Zitao couldn't recall how they managed to get into one of Yifan's friend's car, he was still too shocked about meeting Yifan again to think straight.

"I think it's better if we go to my apartment instead of going back to the hotel," Yifan's friend said, "No one can see you two together,"

"Yeah, I would appreciate that," Yifan answered.

Zitao looked at Yifan and his heart gave this painful beat again.

"I'm sorry Zitao," Yifan said, looking at him, "We can't be seen, so is it ok if we go to his apartment and talk? If you want to talk,"

Zitao nodded. 
The questions he had for the older was unlimited, and apologies were just as many.

"What are you doing here?" he asked, voice raspy, "Why are you here, in Qingdao?"

Yifan smiled, "I'm going to record a CF here tomorrow, so I just went a day ahead to visit my friends,"

"I never thought I was going to see you again," Zitao said bluntly.

Yifan looked at him, "Well, at least not in this way, right?"

Zitao allowed himself to smile. He had always loved to be around Yifan, and even now when he was so uncertain of everything, one side of him felt relaxed to finally be around the older once again.

It only took them ten minutes to get to the apartment, and they followed Yifan's friend up so he could unlock the door, letting them inside.

"I'll leave you alone, me and Changbo will go to his place," he smiled, "Just text me if you want something,"

"Ok, thank you," Yifan answered, closing the door behind him.

Silence fell over them as they looked at each other.

"How have you been?" Yifan asked first.

Zitao looked down, taking of his shoes, "It's been hard, you know,"

"I'm sorry," Yifan mumbled as he took of his shoes as well.

They walked into the small living room and sat down on the navy blue couch.

Zitao's eyes scanned the other man, head to toe, "I hated you," he admitted.

"I know,"

"I truly hated you," he repeated, meeting Yifan's eyes. "You never said anything! But apparently you told everything to Kyungsoo? Why didn't you tell me? I thought that we, you know, were close,"

Yifan sighed, "I couldn't tell you."

"Why not?! I've opened myself up raw in front of you, but you couldn't even say that you wanted to leave?"

"Even if I told you, you would had reacted the same way. And I was afraid you would consider leaving as well," Yifan said, "I know you love being in EXO, so I didn't want to be the bad force dragging you out of it. You need a team behind you to be strong. I don't."

Zitao groaned, "Even so, you still could have told me. Even if you couldn't tell me you were going to leave, you could have said you felt sad and tired! I noticed it anyway, you know, because you slowly changed for the worse. The Yifan I met when I first came to Korea wasn't the same Yifan after the Growl promotions had finished. You had many chances to tell me, we were alone a lot of times, but instead you chosed to tell everything to Kyungsoo?"

"Kyungsoo came to me and asked for how I felt directly, I just answered him. Kyungsoo had been thinking of leaving as well, you know with the depression and all, so we kind of bonded through it,"

Zitao felt tears build up again, he already knew about Kyungsoo's depression, "So you were depressed as well?" he asked.

Yifan nodded, "I guess everything just became too much for me to handle,"

"Why didn't you tell me?!" Fresh tears left Zitao's eyes.

Yifan leaned in closer, "Zitao, please,"

"No!" Zitao cried, "I will never understand why you didn't tell me! I was supposed to be your best friend! Your... someone you loved," 

Zitao paused as Yifan's gaze sunk to the floor, not saying anything. He looked so vulnerable, yet so much healthier and happier than he'd ever seen him before. Zitao understood that leaving EXO had been the best decision he ever could've made for himself. He was proud of Yifan, even through the hurt and betrayal.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

Yifan looked up, "Why are you sorry?"

"When you left, I was so angry and I cursed at you everywhere, to everyone," tears continuing spilling over, rolling down his cheeks, "I just felt so betrayed, like you didn't care about me at all."

Yifan reached over to wipe away the youngers tears, "You had all the rights in the world to react the way you did. I don't blame you, really."

"I made other people hate you," Zitao sniffed.

Yifan shrugged, "I don't care,"

"You just meant a lot to me," Zitao continued, "And knowing you choosed Kyungsoo over me..."

"I didn't really choose him over you though, we didn't have what you and me had, ok?"

"Fans thought you guys were dating," Zitao muttered.

Yifan laughed, "Nah, he's not my type."

Zitao wouldn't lie, he had thought Yifan and Kyungsoo had been dating for sure, so hearing the truth made his heart light up a bit. Why, he didn't know, because it didn't really matter anymore, but he smiled anyway.

As the conversation died out, they were quiet for a minute before Yifan spoke up first;

"Are you with Sehun now?"

Zitao frowned, "How did you..?"

Yifan shrugged, "It was bond to happen I guess. I noticed Sehun looking at you maybe a little bit too much. Also while you and me stopped hanging out everyday, you were drawn to Sehun."

Zitao felt a cold wave hit him, he felt guilty.

Yifan noticed, "Don't worry, I'm not angry. It's not like I had marked you as mine or something,"

Zitao looked down, nodding. "But we still had something."

Yifan smiled, "I know and I don't regret it,"

"Me neither," Zitao said, smiling back at the other.

"Have you and Sehun told the members?"

"Yeah,"

"How did they take it?"

"It went ok,"

Yifan paused, looking down at his hands again, "How far have you gone?"

