It’s quite obvious when Taehyung has lost focus.  His face relaxes, and his jaw unhinges a little bit. He stares into the air as if a solution to the problem that ails him can be found somewhere within the cubic foot of space in front him.  He tends to space out in private spaces or during long car trips.

For the first time in his life, Taehyung cannot seem to pay attention to anything but his thoughts. Not even the sight, sound, and smell of cooking meat can shake his focus.  Somehow, his focus is not food, even though it’s been hours since he last ate.  His stomach is grumbling, but it’s inconsequential compared to the way his heart is twisting.

He has spent some time chewing on the thought of Jungkook being in like with him.  Analyzing every little thing about his interactions with Jungkook has proven to be enlightening, if not slightly difficult.  Initially, he wanted to thumb through old messages, but Jungkook’s name vanished from his list along with their chat. That, of course, took him three minutes to figure out what happened.

Realizing that Jungkook had deleted him stung, like someone slapping him in the face. Taehyung hadn’t known what to expect, but it certainly wasn’t that.  Deeper reflection quickly turned into self-reflection and figuring out how he felt about Jungkook’s affections.

Taehyung knows how he feels.  He just doesn’t want to admit it.  His stubbornness stems from insecurity, fear, and hopelessness.  He hasn’t told anyone about his epiphany, keeping the words inside so that he doesn’t have to take them back if it doesn't work out.

Silver, metal tongs invade his field of vision, obnoxiously clapping together in an obvious attempt to get his attention.  Blinking rapidly, Taehyung pulls himself together and straightens his back.

“You okay?” Daehyun asks through his teeth.  On any other day, Daehyun would’ve been happy to fill in the entire conversation, especially if it meant getting to eat more of the pork belly.  However, something is just off, and as much as Daehyun wants to be gluttonous, Taehyung’s wellbeing matters.

His inner thoughts slip out, “How do you know when you’re in love?”

“Um.” Daehyun starts, trying to figure out a way to guide Taehyung to the right conclusion. “Okay, well, what does it taste like?”

“What?”

Daehyun flips over pieces of meat with a satisfying sizzle.  “If you had to, like, assign a taste to love, what would it be?”

Taehyung scrunches his face in confusion, “How is that relevant?”

Daehyun sweeps his bangs away from his forehead with a huff of frustration, “Look, we are food-oriented people.  I was just trying to help you out with the whole taste thing.  How am I supposed to tell you when you’re in love?   You can’t just ask another perpetually single person to figure it out for you.”

“Sorry.” Taehyung bites his lips after his soft apology and picks up his glass of water to take small sip.

Daehyun coughs forcefully, “Whatever.  Let’s just eat.”  Daehyun splits the cooked meat between them evenly.”

For maybe the first time in history, Taehyung and Daehyun have meal together in silence.  While there’s chatter from other tables, the only sounds that come from them are utensils scraping against plate and chewing noises.

Taehyung stuffs his face with so much food at once that he probably looks like a hamster or chipmunk.  He doesn’t savor his food as he normally would; he has other things on his mind other than the food in his mouth.  All that he can think about it Jungkook, and all that he can taste is banana milk.

After he’s finished scarfing down his food, he pulls out his wallet, pushing enough money toward Daehyun to cover half of the check.  A surprised Daehyun arches an eyebrow since he is far from finished eating.

“I need to go tell Jeon Jungkook that I like him.” Taehyung pushes away from the table, bowing slightly, “I’ll be a better conversationalist next time.  So, please excuse me.”

Before Daehyun can properly bid him farewell, Taehyung parts from the table with purpose.

“Who is Jeon Jungkook?”

Daehyun’s question goes unanswered.

Taehyung checks his phone for the time.  Jungkook should be here soon.  The very thought makes Taehyung’s heart race a little.  Although he’s rather nervous, he’s at peace with his feelings.  He has said it out loud to several people and himself.  With each declaration, he feels increasingly more confident that he’s properly in sync with his heart.

In terms of his gesture, the big one that all the boys in movies do to apologize, Taehyung is crossing his fingers in the hope that it will be taken well.  He is sort of, kind of, ignoring Jungkook’s request but only a little bit.  Technically, he is not going to Jungkook’s practice.  He’s taking advantage of Jungkook’s ambiguity because he didn't say “please never see me again ever”, even if it was implied.

