When Eunjin opened her eyes she was in a hospital bed. The light from the open window hurts her eyes so she squinted a bit waiting for her eyes to adjust from the sudden brightness. It was quiet and somehow she likes it. It gives her momentary peace despite everything that’s going on inside her head. The headache subsided but she was still trying to get a grip of reality. The past flooded his mind all at once that she didn’t know what to do with it. A tear escaped her eyes and she closed her eyes once more feeling so overwhelmed with emotions she still didn’t know how to handle.

When she managed to calm down she looked around the room and noticed Taemin sleeping on a chair far enough not to disturb her but near enough in case she needed someone’s presence. His body was curled up in an uncomfortable position which makes Eunjin want to pull him closer so they could share the bed. But even with her mind in a turmoil she knew it would be weird after all the things that happened in the past few days. Even Taemin being here is weird but Eunjin couldn’t say she didn’t like it. If there is one person she wanted to see right now, it was Taemin.

As if sensing that someone was staring at him, Taemin woke up and stifled a yawn. Eunjin found it so adorable that she wanted to stare a bit longer. But the fear of being caught staring forced her to look away with a slight blush on her cheeks. Hopefully Taemin was still half awake to notice.

“Eunjin?” Taemin asked when he noticed that she was already awake. There was worry in his voice and it makes Eunjin feel warm inside. Taemin cares for her, still does. But her mood fell when she realized she doesn’t deserve any of this.

“Are you okay? Do you feel any pain? Do you want me to call the doctor?” The rush of questions was too overwhelming that she didn’t know how to respond. She missed this side of Taemin. She remembers the time they walked home together with her in a cast and Taemin on a high fever. The memory brought tears in her eyes.

Mistaking the look on her face as uneasiness, Taemin asked, “D-do you want me to leave? I mean, if you’re uncomfortable having me around, I can leave.” it was spoken so softly as if he didn’t like the idea at all but if that’s what she wants he’s willing to comply.

“N-no, it’s ok. You can stay,” she said, her voice hoarse from not being used in a long while.

Taemin nodded and settled himself at the edge of her bed eyes never leaving her face. “Are you okay?” he asked again.

No, I’m not okay. I just remembered a near death experience and watching you getting shot so no, I’m far from okay. Eunjin wanted to shout but of course she couldn’t. This is one of those moments when she had lots of things to say but didn’t know how to start and lying seemed easier.

“Yes,” she managed to say. Physically at least she is fine. It was easier to breathe and there is no pounding in her head. But emotionally she couldn’t be certain. She loves Taemin so much. At least she was sure of that. And Taemin loves her too, if the bracelet he’s still wearing is any indication. God, he was such a sap. After all these years he’s still wearing that?

A smile crept up her face and Taemin didn’t fail to notice. “What are you thinking?”

“You.” she blurted out before she could stop herself.

Taemin smiled. “I hope it's a good thing.”

Eunjin blushed. “It is.”

Taemin didn’t ask her to elaborate which she was thankful for. She couldn’t really explain what she’s feeling and thinking at the moment.

“Your mom went home to get some change of clothes. Soojin let me in when she left. Your mom… she doesn’t want me near you. Which perfectly make sense because I… I hurt you. And it’s ok if you hate me right now. I understand. I’m sorry. But you don’t have to forgive me. As long as you’re not pushing me away right now. That’s enough for me.”

Eunjin wanted to say it’s okay. That he didn’t have to apologize because he did nothing wrong. Except maybe keeping the truth from her. But considering the things she did if there is anyone that needs to apologize it is her.

Thank you for being alive.

That was what she wanted to say but of course she was a coward and so she left it at that - unsaid and buried deep in her heart.

“Don’t. Please don’t apologize. You didn’t do anything wrong,” she said. She wanted to say so much more but not now. Maybe someday. When they’ve already moved on.

Her eyes lingered on the bracelet he was wearing on his wrist. He might have noticed because he pulled the sleeves of his jacket until it covers half of his palm, the bracelet hidden beneath the clothing. Eunjin felt a sense of warmth from the gesture. The way Taemin treasures her gift so much makes her realize just how much he treasures her too.

But it’s time to say goodbye.

“Taemin I… I want to say thank you. For everything.” She couldn’t stop the tears from flowing any longer. This is much harder than the first time she said goodbye. Back then she didn’t know anything at all. She was jealous and hurt and naive. But now that she understood everything, her heart aches from the deep longing in her heart. She doesn’t want to say goodbye.

But she has to. Everything is different now. They were no longer the kids they used to be. Taemin is a celebrity. He has a bright future ahead. He is living his dreams because he is Taemin and he’s amazing. She knew it even back then. And she would just drag him down if she stays. God, she almost got him killed. She might ruin everything he worked so hard for.

