long hallway of the first floor to get to it and when he finally does, he finds a little green sticky note stuck to the door. Make sure you have your keys!! it says and instinctively, Baekhyun grips at the keys in hand. Taking the note off the door and sticking it to the backside of the valentine, Baekhyun ventures onto the staircase.

And it isn’t that there is something inherently bad about the staircase that makes it so unpopular amongst the residents of the building complex, but it is an outdoor staircase. Caged into the building by sheets of red, rusting metal, the staircase does seem a bit unsturdy and it’s not nearly as welcoming as the apartment’s front, carpeted staircase complete with adequate lighting and a handy handrail. Baekhyun’s just about to question why exactly Chanyeol had him come out but a bright yellow sticky note stuck precariously on the handrail holds the answer to his question.

Sorry I had you come out here. I know it’s shady but had I had you gone anywhere else, these would have been stolen. And then there’s a tiny little arrow pointing downward to where there’s a Hershey’s kiss sitting on the step. 

He hurries to pick it up, unwrapping the piece of chocolate before popping it in his mouth. As he chews at the chocolate, a silver sparkle catches his eyes just two steps above. It’s another piece of chocolate. He steps up to go to pick that one up just to find another one, two steps above.

This goes on all the way until the 4th floor. By that time, Baekhyun’s already sick of the taste of chocolate, instead opting to pocket the numerous candies instead. Right next to the final chocolate, there’s yet another sticky note. This is the last one for now because if I put it in the hallway, some idiot is sure to take them. No worries, I have a surprise for you back in the apartment!

That’s his cue to make his way his way back into the building. It’s a bit difficult. The stairwell’s door is heavy, hard to open, and for a second, Baekhyun almost thinks he’s locked out. Luckily, the fifth time’s the charm and he manages to force it open. As soon as he slips back inside, the door slams shut and he scurries to the apartment.

The door to Chanyeol’s apartment is already unlocked when he comes to it so he takes that as an open invitation to just barge in. Chanyeol’s waiting for him as soon as he gets into the living room.

“So you successfully found the notes?” Chanyeol says, skipping over an actual greeting.

“Yeah,” Baekhyun affirms, emptying out his pockets full of chocolates onto the kitchen side counters. “When’d you even have the time to set all of this up anyways?”

“Don’t you worry your pretty little about that,” Chanyeol gives a knowing smile, “Now ready for the surprise?”

“No offense but if the surprise in chocolate, I will actually throw up.”

Chanyeol only laughs, “No worries, it’s something much better.” And from behind him, he pull out a bottle of wine and two glasses. 

“It’s a little early to be drinking, isn’t it?” Baekhyun laughs but he plucks a wine glass from Chanyeol’s hands anyways. “Nice glass, by the way.” He comments offhandedly as his admires the way that bowl of the glass is almost as big as his hand. “Since when did you have these?”

“Since always. They were just hidden.”  Chanyeol laughs goodnaturedly, moving over the kitchen counter to retrieve the corkscrew. He adds, “There’s a lot of things you haven’t seen in my apartment.”

His words are meant to be a joke, Baekhyun supposes, but they rub him the wrong way. Makes him think back to exactly what he has found hidden in this apartment. So he keeps quiet, only bowing his head in thanks whenever Chanyeol goes to fill his glass. 

“It’s from Portugal. Vintage Port. 1943,” Chanyeol says to fill the air as he’s filling his own glass.

“I don’t know what any of that is supposed to mean but wow, 1943? That means it must be good, right?” Baekhyun asks, carefully swirling around the red mixture in his glass before going to sip it.

“Well it better be,” Chanyeol shrugs, plugging the bottle back up with a stopper. “I blew about $1500 on this bottle.” And he says it so nonchalantly. As if that wasn’t a small fortune. Baekhyun would spit out his wine but it’s much too precious to waste like that.

“Jesus ing Christ,” He hisses out only after he swallows. And he has to admit, it’s good. Really good. But still not anything he would be willing to fork over over a thousand of dollars for. “Why the hell are we drinking something like this for something as mundane as Valentine’s Day?!"

“I swear it wasn’t that bad,” Chanyeol laughs, obviously amused by the Baekhyun monetary concerns. “I bought it when it first came out so it was really cheap.” 

“When it first came out? Back In 1943? I’m sure you were alive then.” Baekhyun jokes.

Baekhyun doesn’t miss how the edge of the wineglass is already settled onto the plush of Chanyeol’s lip, the liquid just about to spill into his mouth when he suddenly stops. The way that Chanyeol’s forehead creases for just a second, the way that there seems to be a look of utter confusion present in his eyes before it quickly dispels; Baekhyun doesn’t miss it. Chanyeol brings his glass back down slowly.