However, since Taehyung is bending Jungkook’s rules, he’s out of immediate sight.  He can still see the bus stop from the tree that he’s hiding behind, not that he can hear anything that Jungkook might say.  He doesn’t really know how Jungkook is going to react, or if his feelings have changed after a perceived rejection.  There’s also the fact that his gesture requires a whole lot of self-referencing.  It’s rather simple thing to be a “gesture”.  It’s a bottle of banana milk and a cup of the type of instant noodles that Taehyung finished on Jungkook’s behalf.

Taehyung hasn’t entirely thought through the ramifications.  He’s winging it.

Taehyung spots Jungkook rounding the corner and presses himself against the tree.  Jungkook would need to know where to look, so it makes no difference whether or not Taehyung remains discreet.

Jungkook runs his fingers through his damp hair as he heads toward the bus stop.  A smile blooms across Taehyung’s face, and it makes Taehyung very happy that he knows why he’s always bubbly around Jungkook.  The streetlights cast a rather soft glow on post-dance practice Jungkook.

Jungkook makes it to the bus stop’s bench and stiffens once he lays his eyes upon Taehyung’s "gesture".  Taehyung watches as Jungkook slowly picks up the container of banana milk.

His heart is encouraged by the fact that Jungkook knows it’s for him.  However, Jungkook stares at the bottle in his hands for what can only be an eternity.  Taehyung knows that the cogs are turning in his head, but he has no clue what Jungkook’s next course of action will be.

Jungkook exhales visibly before picking up the ramen as well and quietly discarding both in the nearby trash bin.  With a groan, Taehyung knocks his head against the tree.  Jungkook takes a seat, putting his head in his hands.  Taehyung can practically feel the weight of Jungkook’s heart.

Surprisingly, Taehyung isn’t immediately depressed, and he doesn’t spiral into a discouraging hopeless state of unrequited love.  As the bus pulls up to the stop, it occurs to Taehyung that his “gesture” could be misinterpreted.  He needs a new plan.

___

“What do you think?” Jimin quietly asks Namjoon as he brings his thumb to his mouth.  Jimin has been focusing on the stress of finding a new job rather than thinking about the pieces of his shattered heart.  His avoidance of dealing with his feeling has led to a resurgence of a few of his bad habits like biting his nails.

Namjoon slaps Jimin’s hand away from his mouth.  “Stop biting your nails.” He orders, “I think that your plan is good. Yeah, it’s good.”

For the first time all week, Jimin sighs in relief, feeling the stress float away from his soul.  It’s always a good sign when Namjoon approves of important plans for the future.  Namjoon clicks his tongue, “Which are you going to do first, find a job or sign up for classes to get your diploma?”

“I think I’ll sign up for classes and then look for a part time job.  I’m only a few credits short of my diploma.”  He responds quietly.  Dread fills his chest when he actually thinks about it, but Jimin knows it’s for the better.  Completing high school is the least he can do, especially if he ever works up the courage to think about tertiary education.

Jimin’s most desirable option would be to find online classes and complete high school that way, but he has accepted the possibility that night school might be where he’s heading.

Namjoon pats Jimin’s cheek lightly.  “Do your research.  Job hunt and all that jazz, I’m going to go work.”

As Namjoon stands up from his seat at the table, Jimin finally asks a question that has been on his mind for too long now, “Did something happen at work?”

Namjoon lets out a defensive laugh after an awkward pause.  “What would make you ask that?” He gushes too quickly.

“If you don’t want to talk about it, that’s fine.  Just don’t forget that there are plenty of shoulders to go around.” Looking away from Namjoon, Jimin smiles to himself.  Sometimes the best way to talk to Namjoon is to speak in the abstract.

Jimin looks back up at Namjoon from the corner of his eye.  He hasn’t moved an inch, and in that moment, Jimin wishes he could see whatever emotion is frozen on Namjoon’s face.  He doesn’t need to wonder for very long because Namjoon crushes Jimin in an awkward hug.  Limbs are mismatched, and Jimin’s face is near Namjoon’s armpit.  It’s probably one of the sweetest moments that Jimin and Namjoon have ever shared.

