Generally speaking, Suho wasn’t the type to try to get someone drunk.  It just didn’t seem a very nice thing to do.  However, the conversation between Lay and Luhan had been eating at him for weeks.

One, he didn’t like that Luhan knew something he didn’t know, and two, he didn’t like that whatever that something was, it was apparently bad enough for Lay to want to hide it, which was unsettling because the things Lay usually wanted to hide, twisted ankles for example, were things that Suho generally felt he should know about.

Suho did consider just asking again, but given that Lay had gone as far as covering his ears at the table like he was a child, Suho quickly decided that approach would produce no answer.  Therefore that left only one other option, recreate the scenario and see what happened, which meant getting Lay drunk, on purpose, which as mentioned previously, Suho didn’t think was very nice, but in this case was seemingly necessary.

No, entirely necessary he corrected as he casually invited Lay out for drinks on a Friday night in late February, figuring that, at the very least, he could make sure the hangover didn’t arise on a school day.

“You want to go out?”  Lay asked back, surprised.

Suho nodded.

“But I thought you said you had midterms to study for?”

“I can always study later.  The books aren’t going anywhere.”  Suho answered with a shrug.

Lay laughed.  “Yeah, but the time is.”

“True, but I’ll have all weekend to catch-up if I want.  So what do you say?  Want to grab a few drinks downtown or not?”

“Of course I want to go.  I’d go anywhere with you.”  Lay said with a smile.

Suho sighed with a shake of his head.

“What?”  Lay asked.

“I don’t know what’s worse, the fact that you said it or the fact that you genuinely see nothing wrong with saying it.”  Suho responded.

“Would you rather I didn’t like spending time with you?”  Lay asked with a laugh.

Suho shook his head, laughing back.  “No, that’d be a bigger problem.  Now, where do you want to go tonight?”

“Hey, you were the one who asked me out, why do I have to help with planning?”  Lay protested.

“Because you’ll have an opinion.”  Suho answered simply.

Lay let out another laugh.  “That’s true.”

A few minutes after that, a bar was chosen, a time was set, and Suho was leaving lunch, carefully going over the plan in his head again in an attempt to make sure there were no loose ends because he needed this to go flawlessly on the first try.  He’d probably feel too guilty to ever try it again.

---

The spot they had eventually chosen to go to was a quiet place, more to Suho’s taste than to Lay’s, which did little to lessen Suho’s feelings of guilt as he carefully sipped on his third non-alcoholic beer of the evening, while Lay worked on his fourth of the more alcoholic variety.

Of course, Lay didn’t realize Suho was drinking beer without any of the usual benefits.  He’d heard Suho order the same thing as him multiple times before he pulled ahead on the drink count, but Suho had instructed the bartender with whispered words and hand gestures to serve him the same non-alcoholic crap no matter what he said.

The bartender had raised an eyebrow at that, but so far, at least as far as Suho could tell, he was doing as instructed.  Suho felt not even the slightest bit buzzed, and aside from wondering why anyone would drink something that tasted like beer without the added benefit of getting tipsy, was feeling perfectly fine, if a little impatient.  Even after four beers, Lay wasn’t showing any sign of being nearly drunk enough to do whatever it was he supposedly did on that bus, and so, as Suho finished off his third glass of not so tasty yellow water, he settled on a new course of action.

“Want to do a shot?”  He asked as he set his glass back down on the table.

Lay laughed a bit in surprise.  “Not getting drunk fast enough?”  He asked.

Suho shrugged.  “It’s cheaper than us ordering another four beers.”

Lay laughed again.  “It’d take that many?”

It’d take to infinity, Suho thought to himself as he tilted his glass towards him, but to Lay all he offered was another shrug, “If you don’t want to—“

Lay instantly shook his head.  “I’m not saying I don’t want to.  Just let me finish this off first.”  He said, tilting his head back and polishing off his fourth glass of beer in one long take, an action which Suho resisted the urge to cheer for.

“Now,” Lay continued as he set his glass down on the table as well, “What kind of shots did you have in mind?”

Suho let a small, playful smirk grace his lips.  “Tequila.”

Lay tilted his head, expression critical. “Is there anything we need to take about?”  He asked.

Suho laughed as he got up from the table to head towards the bar.  “Whatever do you mean?” He asked.

“I mean,” Lay responded as he caught up alongside Suho, “that you only do tequila shots when you want to forget everything.  Those things will mess you up.”