“Oh,” Chanyeol chuckles and Baekhyun doesn’t know if it’s just him but it sounds weird, strained even. “Yeah. I didn’t mean it like that. I meant when I uhm, first saw it in the stores. Something like in 2009. The retail prices were really low then. Only about $300 a bottle.” Chanyeol rushes out with a lopsided smile. “Still kind of expensive, I guess, but cheers!” And with that, he’s moving to clink the edges of his glass and Baekhyun’s glass together before taking a sip.

Baekhyun so hesitantly takes another sip at his as well.

 

Apart from the wine and the chocolate, Chanyeol doesn’t really have anything else planned for the rest of the day, which is fine by Baekhyun. He’s completely satisfied with just laying around on the sofa watching some cheesy Valentine’s Day chick flick with his legs draped over Chanyeol’s lap. They make a game out of it, taking a drinking every time someone declares their undying love for another. They drain the bottle of wine fairly quickly. 

Sometime after once they’ve finished all the alcohol and are just making snide comments at the heroine’s acting, Baekhyun gets up.

“I’m going to get something to drink.” Baekhyun says and he watches Chanyeol’s expression carefully. Only after he had found the blood in the fridge had he begun to realize how peculiar Chanyeol’s, and even Jongdae’s, behaviour was toward the fridge and letting Baekhyun rummage in it. It seems weird that Chanyeol isn’t rushing to stop him this time around.

“Go for it,” Chanyeol nods, his eyes trained on the TV.

“In the fridge.” Baekhyun stresses but there’s no visible change in Chanyeol’s demeanor.

“Where else?” He laughs, finally allowing his gaze to slide from the screen to Baekhyun. “I think there’s some soda in there way in the back. You might have to dig.”

“Oh. Okay.” Baekhyun nods uncertainly.

He’s a little nervous to open the fridge, considering what had happened last time. But when he finally works up the courage to do so, there’s nothing out of the usual. Just a freshly renewed supply of groceries and the leftovers from yesterday's dinner.

And he wasn’t intending to go searching through the fridge to look for it but his curiosity gets the best of him. 

It takes him a good ten minutes to physically remove every single item from inside the fridge and yet he still can’t find the transfusion pack. They’re all gone, every single one of them. 

“What are you doing?”

The sound of Chanyeol’s voice startles Baekhyun as his muscles tense and his pulse speeds up. Slowly, he turns around to look at Chanyeol, heart thumping rapidly as he realizes how suspicious it must look to find your boyfriend sitting on the kitchen floor with the entirety of your fridge’s content arranged in a haphazard circle around him.

Chanyeol’s leaning up against one of the kitchen’s counter with a bemused smile twisting at his lips. “What are you doing?” He repeats. 

“I’m uh,” Baekhyun stammers intelligently as if he wasn’t being conspicuous enough. “Just, uh, looking for something to drink.

Surprisingly enough, Chanyeol doesn’t question it. It’s as if he’s actually believing the half-hearted lie as he goes to sit down next to Baekhyun, scooting some of the surrounding cans of soda and egg carton out of the way so he has a place to plant himself on the cold floor of tiles. “Well,” He says seriously, eyes sweeping over the selection, “You’ve got your choices all lined up here.” Reaching over, Chanyeol brings out all of the drinks in the pile to form a line of choices. “We have milk, orange juice…”

He continues to list off the drinks but Baekhyun’s not really paying attention, too surprised by the fact that Chanyeol’s not freaking out over him clearing out his fridge. 

“So which one?” Chanyeol asks, drawing Baekhyun back into their conversation.

“Uhm,” Baekhyun draws out, filling the silence as he looks over the line of drinks Chanyeol’s created. “I kind of want water.” He admits and immediately, he regrets his words. The fridge has a water dispenser. There was absolutely no reason for him to have been rummaging through the fridge.

But Chanyeol doesn’t comment, only giving Baekhyun a little smile before saying, “Okay. I’ll guess we just have to put all of this stuff away first.”

And so that’s what they do. They spend the next fifteen minutes carefully putting things back into the fridge.

Baekhyun still can’t find the packets of blood. 

x    x    x

Although he had lied about it on Valentine’s Day, Chanyeol does actually get sick a couple weeks later. 

And it really shouldn’t have come up as a surprise. The days prior, Chanyeol had seem a bit shaky, paler than usual. They hadn’t gone out in days, sticking to the confines of Chanyeol’s apartment. 

He’d asked about it many times, but Chanyeol had always tried to avoid the topic, passing it off as just a cold or something. “Even if it is just a cold,” Baekhyun says, gently the bangs out of Chanyeol’s forehead before laying his hand on it, checking for a fever. There’s nothing out of the usual. He draws his hand away, resting it on Chanyeol’s thigh instead. “Don’t you think you should be resting? So you get better faster? I don’t think me being here really helps you heal.” 

