Monday October 13, 2014

So I've been constantly thinking about this topic: the topic of SYLA. I've been seriously thinking whether or not I should waste my energy and youth on this one guy I have only seen once; not knowing if I'll be able to see him again. And my conclusion? I have no clue what to do! Ugh. I took out my phone:

                Kim: Can I just go back to the day I met him? OTL I WILL SERIOUSLY APPROACH HIM THIS TIME. Like accidentally push him or something.

                Kim: HEUHEUHEU

                Pebbes: You'll see him again! But if you do, you have to promise that you'll touch him.

                Koko: Or talk to him.

                Kim: I PROMISE!!! T.T

                Kim: Gdi, but I haven't even seen him for the past few weeks.... I HAVE THE WORST LUCK WITH GUYSS

                Momo: Kim, IT'LL HAPPEN IF YOU BELIEVE. BELIEVE AND YOU WILL ACHIEVE!

                Kim: Shaddap.

After chatting with my friends, I decided to make a deadline. A deadline for fate. If I see him this Friday, I'll really try to talk to him. On the other hand, if I don't see him, then that's it. No more. My young heart can't handle the pain of unrequited affection. I guess this is why those guys keep singing about how youth hurts.

 

 

Thursday October 16, 2014

 

With each day passing, what Momo said keeps replaying in my head, “It's just not meant to be.” I've tried though. I've tried to look for him at the bus stop, searching around as my hair's flying through the wind, but I couldn't find him. I've tried to think about him so the wavelengths of my thoughts could somehow be received by him, but nothing. I've tried to find him on Facebook, but I realized I don't even know his name. I've tried and tried, but I get no results. I'm just worn out by this whole thing. Tomorrow will be the day I make my decision. It will al depend on whether I see him or not. But I'm not going to try too hard. I'm just going to pretend like it's an ordinary day. I'm not going to be overly excited and expectant about what'll happen. I'll just see where things will take me.

 

 

Friday October 17, 2014

I couldn't sleep really well. I guess I'm nervous about today. Even though I tried to force myself to forget this issue, it occupies a somewhat large part of my mind-and heart. Ugh. Look at me becoming cheesy. Disgusting. I don't want to become Momo. 
Well, I gotta get out of bed and get ready for school. Look at me so unaffected. I'm not even going to try to look nice or anything. Haha... I'll just wear this regular, old sweater and jeans.

After getting ready and eating breakfast, I walked out of the house and headed for the bus stop. I looked up and noticed some dark clouds. I should've checked the weather forecast before I left the house. It kinda seems like it'll rain, but it also seems like it won't. Ha, reminds me of the uncertainty I feel about SYLA. I feel like I'll see him, but I also feel like I won't.

By the time I had finished that sentence, I was at my bus stop. I then waited, boarded, and rode the bus to the subway. As I stared out the window, I found my self looking at the clouds. I felt like they also reflected what I was feeling inside. The gloomy and dark feeling, the unsure and stuffed, suffocating feeling. The clouds felt like a good representation of my current emotions. Comparing clouds with my emotions? Deep stuff, man.

I arrived at the subway which was even more packed than usual, which meant it would be difficult to get to my usual spot. I wouldn't be able to be free from people breathing on me.

This subway ride felt like forever. I don't even know if it took longer than usual because I couldn't keep track of time, since I was swaying between the state of consciousness and unconsciousness from holding my breath.

But I made it, so it's time for the next thing on my schedule: the premedia lecture.

 

* * *

 

Today's lecture wasn't bad. I managed to stay awake, despite not getting my eight hours of sleep yesterday. I'm just looking forward to the amplified emotions my lack of sleep will bring when I find out fate's answer.

I guess I haven't realized, well I tried not to realize, but the closer I'm getting to the bus terminal, the closer my deadline is getting. I feel nervous about this whole thing, but I need it to be done. I need a definite sign to tell me whether I should be pursuing this puppy love or leaving it behind.

I arrived at the bus terminal, and with the extra time that I set aside to reload money onto my PRESTO card for the subway, I found myself behind a long line of people. A much longer line than I had expected.

I kept looking back and forth from the slowly decreasing line, to the time I had left on my phone before I could MAYBE catch a glimpse of SYLA and board my bus. My bus is one of those rare ones that comes every 40 minutes. If I miss this bus, I'm going to slap myself.

A couple of minutes later, and I started to panic when I realized that I only have 2 minutes left before my bus comes, and there's one more person in front of me. “Oh great, my battery is dying too.” At least I have a chance of being home in a few minutes. I don't need my phone for anything besides listening to music.

