Hoseok stares at the ceiling; it’s different than the one he would like to be staring at, but it’s also very similar.  It’s the same shade of off white, but there are different feelings that accompany looking at this ceiling than the one he wants to be staring at.  He feels empty when he should be feeling contentment. 

Hoseok adjusts his head, nestling further into his borrowed pillow, trying to get comfortable as best he can.  He groans, turning over on his side to see the rest of the living room.  He wants to be home in his bed with Hyorin.  It sounds stupid to say that he misses everything about her, not that it stops him from thinking it.  He didn’t leave their home on good terms though.

He doesn’t know what’s worse, the fact that Hyorin hasn’t called yet or that she didn’t come to the competition.  He truly believed that she would, despite the fact that she was siding with her parents on his future career options.  It blindsided him when she sat there quietly as her parents berated him for recklessly choosing their future.  In less than a month, his in-laws revealed their controlling nature.  It surprised him when they mentioned regretting their allowance of Hoseok and Hyorin’s marriage.

Hoseok sighs, wondering if he’s being a coward or letting Hyorin down in some way or another.  He’s never doubted anything about Hyorin or their feelings before this happened, but now that he is, all that he can feel is guilt.  Love is the one thing that he shouldn’t doubt, but if he can’t even bring himself to face Hyorin, he doesn’t get the right to claim that he loves her.

He sits up, running a hand through his hair.  The creak of a door opening allows for a distraction as Hoseok scratches his neck.  Namjoon shuffles into the living room, his slippers slapping against the floor with his shoulders slightly hunched over and hair all askew.  He plops down into the armchair next to the couch, squinting at Hoseok through the darkness.  He combs his fingers through his tangled hair before sighing, “I sensed a disturbance in the force.” He dryly states.

Hoseok shifts in his seat, clearing his throat, “How do you mean?”

“Just tell me your troubles, so I can get back to sleep.” Namjoon groans.  Namjoon has taken on the role of confidant of sorts, which is a dramatic reversal from where their relationship began.

Hoseok looks at his fingers, which are barely discernable due to the lack of proper lighting. “What if I’m going to be one of those people who gets divorced the same year that they get married?  You know they say that fools rush in.”

“Do you love Hyorin?” Namjoon bluntly asks, blinking repeatedly to hydrate his dry eyes.

“Of course.” Hoseok responds, slightly affronted by whatever Namjoon might be implying.  He’s naïve to the fact that Namjoon is trying to prove a point.  (Namjoon can’t suppress his annoyance with being the facilitator of a Hoseok’s relationship.)

“She loves you, so I really don’t know why you’re still crashing on our couch.” Namjoon sets his elbow on the armrest, leaning his cheek against his propped up hand.

“It’s just…” Hoseok trails off.  Namjoon interrupts before Hoseok can continue his thought.

“You know where she is right now, so go and tell her that you’d move mountains to be with her.” Hoseok can hear Namjoon rolling his eyes as he gets up from his seat.  Stalking back to his room, he mutters under his breath, “Two grown people that don’t know how to operate a telephone…”

An odd realization strikes Hoseok, prompting him to ask, “How do you know that I know where Hyorin is?”  His question falls flat because Namjoon is already back in his room by the time he thinks to ask it.

Hoseok glances at the clock.  Unsurprisingly, Namjoon is right. He know where Hyorin is right this very minute because she told him two months in advance to leave his schedule wide open.  He chooses to ignore his temporary disbelief in favor of fixing what he helped break.

He’s going to talk to Hyorin.

Gripping the gearshift, Hoseok puts his car in park.  Butterflies flutter in his stomach, and it’s almost startling.  Hoseok had forgotten they were there.  It’s been eons since he’s been nervous about Hyorin enough for his stomach to turn upside down and inside out.

Paralyzing fear and doubt have returned with a vengeance.  He’s not dressed for the occasion, nor is he freshly showered.  Insecurity creeps in as well because what if Hyorin doesn’t want him here?  His knuckles are turning white from the way that he’s gripping the steering wheel.

He’s frozen in place, eyes wide with fear and unable to muster up enough courage to walk into his in-laws’ mansion to declare that he loves his wife.

