When she got to meet Taemin again, she mustered up her courage and asked him another one of the many things that’s been bothering her.

“Taemin...” she said.

“Hmmm?” he hummed in response giving his full attention to her and for a moment Eunjin suddenly didn’t wanna ask anymore, that maybe it was no longer important, but then she knew she can never have a peace of mind unless she did.

“Have we met before? I mean… before I met you on the street 3 years ago… have we known each other even before then?”

Taemin stared at her for a whole minute (Eunjin was counting the seconds with the beats of her heart) before saying, "No."

His answer made more sense than those dreams that had been plaguing her unconscious mind for the past month. She wanted to believe his words because Taemin would never lie to her. No, he would never and if they’ve known each other before, she was pretty sure Taemin would say so. There is no reason for him to keep secrets from her.

So Eunjin decided to just forget about those ludicrous thoughts in her head and gave Taemin a weak smile. "You’re right. I don’t know why I even considered it.”

Eunjin noticed when things changed. She wanted to turn a blind eye on things but she couldn’t ignore the pain in her chest every time Taemin make excuses, avoids holding her hand, and refuses to meet her eyes. There were less ‘I love yous’ and ‘I miss yous’, and a lot less late night phone calls. He never visits as often anymore.

Eunjin was many things - frustrated, sad and hurt. But she wasn’t angry. She can never be angry with someone who’s probably just as lonely as she is. If Taemin is still in love with his first love then he’s no different from her – in love with someone who can never love her back. And she damn well knows the feeling – painful and excruciating. Yes, she perfectly understood.

“Taemin… Uhm…” she said leaving a message in a voice mail because Taemin never picks up anymore. “Remember the café where we were supposed to meet 3 years ago? Can you meet me there? Tonight maybe? At 8?”

Taemin was already waiting when she arrived at the café. For a moment there was an awkward silence between them. She wanted to ask him a lot of things but somehow a part of her was afraid to hear the answers.

She asked anyway. “Do you still love her? The person who gave you that?” She was referring to the bracelet he was wearing.

A long silence followed before he replied, “Yes.” That simple word made all the difference. Although she already expected it, the effect was still the same. It shattered her heart more than any daggers would. Maybe a part of her still hoped he would say ‘no’.

She could feel her eyes tearing-up. She didn’t want him to see her cry. Not now. So she took a deep breath and tried her hardest to keep it in (she was pretty proud of herself when she managed to contain her tears) and gave him a weak smile.

“What happened to her?” she asked and she had no idea where she got that courage to know more. “Do you… do you still know where she is?”

“Yes,” he replied.

“She must be really stupid for letting you go,” she said without any attempt at hiding her hatred towards the girl.

“We were childhood friends but she couldn’t remember me anymore.”

“I hate you, you know,” she said although she doesn’t mean a word of it. She just wanted to let him know how much in pain she currently is. “Why do you have to make me fall in love with you when you’re already in love with someone else?”

She had always known that someone as perfect as Taemin is will never like someone as pathetic as she is. But she decided to fool herself into thinking that maybe he could love her too. She gripped one of her hands with the other trying to stop it from shaking. Tears were streaming down her face and she couldn’t do anything about it. She wiped the tears with the back of her hand.

“I’m sorry,” he said although ‘I’m sorry’ are not the words she wanted to hear at the moment and they both knew it.

With a heavy heart she made a decision to do something which she should’ve done a long time ago. It wasn't an easy decision because she’s in love with him after all. But falling in love isn’t supposed to be that painful. Of course it has to have ups and downs but their relationship is as hopeless as trying to open a corked bottle of wine without a corkscrew. It just doesn’t work.

She loves him – still does really. But Taemin doesn’t feel the same way. Being with him and knowing he loves someone else hurts like hell. She has to let him go because he already has someone in his heart and it wasn’t and can never be her.

What happened in the past few weeks, they were just too good to be true. She was even willing to live in a lie just to stay in that dreamlike fantasy. But this is reality. Taemin is in love with someone else.

When she was calm enough she said, “Maybe we should break-up. I mean we were never really together or anything,” she let out a bitter laugh which sounded pathetic as her eyes never stop from shedding tears. “But you know… maybe we should stop seeing each other.”

Taemin gave her a curt nod. She was really hoping he would convince her otherwise but all she seemed to be having now are nothing but disappointments. She realized she was stupid for hoping he wouldn’t let her go when she was the one who suggested the break up in the first place.

She said goodbye and without looking back she left. She let the tears fall freely afterwards. She deserved at least that. Anyway, Taemin was no longer there to see it.

Eunjin had no idea how much Taemin is suffering as he watched her walk away. She already left a long time ago but he still couldn’t make himself move. His eyes stings from the tears he refused to shed.

Taemin wished everything was different. If only she hadn’t lost her memories then everything would have been different. She wouldn’t feel any insecurities and he wouldn’t feel frustrated.

But things have changed. And it makes him feel so frustrated because there are so many things he wanted to tell her but couldn’t. Because if he did, it will surely cause her pain and causing her pain was the last thing he wanted to do.

But as he watched her cry, tears running down her face, Taemin realized it doesn’t make any difference. It was the first time he ever felt so helpless.

Maybe he should have just left things the way they were. She was already happily living her own life and he was filled with the guilt that he just had to mess it up. He was a pain in the , a selfish jerk who just had to mess her life all over again instead of just leaving things the way they were.

