Finally, thought Zitao, finally could he go back to China to rest with his family. The promotions of Call me baby had been hard for him, just as for everyone else. He didn't even participate that much because of his injury, but that had just resulted in bad rumours and badmouthing from both fans and netizens. Zitao loved his fans, but he wished that they would understand things with more ease, without jumping to conclusions without really knowing the truth.

EXO was still in a rough path anyway, and you could notice the uncertainty still linger around in every single member, some more than others. SM was also affected a lot, letting Yixing get his own studio and even letting Zitao go home to rest - this was nothing they would had done before. Everyone knew that it probably was for bribing, begging them to stay in EXO, afraid that they too would leave.

Zitao and Yixing had talked a lot after Yifan and Luhan had left, sitting down for hours. 
Yifan's leave came with anger, confusion and shock - mixed emotions from all the members. Yifan had mentioned having a hard time to very few among them. Kyungsoo had been understanding, telling them that Yifan had told him how tired he was, how this was not the way he wanted his career to go. Kyungsoo had been the closest to Yifan right before he left, maybe because Kyungsoo was a good listener and they had fit together well. Kyungsoo had screamed at the others for not understanding Yifan, for never listening, when he himself always had done. He had been angry at the members for speaking and uploading things without thinking, and it had resulted in him not speaking to anyone but the others who had been the closest to Yifan - which were Yixing, Luhan and Minseok. 

After Yifan had left Yixing had tried to calm Zitao down along with Luhan and Minseok. He had screamed, cried and cursed Yifan for leaving loudly. Kyungsoo had been the most angry at Zitao for this - for being immature, for handling the situation wrong. Zitao had been just as angry at Kyungsoo as he was at Yifan, because Yifan had told everything to Kyungsoo instead of to him. Was it also because of jealousy? For a lot of reasons, Zitao had indeed been the most affected by Yifan's leave, mostly because he had loved him. 

Yifan had been his saviour in Korea, someone he'd looked up to since the day they'd first met, someone who had held him close whenever he needed it. Zitao had been calm and comfortable around Yifan, had felt safe. Somewhere right before their debut, Zitao had a breakdown, unable to breath properly through tears of pure nervousness and panic. Yifan had been there for three hours, holding him until he'd calmed down. They had found themselves somewhere between strong friendship and love - warm hugs leading to soft kissed had come naturally. 
When Yifan left, a part of Zitao had left with him.

Luhan's leave wasn't as surprising. Luhan had been sick for a long time, visiting hospitals every week, eating medicine everyday to even function. Zitao had understood Luhan, but it had still hurt when he told them that he wasn't going to come back with them from Beijing. Luhan had apologised for not being strong enough, apologised for not wanting to be controlled without getting any rest. Minseok had been alone with Luhan the last day, from early morning to late night. Most of the members had their ideas that there was something going on between those two, but Luhan and Minseok never told the group anything. Luhan had told Yixing though, and Yixing had told Zitao that Luhan and Minseok were in love, and it was nothing wrong with that.

Minseok had asked for time alone after Luhan left, not wanting comfort or pity from anyone - since they all knew he had been the closest to Luhan. After a week of silence he had started to seek comfort at the gym, speaking to his sunbaes rather than his own members.  Zitao remebered when Minseok's room always seemed to be empty, or locked close. Minseok hadn't opened up again until one month later, saying he was still in contact with Luhan, but he didn't want any questions about him. The others had listened to their elder, and they had promised each other to continue fighting to become a strong EXO once again. 

The Overdose promotion would never be a good memory to any of them.

The fight to get everyone together after that had been hard. They had fought easily and misunderstandings had been many - but the arguments got them closer, got them to understand. Some became closer than others, new friendships were created, and they regretted not being this honest to each other from the beginning. They were formed to be an idol group, it was their work, they didn't need to be friends. But if they wanted to keep EXO for a long time, friendship and respect for all of them was needed dearly.  You needed to become an adult to be able to face the work of being an idol, and they regretted not realizing it sooner, regretted being immature, regretting treating their job as their dream.