“That’s what you think,” Chanyeol cracks a smile and attempts to wrap Baekhyun into a hug. His movements are a bit slow but Baekhyun lets himself get captured easily, laughing as he does so. 

“No really,” Baekhyun chuckles, wriggling a hand out of Chanyeol's grip to ruffle his hair. “You shouldn’t force yourself to hang out with me.”

As a response, Chanyeol only burrows himself further into Baekhyun. “You think I’m forcing myself? You’re like medicine to me!” He says, but his words are muffled by Baekhyun’s chest.

And Baekhyun lets him be for a bit, feels the younger grow more relaxed, practically boneless in his grip as he slowly runs his hands up and down Chanyeol’s back. “What if I moved in for a while?” Baekhyun decides to ask, “You’re sick -- don’t even bother to deny it. You might not be deathly ill but you’re still not completely well -- and maybe it’s be best if I stay around for a while. You know, be here to nurse you back to health.”

Chanyeol hesitates. He usually never hesitates to let Baekhyun stay over. “Okay.” He says after a while, “I guess that’s the best solution.”

 

Once again, Baekhyun makes for a temporary move into Chanyeol’s apartment. He gets weird looks from Minseok, knowing ones from Lu Han (who has finally begun to let down his guard around Baekhyun again, finally begun to act normal around him) since he's actually formally packing before staying over at Chanyeol's but he tells them that he’s just sticking around because Chanyeol’s sick.

But he apparently doesn't do his job all that well. No matter how much he makes Chanyeol eat, sleep, rest, the younger just seems to grow weaker and weaker. At a certain point, Baekhyun had began to realize that this is something that he can’t help, that’s out of his hands but whenever he tries to offer to take Chanyeol to the doctor, he refuses. He insists that his home is the best place to be.

He starts coughing a couple days later, his body suddenly seizing into loud, harsh-sounding fits of coughing. Chanyeol does it while they’re watching a movie on Baekhyun's computer while they're sitting in bed and Baekhyun can’t do anything but run his hands down the younger’s back and watch him helplessly. “I can mix some hot water, honey, and lemon.” He offers, “I heard that helps with coughing.”

“I don’t--” He manages to say between the coughs, “I don’t think I have lemon. Or honey.”

“I can… I’ll just run by the store and get some.” Baekhyun offers.

Chanyeol whines in response. “Don’t leave me.” He pouts before breaking out into another coughing fit.

“Seriously, I think I should go to the store,” Baekhyun says, carefully watching as Chanyeol pounds his chest. “I think I need to pick up some medicine for you.”

“No,” comes as Chanyeol’s immediate reply. “I’ll be fine. Just stay with me.”

Chanyeol’s stubborn but Baekhyun gets up anyways. Swiping his jacket from off the bed, he makes his way out of the room. Behind him, he hears Chanyeol protests, hears him call him to come back but Chanyeol’s too weak to even come after him.

 

When he comes back about twenty minutes later, he’s surprised to see Chanyeol up. If you can call it up. It’s more as he finds Chanyeol leaning up against the fridge, looking awfully pale. He looks like he’s about to collapse, honestly, and he shakes as he pries open the freezer, beginning to poke through the contents. 

“You’re up.” Baekhyun notes as he pads up to Chanyeol. Chanyeol shuts the freezer door with more force than it seems possible for him to conjure up at this point in time.

“Yeah,” He whispers out; his voice is hoarse like hasn’t had anything to drink in days. “I’m just… thirsty.” His grip atop the fridge fails him and he loses strength in his knees, almost toppling to the floor before he manages to catch himself on the counter. Baekhyun rushes to him immediately.

“How about,” Baekhyun says softly, wrapping one of Chanyeol’s arm around him to hoist him up. “We get you back to bed?” And though it comes out as a question, Baekhyun doesn’t care for an answer; he’s already walking Chanyeol back to his bedroom before he has a chance to reply. “I bought some things, so give me a second and I’ll make you something to drink.”

Chanyeol just nods.

When he comes back, Chanyeol’s in the middle of another one of his coughing fits. He politely waits for it to pass over before he moves closer to Chanyeol. "Take this," Baekhyun says as he offers him the mug.

Chanyeol bows his head in thanks before gripping the cup with both hands. Slowly, he brings the drink up to his lips and drinks. Baekhyun watches Chanyeol gulp down the drink thirstily, moving to take a seat on the side of the bed.

“Chanyeol,” Baekhyun whispers as Chanyeol’s vigor starts to die down; he's back to slow, quiet sips of the concoction, “Don’t you think we should go the doctor? Get some medicine?”

And like every other time Baekhyun had broached the topic, Chanyeol adamantly shakes his head, “I don’t want to go. Plus, you bought some cough medicine. That should be good enough.”

“No. I meant like real medicine. Medicine that does more than just suppress the cough.”

