“I just feel so lost and I don’t know what to do anymore” Shin Hye tearfully explained to Dr. Choi, her Ob-gyne, what happened to her these past few months. The doctor sympathized with what she is feeling. Shin Hye is like a daughter to her and she also was like a mother to Shin Hye. During Shin Hye’s pregnancy, they have become so close and was there for her every time she needed help. She didn’t know that Shin Hye was suffering like this. It broke her heart to see the girl who used to be lovely and jolly, now in front of her weeping about the difficulties she experienced or is still experiencing after her pregnancy.

Shin Hye contemplated whether she should tell it to Dr. Choi or not but she decided that she must say it all in order for her to get better. Min Ho noticed the worry look in her eyes so he took her hand and held it closely to his lap, offering her his support. She took a deep breath and said the one event in her life that she wanted to erase from hers and her husband’s memory.

“And… I also tried to kill myself”.

Memories from what happened yesterday filled Min Ho’s mind as he tried to stop the tears that were threatening to fall at the corner of his eyes. It was a traumatic experience for him. After that terrible scene yesterday, he didn’t let Shin Hye out of his sight. Thank God, the world seemed to be in their favor because the Director called and said that he doesn’t need to be on the set for the next four days because he almost completed all of his scenes. The scenes that were needed to be completed today don’t need him, he already finished his part. He was pleased that the drama was not a live shoot. They didn’t have to rush everyday trying to finish episode per episode while it’s on air. The drama that he was working on was pre-shot. It gave them the time that cable dramas have and for that he felt blessed. 

By the time Shin Hye and him needed to go to bed, they both decided to just sleep inside the nursery room so that Shin Hye won’t feel too stressed about worrying how the twins are doing. Min Ho embraced her tightly as he let his arm cushioned Shin Hye’s head to sleep. He couldn’t really sleep at all last night because he was too worried that Shin Hye might disappear. He just resulted to observing her as she sleeps.

More tears flowed down from Shin Hye’s eyes as she bent her head, trying to hide away her face. Min Ho put his right arm around her and gently patted her shoulder to soothe her.

Dr. Choi was shocked and she can’t help but let out silent tears as she watched them in front of her, clearly suffering from Shin Hye’s condition. As she listened through their stories, there is only one illness that she can think of that fit almost perfectly with what Shin Hye is going through. Dr. Choi wiped away her tears as she stood up from her chair and went to Shin Hye’s side. She took Shin Hye’s hand and helped her stand up. She wiped Shin Hye’s tears away as she leaned forward and gave her a hug. “Don’t worry Shin Hye-ah… Everything will be alright.. I’ll make sure of that”.

Shin Hye felt blessed that she has Dr. Choi to help her deal with whatever she has right now. It made her feel hopeful that she can be normal again; that she can be cured and can be her old self. “Thank you Dr. Choi”.

The old woman also went to Min Ho’s side and patted his shoulder gently, trying to give him encouragement and support in going through this predicament.

Whether her hunch is right or not, she needed Shin Hye to take a postpartum depression screening. If Shin Hye is really going through postpartum depression then they should really start the treatment as soon as possible to prevent tragedies from happening.

Dr. Choi went back to her seat and cleared . She gave them an assuring smile as she prepares to tell them what she thinks Shin Hye’s condition is.  