Okay, I'm next; “I'd like to load $10, please. Here's the cash.” I don't know if it was just me, but this lady was being extra slow on purpose. While the lady behind the counter was loading my card, I could see a bus pulling up to the stop. My palms were starting to get sweaty, and I could see that it was starting to rain outside too.

She finally handed me my card. I grabbed it yelling, “No receipt!”, as I ran to the bus that was just starting to leave. I managed to hop on board, “Phew. I made it,” I said under my breath as I plopped onto an open seat at the front.

I took a moment to catch my breath and check that I picked up everything. I had my bag, my phone, my wallet, and the card. That's good. Sigh. Even though I managed to make it on my bus, I didn't get to see SYLA. Sigh. I looked at the raindrops on the window of the bus, and then down at my wet shoes, “I guess this means it really isn't meant to-” before I could finish my sentence, I lifted my head up, looked outside the window, past the raindrops, through the heavy rain that was falling from the sky, to notice that the bus was taking a completely different route than normal. And for someone who has been riding the exact same bus to get home for over a month now, I wouldn't be having this feeling telling me that I'm lost.

I looked around my surroundings to see if I could identify something that was familiar to me to calm me down. But to my surprise, it wasn't something that was familiar, but someone. It was him. SYLA. I saw that he was standing diagonally from me, holding onto the pole, with his back towards me. I looked down onto the floor because I didn't know where else to look. As I held my head down, I began to remember the promise I made with my friends, and the deal that I made with myself.

I looked up, I stood up, and I made my way to him. “Um, excuse me?” He looked at me, and we locked eyes. It was him. He's right in front of me. I got chills.

“Yes?” he replied, with his voice clear and deeper than I had expected. He's still looking at me. What do I say?

“Uh... my phone is dead... and I was wondering... if... um... you knew about this bus?” Ugh. Please tell me I didn't sound as stupid as I heard myself say.

He looked away and seemed to be thinking, “I know this is heading to my stop.” He turned to me and smiled. He has a cute smile. “What else.... Oh! This is bus 9 and its final destination is Meadow-valley. I think that's it.”

Meadow-valley?! A feeling of complete confusion washed over me, like a wave crashing onto a shore. I've never heard of this place before.
I guess he saw the confused expression on my face because he asked me, “Could it be you're on the wrong bus?” I looked at him, probably with a dumbfounded look, and nodded. His response was a smile that wiped away the scared feelings I had. “Let's see...” he began to think, “mind telling me which street you live on?”

“Uh, yes! It's Cree Lane.” I could feel myself starting to feel a lot less nervous with him.

“Hm. Bad news is, I have no clue where that is,” he looked out the window and then back at me, “but the good news is, my stop is coming up. So if you don't mind, would you like to come to my house?”

“Huh?”

Stop Requested

“Welp, here it is. Let's go~” he sang while he grabbed my arm. I was in a state of confusion and happiness to understand what was happening. But once I got off the bus, I realized what I was getting myself into. When we took cover from the heavy rain under the bus shelter, I pulled my arm away.

“Sorry, I'm a little confused right now.”

“Oh! No, it's my bad. I kind of dragged you against your will, huh? My plan was for you to come to my house so we could look up how to get you home. Plus, it'd be nice to get you an umbrella before you went on your way, or until the rain lightens up. Ah, but don't worry. My little sister is at home from school.”

“Um, I see.” I know there's a lot of things wrong with this situation, but why does it seem like I'll be safe with him?

“Okay! If you understand and are okay with it, let's go. It's a pretty short distance from here, but we still have to run there. Here,” he covered me with his jacket, “ready to run?” He asked me this while he was smiling. What a sly guy. The only think I felt myself do was nod. And then, we were running.

I ran behind him while holding his jacket on top of my head, putting my trust in him. I didn't have thoughts of which way he was going or if it was safe. When I looked into his eyes and saw his smile, I felt myself being able to trust him. Am I still comparing him to Sungyeol?

We had then arrived onto his front door step. “Cool! We made it. Let me just get my keys,” he reached over to his jacket pocket, which brushed my hand on the way. This made my face flush. “Oh no. I think you might be getting sick. Stay strong, we're almost inside.” He unlocked the door and walked in. As for me, I hesitated before taking a step. I kept wondering if this was the right decision to make. It's not too late to turn around.

“Oppa!” I heard, along with thumps down the stairs. Then the next thing I knew, the source was in front of us. “Welcome home!”

