A/N: Surprise! I'm back. Sooooo I wrote 95% of this back in 2015 (or at least I think I did, I don't even remember) but I just couldn't finish it. When I looked at it today, I was like, wow I actually have so much written, I just gotta push through and finish the chapter. And so - here we are.

I would highly recommend you to reread the first 4 chapters hahaha. I don't even remember what happened in them anymore.

Tiffany grimaces when she takes a seat on the couch, rubbing her back with a pained expression.

“Sorry,” Taeyeon says sheepishly.

“That’s your idea of an apology for scything me down?”

“Okay, there’s no need to be a drama queen about it. I did not ‘scythe you down.’”

“You totally did. I think my bruises have bruises.”

“I bet you don’t even have a single bruise.” Taeyeon reaches toward Tiffany, who agilely ducks away. “Hey, where did your hurt old lady act go?”

“Hurt old lady act?” Tiffany repeats, her voice getting shriller with each word. Taeyeon almost winces. “Kim Taeyeon, do you—”

“Fany, please tone it down a bit,” Yuri complains, holding her hands over her ears as she flops down on the couch beside them. “I can hear you all the way from my room.”

“Your room is at the end of the hallway!”

“Exactly.”

Taeyeon cuts in. “I don’t think Fany is that loud. Anyway, I thought you were watching a drama.”

“I was,” Yuri says, “but my bed was so comfortable that I fell asleep.”

Tiffany snorts. “What are you, Jes—” As soon as the first syllable leaves , she snaps it shut and gives Taeyeon an apologetic look. Taeyeon very determinedly keeps her expression blank.

An awkward silence descends upon them.

“So, how’s your back, Taengoo?” Yuri asks in a transparent attempt to change the subject.

“It’s fine,” she says automatically. In the wake of recent events, she’s almost forgotten about her injury. “I’m almost back to normal.”

“That’s good. Normal is good.”

Is it? Taeyeon wonders. What is normal, even?

“What were you and Fany talking about?” Yuri asks brightly. “It sounded like something funny.”

Taeyeon’s throat locks up on her, but Tiffany, as usual, saves the day. “Oh, Taeyeon crashed into me and knocked me onto the ground and now I’m sore all over and she won’t even apologize.”

“I’m going to make you sore all over,” Taeyeon mutters under her breath. Tiffany punches her in the shoulder. “Ow! What the hell? Who’s hurting who here?”

Yuri snickers. “Why did Taengoo knock you over?”

“Oh, you know her,” Tiffany says dismissively. “She has no sense of coordination.”

“I think that’s you, actually,” Yuri says. Tiffany puts on her wounded puppy look, and Yuri just cringes. “Please, stop with the aegyo already. It’s not the best look on you.”

“You guys are so mean to me,” Tiffany sighs tragically, crossing her arms over her chest.

Yuri doesn’t look the slightest bit chagrined. “I’m sorry. You just make it so easy.”

Taeyeon hides a laugh behind her hand, but judging from Tiffany’s scowl, she doesn’t do it very well. “Hey, her aegyo got her a boyfriend.”

“That’s true.” Yuri pats Tiffany’s shoulder. “Don’t worry, Fany, I’m sure Nichkhun finds it very cute.”

“Don’t you have a baseball game to watch?”

Taeyeon laughs. Tiffany and Yuri get into ‘arguments’ often, and they’re always entertaining to watch. Jessica used to joke that they might as well date since they argued like a married couple.

Thinking about Jessica makes Taeyeon’s expression sober. Thoughts of Jessica used to make her smiles bloom; now they just make them wilt. Then again, after that conversation… After that conversation.

She feels a hand settle over hers, and she breaks out of her thoughts and realizes that Tiffany is looking at her, eyes all sad and sorry. She must know what – who – Taeyeon is thinking about. Taeyeon almost just blurts out that Tiffany doesn’t have to feel so bad for her, because she and Jessica are…because there is a she and Jessica. There is again. There still is. There is.

“Taeyeon,” Tiffany starts.

She meets Tiffany’s eyes squarely, even though she can’t stand the pity there. “I’m sorry I knocked you over.”

Tiffany’s eyebrows draw together. “It’s okay.”