“New mothers commonly go through a phase called “the baby blues”. It is the result of high hormonal fluctuations that take place during and immediately after childbirth. Its symptoms include: weepiness or crying for no plain reason, impatience, irritability, restlessness, anxiety, fatigue, insomnia, sadness, mood changes, and poor concentration. Up to 80% or as many as 8 out of 10 mothers experience this. Often these symptoms will hit forcefully within four to five days after childbirth and lasts up to 2 weeks after delivery. However, Shin Hye-ah, in your case, these symptoms occurred to you when the twins turned 6 months old which is more than two to three weeks after you gave birth to them. I don’t think that what you are experiencing now is baby blues but is much more serious than that. You might have what we call “postpartum depression”. This condition may seem to be baby blues at first, however, the symptoms of ppd are more intense and longer lasting. Its symptoms include: loss of appetite, insomnia, intense irritability and anger, overwhelming fatigue, loss of interest in lovemaking, lack of joy in life, feelings of shame, guilt, or inadequacy, severe mood swings, having difficulty bonding with your baby, withdrawal from family and friends, and lastly, thoughts of harming yourself or your baby. This is a very serious condition wherein it may last for many months or years if left untreated. Like the baby blues, it is also caused by a hormonal imbalance which means mothers of multiples (twins, triplets, quadruplets. quintuplets) such as yourself, are more prone to this condition due to increased hormonal fluctuations that accompany their pregnancies. During pregnancy, the amount of two female hormones: estrogen and progesterone, in a woman’s body increases greatly. In the first twenty-four hours after childbirth, the amount of these hormones rapidly drops back down to their normal levels before pregnancy. Researchers believe that the fast change in hormone levels lead to depression. An estimated 43% of mothers of multiples have this and that is only those who report it. There are many mothers who don’t voice out what they are experiencing and never seek out medical attention resulting to some of them committing suicide or killing their babies”.

Min Ho sighed as he watched Shin Hye’s brows drawn together, forming faint horizontal lines that gave away what she’s feeling inside. She also clasped her hands together tightly and bit her bottom lip which she normally does when she is hiding something or is anxious about something. He leaned closer to Shin Hye and untangled her hands that are forcefully joined together. He took her hand again, and looked at her with an assuring gaze and smile as if trying to tell her silently that everything will be fine. Shin Hye tried to loosen her nerves as Min Ho caressed her hand gently. She took a deep breath and exhaled it softly as she gazed at her husband and gave him a smile, sending him a quiet thank you for being here with her especially now.

Looking at the support they are giving each other, Dr. Choi is positive that they will pass this hurdle in their marriage with flying colors. She cleared once more and continued “Shin Hye-ah, for us to be sure that it really is postpartum depression; you first have to take the Edinburgh Postnatal Depression Scale test. It is a 10-item questionnaire that was developed in 1987 to determine whether mothers have postpartum depression or not. Answer it honestly Shin Hye-ah, don’t worry, I won’t judge. As I’ve said, the cause of this condition is your imbalanced hormones. It’s not your fault”. Dr. Choi gave Shin Hye a warm smile as she moved her chair backward and opened one of the drawers in her table. She took out the questionnaire and handed it to Shin Hye together with a pen.

Shin Hye read each question carefully and answered it as truthfully as she could.

Please select the answer that comes closest to how you have felt in the past 7 days:

1. I have been able to laugh and see the funny side of things.

            = Not at all

2. I have looked forward with enjoyment to things.

            = Hardly at all

3. I have blamed myself unnecessarily when things went wrong….

Shin Hye stared at the third question and felt like she wanted to cry. She really can’t help but blame herself for everything that’s been happening to her family lately. She felt that it is unfair for them to be suffering the consequences of her condition now and think that they deserve better.

Min Ho observed Shin Hye as she answered the questionnaire. After a while, he noticed her stop and stared blankly at the paper. Her fist clenched tight, making her nails dug deep into her skin. He quickly grabbed her hand and held it firm. Shin Hye looked at him and he smiled at her, encouraging her to go on. “It’s okay, Shin Hye-ah”.

Shin Hye looked at him with guilt all over her eyes. He really doesn’t deserve this. She must get better. She really must. She has to do it for her family. “Gomawo, Oppa”.

She again looked at the questionnaire and answered “Yes, most of the time”.

4. I have been anxious or worried for no good reason.

            = Yes , sometimes

5. I have felt scared or panicky for no very good reason.

            = Yes, sometimes

6. Things have been getting on top of me.

            = Yes, most of the time I haven’t been able to cope at all

7. I have been so unhappy that I have had difficulty sleeping.

            = Yes, sometimes

8. I have felt sad or miserable.