The fact that Jess stops talking about him has literally told me that this love conversation is over. But Jess’ words keep ringing in my ears. The things she said about making sure of my feeling for him. For once, in my whole life, I’ve been taking consideration of thinking about it. I keep on watching him from afar, smile secretly to myself when I see him laughing, or even only hearing his warm laughter has made me smile and blush like an idiot in love. The one thing that keeps me getting close to him is the fact that I’m afraid of him. I’m afraid when I get close to him, the world just turns its back to me and everything is just not falling to the pieces I thought was the right ones. I’m afraid if when he and I finally get close, the reality will just betray me, leaving me hanging in desperation of not being able to be with him. These thoughts alone are enough to make me shiver in fear of my own imagination.

Days have passed and day by day, I become even surer that what I feel for him is something more than admiration, something more than just liking how he looks like, it’s sickening but I think the one feeling I have for him is like, I like him simply because he is he. I’m waiting for the day when Jess will finally asks me about my feeling, but the time never comes. Jess seems like she doesn’t even care anymore about it. I think I might just burst if I keep it to myself, so hoorah! I finally gather up all my courage and pull Jess into this like (I won’t even admit it’s love, okay?) theory. We are sitting on one of the many stairs in the campus ground; Jess doesn’t look like she’s going to start talking any sooner. So I inhale deeply, thinking of how we can start this conversation without feeling awkward.

“So… I have a.. some kind of confession to make actually.”

“Oh God, finally you are talking. Wait another minute and I would have slapped you right on your idiotic face.”

“Sorry, okay? I just don’t have any ing idea on how to start is bloody embarrassing topic.”

“I really want to ram a bullet in your brainless head. Even after all of this you still think it’s embarrassing and I will seriously shoot you, if I had a gun, if you say that love is crap.”

“I’m not gonna admit that love is not crap. But well, yeah I think it’s positive.”

“What? What positive? The only thing I know about it is when you are out of USG checks and then you say positive, which means you are pregnant and negative when you are not. What are you? A pregnant woman?”

“God! It’s frustrating to talk to you! I mean it’s positive that I like him, okay?”

“Oh.. oh.. it’s about that. Okay. Positive. You like him. Is it A or B?”

“”What the are you saying?”

“I mean, is it his look? His temperament? His face? His body?”

“No. I like him because he is… he.”

“I don’t understand a single thing.”

“I like him because he is who he is, okay?”

“…..”

“Jess?”

“…..”

“Jess? Mind to join me back to earth?”

“…..”

“JESS!!!!!!!!”

“Shut up! I’m thinking.”

“Okay.”

The last five minutes have literally killed me. If not because of the fact that she’s my best friend and I love her, I would have punched her right on her smiling-annoyingly face.

“Oh-em-gee!!! I never thought that finally something miraculously crack the nut in your brain!!!”

“Crack? Nut? Nut in my brain? What the heck??!”

“Oh, c’mon..I think you are not that stupid. You need to get out of that nutshell. You need to face the world now. Love is real I tell you.”

“I NEVER say its love!!! I just said it’s positive that I like him! You are impossible!”

“Oh okay. You will soon admit it anyway. So, tell me about it.”

And here is the moment I break down in front of her. When I say I break down, I mean I’m practically tell her everything I feel. Starting from the rapid heart beats when he’s around to the fear of my own imagination. She sighs and pats my head.

“You know, that’s called process. Just go along with it. Play along. I’m here to support you, ara?”

I amazingly nod in response. This is the time when I feel glad to have Jess as my friend. She likes, no, loves to mock me. But she is the only one who understands me. I close my eyes for a while, breathe in the air of my new college, open my eyes, ready to face my new roller coaster journey of liking (I still don’t want to admit it’s love, okay? I don’t know yet...) someone.

Hehehe~ 

DOUBLE updates guys ~ 

This chapter is longer than chapter 2, to make up for the shortness of chapter 2 ~~~

I wish I have more responses with this double updates ~ <3

I really need to go now ! Bye-yeom~

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