6/5/2015

Still Learning to Love

Jiyong pulled up outside of Dara’s building and parked his car. Dara hadn’t said a word the whole way. She’d sat in her seat, her arms crossed, legs crossed, her head turned towards the window. And now that he parked she reached for the door.

“Wait!  Sandara…”

He held her arm, his voice quietly pleading.  “Dara.”

She held her position, her face turned away, body tense as she waited for him to let her arm go. “Don’t play games with me,” she grit out.

Several seconds ticked in silence.

“I would never play games with you,” he said quietly. “I respect you too much.”  And love you. So much, Dara. But he didn’t voice that last part out, seeing as to how Dara was already on the teetering on the edge of escaping, maybe for good if he wasn’t careful. He had to go slow with her because she was fighting the possibility of anything happening between them. But he wanted nothing more than to take her in his arms and show her how much he’d missed her when she was gone, how tormented he was at not knowing where she was or if she was even alive all that time. That had been the worse.

“If you respect me, then give me space,” she finally said, her head turning slightly back toward him. Her emotions were a mess where this guy was concerned. He drove her to distraction, made her hate him one minute and all nervous the next. She tried to play it cool with him, like she didn’t care, and then she’d glimpse something about him that would make her ache.

She needed time to sort things out, to get her bearings around her and decide what she wanted. Her father and he had already made it clear what they wanted, but Dara wasn’t going to be pushed, coddled, or tricked into a corner. This was her life and she would decide what to do. There was a heavy burden on her heart with what her father had revealed about the business and his desire for her to take it over from him. There were so many people whose livelihoods depended on Park Industries. Yes, she understood why her father wanted Jiyong by her side. To him he was the solution that would resolve everything. But this wasn’t her father’s life… It was hers, and she needed to be certain for herself what she wanted.

Jiyong slowly let go of her arm. “I’ll see you safely inside,” he said, granting her desire for space. Dara opened her door and stepped out and Jiyong followed her inside the building. He rode the elevator with her up to her floor and walked her to her door. “Check the inside,” he told her in that same quiet voice. “I’ll wait here until you tell me its okay.”

She wanted to argue and tell him that not even JT and Sungmin did their duty to this extent. Partially because she would have thrown a fit. But she found it easier to just obey Jiyong and not argue. Stepping inside she the lights, leaving the door for him to see inside himself. The apartment was not that big but it was neat and clean.

“I’ll be fine now,” Dara said. “Thank you.”

Jiyong hesitated, then took one small step closer. “If you need space and time then I’ll give that to you. But know that even if…,” He paused, and breathed out a sigh, his head lowering. “Even if you decide to be with someone else, I’ll always be here to protect you, Dara.”

And with that he turned and walked back towards the elevator leaving Dara standing there looking after him. A part of her wanted to reach out and stop him, while the other half told her to stop. Wait. Slow it down and be certain of what you feel. And so she listened to that rational side of her soul and let him walk away while she closed the door and locked it.

*

The next day Dara drove with her father to the Choi’s. Her father had greeted her with a kiss on the cheek and he held her for a long minute. “Happy birthday, Sandara,” he said to her, and gave silent thanks to have her alive and well and back in his life.

He was cheerful as he sat beside her in the back seat of his Mercedes limo. Teddy and JT were in the front. Sungmin and another guard followed in the SUV with gifts that Sanjin had them prepare for Dara’s adoptive family.

Sanjin noted the quiet mood of his daughter. He pat her arm and squeezed her hand. “Take a nap if you want. I’ll wake you when we arrive.”

Dara was grateful for his understanding, and she closed her eyes and soon slept, tired from her lack of sleep the night prior.

Once they arrived at the Choi’s, Dara’s spirits lifted. She hugged Da Hyun, and Jin, Mino and Sanghyun. And she introduced them all to her father and the four guards. Her birthday was simple, the way she wanted it. Da Hyun and Jin had closed the restaurant and they held the celebration with lots of food, all of Dara’s favorites. Sanjin presented the family with presents as a show of his gratitude to them for taking care of Sandara. Fresh fruits, choice cuts of beef, and expensive seafood.

Jin was uncomfortable with all the amount of food that was presented. Even Dara had no idea that her father had prepared so much.

“I know this may seem excessive,” Sanjin said, with a smile. “But Dara has told me there are many here that have become dear to her heart. And I know my daughter eats a lot,” he joked, earning a snicker from Mino as he agreed with Sanjin. “Consider this as me restocking your shelves and also for you to share with those others that have become a part of my daughter’s heart.” Later, when they were alone, Dara hugged her father and thanked him for his generosity.