But he already tried. God, he did. For years he had been living in hell because he wanted to see her but couldn’t. And just when he was beginning to think he will never be given the chance to meet her again, he decided that maybe it was time to start forgetting and move on. But then he figures it was such a stupid idea. It’s like trying to stop the earth from revolving around the sun, stupid and impossible. So in the end he gave up trying and continued to live in hell.

He clutched the necklace, a pretty black necklace made of alloy, crystal and pearl with a violin and piano keys pendant which he bought not too long ago. It was for Eunjin and he regrets not being able to give it to her but he didn’t want to burden her even more than he already did so he decided to keep it instead (or better yet just throw it away. It wasn’t able to serve its purpose anyway.)

He was about to tell her everything. He was really tempted to tell the truth but then he realized it would be best for her not to know when the truth is more painful than not knowing anything. At least she’s not hurting as much as he does. It’s enough that he’s the only one in pain. Yes, that's good enough for him.

“Lee Taemin shi… break up with my daughter,” Eunjin’s mom told him when they met a few days ago. But it wasn’t easy because Eunjin is his life. She might as well tell him to stop breathing. That doesn’t make any difference, really. The years he spent without her had been hell and he didn’t want to go through it again.

But Taemin didn’t fail to notice certain things like how Eunjin’s brow creased in concentration whenever she tries to remember but couldn’t, how the flashes of memories became frequent ever since he came, how she’s worried about things but never had the courage to tell anyone about it. Her mom said he doesn’t deserve her and Taemin was beginning to think she was right.

“After all the things she went through because of you, how dare you came into her life again.” Her words were like daggers piercing right through him. She just voiced out the exact things that had been weighing on his chest for the longest time. “I warned you before. I never wanna see you near my daughter again." Her eyes glisten with rage and Taemin didn’t say anything. He couldn’t. Because everything she said is the truth and nothing he says could change things.

“Please…let me make up for everything,” he begged one last time. “I won’t tell her anything. I promise. I will make sure she won’t remember."

“She will. No matter how hard you try to keep the truth from her she will remember everything if you don’t stay away from her.”

Taemin allowed himself to cry that night. The next day he started avoiding Eunjin to the best he can which probably not enough because if he really tried –like really tried, he probably have broken up with her right away.

But Taemin obviously couldn’t so he settled with less phone calls, less ‘I love yous’ and ‘I miss yous’ (although he misses her a lot). He argues he wanted to do it slowly so he can prepare himself for the inevitable. But Eunjin ended it herself. And Taemin thinks it might as well be for the best. At least Eunjin was able to do the thing which he couldn’t find the courage to do himself.

Eunjin realized she must have loved Taemin pretty damn much. She always finds herself crying like an idiot whenever she’s alone in her room which happens every night. She would cover with the back of her hand to stifle her cries because even if she couldn’t sleep it doesn’t mean that the others should stay awake too.

She would cry silently while wishing the night would end soon and that maybe tomorrow she will feel better – way much better than how she feels now. But she would always be disappointed because she would feel worse – way much worse.

The morning came and she didn’t manage to get any sleep. Her head is throbbing painfully like it’s about to explode. She’s completely awake but decided to keep her eyes shut. The light from the window only adds to the painful and dizzy feeling. Her sister came knocking on her door asking, "Unnie, are you ok?"

Eunjin managed a hoarse reply, “Hmmm. I’m fine.” She’s still alive so yeah, she’s managing pretty well. Although she probably wouldn’t be able to do much today with the terrible headache she was having she decided to pull herself up before her mom, her dad and maybe the whole neighborhood come knocking on her door.

She found her mother downstairs preparing breakfast. She’s not in the mood to eat but she decided to stay and have a glass of water before going back to bed and then hopefully get some sleep. She watched her mom as she move around the kitchen wondering if she would be helpful for once and decide to tell her everything if she asked. Before she completely gave up on everything, she had to at least know the truth.

“Mom, I broke up with Taemin,” she said. Her mom didn’t say anything as if she expected that much.

“Aren’t you going to say anything?” she asked after a long moment of silence.

“You’re better off without him, Eunjin.”

Her words sounded too ridiculous that she couldn’t stop herself from saying, “Really mom? Do I look ok to you?” Her eyes are puffy from all the crying she did last night. One look at her and anyone could tell she had been through hell and back.

“Can you at least tell me something? Anything? Don’t you think I deserve to know the truth?” she sounded more desperate than she intended but she couldn’t help it. Because she was tired of everything – of people keeping things from her.

Her mom sighed in frustration. She took the seat opposite from her and started telling her bits and pieces of things she should have known herself if not for the memory loss that makes her so frustrated that it’s painful.

“Eight years ago you… almost got killed.” She knew that much. Because waking up in a hospital bed with every part of her body sore and not to mention having no memories of her past could only mean that she almost died.

“And Lee Taemin. He was… he was there. He… he almost got you killed, Eunjin.”

Eunjin knew from the look on her face that her mom believed every word of what she said. But she didn’t. Even if her mind was telling her it could be the truth, she still refused to believe it. And she never had been so desperate to get her memories back until that moment.

Maybe it was because she was wishing too hard that she finally got what she wanted. Everything around her went spinning. Her head feels like it’s about to explode. She didn’t know how she got on the floor, hands on her head, twisting and turning and screaming from pain or when her mom started screaming just as loud and looking at her with teary eyes full of concern.

There were memories flooding her conscious mind all at once. The memories that she thought were gone forever were coming back to her now.

She closed her eyes, crying for everything that it’s worth. She cried out of frustrations, regrets, and most of all guilt. Why Taemin didn’t want her to learn the truth and why he was lying to her all this time, she completely understands everything now.

And then everything went completely dark.