No, Suho wanted to correct, they mess up some people, but not, surprisingly, him.  It was one of life’s little mysteries really, but unlike the majority of people, Suho had found that he actually did quite well with tequila.  Unlike others who had stories of crazy, drunken dances on tabletops or impromptu strip shows, Suho just got a nice little pleasant buzz that was completely manageable.

However, now was not the time to inform Lay of that particular oddity when it came to his ability to handle alcohol.  Instead, Suho needed Lay to think that Suho was about to get just as messed up as Lay was, but, that didn’t mean he also had to continue to let Lay think anything was seriously wrong because wanting to know what your boyfriend did with poles on buses wasn’t something that was seriously wrong, or at least Suho hoped it wasn’t.

Suho shook his head as they reached the bar.  “I just don’t want us spending a fortune to get where we could get in two seconds,” he responded before turning to the bartender and ordering four shots, complete with the salt and limes if you please.

Lay shook his head with a wide smile as he heard Suho’s explanation.

“What?” Suho asked as he turned away from the bartender, who was quickly going about getting the small glasses and the plate of limes assembled on counter, and saw Lay’s expression.

Lay smiled wider.  “You’re penny-pinching while trying to get drunk.”

“Is that a problem?”  Suho asked.

Lay shook his head again as he reached out to pull two of the shot glasses that had been placed on the counter towards him.  “Nope, just hilarious.”  He clarified.

“How so?”  Suho asked as he plucked a lime from the plate, ran it along the edge of his palm, and then proceeded to dip that in the small pile of salt the bartender had also left them.

“Because only you would think to do it that way.”  Lay countered as he followed suit.

“Have you never heard of pre-gaming?” Suho asked, surprised.

Lay laughed again.  “I have.  Let me guess. You’re an advocate for that too.”

“It’s way more affordable.”  Suho responded, “And just think, the more money I save now, the more I can spend on you later.”

Lay smiled wide as he reached out a glass.  “You’re starting to sound like me.  Are you sure you’re not drunk already?”

“I’m sure.” Suho responded as he tapped his glass to Lay’s own, not that he necessarily thought that was entirely preferable.  It would seem Lay’s cheesy lines were rubbing off on him more than he’d like to admit.

“Well, let’s fix that then.” Lay responded before they both pulled back and downed the shots in one swift flick of their wrists, followed by a lime, more salt, and another shot, in quick succession before they were walking away from the counter and back to their table in the corner with Lay’s fifth beer, and Suho’s fourth not really a beer, in their hands.

The tequila hit somewhere in the middle of those respective glasses.

For Suho, it was just the lightest of fuzzy feelings, but for Lay, well, he was clearly now just drunk, if the way he was starting to randomly sing along to different songs on the radio and repeat things was any indication, which meant it was time for Suho to implement phase two of his plan.

He left Lay, who was serenading him with “Can You Feel the Love Tonight?” to go close their tab at the bar before returning to their table and holding out his hand.  “Ready to go?”  He asked.

“Do I get to go with you?” Lay asked, head lolling to the side.

“Who else would you go with?” Suho asked with a laugh as he extended his arm further to clasp Lay’s palm and help pull him up from the booth.

"I dunno.  Someone way less hot than you."  Lay responded as he let himself be pulled up, body bumping into Suho's own as he steadied himself on his feet.

Suho laughed and shook his head.  "You have several friends who don’t fit that description."  He responded as he released Lay's hand to slip his arm around his waist and guide him out of the bar and onto the street.

Lay snorted in response.  "Who?  Luhan?  Trust me you’re way hotter."

Suho let out a derisive laugh right back.  "I think your judgment is skewed."  He commented as they made their way down the street, finally coming to a stop underneath the overhang that marked where the bus would pick them up.

Lay laughed right back as he leaned into Suho's side, head lowering down so that his nose grazed along the side of Suho’s neck as he whispered, "Perhaps, but that's a good thing."  

By the time he was done talking, Lay’s lips were dangerously close to Suho's neck, sending a small shiver up his spine that had Suho instantly reaching up to push Lay's head back a few inches.  "Yeah, but that doesn't mean it's accurate."  He responded.  

Lay let out an indignant huff.  "It's accurate for me."  He responded, pulling away even further to cross his arms in annoyance.  

Suho shook his head and reached out to pull him back to his side, hoping to pacify him as he said, "Alright, alright.  I'm the hottest person who's ever gone home with you.  Satisfied?"  He asked, turning to look at Lay with a raised eyebrow.