“Hey Anne. How were you by yourself?”

“Good! But don't worry, I'm already 10 years old. I'm not a child anymore.”

“Haha. Sorry,” he ruffed her hair. He then turned to me, “This is a friend who's going to stay until the rain lights up. Could you get her some comfortable clothes from mom's closet, please?” I realized that I had already stepped inside the house, and the door behind me was closed.

“Hi oppa's friend! I'm going to get you some comfy clothes.”

“Oh, okay. Thanks.” I smiled. And she smiled back before thumping back up the stairs.

“Well for now, it'll be smart to get you a towel and some warm tea. If you could take a seat there, I'll be right back.” He pointed to the stools that stood along the kitchen table. He put on a kettle before he left. Then he came back, “Here's a clean towel for you. Make sure to dry yourself off properly.”

“Thanks.” I replied.

“Sure.” He smiled his smile. Thump thump thump. It was Anne coming downstairs.

“Unni!” She ran in holding a top in one hand and pants in the other, “I got you clothes!”

“Thank you.” I replied, while smiling at her cuteness.

“Thanks a bunch, Anne.” He then turned to me, “The bathroom is down the hall and to the left.”

“Okay.” I got up and headed to the bathroom using the directions he gave me. He didn't lie about having a sister, and he gave me correct directions... I can trust him. Well that's what I've been doing so far anyways.

I changed into the clothes Anne brought for me. They fit pretty well. I headed back to the kitchen, where a cup of warm tea awaited me. One sip and it warmed my body right up.

“Here are the cables to charge your phone. I didn't know if you were an Apple or Android user, so I brought both.”

“Thanks! I'll take the charger for Androids.”

“Here ya go. Plug it into the outlet wherever you can find one.”

“Speaking of phones...” he said as he started pat down his pockets and look around, “I'll be right back.” And I could hear him go upstairs. It sounded similar to how Anne used them. I giggled.

“Heehee” I heard behind me. I turned around to find Anne looking up at me.

“Hi Anne.” I said.

“Hello.” She responded.

“How old are you?”

“My name is Annie, but people call me Anne. I was born on December 13^th, 2004, making me 10 years old. How about you?”
I took a sip of the tea and cleared my throat before starting my introduction. 

“Hello-”

“Hi!” She responded. I could only smile at her cuteness.

“My name is Kim. I was born on August 21^st, 1996, which makes me 18 years old.”

“Oh! So you're a lot younger than me.” I looked up to find that he returned and was leaning on the door frame. I was a little taken aback, but managed to say:

“Your turn.” He let out a laugh before beginning.

“The name's Sojoon Yoon. You can call me Yoon. 184 cm tall, male, and born on June 15^th, 1991; which makes me the oldest, at 23 years old.” Wow. He's a good looking Korean guy with the same birthday as Koko. He then looked down at Anne, “Hey Anne, have you seen my phone?”

“Nope! Did you lose it again?”

“I'm afraid so...”

“Well, I'm not helping you look for it again. I'll be in my room with Double Take if you need me.” Our eyes followed her as she left, and then we heard the thumping of her feet against the stairs as she went into her room.

“Double Take?” I asked.

“Yeah. They're her 5 member crew of toys. You should ask her about that,” he smiled. Then he turned to me. “Hey Kim, want me to show you something cool?”

“Sure.”

“Okay~ Follow me.”

He led the way as I followed behind him. He seemed to be heading to the living room, which had a computer. “This way,” he motioned. He sat down in front of the computer that was already on. “So one day, I was browsing through the internet when I found this program that uses a GPS to find phones. For a guy like me, who keeps losing sight of his phone, thought it was a good idea to buy it. I use it quite a lot,” he was saying as he opened the program. “So, all I have to do is click this, open a new search, and then add in the cell phone number here at the side.” Type type. "And once I enter my cellphone number, I click search, and voila!” On the screen, you could see the Earth in space, which zoomed into Canada, zooming into Ontario, and to the street where we were.

“Woah.” It was similar to what you would see in Google Maps.

“Yeah! Pretty high-tech stuff. So thankfully, my phone is in this house. I now click refine search, and then it shows that it's located in the upstairs of the house.... in my room! Oh, I must've left it somewhere while I was changing out of my rain-drenched clothes a while ago. Let's see... I'll let you play around with this, while I get my phone from upstairs. If you think this is fake, try locating your cell phone,” he taunted, “I'll be right back.” And with that, he left to find his phone.