Before he can dig deep enough past his insecurities, he sees Hyorin.  Standing at the top of the stairs, she grabs her hair by the fistful.  He reads the frustration in her body language from the tightness in her shoulders to the deliberate steps that she takes.  She reaches the last before giving up on running away from her family home.  As she gracefully plops onto herself into a sitting position on the steps, Hoseok gets out of his car.

Worry edges out any fear that he might have been feeling.  Hyorin is upset enough that the cleanliness of her dress is a non-issue.  By the time that Hoseok reaches her, her hands are cradling her head.  She’s inches away from crying, and it physically hurts Hoseok to think that she’s sad.

He stands dumbly in front of his wife without saying anything.  Suddenly, it occurs to him that he’s an idiot, a fool.  There are many things that he should have done, and quite frankly, he doesn’t know whether or not he’ll be worthy of any of her forgiveness.

A sniffle escapes from Hyorin as she raises her head, calling Hoseok back to the present.  Tears are on the brink of spilling over as his wife looks up at him.  A compliment gets stuck in Hoseok’s throat.  Somehow, it feels like telling Hyorin that she’s pretty is not the way to start a conversation after days of radio silence.  That can’t be the way that he says hello.  It’s supposed to be some eternal declaration of love, what he came here for.

“Hoseok.”  She whispers only to have her voice crack anyway.

“Hyorin.”  Hoseok wants to frown; this is colder than he imagined.

Her posture collapses, “When are you coming home?”  She asks in a shaky voice.  She continues without letting him answer, providing a laundry-list of why she wants him home.  “The bed is way too big and cold when you’re not there.  My parents keep trying to get me to go to events alone. I didn’t even get to tell you what I thought about the competition.  My heel broke, and god, I just miss you a lot.”  The pace of her words speed up as she finishes in an attempt to keep from crying.  Her efforts are in vain, however, as tears fall down her face.

Hoseok takes a moment to process her words.  He knows that she’s trying to complain to downplay how much she’s hurting.  It almost makes it worse in a sense.  They’re both foolishly too blind to see that they’re the makers of their own misery. 

Hoseok squats in front of Hyorin and uses his fingers to gently wipe away his wife’s tears.  She avoids meeting his eyes, revealing the amount of shame and guilt that she bears.  Communication is a two-way street, and pride always seems to be a roadblock in working out matters of the heart.

Hoseok finally comes around to the first thing that he wants to talk about.  “You came to the competition?”

Hyorin nods before scoffing, “Of course, I came. You went on about it non-stop for a month after you submitted the application to attend. I would never forget, and I didn’t need dumb Namjoon to come around and give me a flier.”

“I’ll ask you about that later.” Hoseok says with a soft smile on his face, “So, what did you think?”

Meeting his gaze, she takes one of his hands away from her face in order to hold it.  “You’re a great dancer and an even better choreographer.”  She smiles rather widely as she declares her opinion.  She bites her lip and offers her pinky to Hoseok, “I’ll be the best wife of a professional choreographer known to the world.”

Hoseok giggles as he links their pinkies together.  The moment reminds him of when they were dating, syrupy in its sweetness and looking toward future dreams instead of present obligations.

“Even if we have to live on the streets?”  Hoseok teases lightly, catching the tip of his tongue between his teeth.

“You’re my home.” She replies, bringing their hands toward her in order to kiss her thumb, “Wherever you go, I go.”

Hoseok tugs their promise toward his pushed out lips, sealing Hyorin’s words in a vow.  Hyorin searches Hoseok’s face, “Will you please come back?”

“One condition.”  Hoseok uses his index finger to reiterate his point.

Hyorin looks genuinely concerned that perhaps her own plea isn’t enough.  She doesn’t know what’s going on in Hoseok’s head, which is something she’s unaccustomed to feeling.  Hoseok smiles in order to assuage any of her fears, “Tell me you love me.”

Hyorin pushes his shoulder, “Of course I love you.”

“Again.”

“I love you.”  She repeats.

Hoseok smiles, “Alright-y then, let’s go home, shall we?”  He stands and offers his hand.  As soon as she grips his hand, he pulls her up and scoops her into his arms.  A wonderfully refreshing giggle escapes Hyorin. 

“You’re heavy.”  Hoseok whines, but they both know that he doesn’t mean it.  For the moment, Hoseok is going to pretend that they didn’t spend all that time without talking to each other.  They’ll talk about improving their communication skills later.  All that really matters to Hoseok is that the woman he loves is in his arms, and she still loves him despite the fact his occasional lack of courage and thick-headedness.

