2004

“Stop acting like a spoiled brat, Sandara! Have you no respect for your father and what people will say of him? Did you not even think about him before you decided to go out and act like an idiot with those so called friends of yours? Do you even have a brain? What would you have done if you ended up in the hospital, or worse yet dead? You think those friends of yours give a about you? They don’t love you --   they only hang around you because of your money! If you lost your wealth tomorrow not one of your so called friends would hang around. And you know why? Because you are a selfish, spoiled little brat who doesn’t think of anyone but yourself!”

**

Sandara sat on the window seat of her room and stared out at the dark night. Jiyong’s words had hit her hard. Even now she couldn’t stop the angry tears that kept leaking from her eyes as his harsh words rang over and over again in her head.

Yes she was a brat. She knew that very well. And yes she knew that no one in her life loved her for herself. As he said, they only hung around because of her money. But for him to come out and say that directly to her had stung. And then to have her father take Jiyong’s side, and even slapped her – that had hurt even more. She had stormed off without a word and slammed her bedroom door, locking herself in her bedroom all afternoon and evening.

At nineteen she was weary of the ongoing fight with her father. Ever since her mother died twelve years ago it seemed to Sandara as if she also lost her father at the same time. She rarely saw him those first years. Park Sanjin buried himself in work and in his place he hired the best nannies and bodyguards and tutors that money could afford to care for Sandara. She finally learned when she turned ten that the only way to get her father’s attention was to act out in rebellion. And so act out she did.

Sandara Park went from being the perfect little angel daughter to a prima donna witch of a child causing havoc in their home and out. She changed the way she dressed, the way she spoke. She threw tantrums left and right at the household staff and her tutors. As she grew older she evaded her bodyguards, took up with the wrong crowd, dyed her hair outrageous colors, and began smoking and drinking long before she turned eighteen and graduated from high school.

Her father, she knew, was at his wits end on how to handle her. Somewhere along the line he hired an assistant to handle all of the crap she got into. In reality all she wanted was for him to pay her attention, to show her he still loved her and heal that part of her that still ached for her mother and him. But it seemed the only attention she got from her father for her defiance was anger, frustration, and ultimately more ignorance.

Then one day two months before her nineteenth birthday her father brought home Kwon Jiyong – the twenty-one year old son of a close friend who lived in the U.S.   Her father announced that Kwon Jiyong would be living with them while he attended university in Seoul. Kwon Jiyong, by Sandara’s definition, was a ‘good’ boy. A perfectly mannered young man, clean cut and handsome and adored by the staff. The maids swooned and flitted here and there to do his every wish. Sandara rolled her eyes and avoided him.

It didn’t take her long to realize that Kwon Jiyong was her father’s way of trying to manipulate her behavior. It was so obvious with the way he would praise Jiyong’s so called ‘good points’ in front of her. He took Jiyong to the office and gave him a part time job at their company and even provided him with a car. The two either left the house together or came home together. They spent evenings talking about business and ideas Jiyong had regarding certain work projects. Her father took him to play golf on the weekends, out to work functions, and to dinner. They went to a baseball game together one Friday evening and came home in high spirits because their team had won.

To be fair her father did invite Sandara to join from time to time but it always came with a condition; Sandara had to –in his words- clean herself up first. He wanted her to ditch her all black wardrobe including the spikes and chains, get rid of the heavy dark eyeliner, the black and purple lipsticks, the pink and blond hair, the heavy boots, etc. She had to get rid of all that and dress like a ‘normal’ person – in other words normal like Kwon Jiyong.

Perhaps her father felt that by doing this he was offering Sandara a chance to rebuild their shattered relationship, but for Sandara it felt like he was saying he was embarrassed of who she had become. He was holding his affection at bay unless she changed. It was emotional blackmail. But the worst was yet to come.

Her nineteenth birthday arrived and she waited to see if her father would remember. He hadn’t celebrated her birthday with her in years. In truth she was partially to blame for that since she began skipping out on her birthday around age 13 and hung out with her friends instead. Sandara figured that was better than being at home alone with the staff and receiving a birthday card and present that was obviously picked out by her father’s secretary. At age fifteen she told Mrs. Lee not to bother buying anything more in the upcoming years since she only threw the presents away. This year though Sandara was just curious to see if her father even remembered the date of her birthday.

