(Baekho POV)

I don’t want attention. I have never wanted attention. Attention makes you arrogant. Arrogance makes you blind. Blindness makes you hurt people, and not know it. I don’t ever want to be seen. I don’t want to hurt people. I just want to live my life, without pain. And I know I’m stupid to think that. But what Choi Ren just did, what the little fiend of a cutie just did to me was giving me attention. A lot of attention. More attention than necessary. He yelled. He stood there, looking at me, his eyes full of hurt and tears. He said something that was true. That I had nothing to hate him for. It’s true. He’s never hurt me. He’s never ripped my heart out of my chest. He’s given me attention, when all I want is to be left alone. But I walked past BTS’s lunch table, I saw Nam Joon sitting with his head in his hands, with the rose sitting in front of him. The brat didn’t even have the decency to take the flower. I felt bad for him. Choi Ren has hurt others. Choi Ren has ripped their hearts of their chests. He’s given them no attention, when all they want is a look. He’s twisted. But after the yelling was over. After he served me up the truth, along with the rest of the school, and I also served him the truth, but to him only, he did something I won’t forget. He cried. Choi Ren fell, in front of everyone, and cried. His eye makeup smearing, his hair in his face, he cried. Hearing the sobs from the boy I realized the worst truth of all. I hurt him. I ripped his heart out of his chest. I gave him the wrong attention, when all he wanted was to have an answer. I’m not saying I was lying. He is stuck up for sobbing over one person not like him, but does that mean he was serious? Does that mean he wasn’t trying to get into my pants? It could. It very well could mean that the stuttering mess I met after I moved here was being a normal human. Not a prissy, blonde, beautiful . No. No it doesn’t. It means that Choi Ren wanted me once, and since he can’t have me he wanted to get me. I was a game. I was nothing more than a one night stand. I was nothing more than a ‘-it-and-leave-it.’

I sat back down, my heart rate through the roof. His two friends came to collect Choi Ren, and clean him up. When one of them stopped. Minhyun. Minhyun tapped me on the shoulder, and said, “Come with me, we need to talk.” I complied, not wanting any more eyes on me. Aron and Choi Ren walked one way and followed Minhyun the other. He turned into an empty classroom, “Sit. You need to hear something.” I did, scared for my life. Minhyun pulled a chair up and sat in it. “I’m sure you’re a cool guy and all. I’m sure you have your reasons for disliking Ren, but you need to know one thing. He never wanted to be where he is socially. His goal for high school was never to be a Kingka. He never wanted to reign over the school and be the most talked about thing in the hallways. It just happened. It just happened that Choi Ren’s style, personality, and history turned him into the Ren you think you know and hate. But don’t think for a second that he is an arrogant whose end goal is always in some hot guys pants. It never is. Don’t believe me?” He asked, giving me time to answer. I nodded and shook my head at the same time. Not really knowing my answer. “Helpful” he muttered, pulling out his phone and dialed a number. “Hey, baby, it’s me…. Yeah…. It’s time…. Put him on….” He said. He took his phone away from his ear, and turned it on speaker. On the other end I heard the sound of short little sobs. I heard the deep and shaky breaths of most likely Choi Ren. He was sniffling and wailing. He was destroyed. I destroyed him. “I-I-I-I’m s-s-sorry” He cried out, “B-B-B-Baek-k-k-ho”

Minhyun hit the end button. “Tell me, why is he apologizing?” he asked, looking me in the eyes. I was at a loss for words. He was right. Why is Choi Ren apologizing? “I don’t know” I answered, my voice faltering. “I have to go,” I said as I got up and tried to leave, Minhyun just stood up and blocked the door way with his body, “You are the one who made him cry. Don’t forget.” He said, and let me go.

(Ren POV)

My head hurts, my eyes hurt, my throat hurts, but mostly my heart hurts.  When Aron came to pick me up off the floor he took me to the bathroom to help me calm down.  I don’t know where Minhyun went but I couldn’t be bothered to care at the moment.  Once we made it to the bathroom my knees grew weak and I started to fall.  Aron caught me and we slipped to the ground, I had been crying on his shoulder for a good 8 minutes when his cell phone started to ring.  “Minhyun?” Aron said in to the phone, “Do you want Ren?”  He turned to me “This is Minhyun, he’s with Baekho, is there anything else you want to say to him?”  I nodded my head vigorously, planning on begging Baekho to love me some more.  But as I took the phone I thought of his face, his beautiful face, and I thought of what I know about him.  I know he doesn’t like attention and I know how terrible my freak out must have been for him and I know I can’t hurt him anymore.  So as Aron hands me the phone, all I can say through my sobbing is “I’m sorry Baekho”.

After fixing my makeup we finally come out of the bathroom, Minhyun is waiting for us.  He runs over and starts rubbing my back “how are you doing?”  He says, the concern obvious in his eyes.  I put on a brave face “I’m ok”  “good” he replied.  “So,”  He says trying to distract me, “we have some time before our next class, and we still need to sign up for our rooms for the school trip to Jeju-do.  Let’s go do that.”  We made our way to the front office and found the sign up table, the sign said there were two people to a room.  Also that this trip was on the buddy system so whoever you stayed with was your buddy that you had to always be with.  “Ohhhhhhh,” Aron excitedly squealed,  “Minnie, Minnie, Minnie, you’ll be my buddy right?  Then we can cuddle all night, go to couples spas, and go swimming at the beach together!”  Minhyun smiled and looked at Aron lovingly “Of course honey bunny.”  They both giggled, I gagged.  They wrote their names down on the first clipboard.  I see the seconded one titled random, it says that if you don’t have someone to room with you put your name down here and get paired up randomly.  Seeing that these two lovebirds are really my only friends I put my name on this list.  I really hope this goes well, but hey, how could it get worse?

