"It's your entire fault!"

"He's gone because of you!"

"How can you still live when they can't?!"

"You killed them!"

"MURDERER!" 

They chased after him with nothing but words to stab him with, each syllable piercing him in ways that made him scream in agony. It shouldn't hurt this much, it should barely leave a dent in him, but it did. It filled every inch of him and his soul with regret, guilt and utter pain.

His feet moved as fast as lightning, bringing him to god knows where until he came to an abrupt stop. He fell to his knees, tears threatening to pour, but it wouldn't matter. He was alone and the rain would blend it all away. He placed a shaking hand on the tombstones, glancing down at them.

Oh Sehun & Kim Minseok

1994-2010

1990-2010

Loved and forever will be loved.

He choked back a sob, clutching the wet grass between his fingers while fighting back the memories of them hanging around, trying to avoid their problems. His last moments with them were so happy, so carefree. He wondered how it all turned so sour. Another sob escaped his lips until a loud, agonizing shout rippled through him, causing him the worst pain he has experienced yet.

His body reacted faster than his mind could. One minute, he was in the midst of his worst memory turned nightmare, now he was in the worst situation possible. Nothing could compare to what he was experiencing at the moment, although others would disagree and call him crazy. He was all alone, no one to console him, no one there for him, no one.

Luhan ran a hand down his face, sweat covering his palm once he was done. He needed to calm down, take a deep breath, but the more air he inhaled, the guilty he felt. Why should he have the liberty to be enjoying such simple things like breathing when others who deserve it way more could not? His hands shook as he quickly got dressed. The more he thought about simple things, the more angry he became.

He had a pumping heart. They didn't.

He could still see light. They saw the darkness.

He had blood running through his veins. Their blood was stalk still.

He was alive. They weren't.

It's been 5 years. Five whole years of suffering alone, haunted by the reminders of the lives that once lived. He would beat himself everyday over the lost lives, lost brothers. He also felt lost, but with no one to find him. He might as well be considered dead because of the way he lived. 

Every day, constantly trudging to anywhere he had to be, shuffling around like as if nothing matter anymore, slumping his shoulders all the time, sighing as if it was the only way he could communicate, running a hand through his dishevelled hair to show his frustration with himself, battling the inner battle by himself.

Letting out another ragged breath, he let the cold air hit his face, waking him. He shivered while walking through the eerily calm and silent night, wondering how people could sleep so peacefully. He wanted to live normally like the others do, he wanted to find someone to love and love him back, have a small family and all that sappy stuff.

But all that seemed like a distant dream.

Suddenly, he felt his body collide with something which sent him grovelling in pain. He doubled over, tending to his throbbing foot that hurtled a fire hydrant. He groaned, looked around and found his surroundings familiar. He cursed under his breath and started making his way back home.

"Luhan?" A soft, tired voice called after him which made him freeze. The reason why he froze instead of getting away was beyond him. "Is that you?" Taking a deep breath, he turned around and took another sharp intake.

Yuri stood a few feet away from him with furrowed brows and tired eyes. Nonetheless, she still looked good despite the slightly messy hair.

"Uh, hi." He waved, giving her a nervous smile.

"Hey. What are you doing out so late?" She asked curiously, her head falling to the side where her light curls caressed her cheeks. He stood frozen, marvelled at the sight, how everything about her seemed to be placed perfectly.

"I- uh..." It seemed to him to be a pretty stupid excuse for a grown man to be wandering around late at night because of some nightmares. What would she think of him that she already hasn't? He's already made himself out to be a quiet, cold and shy fool. And now, he had completely foolish to add to the list. "It's... Nothing. I just wanted to get some fresh air."

"Uh-huh." She stared at him, her eyes roaming up and down his body while giving a sceptic look.

"What about you?" He gave a shot at veering the conversation elsewhere. He tried.

"I was woken by someone grunting in pain." Her eyes flickered amusement as a broad smile graced her perfectly pink, soft lips. He blinked multiple times, trying to compose himself as he felt his heart pound a few beats faster. He blushed, but he would certainly assure anyone that it was a manly blush. 