Chanyeol only shakes his head with a small smile. "No. I'll be fine."

 

But he's not fine. He's anything but fine when Baekhyun awakens one night to the horrible retching sounds of Chanyeol. He rushes over as quickly as possible.

Chanyeol's not just throwing up. He's throwing up blood, thick, nearly black clumps of blood with each upheaval. Baekhyun's first reaction is to move over to where Chanyeol is draped over the toilet, run a gentle hand up and down the expanse of his back until he finishes.

It's only when Chanyeol seems to be done that Baekhyun's scrambling to his feet, panic finally beginning to kick in.

“Dude, we have to go to the hospital. You need help.” Baekhyun urges, attempting to pull Chanyeol up.

“N...No.” Chanyeol rushes out, rubbing the back of his hand against his mouth but only managing to smudge the blood across the sides of his mouth. “I can’t.”

“You are vomiting blood. You have to.” Baekhyun says, moving to wet a paper towel and gently clean off the blood staining his mouth.

“I--” Chanyeol stops himself and turns himself back to the toilet to retch once again. “I don’t have health insurance.” He gasps out.

“Now is hardly the time to care about insurance!”

“I don’t… It matters for poor people like me.”

It seems like an inappropriate time to laugh so Baekhyun tries his best to stifle the urge. “You’re hardly poor.” He tries to say as calmly as he can. 

“Still,” Chanyeol groans, “I can’t.”

“You can and you will because this could be serious.” Baekhyun heaves Chanyeol up by the arm and wraps his arms around his waist to steady him. “Now come on, I’ll get Lu Han to drive us.” 

“I’m not going!” Chanyeol exclaimed before launching into a coughing fit. “Don’t argue me with this.” And his eyes are firm and they shut Baekhyun up.

“Okay.” He breathes out, “Okay. What do You want me to do?” He asks, guiding Chanyeol back to the bedroom. 

Chanyeol silent as Baekhyun helps him back onto the bed. He sinks into the mattress, groaning. “Just. Just call Jongdae.”

Baekhyun freezes, “Jongdae?”

“Jongdae.” Chanyeol affirms and closes his eyes, “Tell him to hurry.” 

He’s a bit confused as to why Chanyeol is asking for Jongdae instead of going to a doctor but he just goes with it because Jongdae is a doctor. Sort of. 

Despite being at an ungodly time in the morning, Jongdae picks up after 2 rings. “I don’t think you have ever called me before. Who should I--”

“Chanyeol’s sick.” Baekhyun interjects before Jongdae gets any further. “You still here?” He asks when the voice on the line quiets. 

“Yeah yeah.” Jongdae rushes out, his voice noticeably more shaky than before. “What do you mean by sick?”

“He’s… He’s throwing up blood.”

“Oh.” There’s the sound of quiet breaths in the receiver. “I’ll be there in 10 minutes.”

“Wait does this happen--” Jongdae hangs up and Baekhyun’s subjected to the grating noise of the dialtone. “Often…?” He finishes before taking a deep breath. He returns to Chanyeol.

 

True to his words, there’s an insistent knock on the door about ten minutes later and a flustered Jongdae. Without even a greeting, Jongdae brushes past Baekhyun. He doesn’t remove his shoes and practically marches into Chanyeol’s room. Baekhyun follows close behind.

He’s  just about to follow Jongdae into the bedroom when Jongdae suddenly stops him. “I need to talk to him.” He says seriously.

Baekhyun shrugs, “Okay then talk to him.”

“Alone.” Jongdae punctuates before closing the door in Baekhyun’s face. 

Any other day, Baekhyun might’ve protested, forced his way into the room alongside Jongdae but today’s different. There’s a sense of seriousness, of authority and with that, Jongdae goes into Chanyeol's room, firmly shutting the door behind him. Baekhyun sighs as he moves back, letting himself slide down against the wall across from the bedroom door until he's sitting on the ground. He hugs his knees close.

 

Jongdae comes out after what seems like an hour and he looks relieved, his shoulders lacking their previous stiffness. The pointed look is still there, though, and it looks misplaced. With a silent gesture of fingers, Jongdae leads out Baekhyun out of the apartment. To talk, Baekhyun supposes.

“Baekhyun,” Jongdae starts as soon as he shuts the door behind him. His tone solemn, a stark contrast to his normal joking self. “I need you to leave.”

“Okay…?” He nods slowly, “I’ll be back tomorrow then.”

“No.” Jongdae replies, looking Baekhyun straight in the eyes. “I need you to move out and stay out. You cannot live with him.”

“What? Why?” Baekhyun asks, alarmed, “What’s wrong with Chanyeol?”

“Nothing.” Jongdae says quickly, a little too quickly, “Nothing.” He reaffirms but it only makes it all the more suspicious.