With a sniffle of affection, Namjoon pulls away.  He makes a high-pitched noise before finally leaving.  If it were any other day, he would want to giggle because Namjoon is far from the touchy-feely type of person.  However, Jimin knows that Namjoon has something that he wants to say, but for some reason, he won’t.  It’s obvious that Namjoon forgets that Jimin and Jungkook love him.

Feeling lighter, Jimin gets his computer so that he can start his school (and job) search.  Out of habit, Jimin opens his email first.  His good mood falls flat when he sees his inbox.  At the top of his unread list is an email from Kim Seokjin.  His official notice of termination of services is sitting in his inbox, and the worst part is that he doesn’t care about being fired.

Jimin can’t breathe again.  Sadness is suffocating, and he hasn’t even processed the fact that he’ll probably never see Yoongi again.  Closure will remain out of reach, just like Yoongi. He can’t even comfort himself about it.  It’s useless to deny that he never felt anything for Yoongi, not after they kissed, not after he read something that he probably shouldn’t have.  (Jimin knows that he shouldn’t have read it, but the moment has come and gone, so all he can do is wish that he hadn’t.)

Jimin closes his eyes to keep any tears from trying to escape.  He doesn’t really want to read the email.  What Seokjin must think of him makes Jimin feels shame.  With trembling fingers, Jimin deletes the email.  Ignorance is preferable to whatever venomous words Seokjin has to throw at Jimin.  He’s completely willing to bite the bullet and miss out on his severance if it means never knowing how much disdain Seokjin and Yoongi hold for him.

He sniffles once, quickly running his hands over his face to regain composure.  After he rolls his neck, he begins his search for a school.

It takes a few hours of comparing the pros and cons, online versus night school, how much it costs, and flexibility of scheduling.  Ultimately, he settles on an online school, even if it is a little more expensive than he’d like.  He uses his rusty remnants of economics from high school to justify spending more because he’ll be able to study when he’s not working.

It takes a huge weight off of Jimin’s shoulders.  His future has become a little less uncertain, and since he’s focusing on the future, it’s comforting.

Three very purposeful knocks interrupt Jimin’s denial about how he’s handling his life.  At first, Jimin thinks that it’s a sign, telling him to quit lying to himself and confront his feelings.  Two more sharp raps against the wood of the front door allow for the realization that someone is literally at the door.

Despite the fact that he’s not expecting anyone and that he hasn’t the slight clue as to who it might be (serial killer or otherwise), Jimin pushes away from the table to go answer the door.  Although it serves no purpose, Jimin goes through the motion of looking through peephole.  There’s something familiar about the purple hair and backside, but it doesn’t dawn on Jimin immediately.

He opens the door, and the person on the other side turns around to face Jimin.  Whoever he is gasps audibly.  Jimin feels awkward, since he has yet to remember why that purple mess of hair is familiar.  He clears his throat, “Can I help you?”

“What are you doing here?” A strikingly familiar and deep voice asks bluntly.  Taehyung.  Taehyung is standing at Jimin’s door, and he seems surprised that Jimin lives in his own house.

Jimin scoffs, “Well, I live here.  What are you doing at my door, Mr. Kim Taehyung?”

“I must have the wrong apartment.  I thought it was this one for sure.  I have a great memory…” Taehyung rambles quietly bring his hand to his chin in what can only be described as a pensive gesture.

Jimin frowns at Taehyung’s distressed voice.  “Well, I know some of the people in the building.  Who are you looking for?”

Taehyung straightens up, clearing his throat before offering a very tentative, “Jeon… Jungkook?”

“Well, you are in the right place.” Jimin scratches his neck, briefly pausing to consider whether or not to be honest with Taehyung.  He doesn’t know Taehyung nearly as well as he knows Jungkook, but he also has no clue how they know each other.  “How do you know Jungkook?”

It’s Taehyung’s turn to be awkward.  “Banana milk.” Taehyung mutters, “Anyhow, is he here?”