The rest of class was okay. Though, Baekho was still in my class, I just opted to ignore him. The entire class had their eyes on me. And it wasn’t the normal ‘Choi Ren is amazing’ ‘He is beautiful’ ‘I want to be in his pants’ looks, it was the ‘Choi Ren just cried’ ‘His face is still puffy’ ‘Choi Ren lied when he said he wasn’t looking for a relationship.’ It was the evil stares of my on lookers. My position made me feel like a celebrity. I was one. Rumors about me spread like wild fire. Both good and bad. Though I was loved, and only had one person who was blatantly obvious about his… uh… dislike towards me, that doesn’t mean people didn’t want to gossip the dirty stuff about me. The gossip about my life, the gossip about who I was before coming to Pledis, all the dirty-dirty naughty nasty stuff about what I do when I’m home alone with a boy. They also gossip about my trips to food pantries, my donations to the school, the orphans I feed, and all of the amazing things that I do. I am like a celebrity. With paparazzi and stans. With fangirls and fanboys. I have one anti-fan. And all I want to do is be his biggest fan, if we are continuing with this metaphor. If it weren’t for my standing, if it weren’t for my fans, if it weren’t for the stupid reality I live in, would Baekho like me?

The class was boring, droning on about English and math. I just want to go home. I doodled on my notebook. It started with a little shape and by the end of the two hours was done, I ended up doing an entire mural which said in big colorful letters “I Never Wanted This.” God dammit, Ren, I cursed myself, you’re doing the emo thing again. I stood up, and closed my notebook. Not wanting anyone to see mine inner emo’s vomit on my note book. I pushed my way through my class, receiving murmurs and judgmental looks, all the way to my locker. Where Min and Aron were. They weren’t kissing, they were waiting with my stuff in hand, and ready to leave. I thank them. They know the drill, something happens, we get the hell out of school as soon as possible. Aron took my stuff, shoved it messily in my bag, and Minhyun handed me my jacket and sunglasses. I don’t know why the sunglasses. The idea was to cover my identity, but I’m the only platinum blonde in the school.

We pushed our way through the halls where I pass a mass of guys. All of them I’ve rejected, with the line ‘I’m not looking for a boyfriend, but…’ and then I proceeded to compliment them on the things I knew about the. I lied to them. I was looking for a boyfriend, but just one who was impossible. “Hey Choi Ren! You lied!” one, named Kwon Jib Yong, yelled. When he asked me out, I told him that I envied his style, and even try to emulate in my own, which was true, the dude was a fashion god. “You’re a liar!” yelled another, named Hyunsik yelled. I told him that his eye smiles were his most attractive feature, and one of the best I’ve seen to date. Baekho’s are the best, but his are pretty close. “What’s so good about that other guy? You lied to all of us! I poured all I had into that rap, and what do you do? Throw me to the side, and make googly eyes at Kang Baekho!” Spat Nam Joon. This is when the tears came. I feel terrible. I hurt all of these people. All of them. I wanted to turn around and scream at all of them. But on what grounds? I hurt them, they did nothing wrong.

For once I was glad I had the sunglasses. No one saw my makeup being ruined once again.

(Baekho POV)

After I ran out of the room with Minhyun, I decided to skip the rest of the day. Nothing in the world would make me want to stay. Nothing. I grabbed my stuff and walked out of the front, no big deal. I got to my dorm and laid on the bed. Not really doing anything, but replaying what just happened over and over. The way Choi Ren sounded when he was crying, it had to be real. And what Minhyun said, was it true? He never wanted to be where he was socially? I shook my head, “No.” I said aloud. “He’s just like Hoseok. Nothing more. Simple.” I spoke, trying to convince myself the truth. But as soon as I said his name, the memories came flooding back.

*Flashback*

“Kang Baekho,” He screamed, throwing things at me, “I hate you”

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“Jung Hoseok,” I said, looking up at the boy, “Take me back, I’m sorry”

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“Kang Baekho,” He said, I looked up at him, he planted a tender kiss on my forehead, “I love you”

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“Jung Hoseok,” I looked at the boy who was fuming with anger, “This is all your fault” I cried.
 
*End Flashback*

I look up, “Choi Ren is just like Hoseok.” I repeated to myself. Over and over and over, until those words just sounded like random sounds. “Choi Ren will hurt you.” I mutter. Repeating the actions I did with the first sentence.

(Ren POV)
        Once this horrible, horrible day had come to an end we made our way to Min's car through the packed parking lot, I through myself in to the back of his car.  Minhyun got in the driver’s seat and Aron sat next to him.  Aron turned around as Min drove off towards our dorm, "Hey Rennie, how you doing?"  "Ugh" was the only noise I made as my reply.  "Don't worry Rennie"  Minhyun cut in "it will be ok."  I saw him reach over and take Aron's hand, eyes full of love, why can’t I have that?
             We arrived at our dorm in minutes, I huffed and trudged to the door knowing it would take Aron a long while to say goodbye to Minhyun.  Don't think I'm bitter about their relationship, I truly am happy for them, they are my two best friends and I love them both like brothers.  But sometimes it’s hard.  They both are head over heels in love with each other, and sometimes I feel like it’s not fair that they have it so easy.  Sure they bicker sometimes but they never have a serious fight, the worst it’s been was two days of not speaking.  And that ended with them not leaving Aron's bedroom for two more days... needless to say I didn't sleep well and ended up kicking Minhyun out... Aron went with him.  I just want what they have I'm j-j-j-jealous. Yes, yes the great Choi Ren is jealous but how could I not be?