Betrayers. Bastards.

I closed my eyes.

Slaves. Cowards.

The never ending voice rang through my head, even though I was alone.

Everyone that we ever trusted, that we ever put our faith in… the public that had been so receptive to us this whole time, our own fans, even our own bandmates…

No one wanted anything to do with us except to put us down.

We had curses thrown at us every day.

We were nothing but the public scapegoats. Feel free to throw rocks.

And I was slipping, further and further, and I was too scared to leave the dorm.

I didn't have the guts to face anyone. Not friends, not family.

And so I kept my door locked, the curtains drawn, and I wasted away in my room, and I hoped that I would waste away into nothingness soon.

In the end, it was Yunho.

He was always the braver of the two of us, always my hero.

I had always admired his passion for his work and his loyalty to his loved ones.

To see both of those things fade away from his very own eyes was devastating for him too.

And even though he had always tried his very best to be the strong leader for the rest of us, this hit him hard. The smile that rarely left his lips was gone. His pride in his work, in TVXQ – that was gone too.

We were icons of betrayal and bystanders after all.

We spent hours and days and weeks alone together in the dorm, too scared to leave, too scared to let anyone in.

Punishing ourselves for crimes that we didn't commit.

But it was Yunho who came into my dark room, wordlessly held my hand, sat me up, and embraced me in a hug.

And that was when I finally cried, cried so hard that I couldn't feel my fingers anymore.

Yunho didn't cry – just held me in his arms and let him cry into my shoulder for hours and hours and hours.

He was strong, always had been. I wanted to tell him it was okay to cry, but I wasn't brave enough to be able to support him when it did. So I didn't say anything.

I could see Yunho breaking, in the weeks that followed too.

He was a tower that was crumbling from the inside out, with no one to support him because no one saw how broken he was on the inside.

I was the only one who could see it, and I was the only one who could be there.

So it had to be me. I had to steel my own self so that I could stop Yunho from breaking.

I held his hand, and he held mine, and I realized, either we both break or we both grow wings.

I hoped it would be the latter.

Bravery.

It's an easy word to say, but I had rarely seen it.

I hadn't had to be brave all my life. Everyone knew. Shim Changmin, the one that never goes against the grain. The compliant, obedient, submissive boy that has never had to work up an ounce of courage before.

I never would have thought 'bravery' would be getting out of bed. That it would be stepping outside our apartment for the first time in months. That it would be stepping into the public once again, knowing that there would be comments and questions and finger-pointing.

Protecting the name of TVXQ amidst hatred, criticism, and lies was the first real act of bravery in my life.

When I decided to be brave, I realized that I wasn't alone after all.

There were fans who were on our side after all, and they were growing in number every day.

Once I finally picked up my phone that I'd ignored for so long, I realized that most of them were from supportive friends, telling me that they were on my side.

When Yunho and I walked into our office for the first time in weeks, the company had been supportive, telling us that they would do everything in their power to support us in our decisions and our endeavors.

And Yunho.

Always Yunho.

Seeing Yunho's pride in his work and in TVXQ return was the most rewarding part of it all.

I was doing this for myself… but it was for the fans, and most of all, for Yunho.

I was so scared that I was on the verge of tears before starting our first stage as TVXQ once again.

I just hoped that we wouldn't have rotten eggs thrown at us.

It was such a small wish, but stepping onto the stage knowing just that had been the second act of bravery in my life.

What I didn't expect was for the whole concert hall to turn pearl red before my very own eyes.

And I was on the verge of tears once again, this time because I was truly touched.

I looked at Yunho and Yunho looked at me in the exact same moment – and that was when we both knew.

TVXQ belonged to the two of us.