Zitao's eyes sank to the ground as well. Even though he and Yifan had been having something going on for years, they had never been more intimate than a few s. Their relationship had mostly been baised upon kisses and embraces. They had been closer, more intimate, only when Yifan had been out drinking. Zitao would never forget those nights, because Yifan had been all he ever wanted. Slowly taking off their clothes, caressing their sensitive bodies, leaving wet kisses while slowly grinding against each other... It had been breathtaking. But they had never gone further, because Yifan had always pulled away. Always.

Zitao swallowed, "We have gone all the way," he admitted quietly.

Yifan exhaled, turning to look at the younger, "I hope he will take good care of you,"

Zitao nodded, "He does."

Yifan gave him a reassuring smile, "It's been hard right? With both me and Luhan leaving?"

Zitao nodded, "It's been hell."

He started to explain what's been going on - all the arguments, the malicious comments from netizens and fans. How hard it had been for them to keep together, to stay strong, but in the end how they had succeeded. Yifan had been happy that they had been able to carry on - wanting them to disband had never been something he wanted. Zitao also told him how Kyungsoo had defended him, how the boy had screamed loudly at everyone.

"Are you in contact with Kyungsoo now?" Zitao stopped to ask.

Yifan shook his head, "We decided to get in contact again after things had calmed down, no matter how long time it would take."

"But it's already been a year,"

"I know, but a promise is a promise. Things are still tough right? I think it's hard for Kyungsoo to keep contact with me without the company finding out,"

"But Minseok is keeping contact with Luhan,"

Yifan smiled, "Yeah, I know. They're professionals I guess. I'm happy for them,"

Zitao smiled back, "You met Luhan recently, right? I saw it on the news,"

Yifan answered, telling him about how Luhan was doing, how they had kept contact regulary. Zitao also asked if Yifan knew about Luhan and Minseok's relationship. Yifan told him that they were still considered dating, and that Luhan had told him all about the relationship with Minseok last time they'd met.

"Does Luhan know about you and me?" Zitao asked.

"I haven't told anyone, Zitao," Yifan answered as he stood up, "Do you want water?

Zitao sighed, he had never figured out why Yifan so desperatly wanted to hide the truth. 
Truth about himself, his feelings, the truth about him and Zitao... 

"You didn't even tell Kyungsoo?"

Yifan ignored the question, "Did you want water or not?"

Zitao stood up as well, following the older into the kitchen, "Why are you so sensitive when it comes to this? You always wanted to hide everything,"

The older turned around, pouring water in a blue cup, "Don't think too much,"

Zitao rolled his eyes, "I think you're the one that needs to stop thinking too much," he walked up closer, "Does Kyungsoo know?"

Yifan glared at him, "Have you told anyone?"

"No! I haven't!" Zitao groaned, "But what I asked now was if you had told Kyungsoo?,"

Yifan gulped down the water, placing the empty cup down, "I didn't tell him, he already knew," he finally answered, "That's also partly why he got so upset with you,"

Zitao gaped, "What? How did he know?"

"I don't really know, he just told me one day that he knew about us and that he respected my wish of keeping it a secret," he said, "I guess he saw us making out or something, I don't know,"

Zitao hid his face in his hands, he felt embarrassed.

Yifan noticed, "Hey, it's ok. He would never tell anyone,"

"I know," he said, voice muffled through his hands, "But why did you want to keep us a secret?"

Yifan looked at him with sad eyes, "Not now, Zitao,"

"Then when?" he pushed, "Is it because you're embarrassed? Because you're not supposed to do what we did?"

"It has nothing to do with that," Yifan cut in, "You know I have no problem with-,"

"Then why?"

Yifan drew his hand through his hair, "I don't know, it was just easier that way,"

Zitao glared at him, he wanted answers, because after this they might not ever meet again, "Why did you always stop?"

Yifan looked confused, "Stop what?"

"Whenever we got too intimate, you always stopped."

"You were young, Zitao. I couldn't take advantage of you,"

"I was old enough to do what I wanted, I was more than ready for anything when it came to you,"

"That's exactly the reason," Yifan sighed.

"What?"

Yifan took a deep breath, watching the younger, "You would do anything I said to you," he stated, "And I didn't want to take advantage of that,"

Zitao rolled his eyes, "I don't think it's called taking advantage when both parties are having the same feelings for each other," his eyes met Yifan's, and a sudden feeling of doubt hit him, "Or didn't you..?"

Yifan went to him, taking his hand, "Of course I did,"

Zitao squeezed the others' hand, stepping even more closer. Zitao closed his eyes and Yifan smelled like summer - just like before, without all the layers of makeup and expensive perfume. This was the same Yifan he'd met when he first came to Korea, just more strong, more grown-up.

He opened up his eyes, hand releasing Yifan's as he trailed them both up the olders' chest, up to his sharp jawline, slowly caressing his soft cheeks.

"Zitao..." Yifan whispered.

Yifan's eyes searched for contact, and when Zitao finally met his gaze, the younger leaned in closer and kissed him.

Zitao felt a warm tear land on his cheek, Yifan was crying. Zitao's heart hurt as he tried to take Yifan's pain away by kissing him harder, more passionately. He vaguely heard Yifan's sobs, repeatedly whispering sorry, through the warm kisses.


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A/N: What do you think? I'm sorry if I'm making you mad ;)
Love you all for reading! ♥ Part 3 will come soon~