"Sorry." He whispered then cleared his throat. "I didn't mean to wake you up." 

"No, I'm thankful you did." Her ever so famous smile started to falter, making him wonder why, but didn't press the matter. Catching his worried look, she quickly came back to her cheerful self. "Just a few nightmares, nothing to worry about." She said, but something seemed off. It was probably the tone of her voice, the darkness that invaded her warm brown eyes or the way her shaking body betrayed her.

"Well, I guess I'll see-"

"I know a great place to get over nightmares." He blurted out, quickly shutting his mouth faster than lightning. "I mean, if you want to-"

"I would love to." Knowing his ranting tendencies, she cut him off and offered her warmest smile, hoping to calm him. Unfortunately, her glowing grin only increased the speed of his heartbeat.

Walking side by side in a comfortable silence, he took his chances by sneaking glimpses of her under the moons light. He wasn't disappointed, that's for sure. Luhan kept replaying the moment of shock that they both felt the last time they met, but his poor imagination could never recreate that spark, the intensity that it produced. Unconsciously, his body inched closer to hers as they kept walking in the hopes to feel it once more.

"Are we almost there?" Yuri suddenly asked, making him realize his actions which caused him to take half a step away from her. He didn't trust his voice at the moment so he simply nodded and they continued on silently.

In only a matter of minutes, they both neared a lake with a boardwalk. The moon was still hanging in the sky, but was slowly making its descent to make room for the morning sun. The different shades of blue sprawled across the sky put both of them in a trance as they walked to the edge and sat there, letting their legs dangle, barely grazing the surface of the water.

When her feet did touch the cold water, she quickly recoiled and hugged her legs, staring blankly at the lake. Luhan couldn't help but eye her worriedly, but refused to pry into her business. He wanted to start a conversation, but about what? There was no topic to open up about. He was bland, uninteresting while she seemed to be a burst of light, his opposite.

"You had a bad dream, didn't you?" She asked quietly, keeping her gaze on the still water.

"What?" He frowned, leaning back on his elbows and let his feet dip into the water. The cold sensation refreshed him and kept him awake. 

"Because you were walking in the middle of the night. You must have had a nightmare." She finally turned to look at him and their eyes met. There was something hidden behind those warm chocolate orbs of hers.

"How did you know?" He sighed, finding no use in hiding it anymore.

"I've done it before." She whispered, hiding behind her long locks. He kept quiet, biting his lower lip while thinking about a question.

"What did you dream about?" He asked and she simply shook her head.

"It doesn't matter." She muttered. "It was just a dream." It seemed like she was speaking to herself, something he does on a regular basis to keep himself sane. So, in a way, he could relate to her and respected her decision of not sharing something that seemed personal to her.

There was something itching in his throat, a question that he was dying to ask, even if he had no valid reason why. He wanted to see her again and as soon as possible. It became an urge for him to be close to her. Maybe it was the reassuring feeling that she gave him, something different from the constant guilt that tortured him 24/7.

"Do you want to do something? Tomorrow maybe?" He blurted out, no longer being able to keep those words in. A small smile graced her lips as a soft chuckle escaped them.

"Sure." She said softly, giving his heart a little energy to beat faster.

The night-turned-morning dragged on and they finally decided to head home, sleep a few hours and he would pick her up at her place at around 3 in the afternoon. For once in years, Luhan actually slept peacefully- well, as peacefully as possible before waking up with a jolt. At least this time, his nightmare was a blur to him, a distant memory. He woke up with a new found energy for the day ahead.

A quick shower and a change of clothes later, he was out the door with a camera hanging loosely around his neck from its strap. He was intent of showing her his hobby which was to capture moments in still frames. His job was not a photographer but an editor for magazines. It wasn't ideal, but it did steal his thoughts for a minute or two from drifting to the darker ones that invaded his mind.

