And so I followed my mother's advise.  It was hard for me to open up to other people since the only people I would open up to are Kang In and my mother.  The first obstacle for me, I guess, was how to announce that I was already open to dating.  Kang In helped me in this process by introducing me to some of his friends and facilitated some sort of getting-to-know-you processes. 

The first guy I dated was Kyuhyun.  He was actually sweet, caring and was a singer in Kang In's school band and knew how to play the guitar.  When we were dating, he would usually stay outside the school's painting studio, carrying his guitar case and a box of doughnuts.  I actually enjoyed watching him under the maple tree outside the studio, so I went ahead and drew him one time.  It was spring, and the colors were so vibrant.  My friend took a snapshot of him and on the next day, I showed the painting to him. 

"I never knew I had that faraway look in my eyes.  You really do have that talent Eeteuk.", he complimented me. 

"And what talent would that be exactly, Kyuhyun?", I asked him back with a modest laugh.  It was not usual for me to receive compliments from other people.  "Your talent to capture one scene into a still painting, and make it alive and more beautiful.", he replied. 

"A thing of beauty is a joy forever.  I forgot who said that, but whenever I paint, that proverb is always on my mind."

"Speaking of joy, may I have that painting if you don't mind? It pretty much gives me joy right now.", he said to me.

"Hahaha~  Of course.  I specially made it for you.  But don't touch it yet.  The paint's quite runny still."

"Thank you.  I only want to marvel at its beauty with my eyes.  Just look at the vivid colors..", he said, totally transfixed with the painting.  Then I remembered what Kang In told me a few months back regarding my paintings. 

"Well, you should see this Kang In.  It's as bright as bright could get.", I mumbled to myself.

"Hm?  What was that?", Kyuhyun turned to look at me.  I had no idea my mumbling was that audible.

"Nothing.  Where do we go now Kyuhyun?", I asked him, flashing my most innocent smile. 

"Anywhere you want.  Since I always get to pick the place, I pass the privilege of picking the place to you now."

"The park will do.  I heard there are fire dancers there today from Micronesia."

He held my hand and told me we'll go there.  Don't get me wrong, Kyuhyun is such a nice guy, but I always feel that something is missing.  Whenever he hugs me, holds my hand, or gives me balloons, I always wonder how different would it be if it was Kang In who did it.  I just couldn't feel...the magic.  I am with him that time, but my mind -- and heart-- was with someone else.  I love to have Kyuhyun around because he makes me happy, but I don't think it would be fair on his part because I love someone else. 

This is why I don't like dating.  All the drama and whatnot.  But if I continue to fall for Kang In, I would still get hurt in the process, won't I?  Seems like a "damned if you do, damned if you don't" type of situation.