The hard times and arguments had brought Zitao closer to Sehun. They had understood each other, had the same opinions and Sehun had been a good solid rock for Zitao to lean on. Zitao had found out that he didn't like being alone, that he needed attention nearly all the time. It was embarrassing, but Sehun had understood. It was something that clicked between them and within weeks they became inseparable. Being with Sehun made Zitao forget about all the sad things, all the difficulties and he was just... happy. 

One night they had opened up about each others life. Talked about their family, school, bad memories along with happy ones - on that same night Sehun had softly kissed his temple. Zitao had already felt that his heart was feeling something different when it came to Sehun, and one week later when Sehun kissed him on the mouth, he didn't hesitate to kiss back.

They had been nervous about coming out to their members. Sehun had told him that he wanted to tell them, while Zitao wanted to keep it a secret. Not that Zitao counted the thing he had had with Yifan as a relationship, but they had never told anyone. Yifan had wanted it to be a secret, saying that it was better if no one knew, and Zitao had obeyed.

About one month after their first kiss, Minseok had knocked on their door to their shared room. Zitao had let him in, and without really saying hello, Minseok had asked them if they were dating. Sehun had stood up, taken Zitao's hand in his own and answered 'yes'. Minseok had then asked for how long, how far they had gone, if they planned on telling the others, and if they planned on staying together for a long time. Sehun had answered every question truthfully, showing respect to his hyung, knowing it was the right thing to do. Zitao had been nervous and scared, not saying anything while listening to the conversation in front of him.

Minseok had nodded when Sehun was done explaining, "Then if you think you can do this, without letting it affect your job, tell the others. Even though some of them, as you know, aren't that understanding when it comes to LGBTQ questions, they will accept you. Don't be afraid to be yourself," he had said, smiling.

Zitao's heart had hurt, because Minseok and Luhan had been hiding their relationship to most of the members, and something in Minseok's eyes told him that it was something he regretted. Zitao knew that Minseok still loved Luhan dearly, but he didn't know how their relationship status was now. It must be difficult to be away from someone you love after you've been together everyday for years. Maybe Minseok and Luhan knew they weren't going to be together forever? Maybe that was why they didn't tell, maybe that was why Minseok told them they should tell the members if they were sure they would stay together? 

About one week later, Sehun had gathered the members to share the news.
Zitao had stood behind him, heart racing for what reactions it would bring.
In the end it went ok, they were accepted.

The members has been preparing for the Call me baby comeback the same way they did for their debut. They had to show a stronger side, show that they could still carry on the fame, be good enough even without the presence of Yifan and Luhan. The training had been draining, and many of them had gotten injured in the process. That's what endless practice without rest did to you anyway, and their bodies took a big toll on it. Especially Jongdae and Chanyeol had problems to keep their food, while Zitao, Yixing and Jongin had constant pain in various parts of their bodies.

Zitao had hurt himself badly, and not being able to participate made him both sad and angry. He wanted to share his energy into the comeback as well, but if he didn't rest, he would had to leave EXO for good as well. At the dorm no one had blamied him though, and Sehun was always beside him, supporting him, making him feel calm and still needed.

When SM suggested him to go home to his family in China for a proper rest, Zitao was so happy he had started to cry. He loved being in Korea, but nothing could make him heal faster than his family. SM had given him the tickets, confirming with his parents when it was ok to come and when to return to Korea, and Zitao had left three days later. Saying goodbye to the members, who some also were going to go home to their families later, over the short break between promotions. 

He had kissed Sehun goodbye behind closed doors. They had promised to call, but not too often since it was better to take time for themselves, time for their families. But since Sehun knew Zitao's yearning for affection, he'd said he could text whenever he wanted to anyway. Zitao had nodded smiling. Getting a rest, even if it only was for two weeks, was well deserved for all of them.

Zitao's mum had cried when she hugged him at the airport, telling him that his favorite food was already prepared at home. Zitao had been smiling at the scenery of his hometown flashing before him through the car window, being home always made his heart warm. This was where he'd grown up, the town holding all his childhood memories.