In no time, he found himself in front of Yuri's door, knocking twice before waiting patiently. He heard shuffling of feet before being greeted with an older version of Yuri, Hei Jin. She welcomed him with her warmest smile before giving him space to enter. 

Instantly, Yuri's scent engulfed his senses and he felt calm. A few minutes after his arrival, she climbed down from her bedroom, careful not to show something she shouldn't considering her attire; high waisted jean shorts and a red crop top shirt. Her converse squeaked against the wooden floor as she rushed to put her empty coffee mug in the sink. She raced back to Luhan and shone her brightest smile as he tried to mirror it, surely his smile looked weaker.

They didn't need to say a word. They both left after biding their goodbyes to Hei Jin. While walking, their hands brushed against each other and it was hard for both of them to hide their reaction. It was such a shock, but not the kind that made them uncomfortable or brought them any type of pain.

"S-Sorry." She stuttered and looked down at her feet.

The rest of the trip remained quiet, but it was an enjoyable one. Her insides started to stir with every glance she sent him. She liked the way his features were, but what bothered her was his eyes; they held no emotion, nothing. If it was possible, his eyes would be entirely black if they wanted to reflect his mood.

"Here we are." He announced, spreading his arms to show her the view as his gaze was focused on her. Snapping away from her thoughts, she turned her attention forward and couldn't contain her small frown.

"Railroad tracks?" She wondered out loud and stared around her. "In the middle of the forest." She added. He didn't say anything as she studied her intently. Yuri kept on staring around her, taking in the simple beauty of everything from the trees that lined the sides and the old tracks.

Silently, he started to lay down directly upon the rails and stared up at the sky. She giggled lightly and laid next to him and watched the empty blue sky. It was very calming around them, but that still didn't ease the fear that was growing inside her. What if a train came rampaging towards them?

"So... Is this safe?" She asked out loud.

"Safe enough." He shrugged.

"What if a train comes?"

"We die." At that moment, she burst out laughing at his answer.

"Did we just re-enact a scene from 'The Notebook'?" Her laughter quieted down to soft giggles and he simply grinned, turning his head to her.

"Compared to them, we actually won't die. These tracks haven't been used in years." He turned his face back to the sky and watched the few birds fly through.

"They did not die." She corrected.

"Almost." He rolled his eyes playfully.

Things between them grew quiet again and she took the time to enjoy it. She inhaled the scent of the woods and listened carefully to the nature around her. Everything was calm until she heard a clicking sound. She twisted her head to the side and was met face-to-face with an extended camera lens. Her eyes widened and she quickly scooted away while hiding her face behind her hands. 

"Remove them." He mused, grinning wildly while swatting her hands. She swatted back, but her plan backfired when he gripped her hands with his left one and took multiple pictures with his right one.

Without a single warning, they both got up and ran into the forest. Yuri tried to escape Luhan's grasp as he chased her, hot on her trail. Their laughter ripped through the silence of the forest, so much that they didn't hear the running water in the distance.

Miraculously, she came to n immediate halt before she reached the waters. He was right behind her and came to a stop next to her to admire the clear waters. Too bad he was the only one enjoying the view. Yuri was terrified, frozen in her spot as she tried to calm her shallow breaths. 

"I can't believe you did that to me!" Yuri, at the age of 18, screeched while throwing her arms over her face. "Do you know how embarrassed I was?!"

"We know, honey, but you weren't thinking straight. You were lucky we were there. You would've regretted it afterwards." Her father spoke calmly, but the grip on the steering wheel said otherwise.

"It was just one cup!" She scoffed. "I can handle one cup of beer, dad! I am legal, too." She furrowed her brows angrily.

"Baby, we were just doing what we thought was right. It's because we-"

"We care. I know, you've been saying that for years." She rolled her eyes, cutting her mother off. "I don't think it's caring, it's more like controlling. You just don't want me to end up like you, mom." Yuri hit a sensitive spot for her mother, but she concealed it. "Just because you ended up pregnant after god knows how many drinks doesn't mean-"

"ENOUGH!" Her father bellowed after his wife shed a few silent tears. "This conversation is over."

