you said you supported me. i know, i know, it's stupid to think i could cope while doing such a big thing myself along with the big stuff that we were planned to do. nevertheless, i think it was even more stupid of me to have thought that you really trusted in me and gave me all the love and support i needed. 

i don't know why it ended this way. it was never meant to end this way. we were never meant to end this way. yet still, what brought us here?

was it the foolishness i held within myself that you could be genuine and accepting towards me although i might not be doing something you would agree on? was it the foolishness you held, such that you felt that you could just tear the relationship, destroy all that we've had for the past half of our lives? 

i try to understand why you did those, but I never succeed. after all, it was me on the opposing end. maybe i never tried to think about how my decision could disrupt not only mine but all nine of our lives. so i am the bad person now?

the more i think about it, the more I think it was my fault. but being defensive, the more aggravated i get to remember what you have done to me. i am at a loss.

tell me, what's exactly wrong. everything's wrong, i know, but what exactly about us? it's confusing, complicated, yes, but i just want everything to return to normal. 

i'm sorry, i miss you.

from the bottom of my heart, 
sica

p. s. if you can't forgive me, i think i