Taemin was filled with worry when he saw her crying, “Are you okay? Does it hurt somewhere?” he came closer and wiped her tears with the tip of his thumb. The sensation felt so good that she had to resist leaning into the gentle touch.

“No. I’m fine. Please go, Taemin. We have nothing to do with each other anymore.” Maybe the words were a bit cold even for Eunjin’s liking but she had to say them and make it convincing.

Before Taemin could say anything, Eunjin’s mom came storming in the room. “What are you doing here?”

Taemin bowed to the woman who just came followed by an apologetic Sooojin. She mouthed ‘sorry’ to Taemin who just brushed it aside with a grateful smile.

“I’m sorry Mrs Park. I just had to make sure she’s okay.”

“Leave. You are unwanted here.”

“Mom, please…” Eunjin said. Taemin doesn’t deserve this treatment. She has to clear up the misunderstanding.

“It’s ok Eunjin. I’ll be leaving now.” With a last ‘get well soon’, Taemin left closing the door behind him.

Eunjin let her tears fall once more and he let her mom and soojin wrap her in an embrace because she knew she badly needed it.

“Mom, Taemin didn’t do anything wrong.” she said in between sobs. “It was me. It was all my fault. I almost got him killed.” The truth is finally out but Eunjin couldn't feel any relief nor her heart felt any lighter. She was still hurting and she’s not the one to complain because she knew she deserve it.

It was a few days later when Eunjin was discharged from the hospital. After a few tests it was found out that her memories are now back. But Taemin still doesn’t know and Eunjin wanted to keep it that way.

Her mom changed after learning the truth and she said she wanted to apologize to Taemin if he comes by. Eunjin doubt it would ever happen because she already ended everything with him that night. Even in school, Eunjin refused to talk to Taemin and she was somewhat relieved that he didn’t make an attempt to talk because it would have been hard making up excuses if that ever happens.

Taemin had been busy with SHINee activities so he seldom comes to school. It was for the best but Eunjin had to admit that she misses him. When he does come to school, he had this tired look on his face and it makes her worry so much.

Eunjin found herself in front of a vending machine contemplating on wether to buy that hot lemonade that Taemin loves to drink when he’s exhausted. The thing is, Eunjin didn’t know how to give it to him without giving away her secret. Taemin still didn’t know that she remembers and she couldn’t lie about learning it through the internet. Even google doesn’t know that information. Only Eunjin knows and Taemin is aware of that fact.

“Eunjin?”

Eunjin almost dropped the can of lemonade when she heard Taemin’s voice calling her name. His gaze was on the drink in her hand and Eunjin knew what he was thinking at that moment.

“You don’t drink lemonade.” Taemin said and Eunjin tries her best to think of a good enough explanation but she came up with none. She wanted to change the topic like asking how he knew she doesn’t drink lemonade. But that would only delay the inevitable and Taemin would still  demand an explanation.

“T-this isn’t for me.”

“Obviously.”

“It’s for someone else.” Taemin raised a brow as if challenging her to say more lies because it was already pretty obvious that she was lying. She was a terrible liar.

“Fine. It’s for you,” she mumbled but Taemin heard it loud and clear. “I read somewhere that you like it. I think it was in a magazine. I can’t recall.” She was blabbering, saying more than she was supposed to. It wasn’t helping her case at all.

“Eunjin, no one else knows. Aside from my best friend, no one else knows about it.”

Eunjin decided it was futile so she looked up, finally meeting Taemin’s gaze and when she did, her heart melted. Taemin’s eyes were hopeful. He was waiting for her to say it. To finally admit that yes, she remembers. Eunjin doesn’t have the heart to deny him his best friend - no girlfriend - any longer.

With teary eyes she finally admitted. “I remember, Tae. I remember everything now.”

She was engulfed in an embrace so warm that she never want to be anywhere else.

“Since when?” he whispered right next to her ear. It sent shiver down her spine.

“Since I woke up at the hospital,” she admitted finally.

“God, Eunjin-ah… I miss you so much.” Eunjin missed him too. She’s even willing to ignore the stares of the people at the hallway who probably thinks their actions were too affectionate to be friendly. Other times she might have been bothered but now her emotions were overflowing she doesn’t give a damn about anything else.

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” Eunjin expected the question but she still didn’t know how to answer it. She couldn’t say anything for awhile and Taemin was so patient with her because he didn’t say anything. He just waited until she was ready.

“It’s because I… I don’t deserve you.”

Taemin’s brows furrowed in confusion. Eunjin realized she had to explain herself further.

"You almost died, Taemin. God, I don’t even know what I would have done if you really died back then. I don’t know if I’ll be able to forgive myself." Once she started she couldn’t stop anymore. Tears were starting to form in her eyes and she didn’t even care. She avoided Taemin’s eyes because she was ashamed. “If I didn’t ask you to go stargazing with me you wouldn’t have been shot. All of it happened just because I was selfish. Because l wanted to see the freaking stars. We could have done it anywhere else but no, I had to insist that we go up that freaking lighthouse to watch the freaking stars.”

