*

What happened to us?

We’re entangled in this mess called bromance no matter how ill it looked for others. Some said Kai better with another guy, and some other believed my destined person is elsewhere in this room. But that didn’t less the fragrance of sweet romance in the air, didn’t reduce the sickness of haughty craving to make each other happy. I love Kai, nothing else mattered. I just wanted my love drew an eternal smile to his face, brighten his gloomy face and turn him crazy over me, just like I do to him.

“This is insane.” Said Suho to me after the game, “I swore after today people will start questioning your ual orientation. Call me jealous or whatever but don’t you think your interaction with Kai drove everyone else mad?!? What the hell happened in between you and him, creating a strange bubble of pink space filled with giddy laugh and playful smile? Are you guys dating?!”

Truthfully I don’t know it either so I don’t know what to say. I only left the complaining leader and wandered around in daze until my presence arrived in front of lone Kai. As usual, the boy sat brooding in the corner while doing only-God-know with his phone. I stood for a while, watching him with clueless blinks as he also looked up and stared at me in wait.

“What?” Only a minute later he finally asked.

I shook my head; felt the red fumed my face in shame. I turned and took my leave but his hand reached mine and my limbs frowned, made it easy for him to drag me back until I was childishly placed on his lap. It’s a dizzy time, cause I’m not sober enough from this alluring high to get up and scold him for manipulating my body and mind, and I can’t remember how we ended kissing in the dark corner during break. Maybe he took initiative, maybe I begged for it. All I could see, all I could hear, all I could feel is only Kai.

“I love you.” I told him when the kiss finally ended with heavy sigh. Turns out, such a simple confession rewarded by a helpless groan and another attack of deep kiss.

*

*

*

“Hey…”

It’s like living up a dream, every time Luhan scooted close to me, invading my personal space and filled the gap of air by his warmth. It stirred a little monster in the deepest cage of my soul, awakening its sleepy eyes in aware of his presence. If only saying love won’t sound so cheesy, if only people understand when I mouthed the monster name to him I meant no bull, if only life was so fluffy and beautiful, I’ll confess my feeling in every touch and every kiss, no matter how tired he heard it. because I know the rabid angel in his heart also had the same name, also drove him insane by ordering his body to lean to mine, pressed our heat to heat and made us shivered in blissful promise of alone time we’ll have when the earth slept and the night was too drowsy to watch.

I said nothing except by leaned back to his shoulder, standing tall to support his body and to silently giving sign that I know it’s him and I’m happy he’s near. I wondered what people saw from this but I guess nobody cares for such simple form of affection we share on stage. It’s too plain, too boring to be called as moment, since there are others which contained more scandals, more excitement. But who cares with the world when I have Luhan next to me, in front of me, behind me, all around my life.

“I’m tired.” Luhan whispered, his jaw propped on my left shoulder. “Wonder when we can go back sitting.”

I found myself chuckling lightly in answer, “want a lift?” I offered, and even without looking at him, I know his pink lips pouted slightly and his face scrunched because of ‘too much feels’ from my tease. “I’m not confidence could lift you up, hyung, but I’ll do anything for my beloved.” Now I took a playful glance at his glaring orbs, I could imagine what exactly will happen tonight, when the light went dark.

*

*

Heaven is when I can see Luhan drenched in happiness. Pun intended. Sometimes the joy came from simple gaze we shared, the entwining hands we made as we passed by each other, the kiss we often masked as whisper, or sneaky harassment we did in alone time. Wait, if I recalled it again, all those mentioned examples seemed weak and cheesy despite what we’ve had been through these past years. Some fans might predict we’re strangers tried to befriend in a painfully awkward way, some other believed we’re like brothers since we trained together before EXO time. Well, to answer it was easy. We weren’t friend or brother, or tried to be one.

We were destined to fall in love and tormented with unrequited.

If someone else said this to me, I might laugh at them and said to stop their delusion and move on with their life. But this is my own experience which I couldn’t believe and kept denying at first time, then just gave up and surrender to my feeling in the end. I love Luhan, I love Luhan, I love Luhan, and I won’t stop saying it even if you curse me to die from bleeding throat.