Lay nodded happily, drunken annoyance already forgotten as a wide smile splayed across his face.  "And don't you forget it."  He responded, leaning in to kiss the side of Suho's cheek before settling his head on his shoulder as he moved in closer again, body pressing up against Suho's side.

A light blush that he couldn't see, but that Suho suspected Lay could definitely feel, tinged his cheeks as they continued to wait in silence for the bus to come, Lay seemingly content while Suho started to wonder if he had indeed gotten Lay far enough along for this experiment to work because so far, he didn't seem drunk enough to do anything too stupid.  

He was.

Suho discovered this a couple moments after they climbed onto the bus after watching a huge group of students who were just starting in on their night on the town clamber off.  He and Lay walked down the aisle of the bus, sides still pressed against each other until Lay was suddenly pushing against Suho to guide him into a seat that was right next to the only pole that offered a promise of stability to those unfortunate enough to get stuck in the middle of the bus during more crowded times.

Of course, late at night on a Friday was not one of those times, and the yellow pole was just there by itself, until Lay decided to keep it company.

For Suho, it was kind of like watching a car crash in slow motion.  One second he and Lay were sitting side by side in their seats, and then, the music on the radio changed to “Sweet Dreams”, and Lay was murmuring that he liked this song, and then he was standing up and grabbing the pole in the center of the bus, beginning to move around it in a way that froze Suho in place for several seconds before he could react because he no longer had to wonder what Lay did with poles while drunk.  He danced with them, rather provocatively, which wouldn't have been a problem, except for the fact that they were on a PUBLIC bus, with other people who could see it.  Like all of it.  

Recovering from his shock, Suho rose from his seat to pull Lay back down away from his new love.  Surprised by the action, Lay stumbled backwards towards the seat and landed on Suho's lap, who was quick to adjust to make sure Lay wouldn't be getting back up without permission.  

"What was that for?" Lay asked, turning to Suho in confusion.  

"You can't dance like that in public."  Suho responded almost instantly.

"And why not?"  Lay asked petulantly.  

"Because it's--" Suho changed his mind mid-sentence.  Arguing about the impropriety of Lay's dancing's would get him nowhere, better to focus on something else.  "Why does that matter?  Haven't you always wanted to sit on my lap?  So just sit here and stay still."

Lay crossed his arms and looked at Suho's face.  "What am I, a dog?" Lay complained as Suho's arms remained around his waist.

“Yes, you're a dog.  So sit, stay, and be a good boy, understood?”

Lay nodded dutifully but only stayed still for about ten seconds. Then he was leaning forward to around the shell of Suho’s ear.

“What are you doing?” Suho asked as another shiver ran up his spine while he tried to lean away from Lay’s mouth.  

“Being a good boy,” Lay responded.  “Don't most dogs the ones they like?”  

“Yeah, but they don't bite.”  Suho countered as Lay followed after him, lightly catching a spot just behind his ear in his teeth.

“But you don't mind when I bite a little do you?”  Lay whispered directly into his ear.  

Suho decided it was in his best interest not to answer that. Instead he focused on trying to figure out how to get Lay to stop because having him bite and his ear in public was not a good idea.  It was not.

“Fine you're not a dog.”  Suho finally said as he felt Lay starting to move against his neck again.

“What am I then?”  Lay asked with a tilt of his head as he pulled away.

“A cat. No wait not a cat.”  Suho instantly replied and retracted in the same breath

Lay laughed.  “You got that one right. A cat would definitely be worse.  They can do whatever they want.  So?”  He raised an eyebrow expectantly.

Suho ignored Lay as his mind began to race through options.  A fish? No Lay would come up with something relating to needing to be wet, which could only end badly.  A mouse? No that'd probably lead to more biting.  Maybe a snake?  No that’d probably lead to again… 

Suho shook his head in frustration. What the hell?  Why wasn't there a single animal on the planet that he couldn't figure out how Lay wouldn't make erted.  There had to be something innocent and pure that—

“If you can't come up with something I'm going to stick with dog,” Lay chimed in, interrupting Suho’s thought process.

“Give me a minute.”  Suho replied instantly, trying to keep hold of his new train of thought.  Innocent and pure.  Pure and innocent.

“One,” Lay responded.  

