6/3/2015

Looking in on You

Teddy drove while Sanjin and Jiyong sat in the back seat. Jiyong had advised Sanjin to wait until the next day to go and see Sandara. “She doesn’t know that we know where she is,” he told Sanjin. But the older man couldn’t wait.

“I have to see her tonight, Jiyong-ah. Even if I don’t talk to her I want to see her.”

Jiyong sighed, but agreed to take Sanjin where he could see Sandara. After all he had reacted in a similar way, dropping everything and rushing off when Jinwon had called earlier.

Jiyong handed the envelope with the surveillance photos to Sanjin, then sat quietly as the latter went through each one, staring and touching Sandara’s pictures as if he still couldn’t believe it was her in the photos.

“Who is this family she’s with?” Sanjin asked. It caused his heart to ache to see her so happy with them when she had been so miserable in his home.  He listened as Jiyong told him of the Choi family. And he couldn’t stop the sadness he felt.

“I haven’t seen her laugh like this since before her mother died,” he said quietly.

A smile formed on his lips, his heart warmed by a picture of what appeared to be Sandara teasing some grandfatherly patrons at the Choi’s small restaurant. “She’s never had to lift a finger in our home,” he observed. “Everything was done for her, and yet look at her there carrying those heavy plates on her thin arms and looking so happy.”

“She’s enrolled in the Fine Arts department at Hongdae,” Jiyong informed him. “She’s to start school next January.”

“Has it really only been a year?” Sanjin asked. In his heart it seemed much longer that she was gone, and yet he was amazed at the transformation of his daughter. “She’s so grown up now,” Sanjin said. So beautiful and strong.

Jiyong received a text and he relayed the information to Teddy. Sandara, Mino and Sanghyun were in Itaewon at a hip hop club.

“Is it safe for them there?” Sanjin asked, worry in his voice.

“It should be alright but we also have security nearby. Did you want us to intervene?” Teddy asked.

Jiyong looked at Sanjin. “I wouldn’t recommend it. She won’t take those kids anywhere where she thinks it might be unsafe for them. And if she knows we’re there, she might take it the wrong way.

Sanjin had to agree, and the last thing he wanted was for Sandara to disappear on him again. “Tell security to remain on alert but stay out of sight.”

*

Mino was having the time of his life as he, Sanghyun and Dara watched the freestyle rap competition. Dara was dressed in black ripped jeans and a black fitted t-shirt. She had donned a short blond wig and put on some make-up, surprising her dongsaengs, especially Mino at how cool their Dara noona looked. Sanghyun, though, noticed how several of the guys in the crowd was checking Dara out. He subtly moved to her right side while Mino stood to her left. They towered over Dara, like two guards, as she danced and swayed to the beat.

Sanjin watched the video feed of the three and felt his chest contract. There she was! His Sandara, alive and well, and enjoying herself. The corners of his mouth lifted as he saw the protective stance the Choi brothers took around her. They were enjoying the concert, for sure, but the two boys were also mindful of their noona. Any male that got too close or tried to make eye contact with Sandara was met with an icy glare from Sanghyun or Mino that warned them to back off.

“At least some good has come out of all this,” Sanjin said quietly. “She’s met good people who care for her.”

An hour later the trio left the club and made their way home to Dara’s apartment. Mino couldn’t stop talking about the concert and his whole day. Even after he had showered and changed for bed he was still talking about it. Sanghyun had enjoyed his day equally but chose to show his appreciation by giving his noona a gentle hug. “Thank you for everything,” he said quietly, and then dragged Mino off to the guestroom to sleep. Dara waited until she was certain Sanghyun and Mino were asleep before she went to her room and pulled out her phone. She stared at it for several long minutes before she dialed a number that she hadn’t called in a long time.

Sanjin was already on his way home when his phone rang. He pulled it out from his coat pocket and looked at the blocked number. After a second he answered it as beside him Jiyong waited.

“Sanjin Park” he answered.

There was silence, then a voice Sanjin had longed to hear spoke to him.