“Aren’t you going to say it back?”  Hyorin asks quietly with her lips pressed against his neck.

“Say what back?”  He jokes as he carries her toward the car.

He can practically hear Hyorin rolling her eyes, “That you love me.”

“Well it goes without saying…”

Hoseok sets Hyorin down on her feet before opening her door.  She almost gets in the car before turning to him, “Say it anyway.”

“I love you.”  Hoseok whispers, leaning over the car door to press a light kiss on Hyorin’s cheek.

___

For some reason that Yoongi can’t seem to find, he spends almost his entire day lying down in the middle of the floor.  He can’t even blame alcohol for his behavior.

When the sunlight hits the floor just right, he can see the dust that’s collecting on the floor.  He doesn’t know how to feel about the fact that he thinks it is kind of pretty.  He’s spent enough time with his cheek pressed against the floor to accurately describe the way that dust looks in sunlight.  It’s the physical representation of how warmth feels, fuzzy and subtle at the same time.

When he stops focusing on the thin layer dust on floor, his eyes immediately adjust to look at the door.  It’s annoying because looking at the door kindly reminds him that Jimin will not be walking through it.

There’s a word that Yoongi does not want to use to characterize his behavior.  He’s wallowing.  Despite the fact that he firmly denies his feelings, they’re still present and pestering.  Sadness doesn’t suit Yoongi.  He wants to be angry or something, basically anything but sad.  As Yoongi is all too aware, he rarely gets what he wants.

He didn’t want a housekeeper, but he got one.  He didn’t want to like his housekeeper, but he did.  The only time that Yoongi actually got what he wanted was when Jimin walked out the door.

Now he’s wallowing, lying on the floor and lying to himself that he doesn’t want Jimin to come back.

Unexpectedly, the front door opens, and for that brief moment, Yoongi’s heart soars with hope.  Then he remembers that Jimin’s key is sitting on his coffee table, and he recognizes the shoes that belong to the person who has trespassed on Yoongi’s pity party.

Yoongi glances as far up as he can to catch a mildly upset look on Seokjin’s face.  As soon as Yoongi spots the black plastic bag from Seokjin’s favorite record shop, he doesn’t have to guess what’s bothering his best friend.

“Come on down.  It’s comfier than it looks.”  Yoongi invites Seokjin with a distorted voice from the way that he’s positioned on the floor.

Seokjin sets his bag down gently before lying down on the floor with enough distance that it’s not uncomfortable to make eye contact with Yoongi.  Seokjin’s rounded cheek flattens out as it makes contact with the floor.  The sight elicits a sharp snort from Yoongi.  It’s a happily light moment that offers brief reprieve from his wallowing.

“Shut up.”  Seokjin complains, flicking Yoongi in the shoulder to reprimand him.

“What ails you, my child?”  Yoongi does his best to imitate a priest.

Seokjin sighs, gnawing the inside of his cheek, “How am I supposed to tell him that I’m not ready to date, but when I am, I’d really like to go out with him?”

Yoongi waits for a moment before replying, “Like that.”

“Yoongi.”

“What have you decided about Hyosang?”  He asks after a few moments.

Seokjin clicks his tongue before shaking his head.  It’s rather awkward because of the solid surface restricting his movement, “I’m not going to go back to him.  I realized that living in the past is a terrible way to move forward.  It’s just… I’m… What if Namjoon is just another Hyosang?  I’m not ready to go through that again.  I hate being the one that cares more.”

There’s a brief pause as Yoongi searches for the best way to articulate his thoughts, “What if he’s not another Hyosang?  What if he’s just Namjoon?  You can posit enough ‘what ifs’ to last a lifetime, but there are no guarantees.  You have to put yourself out there and be open to the possibility of heartbreak if you want to be in love.  That’s the tradeoff.”

Seokjin smiles bitterly, “Why is being an adult so hard?”

Yoongi shrugs against the hard floor, “I think it was somewhere on the licensing agreement when we signed up to be grown-ups.”

“He doesn’t want to be my friend.”  Seokjin whispers quietly, pain seeping into his voice and trying to crack it.

“Then wait until you’re ready to date, and ask him for a chance.”  Yoongi’s suggestion rings somewhat hollow, it’s better to focus on the Seokjin’s problems than think about Jimin and regrets.

