There was a bit of commotion when Jonghyun arrived at the hospital. Nurses walked as quickly as they could without alerting any patients of their urgency and two doctors hurried past him, murmuring under their breaths. He frowned a little at the worried air around them, but since he didn’t really know these nurses and doctors he didn’t dare ask.

Instead, he made his way to the elevators and up to his grandmother’s floor. She was asleep in her bed, her new knitting project in her lap. He gently extracted it from her grip and held it up to try and figure out what it was, but gave up and put it on her bedside table, next to her nearly untouched tray of food. He narrowed his eyes at the dry-looking potatoes and chicken, an uncomfortable trickle of worry trailing down his spine.

He forced himself to look away and sat quietly; listening to his grandmother’s soft breaths and watching her chest rise and fall. His mind was blissfully empty as he concentrated on the menial task of keeping an eye on her. He didn’t have the energy to worry about what tomorrow would bring nor what reason he would give Minho and Jinki for not going to their dinners.

Who knew love was this tiring?

Sighing, he sank lower in his chair, leaning his head against the backrest and staring at the setting sun creeping its way across the ceiling and out the window.

He had barely begun to drift off when a small, chubby nurse he knew quite well came into the room to retrieve the tray of food. Her steps faltered when she saw him and he sat up a little straighter.

“Hi, nurse Park,” Jonghyun greeted her and she gave him a soft smile.

“Hello, Jonghyun,” she answered. “Have you spoken to dr. Kim yet?”

Her expression looked a little off and he frowned at her.

“No,” he said slowly. “Is there a problem?”

She the hem of the shirt to her scrubs, not quite meeting his eyes. Then she promptly turned to leave.

“I’ll go get her,” she informed over her shoulder. “She should still be here.”

Jonghyun stared after her in bewilderment, forbidden dread spreading through him. It didn’t take long for her to return, a solemn dr. Kim in tow. Her silver speckled hair was tied in a loose bun at her neck, and her white coat was a little rumpled, as if she had fallen asleep at her desk.

“Ah, Jonghyun,” she greeted and he stood up to take her hand.

“Hello, dr. Kim,” he forced out, fear drying up his throat.

She motioned towards the door and he followed her out, casting a last glance at his still peacefully sleeping grandmother before closing the door.

“I know I told you we just needed to keep your grandmother here for a few months for observation and that there was nothing wrong,” dr. Kim began and Jonghyun nodded. “But I’m afraid she has taken a turn for the worse and needs fulltime care.”

Jonghyun stared at her, suddenly not able to breathe.

“Oh, okay,” he choked. “Uhm, I’m not entirely sure what that means?”

Dr. Kim sighed softly, looking extremely reluctant to rely the next piece of information she had.

“Her organs are beginning to fail, little by little,” she finally said, low and sombre. Jonghyun's fingertips were cold and numb when he clenched his hands into fists. “We don’t know how long she has left to live and we are doing our very best to stop her decline in health.”

The cold had spread up Jonghyun's arms now, sinking its roots into his chest.

“I-I see…” He took a shuddering breath, his vision turning blurry. “Thank you.”

He felt a hand on his shoulder, warm but not enough to melt the ice spreading through him.

“Would you like me to call your parents?” dr. Kim murmured.

Jonghyun shook his head and the first couple of tears rolled down his cheeks.

“No,” he murmured softly. “I’ll do it.”

The hand on his shoulder gave a gentle pat and he swallowed down the rest of his tears.

“We’ll do our best to help her,” dr. Kim promised.

Jonghyun nodded. She returned it with a nod of her own before turning and leaving.

He stood staring after her for a few long minutes, empty and cold. Then he dragged his sleeve over his eyes and reached into his pocket to retrieve his phone, sighing when he remembered he’d lost it. He went over to the nurse station instead, to where nurse Park had returned, and she handed him her personal phone without a word. He gave her a weak smile of gratitude and slumped down in one of the ugly couches by the station.

It took him a moment to gather the courage to dial his mother’s number and his heart was beating uncomfortably hard as the signals went through. He just hoped they would be able to come to the hospital. He wouldn’t be able to handle everything alone.

“Jonghyun?” his mother answered on the fourth ring, her voice tinny over the line.

“Hey mom,” he greeted her, trying to sound like he wasn’t crying but only ended up sounding fake in his own ears.

“Is everything all right?” she asked.

The trepidation was clear in her voice and he sighed, rubbing his forehead with his free hand.

“Dr. Kim told me that grandma might not be able to leave the hospital after all,” he mumbled and a sniffle escaped him. “Her organs are failing.”