“Wow. Technology.” I then felt my eyes fall onto a set of numbers that were on the side of the screen, flashing for my attention. These numbers... they're Yoon's digits. Hm... “4 4 2 5 4 1,” I began to recite. Ugh so many numbers... “4 4 2 – 5 4 1 – 1 2... 4 4 2 – 5 4 1 – 1 2... 4 4 2 – 5 4 1 – 1 2 5... 4 4 2 – 5 4 4 – 1 2 5? No...
4 4 2 – 5 4 1 – 1 2... Ugh.” Trying to memorize this many numbers and keeping a look out for Yoon is seriously hard... “Okay, 4 4 2 – 5 4 1 - ”

“Did you track your phone yet? Isn't it cool?” That scared me.

“Oh, I didn't know how to open a new search...” Oh no... do I sound stupid?

“Ah! Sorry. I was confused about this thing at first too.” He then leaned over to see the screen. His face was a little close to mine... “Right there. Click that.” I heard his voice so close to my ear. It was deep and soothing. I blushed,

“O-okay.”

“Now all you do is type your number in.” And I did what he said. I found myself using my peripheral vision to see if Yoon was interested in my phone number. It didn't seem like he was. He was too busy staring outside the window. “Oh, you're done. Okay, now click search,” and I did just that.

“Oh! It leads back to your street, and it's in the kitchen!”

“Yeah! This program is pretty cool, huh?” It actually is cool. “It seems like the rain has stopped. I think we should use the computer to find a way back to your house.”

“Oh... yeah... Good idea.” It was saddening, thinking about how I'd have to part from him. And we only got to start talking today...

“You take the bus that comes after mine, right?” he asked me while opening a new tab,

“How'd you know?”

“Because I think a couple weeks back, I saw you.” Oh! He saw me! Well he did do a triple take.

“Oh! We have the same bus stop?” Ha. Look at me trying to act like I don't know anything.

“Yeah! I guess that's how you ended up taking the wrong bus,” and I'm so glad that happened. “So from this, it seems like you just need to take one bus on that street, and it'll go straight to your house. Well, right now it's close to 4:30 pm... let's see if there are any buses coming any time soon.” I hope there isn't one that's going to come for a while. “Oh! 4:40. We can make that one!” Oh... wow...

“That's good...” I tried not to sound disappointed.

“Don't worry. I know we just met a few minutes ago, but now we're not strangers anymore, right?”

“Yeah, that's true.” I smiled.

“Well, let's get going. Your next bus doesn't come until a long time.” After I grabbed all of my things, Yoon called “Anne!” from the bottom the the stairs, “Kim's leaving!”

“What?!” Thump thump thump. Down she came. “But you just got here. Aren't you staying for dinner?” she pouted.

“Not today. She's got to go home and rest up.”

“Aw man...” she turned to me, “will you visit me next time?”

I looked to Yoon, who showed his smiled. “Yes, I will.” Once Anne gave me her smile, Yoon opened the front door.

“Okay, I'll be back soon. Don't open the door for anyone.”

“Okay. Bye Kim! I'll introduce you to Double Take next time!”

“Sure! I'd like that. Bye,” I waved, as Yoon closed the door to lock it.

“Alright, let's go.” And we both made our way to the bus stop.

We were walking at a moderate pace. Not too slow, not too fast. It was a comfortable pace. “It always feels refreshing after rainfall,” Yoon said while looking up at the sky,

“Yeah...”

Once we arrived to the bus stop, I told him he could go back, but he insisted on seeing me board the bus. When I saw the bus coming down the road, I turned to him and said, “Thank you for today. I would've been in big trouble if it wasn't for you.”

“Nah, things happen. I'm glad that I got to meet you.”

“Me too.” I felt sadness welling up inside me. I could feel tears about to start. This is where the story ends, right?

“Don't feel that this is a goodbye. We're not strangers anymore so make sure to say 'hi' if you see me. I'll do the same.” I couldn't look him in the eyes. He'd see my tears.

As the bus pulled up behind me, Yoon put his hand on my head and ruffled my hair. I looked up, and our eyes met. He then smiled, and brought my ear close to him and whispered “I'm glad that it rained today.” I looked up to see him smiling at me. “Well, in you go!” he said as he pushed me into the bus, “get home safe! I hope to see you next week! Same bus stop, same time.” And the bus doors closed. Through the windows I could see him waving and smiling at me. I stared out the window until he was out of sight. “I'm glad that it rained today.” I blushed.

“Me too, Yoon.”