Baekhyun frowns, “Are you sure? It seemed pretty serious. I think we should bring him to the hospital.”

“It’s not as bad as you think. It’s really nothing.”

“He was throwing up blood,” Baekhyun narrows his eyes, “That’s hardly nothing.”

Jongdae doesn’t answer for a while before he lets out a sigh. “Okay. It is something.”

“No ,” Baekhyun scoffs but Jongdae’s piercing gaze has him shutting up.

“But it’s nothing that you need to be concerned with.” Jongdae finishes, “It’s something that’s happened before and it’s nothing that you need to be concerned with. Now please leave.”

“If it really is something then I, as his boyfriend, should be in there, helping him.” Baekhyun bites out.

“Did you not understand anything I just said?”

“Did you not understand anything I just said?” Baekhyun parrots. 

“You don’t understand.” Jongdae’s running his fingers through his hair irritatedly. And it’s not so much the words he’s saying that’s bothering Baekhyun (though that is still a part of it), but rather it’s the way that Jongdae’s looking at him. Like he’s irrelevant, as if he has no place in any of this. That’s what has Baekhyun’s blood boiling. 

Baekhyun’s eyes narrow and he’s this close to just punching Jongdae in the face. “Then why don’t you tell me so that I can understand. From what I’m getting, you’re just keeping him away from me out of your own spite.” He fumes and he doesn’t miss how Jongdae’s eyes darken.

“You’re not good for him.” Jongdae spits out, and he’s seething now. Eyes looks like he’s set to kill. “Now get out and stay the away from Chanyeol before my patience wears thin.” He punctuates his words by shoving Baekhyun into the wall behind him with unprecedented strength and then turning around to go back into Chanyeol’s apartment. He slams the door behind him and Baekhyun can hear the distinct click of the lock.

Baekhyun doesn’t know what to do. 

He could try his his hand at insistent knocking, at trying to cause enough of a racket to get Jongdae’s attention but the chances of Jongdae actually letting him in are low. The chances of him letting him go see Chanyeol in his state is even lower.

He hates himself for doing it, but he just scurries away with his tail between his legs.

x    x    x

“You haven’t been to Chanyeol’s lately,” Lu Han comments when he sees Baekhyun pitifully splayed over the couch, “Lover’s spat?”

“Jongdae’s there. And he’s being an .” Baekhyun grumbles. Lu Han’s nosy so he’s not surprised when the older takes a seat on the floor in front of him and gives him a look that beckons for details. “Chanyeol’s sick.” Baekhyun continues as per Lu Han’s silent nudgings, “Like really sick. Like throwing up blood sick.”

“Shouldn’t he go to the hospital, then?” Minseok suggests out of nowhere.

Baekhyun jolts up into sitting position, “Right?! That’s what I said but then Jongdae…”

“Jongdae?” Minseok asks as he comes to sit next to Lu Han on the floor, both watching Baekhyun with a look of concern. “What’s he got to do anything with this?”

“The little refuses to let me see him,” Baekhyun rolls his eyes, “Says I’m bad for him or some like that.”

“Maybe he’s onto something.” Lu Han pipes up and continues, despite the death stare Baekhyun’s shooting at him. “I mean he is a doctor.”

“He’s an anesthesiologist.”

“You do realize that is a doctor,” Lu Han says, squinting, “And even if he’s just a nurse -- which would be called an anesthetist, thank you very much --  that’d still mean he’s been to medical school. I, for one, think that you should listen well to him.”

“I don’t,” Minseok muses, “I mean yes, I do think Jongdae might be the most informed about what’s happening but I don’t think there’s any reason as to why he should stop you from letting him see Chanyeol.”

“It could be something serious. Maybe it’s something that’s contagious; he doesn’t want Baekhyun catching it,” Lu Han suggests, adamant to defend Jongdae for reasons unbeknownst to Minseok and Baekhyun both.

“Well how long has it been since you’ve tried to to see him?” Minseok asks instead.

Baekhyun looks down to where he’s wringing his hands together. “Uhm. Like two days…”

Minseok looks alarmed by the response. “Well that was two days ago! Maybe he was just being irrational. If you go now, he may have changed his mind by now.”

He’s a bit hesitant to go. To say that he was offended by Jongdae’s words is an understatement. To say that he's embarrassed by what he's been reduced to in front of Jongdae's refusals is also an understatement. He’s humiliated, scared to show his face around there again, honestly. But at Minseok’s insistence, he goes. 

It takes about three minutes for Jongdae to answer the door, but he definitely doesn’t look happy as he pulls open the door. “You’re back,” Jongdae states plainly, face arranged in obvious distaste. 

“Can I just… Just see him?” Baekhyun says. His voice is practically begging at this point but he doesn’t care -- he’s desparate. “Even just for a second. I need to know that he’s gonna be okay.”