“Look at me, Eunjin.” He said and Eunjin would have heard the hint of amusement in his voice if she weren’t too caught up with emotions. She was still having a hard time meeting his eyes so she ignored the command.

“I said look at me,” He said again and when she didn’t,  he cupped her face with his hands and forced her to look up at him. “That still doesn’t explain why you didn’t tell me that you remember.”

“We’ve already broken up and I wanted to keep it that way. If you knew my memories are back, it would change everything.”

Taemin let out a deep sigh before wrapping his arms around Eunjin’s waist and pulling her closer. It made her cheeks burn and she had to look away again. For some reason it was getting harder to meet Taemin’s eyes.

“The truth is I didn’t want you to remember. I know it's painful for you to think about that night and maybe that’s also the reason why you unconsciously erased them from your memories. So I didn’t want you to remember. And me being part of your life again brings back those memories so I decided to stay away from you. You are right, Eunjin. This does changes everything. Can we start over?”

“You still want to be with me?” Eunjin asked as if Taemin was losing his mind. “I’m always causing you trouble, Tae. Remember that time you had to carry me home? You had a fever for godsake and yet I still made you carry me. I would just drag you down. I don’t deserve you, Tae.”

“Eunjin-ah, if I lose you again, I’m going to be miserable for the rest of my life and you’ll spend your whole life feeling guilty for causing me misery.” Taemin sounded desperate and Eunjin didn’t know what to do. “And for the record, if there’s anyone to blame it would be me because I couldn’t protect you that night. You were so scared and I couldn’t do anything.”

Eunjin never thought Taemin was having those kinds of thoughts all this time. She shook her head letting him know he was wrong. “It wasn’t your fault.”

“Then stop blaming yourself too.” Eunjin finally relented and nodded her head. It was all in the past. It’s no use blaming herself anymore.

“Can we start over?” Taemin asked again.

Eunjin already knows the answer. Heart beating fast she said, “Promise me something first."

“What?” Taemin asked, wanting to get it over and done with. He would do anything just to hear a ‘yes’ from her.

“Don’t die in front of me. I don’t think I can handle it,” she said and after a while added, “Just… take better care of yourself. You look like you haven’t slept in days.”

“Whose fault do you think it is anyway?”

Eunjin gave him a playful hit in the chest that made him chuckle. “Can I have my lemonade, now?”

Eunjin gave him his lemonade, happy that she didn’t have to come up with a lie anymore.

“Tae, what happened after I lost consciousness? My mom said we both survived because the cops came and arrested those drug dealers. But she didn’t tell me why I didn’t see you afterwards.”

“Your family moved away and I had no idea where and how to contact you. You just… disappeared.”

“My mom wanted to say sorry by the way.”

“It’s ok. She was just worried about you so I understand.”

“When we met on the crossroad, did you recognize me?”

“Of course. I actually wanted to pull you into a hug but I could tell that you didn’t recognize me so I asked you for a date instead. And I was on my way to an audition so I couldn’t stay long. But I was thinking that if I made it in, i’m sure you’re going to be happy for me. I wanted to make you proud. But you never came,” Taemin sounded disappointed and Eunjin felt bad.

“How long did you wait for me?” she asked because she had always been wondering about those what ifs. What if she came 30 mins earlier? What if he waited just a little bit more?

Taemin smiled and said, “8 hours.”

Eunjin didn’t buy it. “No, you didn’t. I was only late for four hours and you weren’t there when I came.”

Taemin looked surprised and Eunjin suddenly felt stupid for admitting it after denying it previously. So now she was caught in her lie and she couldn’t do anything but admit the truth.

“Fine. I was there alright. My sister was sick so I couldn’t come on time. But I came eventually and you weren’t there anymore. So admit it. You didn’t wait for eight hours because you can’t even stick around for four freaking hours. Or maybe you didn’t come at all and here I was regretting everything when you obviously didn’t.”

“I was five hours early. I left at 11.”

Eunjin was speechless. She really doesn’t deserve this man. But Eunjin was selfish so she’s keeping him even if she doesn’t deserve him.

It wasn’t in her nature to initiate skinship and specially a kiss but for once she wanted to try. Standing in her tippy toes, she leaned closer until her lips touches Taemin’s. It was quick but it made her blush nonetheless.

Taemin was smirking and Eunjin blushed even more. “That was uhm… I was just…” I love you. That was what she wanted to say. But in the end she was a stuttering mess. Taemin really have that kind of effect.

“I love you, too.” Taemin said as if he heard her thoughts. Eunjin smiled. She wouldn’t have it any other way.

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A/N: Finally! I finished it. That was a really long time. I'm so sorry. I had to revise it so many times. I hope you like it *nervous*