The first week home had been amazing. Endless talks with his family, friends coming over to hang out and all the delicious food he finally got to eat again made him almost forget that he soon had to go back to his reality of being an idol again. His injury was healing steadily, his grandmother knowing the tricks, loving to take care of her beloved grandson.

The time maybe went by to quickly, and suddenly it was only three days left until his scheduled flight back home. 

"Mum, I'm just going out for a while," he said to his mother.

"Oh darling, are you sure that's ok? Won't everyone recognize you?"

"I'll be ok! If I don't dress fancy and have a normal cap on my head no one will see that I'm Tao from EXO," he grinned at his mother.

She didn't like him being out on his own, she was afraid something would happen. 
Zitao knew this, "Mum, I'll be careful I promise? I have my phone with me anyway,"

His mother sighed, "Alright, just give me a call before you come home."

Zitao nodded, and went to the door.

It was a long time ago he'd wandered alone on the streets of Qingdao, last time Sehun had been with him. His parents loved Sehun, and Sehun loved them. He smiled at that memory, that vacation together had been perfect in every way possible.

He reached his favorite park, which had a big playground, a basketball court and small exercise machines, right by the best view of the beautiful sea. It was only 2 o'clock, so most people were at work or in school, leaving him with less chance to get recognised. He walked to lay down on a bench, turning to look at the view, listening to the breeze of the ocean. He missed being close to the sea. Being born in a harbour town, being close to the sea was something he felt very comfortable with. And he guessed everyone with a home close to the sea felt the same way. The sea made him calm.

He his ipod, listening to some of favorite songs from his childhood, smiling to himself. He layed like that for good while, he didn't really keep track of time. It wasn't until he heard voices and thuds of a basketball hitting the ground in between his music, that he sat up, turning around to watch the people playing. Three tall guys, and one a little smaller. Two of the taller ones were really good, and the younger shouted complains about being too short, about the rest of them taking advantage of him. Zitao giggled at him, feeling sorry for him.

He watched them play, one of them kind of had the same tequnices as Yifan had, Zitao noticed. He'd seen Yifan play so much basketball through their years together that he would nev- wait.
Zitao furrowed his brows, he played too much alike Yifan, it was like a copy. He even had the same height, same way of running.

Zitao stood up to walk closer, to get a better look when he heard him laugh.

He froze as he saw the tall guy turn around. 
Yifan, laughing loudly, dribbling the ball away from his friend, running toward the hoop and scoring two points. Zitao was staring - Why was he here? Was he dreaming?

He heard him speak and it was real. It was him.

Yifan was looking much more healthier. He had gained weight, and the darker hair looked more natural and softer on him. Of course Zitao had looked up news on him on his laptop, but seeing his transformation to the better in person hit Zitao like a bullet.

He felt dizzy as he heard Yifan laugh again and without really noticing, his legs started to carry him closer. He took of his cap, revealing his bleached unstyled hair and dropped it on the ground. He tried to breath through the heavy pressure of ache building up against his chest. He stopped.

Yifan was having the ball again, one of his friend running towards the hoop where Zitao was close by, and Zitao saw Yifan pass the ball to his friend who scored. This time though, there wasn't any cheer coming from Yifan. Zitao looked up and met Yifan's staring eyes.

The pressure against Zitao's chest turned heavier, more painful, and he let out a groan as the first tear escaped his eye, "Y-yifan?" he said quietly.

Yifan wasn't close enough to hear him, but Zitao could see him form his name on his lips as well. He took the courage to walk closer, stopping when he finally saw him clearly. He was looking just as shocked, sad and nervous, as Zitao felt. 

"Y-yifan?" he tried again and this time Yifan nodded.

Zitao felt more tears run down his cheeks.
He didn't know what to do, what to feel. The pressure against his chest was so painful and the lump in his throath hurted just as much.

"Yifan, h-how did you- Why are y-you..."

Yifan approached him, and Zitao noticed the tears in Yifan's eyes, the uncertainty in his movements. 

"Don't hate me," he heard Yifan whisper, before he was pulled into a hug.

The pressure in his chest finally released the emotions and he cried out, holding onto Yifan's shoulders.