Suho nodded in acknowledgement as Lay began to literally count down the seconds, intent on coming up with something because surely, there was something innocent and pure that even Lay couldn't corrupt. Something like—

"I’ve got it!" Suho exclaimed as Lay reached 45.

“Yes?” He asked expectantly.

Suho smiled as he looked Lay straight in the eye and said, “You're a unicorn.”  

“A what?” Lay asked, clearly caught off-guard by that response.

“A unicorn.”  Suho repeated.  “You know, white horse, magical horn, symbol of purity and all that .”

“And imaginary.”  Lay countered.  “Are you implying that I don't exist?”

“No. Unicorns do exist.”  Suho responded.

“In what world?”  Lay asked, tone marred with skepticism.

“In this one because currently you are one, so they exist.”  Suho answered.

Lay rolled his eyes.  “By that logic, I could say that you're merman and they'd exist too.”  

Suho nodded, not sure why he was being turned into a fish but figuring that it was okay so long as Lay was distracted.  They were already more than halfway back to their dorm.

“Sounds fair.  I'll be your merman, and you can be my unicorn, and we'll live happily ever after.”  It was somewhere in the middle of that sentence that Suho decided he might have been feeling those shots just a little bit more than he had previously thought, but he followed through anyways.  It wasn’t like Lay wasn’t drunk right along with him.

Lay laughed in response.  “I think you just combined one too many fairytales.”  

Suho shrugged.  “Shouldn't you be saying something more like our fairytale will trump all the rest?”

“And you say I'm the cheesy one.”

“You are.  It’s just been rubbing off on me,” Suho countered as the bus finally pulled into a familiar stop.  “And now,” Suho said with a light push to Lay’s hip, “it's time for Cinderella to go home.”  

“Wait.  Who's Cinderella?”  Lay asked as he got pushed off the bus.

“You are,” Suho responded as he took his hand and led him up towards the building.

“Why is that?” Lay whined, clearly unimpressed with his transition from unicorn to female lead.

Suho laughed.  “Because, just like Cinderella, you transformed this night.”  

“Into what?”  Lay asked, confused.

“An aspiring pole dancer,” Suho responded as they made their way through the door

Lay laughed.  “Is that a problem?” He asked as they walked through the lobby together.

“In public, yes.”  Suho responded as he mashed the button on the elevator.

“What about in private?” Lay asked, smile back in place.

Suho shook his head and let out a sigh.

"I'll consider it."  

Lay smiled even wider in response, but didn’t say anything. 

Suho figured that was a good thing, until they were lying in bed together several minutes later and Lay was rolling up against his side to whisper, “By the way, the last time this happened, I definitely got my shirt off.”

“What?”  Suho asked, confused.

Lay laughed, and Suho could feel the reverberation against his side.  “The last time, with Luhan.  Unlike you, he was more interested in seeing how far I would go, not completely mortified and trying to get me to stop.”

“Oh,” Suho whispered, then, “You knew?”

Lay shrugged against him.  “It was just a guess at first, but when you went for tequila, that basically served as confirmation.”

“So wait, how drunk are you then?”  Suho asked, turning to face Lay so that he could try to make out his face in the dark.

Lay smiled as Suho found his eyes in the darkness.  “A little bit.  I told the bartender to keep my beer nonalcoholic, but well, those shots were very real.”

Suho shook his head.

“What?”  Lay asked.

“That bartender probably thinks we’re crazy, both asking to drink nonalcoholic beer and then doing tequila shots”  He explained.

Lay let out a small laugh in response.  “Yeah, probably.  You could have just asked by the way.”  He added.

Suho tilted his head towards Lay until their foreheads were almost touching.  “Would you have answered?”  He asked.

“Probably not right away, but if you had let me know how much you wanted to know, I think I might have, eventually.”  Lay supplied. 

Suho appreciated that the response seemed genuine.

“I’ll keep that in mind next time.”  He whispered before leaning in closer to close the remaining distance between his and Lay’s lips, lightly kissing him before pulling back and moving to snuggle up to his side.

Lay wrapped an arm around him in response, another smile playing on his face.  “See that you do.”

Suho nodded against him, already drifting off.

“And by the way, I don’t believe in doing private shows solo. You’re going to have to participate.”

Suho found himself suddenly awake again, even as Lay let out a yawn and began to fall asleep. 

He really hoped his participation wouldn’t involve him actually dancing.

Knowing Lay though, it probably would, at least a little bit.

---

I'm not sure why this exists other than to be ridiculous... Hopefully you were at least amused ^^