“You don’t really have bruises, do you?”

Tiffany gives a wan smile. “Maybe a scar.”

“A scar?” Taeyeon repeats quizzically.

Tiffany shakes her head. “Never mind. I’m just talking nonsense.”

“Okay.” Taeyeon feels like she’s missing something. “If you say so.”

“Did you have a knife in your hand when you knocked her over, Taengoo?” Yuri asks. “Scarring sounds serious.”

Tiffany laughs. “You make her sound like a psycho.”

“Well, she is pretty crazy.”

“You would know about being crazy.”

“Hey! For your information…”

Taeyeon watches Tiffany and Yuri rally off with a faint smile.

After a while, Taeyeon excuses herself from Tiffany and Yuri’s banter party on the couch and heads to her room. These days she’s been feeling more tired more often. It’s not that she gets tired of her friends; it’s just that she gets tired, period. She’s pretty sure everyone’s noticed, but none of them has said anything. Well, not directly. What is there to say anyway?

Once she’s in her room, she shuts the door and lies on her bed. She just stays like that for a few minutes, eyes closed, mind cleared, reaching a state of restfulness that’s almost like sleep.

Then, someone knocks on the door. With a sigh, she gets up and shuffles to the door, throwing it open.

Tiffany blinks when she gets a look at her. “Were you sleeping?”

“No.” Taeyeon’s reply sounds shorter than she intended, so she adds, “I was—resting.”

“Oh.” Tiffany looks contrite. “Sorry I disturbed your rest.”

“It’s okay.” She grabs Tiffany’s arm and tugs her into the room, closing the door behind them. “I’m surprised you knocked. I didn’t even know you knew how to.”

Tiffany elbows her, and Taeyeon winces exaggeratedly. “You’re so violent today.”

“And you’re so cheerful.” Tiffany’s tone is flippant, but her eyes are serious, trained on Taeyeon like she’s trying to read her mind. “Nice phone call you had earlier?”

“Yes,” Taeyeon says honestly.

Tiffany’s eyes widen and then brighten. “So, you and Jessi…”

“Yeah, we – there is a ‘we’ now.”

“Hasn’t there always been?”

“You know what it was like for me, these past months,” Taeyeon says quietly. “I didn’t even talk to her until this week.”

“I know that,” Tiffany says gently, “but I mean…” She gives a helpless-looking shrug. “You and Jessi have always been…you and Jessi, you know?”

“You’re very eloquent today too.”

“Oh shut up, you know what I mean.”

“No, not really.” Tiffany looks like she wants to elbow her again, and Taeyeon prepares herself for it – Tiffany has a sharp elbow, and Taeyeon’s ribs aren’t really up for another assault – but Tiffany doesn’t make any aggressive moves.

“You aren’t the obnoxious PDA, in-your-face kind of couple. You aren’t even obvious, really, because both of you are so… You’re both very internal people.” If Taeyeon weren’t so caught up in what Tiffany is saying, she would have questioned Tiffany’s Korean at that odd word choice. “But I’ve seen the way you look at each other.”

Taeyeon clears . “That’s just… Did you get the last line from a movie or something? That was so cheesy.”

“You love cheesy,” Tiffany says, unfazed.

“You sound like you spend your spare time observing us and taking notes. That’s actually pretty creepy.”

“Oh please, I have better things to do than that. I just—notice things.”

“Huh,” Taeyeon says. “Are we…noticeable?”

“Not to most people, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“But you noticed.”

Tiffany shrugs. “I’m not most people,” she says, and Taeyeon can’t argue with that.

Taeyeon has a weird feeling when Tiffany leaves the dorm with a cheerful reminder that Sunkyu is visiting family for the weekend so—

“You’ll have the place all to yourself, TaeTae! Enjoy it.”

“Yeah, I’ll definitely enjoy being away from you,” Taeyeon says, and promptly closes the door on Tiffany’s wounded pout. Yuri was right – her aegyo really is getting old.

When she hears knocks on the door a few minutes later, she assumes that Tiffany has forgotten something.