The lined went silent, only his mother’s uneven breathing sounding through the earpiece.

“Oh, sweetie,” she sighed after what seemed like forever and Jonghyun could hear the tremble in her voice, which was the tell tale sign she was close to tears. “When– how long did they say she had left?”

Jonghyun wiped away the fresh tears rolling down his cheeks.

“They don’t know,” he managed to get out followed by a sob. “Can you come? Dad too?”

There was a muffled sob on the other end of the line and Jonghyun wished he were there, with his mother, so he could hug her close.

“We’ll try to come as soon as we can,” she sniffled. “We need to find someone to take care of the shop, we can’t afford to close it with the medical bills for your grandmother and then we need to book a train ticket.”

“Okay,” Jonghyun agreed softly.

“Oh god,” his mother broke down in heavy sobs and he could do nothing else than cry silently as he listened to her. “I’m so s-sorry I’m n-not there wi-with you.”

“It’s okay, mom,” Jonghyun assured, voice wobbly.

He sat listening to her apologies and outbursts of disbelief, all the while mumbling ‘it’s okay’s and ‘I know’s.

“I love you, Jonghyun-ah,” she sniffled when she managed to calm down. “And be sure to tell your grandmother I love her too.”

“I will,” he promised.

“I’ll call you as soon as we can leave,” she vowed.

“Yeah,” Jonghyun breathed. “Love you.”

His mother let out a watery sound, said a weak ‘goodbye’ and hung up. The hand holding the phone fell to his lap and he stared at it unseeingly. The thought of calling Kibum crossed his mind, but he decided against it since Kibum was most likely at work right now.

He sank lower and swallowed around the lump in his throat, closing his eyes.

He wished he had the courage to call Minho. But he’d never really talked to him about his grandmother, other than mentioning that she was in the long term care ward, and he didn’t want to burden him when he already had a lot to deal with regarding Taemin.

Which meant that, at the moment, there was just him, and he would simply have to bear it until his parents came.

~*~

His parents were already there when he threw the door to Taemin's room open. They startled and turned to him with reprimanding gazes but Minho ignored them and strode over to Taemin's side, putting himself between him and his parents protectively.

“What the hell did you say to the doctor?!” Minho questioned, barely able to keep his voice below a yell.

One of the nurses who took care of Taemin had called him and informed his parents had been called to the hospital for an emergency meeting and she thought Minho needed to know what was going on. And apparently they had been discussing terminating Taemin's life.

His parents exchanged a tired, sorrowful glance.

“Minho–,” his mother began.

“You actually considered ending his life support?!” Minho cut him off. “What the were you thinking?!”

“Don’t swear at your mother, Minho,” his father warned.

Minho gave him the deadliest glare he could muster; opening his mouth to tell him he could kindly off.

“We won’t do anything without us all agreeing,” his mother managed to say before he could start a fight with his father. “But the doctor wanted to discuss this with us as his legal guardians. Did you speak with the doctor before you came in here?”

Minho frowned.

“No.”

His mother took a shaky breath and his father pulled her under his arm.

“Taemin worsened today,” he said and all air left Minho.

“What?” he croaked.

His father swallowed and his mother was chewing on her lip so insistently he worried she would hurt herself.

“His brain activity lowered and his heart gave out for a moment,” his father continued, his voice hoarse with tears he fought to hold back. A tear rolled down his mother’s cheek. “They think this is a sign it’s time for us to let go. It’s apparently hard to recover from such a deep coma as the one he is in now.”

Minho's legs gave out and he stumbled back onto the edge of Taemin's bed, his lungs refusing to work properly. He bent forward, trying to keep from hyperventilating. His mother kneeled down in front of him, grabbing his face in her hands and drying away tears he hadn’t noticed falling from his eyes.

“I can’t,” he choked. “Mom, I can’t…”

She stood up and pulled him into her arms.

“I know, honey,” she murmured into his hair, petting it soothingly.

Something was off, and he couldn’t put his finger on it, nor did he care at the moment. He just needed to know no one would dare touch Taemin and the buttons keeping him alive.

His father stepped up and rubbed his back between his shoulder blades.

“Let’s not make that decision now,” he said softly. “We were merely discussing actions to take in this scenario, and the doctor told us the chance of Taemin recovering is not that great even if we wait to see if his condition improves again.”

Minho nodded numbly, hearing his father’s voice as if through a wall of water. A shiver went through him and he realised he was actually quite cold. Just as it dawned on him he shivered again and his mother’s arms around him tightened.

“We should go home and sleep,” she said.