The day was beautiful and Dara’s heart swelled to see her father and her adoptive family together. He spent his full day there with her, talking business with Jin, tasting and complimenting Da Hyun’s noodle dishes. He took time to get to know Mino and Sanghyun, and thanked them for looking out for Sandara. By the end of the day Dara noticed that her father was even calling her by the same shortened name that the Choi’s knew and called her by. Dara.

Everything was well. And yet, throughout the day she kept looking out the window. Searching and waiting. He won’t come – you told him to give you space.

But this was her birthday. If he loved her as he said he did, wouldn’t he come anyway? Or acknowledge her day in some way? He didn’t even call her or text her.

But that was what she wanted, right? She asked him to give her space to clear her head.

Dara sighed. Stupid girl. Make up your mind one or another which it is that you want.

That evening as her father prepared to leave, she walked him to his car and hugged him for a long while. “I love you, appa,” she said, and meant it from her heart.

There were tears in her father’s eyes as he nodded  and pat her back gently. “I love you too, Dara.” He pulled back and motioned for her to go back in to the house where it was warm. He was leaving JT and the other two guards to stay to watch over her. They had rented a room in a small inn that was nearby.

“Go,” her father said again. Waving her toward the house.

After he left Dara stood a long time inside by the window watching where his car had disappeared. And she realized that a part of her wanted to go with him as well. She loved the Choi family and loved being here, but now her heart also knew and loved her father equally so.

She felt an arm about her shoulder and turned to see Da Hyun smiling at her. “Come, there’s one more gift for you.”

“Another one? But I’ve gotten so much already,” she protested.

“This one I think is special. Why else would a young man drive all the way from Seoul to here to deliver it and then not come in to see the birthday girl?”

Dara looked at Da Hyun. “Someone came from Seoul?” she asked. And her heart started to beat rapidly.

Da Hyun nodded. “I tried to get him to come in but he refused. He only asked that I give you his present when everyone was gone.”

Jiyong! It was Jiyong – it had to be!

“Eomeoni, where is he? When did he come? Is he still here?” she asked, gripping Da Hyun’s arm. All day something had been missing for her. She’d had her adoptive family there, her father, the seniors whom she had become close to in the past year. They had all been there to celebrate her 20^th birthday and she’d been happy. But there had been a part of her that had been waiting and was anxious all day, and now she knew why. She’d been waiting for him. And he did come – he came here for her. And now he probably left again – alone.

Tears stung her eyes and rolled down her cheeks. Please tell me he’s still here.

“Omo, what’s this?” Da Hyun asked, startled by Dara’s tears and her crying. She wiped at Dara’s eyes but Dara shook away.

“Eomeoni, is he still here?” she asked, but Da Hyun shook her head.

“I’m sorry Dara-ah, but he left right after he gave me your gift. He said he had a long drive back.”

Da Hyun reached over to the table by the window and she brought a large white envelope and handed it to Dara. “This is what he brought.”

Dara nodded and she sat down, her legs too weak now to stand as she opened the envelope and withdrew the papers inside. It looked to be some sort of legal document, several pages worth. On the last page it had Jiyong’s signature, his stamp, and that of a witness and lawyer’s stamp. Dara flipped back to the front page and began reading. Her hand trembled as she realized what it was and her eyes filled with tears again.

Stupid man. How could he promise this to her and make it legally binding? And then she recalled his words to her, ‘Even if you choose to be with someone else, I promise to always be at your side and protect you.’

Dara sighed. She wiped at her eyes and then took hold of Da Hyun’s hands. By now Jin had also come in. the boys were in the back putting away the things from the party.

“I’m sorry,” Dara said, looking at Da Hyun and Jin. “I know I said I was going to stay here for a few days, but… I have to go.” She looked at Da Hyun. “Eomeoni, I’ll bring him back for you two to meet. But I need to go to him. He’s been alone for so long, and now he’s promised me…” She couldn’t finish her sentence as she began crying again.

He was right. She was selfish. She’d been concerned only about protecting herself when it came to him. She didn’t stop to feel what he was going through, to see the world through his eyes.

“Eomeoni, Abeoji, I have to go…”

Da Hyun smiled at her, understanding and happiness in her eyes as she realized who that young man was to Dara, and how much he meant to her.

“I’ll call your security,” Jin said, but Dara shook her head. “They’re outside. They’re always outside.” And with that she hugged them both and ran in the back to hug her brothers.

“Where are you going?” Mino asked, looking in confusion as Dara grabbed her purse and started stuffing her things inside.

“To find your hyung,” Dara answered, laughing now as she knew what course to take. “I’ll find him and bring him back for you two to meet. I love you guys! Bye!”

Mino looked at Sanghyun, both with a frown on their face. “Hyung?”

**