“Hey, what did you for—” Taeyeon says as she opens the door, but she trails off mid-sentence and freezes. It’s definitely not Tiffany. She rubs her eyes, unable to believe the sight in front of her. She counts to ten in her head, takes a few deep breaths and pinches herself just to be safe.

Taeyeon opens her eyes. Jessica is still there. Here. In front of her.

“I think I’m asleep,” slips out of .

“Isn’t that my line?” Jessica says, with a small, tentative smile that fades when Taeyeon just keeps staring at her. “Taeyeon?”

She doesn’t remember moving toward Jessica, but the next thing she knows, she has her arms wrapped around Jessica and her face buried against Jessica’s neck. It’s a very familiar position, one they’ve assumed countless times, but her memories haven’t been able to hold onto all the details, like the way Jessica’s hair tickles her cheek and how Jessica’s scent surrounds her.

“You smell good,” she mumbles, and Jessica laughs.

“Really? I feel like I sweated a bucket coming here.”

“You didn’t have to be nervous,” Taeyeon says softly, even though she was – is – too.

“I wasn’t nervous, I was running.”

Taeyeon pulls away so she can give Jessica an incredulous look. “You were running? Who are you and what have you done with my Jessica?”

Jessica opens , looking like she’s on the verge of saying something, but then she closes it again almost immediately. The silence presses between them like a tangible presence. Just as Taeyeon’s about to crack a lame joke just to break it, Jessica speaks.

“I still am,” she says quietly. “Your Jessica.”

Taeyeon’s throat closes up on her, so she reaches for Jessica and takes her hand, the closest part of her. Jessica slips her fingers between Taeyeon’s and they just stand like that, fingers interlaced, eyes locked, for a while. It’s not something they do often, and it’s—surprisingly pleasant.

“I’ve missed this,” Jessica says conversationally.

“Holding my hand?”

“Not that specifically. Just—touching you.”

“I’ve missed that too.” Taeyeon clears . It was so much easier to voice sentiments over the phone. Talking has never been her forte, but she needs to say these things, and Jessica needs to hear them. “I’ve missed you too.”

Jessica’s looking at her with such intense focus and affection and—intensity, period, that Taeyeon finds it hard to maintain eye contact. She drops her eyes for a moment, her gaze landing on Jessica’s lips. Have they always been this pink? She can’t remember the last time she felt them under hers.

“Are you just going to stare at my mouth or are you going to kiss me?”

Taeyeon jerks her eyes up to Jessica’s and finds laughter dancing in them, along with something else, something even brighter and warmer. “I…I don’t know if I’m allowed to.”

Jessica’s expression sobers and softens at the same time. “Of course you’re allowed to. You’re—I want you to.”

Taeyeon doesn’t need more of an invitation than that.

Jessica says that she’s too sweaty and she needs to take a shower, and Taeyeon almost asks if she needs someone to wash her back. However, she stops herself. She would have without hesitation before, but she doesn’t know if they’re still the Taeyeon and Jessica from before. Jessica had said I still am, your Jessica, but Taeyeon can’t let herself think that nothing has changed. Even though she sells fantasies for a living, she can’t let herself get stuck in one.

Jessica comes out of the bathroom in a towel. Only a towel. Taeyeon stares at all the smooth, pale skin that is on display, skin that she hasn’t felt against hers in months, skin that she feels like she’s only allowed to look at now, not touch. Jessica feels like look, don’t touch right now, and Taeyeon doesn’t know whether to stare forever or glance away.

The faintest hint of pink comes over Jessica’s face, but she holds Taeyeon’s gaze. “Are you just going to stare at me or are you going to touch me?”

“I—” Taeyeon’s voice dies. Of course she wants to touch Jessica. When she thought about her, she had thought about this too, not first or foremost, but not last either.

Jessica bites her lip, not seductively but almost hesitantly. “Unless you…”

“I don’t know if you want me to.”

“Of course I do.” Jessica looks at her like she’s crazy. “I want you to—I want you.” Her expression turns exasperated. “How can you still not know that?”

Taeyeon swallows. “It’s just – it’s been a while and I don’t know if you…”

Jessica’s gaze softens. “There hasn’t been anyone else.”

Taeyeon hadn’t even considered that. “That’s not what I meant.”