“Call your security off,” Sandara said, the calmness of her voice belying the anxiousness she felt in her stomach. She had spotted the two men dressed in black suits that evening after they left dinner and were headed to Hongdae. She’d spent most of her teen years evading her father’s security team to not recognize them when she saw them. If she had been alone tonight she would have approached them directly and told them directly to back off. But she had Mino and Sanghyun with her so she had pretended not to notice.

Sanjin Park signaled to Teddy to pull off to the side of the road. "Sandara."

“Call your security off,” Dara repeated, as she stood and went to the window and looked out across the street to where a black SUV with tinted windows was parked.

Sanjin sighed, then met Teddy’s eyes in the rear view mirror. “Call your team back.”

Teddy nodded and pulled his phone out. A minute later Dara saw the SUV start up and leave.

“It’s done,” Sanjin said to her. Jiyong opened his door and stepped out of the car and Teddy did the same. The two men waited outside while Sanjin spoke with his daughter in private. There were so many things Sanjin wanted to say to her but he didn't know where to start. He was hesitant of saying the wrong thing, and she was wary of his intentions. But he knew he couldn't give up this chance that had been given him.

“I’m sorry,” he finally said, speaking to her from his heart. “For all the things I’ve done wrong as a father I ask you to forgive me, Sandara. Forgive your foolish father. I wasn’t there for you when I should have been. Yelled at you when I should have listened. Got angry when I should have been more patient. But the worst,” he said, his voice breaking, “was I should have told you how much you mean to me. I should have told you that I love you, Sandara. And that nothing else in the world is more important and precious to me than you.”

Dara sank down on the ground, her back leaning against her bed. Her eyes shut tight and she didn’t trust her voice to speak.

“I won’t ask you to come home if you don’t want to,” her father said. “But I’d like to see you in person. There’s so much I want to say. I miss you.”

He heard her crying silently and it broke his heart further. “I’m so sorry,” Sanjin repeated. “Please let me make it up to you.”

*

When Mino and Sanghyun woke the next morning they found their Dara noona in the kitchen cooking breakfast while wearing sunglasses. She greeted them warmly and hurried them to sit down for breakfast while the two boys looked at her curiously.

“Noona, why are you wearing glasses?” Mino asked.

“Because my eyes are swollen from crying.”

Both boys stared at her. Dara stopped what she was doing and stared back. “What? I was watching my drama last night and I couldn’t stop crying,” she lied. “And you two better not tease me or say anything about it otherwise I’ll beat both of you up!”

“You cried because of a drama?” Mino scoffed, then burst out laughing. Sanghyun shook his head and reached for the plate of eggs. He would never understand girls. His mother did the same thing when she watched dramas as well.

“Yah! It’s because I’m sensitive, okay!” This only made Mino laugh more, and now Sanghyun joined him.

“Noona, you’re about as sensitive as a cactus!” Mino teased.

“Yeah, the prickly one with all those needles sticking out of it,” Sanghyun added.

“Oh my god! Even you Sanghyun-ah?” Dara picked up a dishtowel and threw it, the two easily evaded it, their laughter filling the room as they enjoyed breakfast. Afterwards they packed up their backpacks and took a small suitcase now with the things Dara had bought them the day before, including gifts for Da Hyun and Jin. Dara gave both boys a long tight hug before she said her goodbyes.

“You’ll be alright, noona?” Sanghyun asked. He wasn’t completely convinced Dara was telling the truth about her swollen eyes that morning. But she looked better now as she smiled up at him.

“I’m fine, Sanghyun-ah. Go now. I’ll see you guys next week for my birthday. I want lots of presents too!” she teased. She gave each a kiss on the cheek and then waved as they ran to catch their train before it left.

Afterwards she sighed and turned. Teddy was standing a few feet away and waiting for her. Dara pushed her hair back and walked up to him.

“It’s good to see you Miss Sandara,” Teddy said. He nodded toward the waiting car. "Your father's waiting for you."

"Then lets get this over with," she muttered, and led the way.

**