“You know, Kai.” My self-wonder interrupted when I saw Luhan stood at the end of bed, titling his sweaty head in thoughtfulness, while his body covered in bareness, except if the stain of white around his stomach and inner thighs clothed him enough. “What do you think when you’re with me?” He asked, as his hand began cleaning my mark from his overflowed rear, “You know I love you, I said it aloud too often while you do more gestures and teases than confess. I loved every boldness you show, though, it kinda a huge turn on to me. I just want to confirm we’re in the same boat, like, you won’t be here because you’re curious of .” Luhan shrugged a wary smile to me, “or if humiliating me is your thing.”

“You don’t believe I love you?” I asked and he blushed over the straightforwardness. Served him right for doubting me! But he did no wrong, because love created insecurities, when everything went smooth and the happy end became boring. That’s why I sat up from my position in the middle of queen bed, then rolled over on my knees to present him a submitting position, “then me.” my husky offer rewarded by choking sound he made but I’m not punishing him enough for hesitating. He need to feel my love surrounded him and wrapped him to the heaven.

 “Stop it.” He whispered weakly, “I’m not asking to top you.”

I took a glance at him, “I know. I just want to show you the extension of my love.” If Luhan thought ‘everything’ only as blurt of bull, then he was wrong. My everything may not to the stupid extend as Romeo and Juliet or as mournful as sinking Titanic. “I’ll do anything for you.” I turned and lied on bed. My eyes burned into him, making sure he focused on me and he heard my words so I won’t have to tell him over and again, “as long as you deserved it.”

Luhan frowned, he looked upset but I hoped in a good way. I supposed he was happy and wary in the same time, cause he kneeled on the bed and pressed his body to mine slowly, carefully, until our limbs locked in a perfect match. Long time we spent snuggling, with only low groan and moans expressed our satiation, before he scooted his head from resting on my chest to see me in the eye level.

“Then confess.” He said, “I want to hear your voice until sleep drifted me away.”

*

*

“You’re so annoying!”

I pouted, didn’t care if I lost the masculine image I tried to build during my years within EXO, or if people believed I’m already too cute to begin with. I’m 25, so I don’t need my friends treated me like a baby, scolding me for drinking and said I’m way too young to have lover.

“What, hyung? It’s just a joke!”

Now after two years living together with Kim Jongin a.k.a Kai, EXO God, I learned that the gloomy and cool boy I used to fancy a lot in training time found it amusing to tease me. And to make it stung even more, Kai only think of me as an object of satisfaction, while I felt everything of it to the deepest part of my bones. The flash of gentle yet alluring smirk, the burning gaze, the s pinch, the -slap, stomach graze, and the wrists grasp were easy ‘joke’ Kai did on stage. Only God knows what will happen if the fans found out adult edition of ‘joke’ Kai made in bed.

“It’s not funny.” I snapped, but my voice was too whiny to be counted as fury, so Kai approached me and cupped my face while sighing heavily. Oh how it flutters the hair on my skin, made my face heated because suddenly this anger melted and exchanged into lust. “You can’t do it again. Promise me you won’t treat me like that again.”

“Like a what?” Kai whispered, so low and husky, I’m so itched to wrap my hands around Kai waist and ground my lower body to his. “Like a woman, no, you’re mistaken. Like a Princess, yes, because you’re that precious as human being and as mine.”

DAMN!

It’s so unfair to attack me like that cause he knew I’m weak with his sweet praises just like I’m weak with his presence in my life. So I said no more, counter-attacked him with a tight hug and forcefully stuffed my face to his neck while listening to the rush of our heartbeat. It calmed me down, when Kai hugged me and soothed the tensed muscle on my back. Soon a content smile tore my face cause no matter how I hated everyone tried to cope up with my childishness, this heart swelled in happiness if it’s Kai who was the one who comfort me.

*

hehehe, a bit ty here, how was it??