“That doesn’t really answer my question, but no, Jungkook is at work right now.  He’ll be back around 4, if you want to wait.” Jimin offers, not expecting Taehyung to actually sit around for a solid hour.

“Can I wait inside?” Taehyung asks.  Jimin sighs, opening the door fully as an implicit invitation into their home.  He takes a few tentative steps into the foyer but ultimately waits for Jimin to direct him to an acceptable waiting area.

For the first time in his adult life, Park Jimin finds himself trying to host a guest.  As sudden and abrupt and unexpected as it is, something in Jimin snaps into action. “Would you like some tea?”  He offers as he herds Taehyung toward the dining room table.

“Do you have any coffee?” Taehyung responds before slapping his hand over his mouth.  For the first time his adult life, Taehyung is realizing that he’s a little too forward.

“Is instant alright?”

“Quite.”

They share an awkward silence as Taehyung takes a seat at the table.  Jimin rushes to the kitchen to find wherever Jungkook keeps his secret instant coffee.  Technically, it is Jungkook’s guest, and Jimin doesn’t think Taehyung deserves to be subjected to Namjoon’s coffee; no one deserves that.  Jimin manages to find it rather quickly, considering the fact that it’s supposed to be well hidden.  After retrieving a mug, he dumps the pack into the ceramic up before pouring hot water from their kettle into the mug.  “Do you take cream and sugar?” Jimin asks over his shoulder.

“Lots of both if possible.” Taehyung responds in a loud and clear voice.  Jimin smiles to himself; he’s just like Jungkook.  Jimin prepares it in the way that he would prepare Jungkook’s coffee.

The end result is Jimin presenting a light brown, sugary cup of pseudo-coffee to Taehyung.  “Thank you.”

The sound of Taehyung sipping the coffee is deafening because of the silence that they’re awkwardly sharing.  Jimin has a million questions running through his mind, but he doesn’t know how to articulate them.  Even if he did, he would need to find the courage to ask.  Prying into the private lives of others has always been tough for Jimin, especially since he probably should know what this is about.

Taehyung finishes his noisy slurping and sets the mug on the table.  “So, how do you know Jungkook?”

“We grew up together.”  Jimin’s answer is curt without intending to be.

“What a small world.” Taehyung whispers before laughing hysterically for a brief moment.  He recomposes himself, and the awkward, uncomfortable silence continues.

“So…” Jimin starts, only to find that he doesn’t even know where to direct the conversation from this point forward.  It’s almost painful, trying to find a topic that they’re both willing to touch upon.  He could try to ask about Yoongi, but he doesn’t know how Taehyung feels about his invasion of Yoongi’s privacy.  The curiosity about Jungkook’s relationship with Taehyung might just kill Jimin, but he can’t exactly force Taehyung to tell him, especially when Jungkook neglected to mention it.

Taehyung shakes his head, excusing Jimin from the niceties of conversations.

Thankfully, mercifully, Jungkook gets home early.  He yells from the foyer, “I’m back!” Both Jimin and Taehyung bolt into standing position.

“You have a guest.” Jimin blurts out, not that it’s at all necessary.  Jungkook freezes the second that he sees Taehyung, and the awkward silence returns.  Only now, Jimin feels like he’s intruding on someone else’s awkward silence.

Jimin’s ringtone sound as his phone vibrates against the table.  “I’ll take this.”  Snatching his phone off of the table, he bustles toward his room.  He doesn’t recognize the number, but anything is better than standing in the middle of the tensest awkward silence to have ever taken place.  “Hello?”

Silence.  There isn’t even the sound of breathing on the other end of the line.  “Hello?” Jimin repeats himself.

Jimin pulls the phone away from his ear to make sure that the phone call is still connected.  Whoever called him has already hung up.  Before he can read into it too much, he hears sounds coming from the dining room.

It takes two seconds to decide that he’s going to eavesdrop.  In two seconds, he forgets about whoever called him in order to focus on Jungkook and his secrets.

a/n:
well, if this isn't awkward.
i'm alive.
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would you believe me if i said i accidentally didn't update for a long time? i worked on it in pieces, so i apologize if it falls short of you hopes and expectations.