And then there’s a pause. Jongdae purses his lips, his teeth in thought, and for a second, Baekhyun actually thinks that there’s a chance that Jongdae might pull that stick out of his and let him in. His hopes are dashed as soon as Jongdae opens his mouth in the obvious shape of a “No”. The hard set lines of Jongdae’s expression seem to soften when he sees Baekhyun’s face fall. “Not now at least.” Jongdae quickly amends. He heaves a sigh and raises a hand to his mouth in thought, as if this is actually a fairly difficult decision to make. “Three or four days.”Jongdae says eventually, his lips ground into a thin line. “I’ll let you see him in three to four days.” 

“Why are you stopping me from seeing him now?!” Baekhyun snaps but he realizes his mistake as soon as his words come out and Jongdae’s frown deepens.

“Because he’s sick. And your presence isn’t going to magically improve the situation.” His voice is cold now, lacking in any sort of sympathy that had been there just seconds earlier.

“Well it isn’t going to worsen it either, now is it?”

“It might.” Jongdae cuts in, “Scratch that. It will.”

“How? How the hell will me visiting him affect his health in any way--”

“I don’t think you understand how severe this situation is.” Jongdae says, his voice slowly escalating in volume. “This isn’t some stubborn cold; it’s a fatal, life or death kind of thing and nothing good will come out of your perpetual pestering to see him!”

“Then why the are you not bringing him to a hospital?!” Baekhyun shouts back, “If it’s so ing deadly why the are you not getting him better medical attention?!”

“It’s complicated.” Jongdae replies oh so vaguely. “He can’t.”

“If he can’t pay for it then I’ll pay for his treatment myse--”

“It isn’t a matter of money,” Jongdae cuts in, “You should know that he’s pretty well off financially. It’s something deeper than that. Bad experiences, that kind of thing.”

“Don’t you think that maybe this is something more important? That even if he is afraid of going to hospitals, maybe it’d be best to still take him to a hospital -- if he’s really doing as badly as you claim, I mean.” And as much as he tries to be civil about this because he is genuinely concerned, because he does want the best for Chanyeol, he can’t help but let some of his skepticism about the whole situation into his voice. 

The expression on Jongdae’s face only sours. “The situation is bad but I don’t think think it warrants dragging Chanyeol to the hospital.”

“But if it’s really that bad--”

“Then nothing good will come out of forcing Chanyeol into a stressful situation.” Jongdae finishes for him.

“This sounds awfully like an excuse to keep me out…” Baekhyun mumbles just barely under his breath but Jongdae still manages to pick it out, manages to flare up in anger as soon as he hears it.

“Do you think everything is about you?” Jongdae grits out, voice dropped to a mere hush. “Do you really think that I’m making up all of this up just to keep you away?”

“Well yeah… I mean…” Baekhyun stammers and as soon as he says it, he’s conscious of how petty, how stupid this might sound to anyone, everyone else, but he can’t help it. He can’t help but feel insecure, helpless about this whole situation. 

“Do you really think that I care enough about you and your stupid relationship with Chanyeol to go to such an extent, to make you worry so much just to spite you? Do you think I’m making up this whole situation where Chanyeol is ing deteriorating to stop you from meeting? Are you really ing belittling the situation at hand to make it revolve around yourself?” Jongdae stops himself. He takes just a second to close his eyes, exhale, before breathing out. “You’re so damned self-centered.”

Before Baekhyun has a chance to defend himself (and he really wasn’t going to, he knows he’s selfish, but it still hurts being told point blank like this), Jongdae continues on with a scoff. “Sorry, love, but this isn’t a joke. Chanyeol's taken ill and you’re the poison.”

The next thing he knows, he’s being shoved out of the apartment, the door slamming shut once again.

x    x    x

He’s not proud of what he decides to do next. It’s just that he’s worried. Curious. To the point of insanity. 

It takes him a while to find the spare keys to Chanyeol’s apartment, but after rooting through his room for a while, he finds it in the inner pockets of one of his jackets. Exactly where Chanyeol had slipped it in whenever he first offered it. He’s never really had a need for the keys; Chanyeol’s always there to let him in if he ever wants to come over.

Figures that the first time he’s using it is to sneak into the place.

But it’s not like he’s planning some big excursion. He’s just going in and out, just to make sure Chanyeol’s doing alright. Technically speaking, it’s Baekhyun’s right to be able to enter into the apartment as he pleases. That’s the reasoning he uses to justify his actions.

Retrospectively speaking, his plan is pretty stupid. He’s just going in without any sort of concise plan as to how he’s going to avoid Jongdae, how he’s going to manage to talk himself out of the situation if he’s caught by Jongdae. But it’s not like he really cares at this point.