“What if he says no?”  Seokjin’s fear and insecurities spill out as Seokjin lets his guard down.  They’ve known each other for too long to betray anything said in confidence, not that they have anyone to tell secrets to.

“Then you’ll be ships in the night, but at least you’ll know that your baggage got in the way.  You won’t have to stay up at night wondering if the damage that Hyosang incurred on your emotional state ultimately destroyed a friendship and a relationship on top what happened between the two of you.”  Yoongi’s nonchalant attitude toward explaining a future course of events throws Seokjin off.  “I’m awful at giving advice.”

“Why did you fire Jimin?”

It’s a question that Yoongi should have expected.  Seokjin doesn’t just ignore a problem after Yoongi brushes it off once.  There’s no amount of skirting around the topic that will get Seokjin to drop it.  Despite knowing this, he replies with an insufficient amount of explanation, “He was in the studio.  It was a violation of his employment contract.”

“You don’t care about the sanctity of the studio that much unless you’re using it.  You weren’t scheduled for any recordings, so I ask again, why did you fire him?”  Seokjin prods and pokes at the mess of emotions sitting on top of Yoongi’s heart.

Yoongi makes sure to keep his voice flat and detached, “He was reading one of my composition notebooks.  He could have compromised Taehyung’s next album.”

“There is no way on God’s green earth that V is what you were thinking about when you fired him.”  Seokjin knows Yoongi too well.  Although it should concern him that Jimin might have material from his younger brother’s covert career, he’s too focused on Yoongi.

Yoongi begins. “I left for two seconds to put some boxes in the recycling, and I ran into Chan.  He made several off handed remarks about how I am a ‘has-been’ shut-in that needs to get off my high horse."

“You left your condo?”  Seokjin interrupts, finding it necessary to reiterate the shock of Yoongi actually leaving his nest.

“Let me finish.”  Yoongi lets annoyance seep into his voice.  He’s about to be honest with himself in the presence of another. “I came back and Jimin was there, smiling while reading what is the equivalent of my diary.  I snapped, okay?” Yoongi closes his eyes as he finishes his explanation.

Seokjin props himself up on his elbows and gives Yoongi a sideways glance.  “You fired Jimin because you were mad at your neighbor?”

“I was not allowed a cooling off period, so obviously I was going to have mixed emotions.” Yoongi half-heartedly defends himself.  Even he knows that it’s a useless defense.

There’s a pregnant silence as Seokjin thinks about what Yoongi said.  Yoongi takes the time to think about Jimin and his feelings about Jimin.  All the things that he forced beneath come to the surface.

“I miss Jimin.”  Yoongi mutters pathetically.

Seokjin lowers himself back down to the ground, “What are you going to do about it?”

“Continue on with my pity party.  Maybe eat and drink away my emotions, or channel it into creative energy."

Seokjin rolls over and sits up, “Maybe you should call him.”  Seokjin gets up on his feet, dusting off his pants with a few random against the fabric.  “As much fun as this is, I’m going to go and do my job.”

With a grunt, Yoongi lifts his hand as a form of acknowledging Seokjin’s departure.  The plastic bag crinkles as Seokjin picks it up, and it’s the last notable sound that Seokjin makes before the front door swings shut.

Yoongi rolls onto his back with a heavier heart.  It weighs him down, preventing him from sitting up and moving on with his day.  It’s not particularly liberating to know that he has romantic feelings for Jimin because the bridge between them went up in flames.  If Yoongi were one for metaphors, it would be about time for him to learn how to swim.

a/n: *chuckles nervously* so don't be mad.
 i know that no one asked for it, but i'm sorry i just wanted hoseok to be happy.
DID YOU GUYS WATCH THE PROLOGUE BECAUSE OOOOOOH MMMYYYYY GOOOOD.
next time there's gonna be some taekook and jimin will exist (considering he's like the main dude he should really be more prevalent.)  it's just that Yoongi has thoughts and feelings too and i feel bad that i'm not sharing them.
so yes. it's bad, but.... i don't know it's a little less angsty.
commenting and upvoting would be super cool.
if you're not subscribed, you could also do that.
by the way i'm so happy that everyone commented last chapter <3
i can't think of anything else to say.
p.s. ask questions if it's confusing. i'll answer (unless it like spoils anything that you haven't read yet....)