Time seem like it was like a never ending story, BIGBANG ALIVE world tour had taken its toll on him and he never expected truthfully for her to leave her side, for him she was going to remained by his side, he had taken that as a given fact.  

At first he simply shrug it off, “it’s her lost” he said to himself and began to revert to his old ways, partying and  having one night stands or dating for a short while with girls, just to feel satisfied for a while.

YG sajangnim began to worry as well as the other BIGBANG members as he saw him revert to his old self, so he decided to call him up to his office.

“Seungri-ah, I see you have kind of lost your path there, is anything bothering? I feel ever since she left, you have kind of lost your way” sajagnim said with a worried tone in his voice.

“Aniyo sajangnim, don’t worry about it, is nothing like that at all. I just feel like I have a lot of free time on my hands you know, with TOP hyung working on his movie, Daesung hyung promoting on Japan and GD and Bae hyungs working on their comebacks, I feel like there is nothing much for me to do right now” he said but a small pinch of ache bother his heart.

“I heard from Teddy that you have being working in the studio for the last month, are you up for the challenge of releasing new material?”

“Jongmalyo? Yes, I will really like that, I feel that is time for me to do it” he said confidently.

“Go then, show me what you got, I’ll give you till the last week of july” sajangnim said and let him go.

After that he began to spend most of his time on the studio, composing and rearranging songs, writing lyrics and recording.

They had at least 4 songs complete after a month of work, but Teddy pull him a side after a recording session and said to him.

“Seungri, I feel like we are going in the right track here, but I feel this mini ep is missing something”

“I also think so hyung, but I can’t put my finger on it.”

“The whole mini album concept is about love right? But the songs we have right now only talk about the fun side or the flirty side of it, we need something deep, something about the sad or yearning of having lost a love one, or not being able to be by their sides”

Seungri listen to him and said he will figure something up, he needed to get going early that day, he had a “date” that night with one of his “friends” back at his place, but couldn’t help to shake off the sensations that Teddy’s words had have on him that day.

“The yearning of having lost a love one or not being able to be by their side” This had being something that had being bugging him ever since they broke up, well more like when she broke up with him and left him without a way to explain.

But really what was to explain? She was right, he had cheated on her and distanced himself from her, first it was out of guilt, but later on, his attention had simply shift from her side to some other girl.

To be honest, at that time he was beginning to get sick of her, of how she had changed him, but now after some months of not knowing anything about her, he began to realize that he didn’t dislike the person he had changed to thanks to her.

He got out of bed, trying to not wake up the girl that was sleeping on what used to be her side of his bed and walked to the window, eyeing the Seoul skyline. He kept on pondering on the words of Teddy told him, and he had actually being avoiding the topic for as long as he could, whenever some of the other members tried to talk with him about what had happen with her.

His heart was struggling, every night for the last months had become a torture for him, he thought he was going to be well without her, just like he had being in the past with his previous girlfriends, but somehow, this was different, he couldn’t simply stop missing her and the memories of them together often kept him up at night.

He looked at the girl that was laying down in his bed and began to do a mental list of his latest hookups, they all had one thing in common, all those girls had something that remind him of her. Whether was the way they talked, how their hair or bodies look like, they were all pieces of her, all he did was holding them in his arms pretending it was her.

He couldn’t sleep a wink that night and simply let the girl out the door the next morning, with an empty promise of “I’ll call you when I’m not that busy” like he usually did.  

He marched to the studio that afternoon with an idea of some lyrics in his mind:

Because it was an unforgettable break up
The severe scars have come to me
So right (right) Now go to him,
Who is better than me, who is more affectionate than me

One life, one love, I gave it all to you but why
One hi, one bye
How can it end like that?

Yeah yeah yeah, memories of you pass by me
A better, beautiful life than those times
Those times don’t exist, you and I
Yeah yeah yeah, your face passes by me
A better, beautiful life than right now
To the place where it was good for us

“This is good Seungri, this is what I was talking about. How you come up with something like this? And most importantly, so fast?” Teddy said to him after he showed him the lyrics.

“Just something I had around my mind hyung, something that has being stuck in my head for the last months” he said looking down, feeling a sharp pain in his chest.

Months went by, promotions for his mini album come and ended and before he knew it, 2014 had arrived.

Seungri decided to walk the empty streets of Seoul that where cover by the last remaining of the snow, February had come and he still couldn’t shake off the memory of what they once had.

Every night was turning out to be the same, nights fill with regrets after letting her go without a chance to say anything, he had gotten so used to her being there that he could now see he had taken her for granted, what he had felt for some other girls was lust, what he had always felt for her was love. He acted stupidly like the perfect jerk and now he had to deal with the fact of not having her by his side.

He remembered their silly conversations, their plans for getaways that never happen and without knowing it, he found himself at the footsteps of her apartment.

For a moment he doubt, it had being almost a year since they broke up, so what will be the use of even trying to reach for her now, but his heart was aching for a last chance of redemption, one more opportunity to speak his true feelings.

He worked up the courage and knocked the door, impatiently waiting to listen for the voice he missed so deeply. He was ready to be cursed at, he didn’t care if she hit him, just being able to see her and hold her, was worth all the pain and suffering.

In that moment he was willing of even holding hands with the devil for the chance to see her and let her know how much he had missed him all along.  

He knock again after he got no answer, afraid she had seeing him and refused to talk with him. He kneeled down on his doorstep and knock again, preparing the words he would say to her.

“Look, I know you probably know I’m out here and you have every right to not want to see my face right now, but please listen to me, I don’t care if I look like a fool talking to your door, just listen to me.

The me that you remember is long dead, I’m not like that anymore, please give us another chance, please I can’t take it anymore, give me an answer so I can ease my own suffering. I know is selfish of me standing here like this, but my selfish self is the one that can’t accept the fact that there is no longer an us”

He stayed seated for almost an hour, waiting for her to open up the door, until an old ahjumma that lived next door saw him lying down.

“Gwenchanaseyo?” she asked him.

“Oh, ne” he said quickly holding his tears and clearing his voice.

“If you are waiting for that agasshi to arrive, I think you will need to come back tomorrow, I think she has the night shift at the hospital tonight” she said to him, taking pity on him.

“of course, she is a nurse now Seungri, what the hell where you thinking” he said to himself and bowed in thanks to the ahjumma, quickly walking away from the apartment building, practically mentally kicking himself mentally for his stupid actions.

That day he went straight to bed, ignored the love calls of his supposed “friends” and simply lay down in bed.

“Tonight, I miss you, I didn’t knew my nights were going to turned out to be so lonely without you in my arms; but I promise you it will be the last night I hold you hostage in my memories”

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a/n: wow thank you for my loyal readers for coming aboard this short story, like i just tell one of you I feel like i should pass around tissues whenever I update my stories... 

Thanks for your continue support and feedback. 

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