It’s oddly dark when he steps in. All the lights are off; the blinds are shut, the curtains drawn, and not a single ray of sunlight manages to slip into the apartment. The only source of light comes from the sliver of brightness that manages to slip through the crack of the open door of Chanyeol’s room. Baekhyun quickly walks over. 

The way the door opens (out, not in) lets Baekhyun peek into the door without the people inside being able to see him so he presses himself up against a wall, ready to look in.

And when he finally does chance a glance, he sees something that makes his stomach drop.

Standing right next to the foot of the bed with Jongdae’s back to the door, there they are pressed together close, impossibly close. Chanyeol’s arms are wrapped around the small of Jongdae’s waist; Jongdae’s are in turn looped around Chanyeol’s neck. Jongdae has his neck bared toward Chanyeol and Chanyeol’s there, his eyes shut as he stands there at his jugular. 

Before Baekhyun knows it, he’s pushing the door open, stepping forward to get a closer look because something seems off, something feels off, but he’s not being quiet, he’s not being careful. Chanyeol’s eyes snap open and widen as soon as they see Baekhyun inching closer to see if he’s just imagining the way Chanyeol seems to be baring his teeth into Jongdae’s neck. Slightly, just barely does Chanyeol relax his bite on Jongdae’s neck but it’s enough for Baekhyun to see the oversized incisors pull out just a bit and blood begin to spill from the bite marks. 

It’s something in the way that Chanyeol’s gaze seems fearful, seems practically petrified that sets Baekhyun off. Before Chanyeol can say anything, before Jongdae can even turn around and realize that Baekhyun’s there, Baekhyun dashes out of the apartment. 

And maybe it’s not so much the fact that Chanyeol is in there, doing something with Jongdae that bothers Baekhyun. Chanyeol’s not cheating on him -- that much Baekhyun knows for sure. It seems more like Chanyeol was biting him, his blood and maybe that’s the main reason why Baekhyun is furious. The fact that Baekhyun's known something was up for a while but he gave Chanyeol time to explain, far too much time to explain. The fact that Chanyeol’s kept this hidden for so long. The fact that it’s never gone through Chanyeol’s mind that maybe he should’ve told Baekhyun about all of this. Whatever this is. It’s not fidelity that’s the problem.  It’s trust; it’s not being able to share secrets, not being able to confide. The moment he returns to his room, he smashes his lamp into the floor.

 

I know you must be confused right now but I can explain, Chanyeol messages him about two hours later but Baekhyun deletes it and turns off his phone before chucking his phone against his wall.

 

In his fit of rage, in his moment of clouded thinking, Baekhyun finally picks up his phone, decides to turn his phone back on and reply to Chanyeol. As soon as he begins typing his own message, Chanyeol’s begins to shoot off his own texts.

It’s not what you think

I can explain.

Please believe me.

We need to talk.

Baekhyun only replies back with, Let’s break up, before turning off his phone again.

x    x    x

It’s one-sided, yes, seeing how Chanyeol never formally agreed to the actual break up but Baekhyun’s adamant in freezing their relationship, adamant in pretending not to seeing the other whenever their paths cross, adamant in averting his eyes and bolting whenever Chanyeol appears, trying to talk to him.

It’s not hard for him to cut Chanyeol out of his life.

He was never in love with the first place. He refused to be in love.

Their separation should be clean and painless.

x    x    x

He knows Lu Han and Minseok -- well, Minseok more so than Lu Han, to be perfectly honest -- have been trying to be considerate to him because he no longer has a place to escape to when they… do things, but one can only fend off Lu Han for so long.

It’s when Baekhyun steps out to pick up some milk for some cake Minseok is making for his friend's birthday does Lu Han strike. 

There’s a note on the door when he returns. “I’m sorry, just eat out tonight or catch a movie. I’ll make it up to you… :(“ is written in Minseok’s neat . “Don’t come in.” is scrawled right under in Lu Han’s barely legible writing.

He wants to feel offended, furious at them for leaving him out like this to fend for himself but he can't bring himself to do it. He doesn't blame them, really. Even he's grown tired of himself after all of this reclusive behavior.

Almost like second nature, he finds himself staring at the door across the hall before he shakes off the thought. He can’t go back now. He won’t be going back for a while. Instead he decides to head out to that restaurant a couple of blocks away he’s heard about, but his eyes can’t help but linger on Chanyeol’s doorway before he begins his descent down the stairs. 

He studies the menu, scouring the prices for the cheapest thing to eat.

"Hey." 

Baekhyun looks up and then quickly looks back down. Of course the one time he leaves his apartment, someone finds him. He tries his best to just ignore the others presence but apparently, Jongdae is not well-informed on manners and proceeds to just slide right into the booth across from him.

"What do you want?" Baekhyun growls, keeping his gaze fixed on the list of entrees. 

