“Otou-san!” A small voice calls out---It’s me---I’m really young.

It takes me about two minutes to realize that I’m dreaming, that this isn’t real. I watch my dream fold out, or more like a memory. I can’t move my body, making this feel almost like an out-of-body experience.

I spot my Dad on a concrete court. We’re at a park. The grass is swaying in the breeze and the clear blue sky hangs above. But my little eyes don’t focus on the scenery, the only thing that I’m interested in is my Dad. He’s wearing a white dress shirt, untucked from his pants. He’s still wearing his dress-shoes from when he was wearing his business suit. He’s moving around on the court and I catch a subtle inclination that he doesn’t want to mess up his shoes.

I sit down on the border of the concrete and the grass, my eyes fixated on him. My Dad is playing streetball with some local kids. They’re trying desperately to get the ball from him, but failing miserably. After what seems like an hour and a half, one of the teens decides to give up. He tosses the ball in my direction and it hits me square in the face. I’m stunned, so I don’t cry out. “Screw this, I’m done!” He says in discontempt and leaves my Dad, the other kids following suit.

My teenage-self realizes this time that my Dad looks at them as they leave up the hill, a solemn expression on his face. I was too young at the time to notice it back then. Maybe if I did, then…

My thoughts are interrupted by my child-self screaming and wailing in pain and panic as my nose starts to bleed. Dad’s head turns quickly to the source and picks me up. He digs into his pocket and pulls out a tissue. He wipes at my nose and tries to calm me down. “It’ll be alright, Aki,” He cooes. I start to slowly silence myself. “Daddy’s here.”

I sit up straight in bed, my breathing erratic, and the back of my neck soaked in a cold-sweat. I grip the sheets tightly as I try to regain by breath. I can feel myself starting to hyperventilate.

I’m scared.

Oh god I’m scared right now. Terrified, even! I bring my knees up to my chin and rest my head on them. I can still hear his voice from my dream, ringing in my ears. I cup my hands over my ears and rock back and forth slightly. I don’t want to hear it anymore--make it stop!

I hear the nurse’s door slide open and a tear ends up falling down my cheek. I wipe away at it and sniffle. I don’t look up and my eyes are closed. I can hear footsteps approaching as the person comes closer. Oh god, footsteps!

I’m reminded of that day--the warm, the cold... the smell--all of it is crashing down on me in an instant. I shiver from fear and huddle closer to my own body. I’m scared! I lay back down in bed and try to feign sleep. I’m on my back. God, I’m still crying. Tears fall down from the corners of my eyes and onto the pillow.

The curtain slides open. I jump at the sound of it. I start to doze off a little bit from my fever that’s still raging on. The footsteps get closer until It’s right beside me. It’s him! I just know it! My breathing becomes a little staggered the same feeling from that day washes over me. “Dad… no… why?” I say aloud. I’m starting to drift back into my nightmare. I grip the blanket in my fists and I feel tears flow from my eyes even more. “I’m your only daughter… why would you…?”