"Over? Because you said so or because you know I'm right. I'm not like you guys. I don't get drunk after one sip." She muttered under her breath.

"One day you'll realize what we do is for your own good." Her mother said after finding her voice.

"So you think having no more friends because your parents embarrass you is good for me?" She scoffed loudly. As bratty as she sound, she was still young and naive. "You control every aspect of me and I'm freaking sick of it!"

"Enough, Yuri. It's done, get over it." Her father finally snapped.

"I can't wait until I get away from you guys." She said loudly, lashing all her remaining anger at them. It was quite rare for them to argue, but when they did, it did end with a few harsh words. "I hate you all."

The argument tired her out so she started dozing off, her head pressing against the cool window glass. As she slept, she was still conscious of her surroundings. She didn't hear much but she did feel the temperature drop drastically around her. , nose and lungs felt constricted, full. Her eyes, opened or not, were obscured and it felt like needles were poking her eyeballs. She screamed, but nothing but bubbles escaped . She thrashed around, trying to get rid of the imprisoning seatbelt around her.

It was obvious that the car was submerged in water.

Yuri felt the seatbelt snap which gave her the chance to break free, but not before reaching out for her parents. Everything happened so quickly. A hand gripped her arm and harshly dragged her out of the car through the broken window, the few shards cutting her stomach and sides. Everything became blurred for a second before she was greeted with the chilling air that made her shiver uncontrollably.

"N-No... NO!" She screamed and tried to dive back in the water to get her parents. "They can't die. THEY CAN'T!" She screamed. "SAVE THEM! PLEASE, SAVE THEM!"

"MOM! DAD!"

"YURI!" A very masculine tone snapped her back to where Luhan was, waist deep in the water that didn't seem very cold. She shied away from it and stared at him as if he had grown two heads. "Are you okay? I was calling you for 10 minutes."

"Sorry..." She whispered lowly and rubbed her arms, trying to get rid of the cold feeling that was creeping up her arms.

"Come in the water. It feels nice." He offered, extending his hand, but at the same time, he brought some water on land and sprawled it over her legs. She screamed, paralyzed from the cold water.

Yuri was scared. Terrified that the water would crawl up her legs and pull her body back down into the rest where she'll finally meet her death. She bolted the opposite direction, trying to get as far away as possible from the sounds of the waters splashing around and Luhan's cries for her to come back. She panted uncontrollably as the branches scratched her exposed skin, but not enough to cut her.

Out of the thick woods behind her surged something cold and wet. It constricted her body as she thrashed around, trying desperately to get away. She didn't want to drown, she didn't want to feel the water fill her lungs and pull her down to the ground until there was no hope in swimming to the top. 

"STOP!" The deep voice paralyzed her, but didn't calm her crazed heart. She kept fighting, but her struggle was much weaker than when she started. That was when she realized the steady stream of tears falling down her cheeks.

Luhan held her tightly, scared that she would break if he was to let go. Her body trembled as she gave her last fight before crumbling in his arms. She sobbed heavily as he turned her around to let her bury herself in his drenching shirt. She clutched onto him and he bent down to pick her up. He didn't want to worry Hei Jin so he headed back to his place.

"D-Don't... Don't let me drown." She sobbed, taking in deep breaths. "I don't... Don't want to." She kept mumbling which trying to breathe normally.

"You won't." He whispered calmly, ignoring the stares that people directed at them.

Carefully, he walked up the steps, unlocked the door and placed her on my bed since he found my couch too stiff for her. He quickly changed into dry clothes and immediately rushed back to her side to find her cuddling into his sheets, sleeping. He chuckled softly, running a hand through his hair while letting out a sigh of relief.

Why was she so scared of the water? He understood some people were afraid of it, but never to her extent. She acted like the water was a deadly virus. It worried him that she had fears like this. He felt like she needed to be protected, to be safe and happy at all times. 

He wanted his scintilla to be okay.

TO BE CONTINUED...