Minho stiffened and pulled out of her arms a little, casting a glance at Taemin.

“Don’t worry,” she said. “No one will touch anything unless we say so.”

Unease still crawled under his skin, but he nodded and let his mother pull him up and over to the door.

“We’ll talk more tomorrow,” his father said as they entered the elevator. “You should come home tonight.”

Minho shook his head. His apartment was closer to the hospital so if something happened he would be there the fastest.

“I’d rather stay close to the hospital,” he mumbled and his parents exchanged another look but said nothing.

Minho had no recollection of how he got home. He didn’t even remember how he’d gotten to the hospital. Had he taken the car? The bus? Had he run there? But once he was inside the door something broke and he sank to the floor, sobbing so hard his throat hurt.

Jinki was by his side in an instant. He didn’t ask, which Minho was eternally grateful for. He wasn’t sure he could have told him even if he had wanted to. Instead, he helped him to his feet after pulling his shoes off and led him over to his bedroom, pushing him into bed.

Minho curled up under the covers, shivering uncontrollably. He should have been sweating since it was the beginning of summer but his body didn’t seem to have gotten the memo.

A distant thought of hot chocolate passed his mind just before he fell asleep and he wondered why he hadn’t drank any yet.

~*~

When Jonghyun woke up the next day and trudged into the nurses break area to get some breakfast, he felt weird. As if something was off.

He shook it off as he entered the room and plopped down in a chair beside nurse Lee, who was the only one he knew out of the three nurses in the room. She alternated her routes between the long term care ward and the intensive care unit. She was also his informant about Taemin's condition, since he was in the ICU.

“Good morning, Jonghyun,” she greeted him and ruffled his hair.

He grumbled under his breath but smiled. She was only a few years older than him and loved to treat him like her little brother.

“Why are you up this early?” she asked and handed him one of the red bean buns on the table.

“I woke up and couldn’t fall back asleep.” He shrugged and stuffed his mouth with the bun.

She narrowed her eyes at him a little. Then her face fell and she bit her lip. Jonghyun raised his eyebrows at her when she met his gaze, his mouth too full to speak.

“Uh, you know how you asked me to keep you updated on that boy in a coma,” she started, voice hesitant and reluctant.

The bread in his mouth suddenly swelled and he nearly choked, not sure if he should be afraid or hopeful. He nodded at her to continue and she sighed.

“Well, he worsened yesterday,” she murmured. “And the doctors as well as the parents are discussing turning the machines off.”

Jonghyun swallowed harshly, the rest of the bun in his hand crushed into a sticky mess.

“Wha–,” he croaked and cleared his throat. “What about the son?”

Her gaze grew soft and sad.

“I only saw him on the way out, but he looked like he was barely holding it together.”

Jonghyun swallowed around the lump in his throat and managed to thank her. After throwing away what was left of his bread, he dragged his feet back to his grandmother’s room and sank down on the bed with his head in his hands, his breath shaky.

Did he go to Minho? Or did he ignore it and trust Jinki and Minho's parents to handle it? Because that was what a normal person would do, right? They wouldn’t into someone else’s business and think they were doing something helpful. They would stay out of it and let family and close friends handle it.

He squeezed his eyes shut and flopped down on his back.

What the hell was he supposed to do?

~*~

Minho stared at the darkening sky outside his window, his limbs and chest heavy and his eyes burning.

Taemin was going to die.

No, Taemin couldn’t die. Taemin was a fighter.

But this wasn’t Taemin's choice; it was his body’s.

It was still Taemin, though. His Minnie. And he would definitely not give up.

What if he had already left for a better place? Where he was happier?

No, no, no, Taemin was happy with Minho. He’d said so when they adopted him.

Minho choked a sob and sat up, clutching his head and wishing all of his thoughts would just go away. He had a throbbing headache and a prickling feeling was spreading across his skin along with the hollow helplessness digging itself a hole in his chest. He bit his lip to keep from screaming and a metallic taste filled his mouth. He hadn’t even noticed he’d bit down that hard.

He wanted peace. Quiet. No more thoughts and no more pain. He wanted Taemin to wake up, to sit with him on the couch and comment on everything on TV, to spend holidays at his parents’ house by his side like always, to turn back time so he never even got into the accident.

He wanted Taemin back. Now.

He didn’t sleep that night. He didn’t even attempt it after the first few hours of sleep, which had him waking with a pounding heart and cold sweat, dreams of standing by Taemin's grave burning in his mind’s eye. He faintly heard Jinki bustle around in the kitchen, preparing breakfast, but he continued sitting on his bed, head in his hands and lump in his throat.