Apparently he didn’t.

Her birthday arrived as any other day. She knew she shouldn’t have been disappointed but she was. By that evening when it was obvious that her father had not remembered her special day, Sandara had had enough.  She called up her friends, dressed herself in an outrageously skimpy black dress and thigh high boots and went out partying. Her friends and her made the rounds of all the high end clubs and got themselves filthy drunk. On their way to a party at nearly 4 a.m. the car she was in got into an accident. Luckily no one was seriously hurt but her friend that was driving ended up in the hospital with a broken leg. He was also charged with DUI and was facing criminal charges. The police also detained Sandara and her other friends for underage drinking. When they found out who she was they called her home. But instead of her father it was Jiyong who came to get her. Her father had already left for the office so Jiyong had gone out to get her himself. He looked furious when he saw the state she was in and learned that the car she had been in was totaled. When they reached home it was almost noon. He had begun to scold her for her recklessness and insensitivity to her father’s reputation.

“Stop acting like a spoiled brat, Sandara! Have you no respect for your father and what people will say of him? Did you not even think about him before you decided to go out and act like an idiot with those so called friends of yours? Do you even have a brain?  You think those friends of yours give a about you? They don’t love you --   they only hang around you because of your money! If you lost your wealth tomorrow not one of your so called friends would hang around. And you know why? Because you are a selfish, spoiled little brat who doesn’t think of anyone but yourself!”

“What did you say to me?” Sandara snarled. That was it. She didn’t give a damn if he was a guest in their house. Sandara yelled at Jiyong and took hold of a vase and threw it at the ground.  Her father, who had by then learned of what had happened, returned home to witness Sandara’s rage. He yelled her name and told her to shut-up. Livid, Sandara yelled back at her father, and got a slap on the face for it.

The slap shocked her. Never in her life had her father ever raised a hand to her. And in that moment Sandara felt the last connection in the stormy relationship with her father shatter. She stared at him, one tear and then another rolling down her cheeks. But even as her father reached for her, regretting what he’d done, Sandara stepped back, out of reach, her heart hardened once and for all. Without uttering another word she spun on her heel and left the room.

Now it was past midnight and Sandara was sitting at the window in her room staring out at the night, contemplating the mess that was her life. After a long while she moved away from the window and went into her bathroom. There Sandara stared at her reflection in the mirror. She had showered and removed all of her makeup. Her father probably wouldn’t even recognize her now, she mused, staring at her pale blank face. Hell, even the maids probably wouldn’t recognize her since she never left her room without her black eyeliner on since she was twelve. The eyeliner only got thicker as she grew older, along with the addition of false lashes, dark lipstick and a fake beauty mark. Now sans makeup she looked like a normal little kid – except for the pink and blond hair, she smirked.

 Sandara went to her closet and brought out a pair of dark jeans, a dark hooded sweatshirt and got dressed. She also donned a pair of tennis shoes and grabbed a jacket. A glance at the clock showed it was past 2am. She opened her drawer and grabbed her wallet and counted the cash she had within. It was nearly $800. That and the $43,000 she had stashed in a private savings account would be enough to get her started and survive on for a while. The money in her savings was allowance money she received through the past twelve years from a trust fund her mother left her. She had saved almost all of it for emergencies.

And this was an emergency.

She needed to get out. Staying here was getting to a point where it was too painful for her and her father. So to salvage whatever strands of good memories remained between the two of them Sandara decided it was best that she leave. Legally she was an adult anyway. Maybe it was time she acted like one as well and show to everyone, including that obnoxious Kwon Jiyong, that she was more than just a rich spoiled brat. She wanted to prove to everyone, to her father, to Kwon Jiyong, but especially to herself that she could stand on her own two feet. And so with Kwon Jiyong’s damaging words ringing in her ears and the memory of her father’s slap still bringing pain to her heart Sandara Park took one last look around her room, she opened her window and climbed out and left home for good.