"Why aren’t you talking to Chanyeol anymore?" Jongdae says point-blank and Baekhyun makes the mistake of looking up. His eyes are narrowed; Jongdae looks irritated.

The waitress comes around just then and Baekhyun places his order for a panini. To his surprise, Jongdae pipes up right after, ordering some steak that's priced unnaturally high for a little diner. The girl shuffles away immediately after, promising to bring back their order as quickly as she can.

As soon as she’s out of earshot, the younger repeats himself, "Why aren’t you talking to Chanyeol anymore?" The words have a bit more edge than before, certain words holding a kind of stress that only punctuates Jongdae’s anger. 

“Isn’t that what you wanted?” Baekhyun’s words come out with a bit more bite than intended. But it’s not like he doesn’t mean it. 

“No, I didn’t.” Jongdae immediately denies despite Baekhyun’s strikingly clear memories of him to stay away from Chanyeol. Jongdae’s quick to answer but he’s also quick to amend. “Okay. So maybe I did but I didn’t mean that, you misunderstood.”

“Oh?” Baekhyun asks with feigned innocence, “S-so I misunderstood what you meant when you said ‘you’re not good for him’, ‘get out and stay the away from Chanyeol’, and ‘you’re a poison?’” His voice is light but he lays on the sarcasm thick, impossible to mistake. 

Jongdae winces at the sound of his words being thrown back at him. “I didn’t mean it.” He says before qualifying his words, “Or I did. But only because it was such a dire situation and I was freaking out. I wasn’t thinking straight.”

“A dire situation that apparently wasn’t dire enough to tell me about it.” Baekhyun sniffs, eyes narrowed into slits.

Baekhyun can clearly see how Jongdae's jaw clenches. His gaze is intense and it takes a bit of time before the younger replies but when he does, he changes topic. "You need to go see him."

“Why?”

And Jongdae doesn’t offer an explanation, only repeating again, “You need to go see him.”

"I don't need to see anyone." 

"Look, you little--"  His volume borders that of a yell but Jongdae cuts himself off quickly just as the waitress makes her way back to set down a basket of bread before disappearing once again. Baekhyun watches as the other takes a couple of deep breaths to calm himself. "He misses you." His voice is softer than what Baekhyun expects, a complete 180 from the harsh tone he had taken just seconds earlier.

Baekhyun is silent.

"Whatever you saw, it's not what you think.” Jongdae continues, his eyes wide and pleading.

“Do you even know what I saw?” Baekhyun hisses.

There’s a hesitation before Jongdae admits, “I’m not sure to what extent you saw but I have an idea. I’m sure it’s not as bad as you’re making it out to be,” Jongdae reaffirms and earns himself a pinched frown from Baekhyun. “Nothing that shouldn’t be at least talked out with Chanyeol.” He amends after seeing Baekhyun’s face.

Jongdae babbles on, filling the air with sweet lures to go back to Chanyeol but Baekhyun won't fall for them. He refuses to fall for them.

"We promised to never keep secrets between each other." Baekhyun whispers and it sounds petty even to himself but it means a lot him. Meant a lot to him to think that maybe Chanyeol was someone he could trust, was someone that could trust him. It’s hurt to see that he was wrong.

"This isn't something you can tell to just anyone--"

"I'm not just anyone."

“This isn't the most normal situation."

“Then all the more reason to tell me what all of this is about.”

“It’s not something you can can just say.” Jongdae reiterates, “This isn’t the most normal situation.”

"Then,” Baekhyun narrows his eyes, his voice dropping to a growl. “Why don’t you tell me what this situation is."

"I--" Jongdae falters, "it's not my secret to tell."

There’s a silence that hangs in the air before Jongdae hurries to amend his words, “But that doesn’t mean that it’s something bad. It’s not what y--”

"He's a monster, isn’t he?" Baekhyun cuts in with a question, his lips curled up into a rue smile. “I saw what he was doing to you. He’s a monster.”

Jongdae practically jumps up from his seat, slamming his hands on the table. "YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING, YOU FU--" His face is so expressive, the anger manifesting easily in the accusatory eyes, the clenched fist -- everything.

The waitress, with her great timing, comes at that exact moment which has Jongdae clamoring back to his seat, red-faced and pissed. The girl seems to notice that she’s come at an unfortunate time as she sheepishly sets down the meal in front of them before leaving them to their own devices.

Not a word is spoken for while; Jongdae has his eyes closed, calming himself down, and Baekhyun just doesn’t want to do anything to tick the other off again.

"You know what?” Jongdae begins, his voice cold and clipped, “ you, you don't deserve his heart."

Jongdae gets up and just leaves. 

Baekhyun is stuck with the dinner bill.

 

“The milk spoiled,” are the words that greet him when he comes back somewhere around midnight, a bit more tipsy than he'd care to admit.

“ off.” Baekhyun grumbles and stumbles to his room.