After a while, Minho didn’t know how long, there was a soft knock on his door.

“Minho?” Jinki asked softly.

“Yeah?” he answered hoarsely.

There was a beat of silence and a shuffling on the other side of the door, as if Jinki couldn’t decide if he should enter or not.

“I’m gonna go out and buy some bread,” Jinki said at last, cracking the door open. “We don’t have any for breakfast.”

Minho nodded and closed his eyes, guilt heavy in his stomach at the worry and fear he could hear underneath the forced normalcy of Jinki's tone. He half expected him to ask him to keep away from sharp objects and not move from his spot, but Jinki only mumbled he would be back soon. Then he left.

Silence roared around him, but not loud enough to drown out his thoughts and he pressed his lips together. He picked up his phone, deciding to call Jinki and tell him to go home to his own apartment. He needed to be alone right now. He just wanted to be alone and piece himself together again, attempt to accept the sorrow.

The doorbell cut through the silence and his buzzing mind. His head whipped around and he stared into the hallway, frowning, unsure he had even heard right.

Then it rang again.

He stood up heavily, his movements lethargic and heavy. He was so tired, so exhausted. He just wanted to sleep until Taemin woke up, so he wouldn’t have to deal with these tumbling emotions.

He opened the door, expecting to see Jinki's sheepish expression because he had forgotten his keys again, but his heart lodged itself in his throat and he made a choked sound, taking a step back.

Jonghyun stood on the other side, his forehead creased and his bottom lip caught between his teeth. He looked bleak, as if he’d had a hellish night himself. There were bags under his eyes and his hair looked unkempt but soft as always. He opened and closed his mouth a few times while Minho watched him blankly, the prickling feeling on his skin ceasing and the helplessness in his chest dissipating.

Then anger bubbled its way through his veins and he clenched his jaw. He didn’t need Jonghyun to feel better. He didn’t want to need Jonghyun. He needed Taemin. He had to need Taemin; otherwise Taemin would never wake up. The cosmos would think Minho had moved on and thus deem it unnecessary for Taemin to come back.

"What are you doing here?" he growled, sounding a lot more intimidating than he intended. He almost, almost, felt guilty when Jonghyun visibly flinched.

"Minho," he sounded almost pleading, reaching out a hesitant hand. "I–"

"I don't need you!" Minho suddenly exploded, the words causing its own explosion in his chest. He hadn’t known it would feel like such a big and utter lie. But he couldn’t stop. "I don't want you! I don't want you here! You're such a ing nuisance!"

Jonghyun's hand faltered midway, and he bit his lip again in an apparent attempt to hold back the tears Minho could see gathering in his eyes. His arm went limp and fell to his side.

"Wh–"

"For 's sake, when will you get it Jonghyun?!" Minho was yelling now. "I want Taemin! I want Taemin to be here! I want Taemin to love me! Not you! You will destroy everything!"

Minho glared at him, breath heavy and ragged. He felt all around ty and horrible again, which only increased when silent tears slid down Jonghyun's cheeks. Jonghyun was biting his lip so hard by now Minho was sure it was going to start bleeding, ironically matching his own lip from just a while ago.

He was an , he knew that, but he needed to get Jonghyun out of his life. He needed to get everyone away right now because he was suffocating with grief and felt like never ever loving another person ever again. He was angry and scared and he just wanted Taemin to be okay. Why was that too much to ask?

"I–," Jonghyun let out in a sob, "sorry," was all he choked out before turning around and bolting out the door, not bothering to close it behind him.

Minho growled angrily and threw his phone across the room, which wasn’t the smartest thing to do as it shattered from the force with which it hit the wall. He ignored it in favour of slamming the door closed and stomping back to his room, throwing himself onto his bed to then glare at the ceiling.

He was so angry. Furious even. He didn’t know why, but it was there, simmering underneath his skin. He wanted to scream and kick and trash. Everything was wrong. So, so wrong. He was mad at his parents and the doctors for suggesting letting Taemin go, at the nurses for not taking better care of him, and even at Taemin for taking so long to wake up.

But most of all, he was so extremely angry with himself. Because as the silence crept over him again – numbing out the anger and refilling him with the empty, helpless feeling – he was pretty sure he’d just made the biggest mistake of his life.

A/N: Well, this chapter was fricking angsty. And I feel like Minho's parts are a little disorienting, but then again, he's not himself so maybe that works out? Haha >_<

This is not proofread and I probably never will proofread it, but I hope you liked it depsite the state of my writing!

Love you all! <3

Bye~!