“Then what did you?”

“It’s just.” Taeyeon bites her lip. “I thought about you all the time, but it wasn’t like I was thinking about you . I mean, I did that too but not like, constantly. It’s just, I mean—”

“Taeyeon,” Jessica cuts her off, laughing. “It’s okay. I get it.”

Taeyeon just looks at her sheepishly.

“Taeyeon,” Jessica repeats, tongue curling around her name.

“Period or comma?”

Jessica smiles. “Ellipsis.”

Taeyeon puts her arms around Jessica and pulls her close. She does it with the intention to tug her in for a kiss, but then she just stays like that for a long moment. Jessica is warm and soft in her arms, and she still fits there the way she used to. It’s been so long since she’s held Jessica, touched Jessica, had Jessica.

“Taeyeon?” Jessica murmurs after a while.

“Hmm?”

“I’m cold.”

“Oh!” Taeyeon lets her go and takes a step back instinctively. Jessica doesn’t let her retreat though, presses right against her and leaves her with no air between them. Taeyeon doesn’t mind; Jessica is as essential as oxygen to her, and being without her is suffocating.

Jessica’s hair is falling into her eyes, and Taeyeon aches to brush it back. “I said I’m cold, I didn’t say go away.”

Taeyeon wets her lips. “I wouldn’t even if you did.”

Jessica’s eyes go all liquid in that way that Taeyeon hasn’t seen in a long, long time. God, she’s missed this too. She’s missed so much about Jessica, and she’s missed Jessica so much. Without even realizing it, her hand finds its way to Jessica’s face and she brushes the lock of hair covering Jessica’s eyes away from it. She doesn’t want anything to hide Jessica’s face, to obscure it from her while she drinks Jessica in, trying to burn every figment of this moment into her memory.

“Taeyeon.” Jessica puts her hand over Taeyeon’s, still resting on her cheek. There is so much that she needs to remember, that she needs to hold onto while she still can. “Taeyeon, don’t look at me like that.”

Taeyeon’s throat is dry. “Like what?”

“Taeyeon.” She can’t count how many times Jessica’s said her name by this point. She means to ask Jessica what punctuation mark she’s using this time, but she falls silent at the way Jessica’s looking at her. Instead of continuing, Jessica kisses her, hand tightening around hers almost painfully. Taeyeon doesn’t resist, doesn’t have any intentions of pulling away or letting go.

When Jessica draws back, slowly, reluctantly, her towel has slipped down a considerable amount. Taeyeon’s eyes are naturally drawn down to the generous view she’s offered, but she returns them to Jessica’s face a split second later.

Jessica looks very amused. “You know, I don’t mind if you were thinking about me .”

Taeyeon makes a half-choked spluttering sound.

Jessica shrugs, which makes her towel drop a little more. Taeyeon doesn’t know if it’s on purpose. “I mean, I would mind if you were thinking about someone else .”

“There hasn’t been anyone else,” Taeyeon says softly, and Jessica looks at her with those liquid, lambent eyes, like there’s starlight caught in them.

“Good,” Jessica whispers, and then she’s taking Taeyeon’s arm and leading her toward the bed.

“Jessica,” Taeyeon says as Jessica pushes her onto it and follows her. “Are you sure?”

Jessica looks exasperated again. “Are you really asking me such a stupid question?”

Taeyeon’s voice is soft but steady. “I just want you to be sure.”

“Taeyeon.” Jessica’s voice is steely. “I’m sure. I told you – I want you.” Her gaze is steely too but somehow soft at the same time. “I haven’t stopped wanting you.”

Taeyeon moves back on the bed so there’s more room for Jessica. “Good,” she breathes against . “I haven’t stopped either.”

Jessica’s towel gets tossed onto the ground, followed by Taeyeon’s clothes. As Jessica trails down Taeyeon’s neck, Taeyeon thinks about how wanting isn’t the only thing she hasn’t stopped. She thinks about saying it, but Jessica finds her lips again, and she kisses back with all the words she never said.

She’ll say them eventually, but for now she’ll let her body do the speaking.

A/N:There should be a short and sweet epilogue, but we're finally at the home stretch!