an: double update bc drabbles~

It is clear to Chanyeol by 7 in the morning that today was going to be one of Sehun’s fussy days.

“No! I don’t want to go!” Sehun shrieks, struggling in Chanyeol’s grasp as he picked up the boy to drag him out of bed. “Let go of me! I don’t wanna!”

“Sehun, as much as I would love to let you sleep in all day, there’d be no one around to make you lunch when you get hungry, so you’re just going to have to put up with school for today,” Chanyeol replies calmly, resigned as he nudges a still reticent Sehun towards the door.

“I’m tired, I don’t want to go, I don’t wanna play with Jongin, I don’t wanna play with Tao, I don’t want to see Mr. Kim,” Sehun gripes as he is ushered into the kitchen. “I don’t want to eat cereal,” he adds when he spots the bowl waiting for him there.

“Sorry, Sehun, but we’ve got nothing else for breakfast,” Chanyeol lies, refusing to give up just yet. “Come on, baby, let’s just eat a little bit if you really don’t want any and we can go after school to pick something else for breakfast tomorrow, okay?”

Sehun huffs but pulls himself up into his seat, picking up his spoon with distaste. Chanyeol sits opposite of him, sipping on his coffee and watching as his son picked at the food, making sure that he ate. It pains him whenever Sehun is like this; obviously, Chanyeol didn’t expect Sehun to be an angel always, but days like these were especially draining because they’d never happened when his mother had been around. They’d only begun happening afterwards and Chanyeol is hesitant to chalk it up to coincidence.

“I can do it myself,” Sehun snaps later when Chanyeol reaches for Sehun’s toothbrush.

“Sehun, watch your tone.” As patient as Chanyeol was, rudeness would not be tolerated.

This only seems to incense Sehun further and he accepts the toothbrush without comment, furiously brushing his teeth while Chanyeol dragged a comb through Sehun’s messy hair.  His hair is getting to be too long, always getting in his eyes, and Chanyeol makes a note to book an appointment later at the barber shop.

“Alright, Sehun, what do you want to wear today? How about that new sweater Kyungsoo got for you?” Chanyeol asks, holding up the cute pullover.

“No.”

Chanyeol shakes his head, recognizing a lost cause when he saw one. “Then come and choose for yourself; I’m going to go pack your backpack and when I get back I want you to be dressed. Properly,” he warns, remembering the time Sehun had tried to go sockless for the day.

It really doesn’t come to a head until they leave the house. Chanyeol turns to lock the door, but by the time he’s turned around Sehun has already started to turn the corner onto the sidewalk. Chanyeol’s heart skips a beat and he runs over to the boy.

“Sehun,” he snaps, grabbing his son’s hand to stop his progress. “Sehun, you know you’re not supposed to leave without me. It’s dangerous and irresponsible, not to mention extremely disrespectful,” he scolds, upset and frustrated. “You could have gotten hurt!”

To his surprise, Sehun wrenches his hand out of his grasp, face screwing up in anger as he lashes out, “I don’t want to walk with you! I don’t! I want M—”. He cuts himself off, realizing what he’d almost said, and clamps his lips shut into a scowl. He turns around to storm down the street before he can see the look of hurt that fills Chanyeol’s face.

Chanyeol’s heart sinks and he truly feels like crying for a moment before he in a shaky breath to follow Sehun. He should say something, reprimand him; he can’t be allowed to get away with speaking to adults like that. But he can’t, because there’s something stuck in his throat.

Smothering the hurt is waves of guilt. Guilt that Sehun won’t even let himself mention his mother, guilt that Sehun won’t talk to him about it. He’s only five; with no one else to blame Chanyeol shoulders the full responsibility of Sehun’s pain. Even though Chanyeol knows he’s tried his best for Sehun, he still can’t help but beat himself up for not being able to provide fully for Sehun.

Chanyeol trails after Sehun for the rest of the walk, close but silent; Sehun had a full day of interacting with people he didn’t want to interact with and Chanyeol thought it best if he didn’t accidentally upset Sehun any further.

Chanyeol walks with Sehun up the front steps of the school and is relieved that Sehun doesn’t go in without at least a goodbye. Sehun turns to face him, face no longer angry. “Alright, Sehunnie, have a good day at school,” Chanyeol says softly, smiling at his son. “I love you, baby.”

“I love you, too,” Sehun replies, and hesitantly asks, “Will you pick me up after school today?”

Chanyeol nods, “I’ll be right here at four o’clock for you.” He pauses, deciding against trying for a hug and waving instead, taking a step backwards. “I’ll get going now, okay? Mr. Kim is probably waiting.”

Sehun blinks before his eyes widen. “Wait!” he says, hand reaching out to stop Chanyeol. “Aren’t you… aren’t you going to ask for a hug first?” His lips pull down in a pout.

“I didn’t know if you’d want to give me one, so I didn’t ask,” Chanyeol replies, surprised. He can’t help the downturn of his eyebrows, upset. “Earlier…” he trails off, not knowing how to finish the sentence. He’s not really good at this sort of thing; that had been his wife’s specialty. He’s gotten okay at most things, like cooking and housework and calming Sehun down from a tantrum. But he’s still new at this, at the deeper intricacies of parenthood.

Sehun takes in his father’s expression and his mother’s words come back to him. He hadn’t meant to hurt Daddy, hadn’t meant to push him away. He always wanted Daddy, never wanted Daddy to leave, and his little heart clenches as he remembers what he’d yelled earlier.

His lips wobble as he stumbles forward; Chanyeol’s arms open automatically to pick him up when he sees Sehun reach for him. Arms wrap around Chanyeol’s neck almost too tightly as Sehun clings.

“I’m sorry, Daddy,” Sehun apologizes, contrite. “I didn’t mean to make you sad.” His eyes are wet and Chanyeol’s heart breaks at the sight.

“Aw, Sehun, it’s alright, you don’t have to be sorry; I’m okay.” He takes in the feeling of his little boy in his arms, the solid but comforting weight against his body. He resolves to try even harder, for Sehun. “You know, you’re getting a little old to be carried around like this, don’t you think?” he teases, trying to alleviate the mood.