Taeyeon was panicking, pacing back and forth in her room. She was feeling a lot of things—for example, nervousness because she might just do it, excitement because she can finally say it to him, paranoia because who knows how he’ll react? But there was one feeling that dominated her entire being: fear.

Fear of rejection, most of all. Her fear was slowly climbing up to her, but she tried to calm it down by walking around and around and around. Didn’t help, though.

But something else felt off. It was an intuition, a possible premonition. She didn’t know if it was just her raging hormones or just a gut feeling. But both weren’t good.

“Come on, Taeyeon! Get yourself together!” The 18 year-old clenched her fist, encouraging herself and the painful knot in her stomach. She continued to mutter words of reassurance to herself, but nothing was pretty much working.

“Hey sis, whatcha doin’?” Her brother, Jiwoong smirked and teased, “Finally lost your sanity, huh?” The said teen had his tall frame leaning against the door. Their height was probably the only thing that differentiated them. They both look so alike sometimes people say they looks more like twins than siblings with a two year gap. Cut Taeyeon’s hair short and she becomes Jiwoong; make Jiwoong’s hair longer—oh wait this is impossible—make Jiwoong wear a wig and he becomes Taeyeon. They’re that kind of siblings.

“Nothing,” Taeyeon replied, biting the inside of her cheek. Great. Her brother would probably make fun of her—which is why he must not know even a tiny bit of information—and that would deplete her remaining self confidence that was already the size of a gumball. “Just… um… thinking.”

“’Bout what?” Her brother cocked his head on one side as he crossed his arms.

You brat, why can’t you just leave me alone? Taeyeon groaned mentally before throwing herself on her bed, relaxing on the familiar soft pillows.

“Things…” She quietly answered, rolling around.

She furrowed her brows as she saw her brother smile a dorky grin at her. With the occasional wriggling of brows. Gross.

“What?” It was weird of her brother to act this way. It was so new to her that the thought of dopplegangers bloomed in her mind. And it seemed plausible at the time.

“I know what you’re gonna do,” he teased using his sing-song voice, much to Taeyeon’s annoyance. “Gonna confess to Teuk, huh.” Dorky grin. Wriggling eyebrows. God why.

Wait what. Did the damned brat just—“What?” felt dry and she could feel herself blushing and she wished the ground would just open and swallow her than have this talk with her brother.

“Did he seriously not see me take his wallet last week?” Taeyeon improvised, blurting out what had happened. “I mean, I was treating myself with his money,” she laughed before glancing around the room.

“Oh stop dodging it. I know you’re gonna profess your love to Teuk.”

“WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?” Taeyeon panicked, accidentally raising her voice. This is too embarrassing. “I’m-I’m just—gonna—his wallet!”

Rule number one: Avoid stuttering so it would actually look like you’re speaking the truth.

Taeyeon made a mental note about that. So maybe next time when she’ll lie to her brother it’ll look realistic.

“Yeaaaaaaaa.” Jiwoong snorted. “Wallet.” He nodded slowly, the way someone would when they want to say more but would just let it be. It annoyed her.

“Oh shut up,” she glared daggers at her brother. He already died in her mind for about 7 times. 7 different ways of how she could rip that mouth of his off his pretty face. The thought was beautifully tempting.

Jiwoong blinked, then smiled again. This time, it was his natural smile. Carefree. Encouraging. More comforting than that creepy smile he did before.

“I already called Teuk and—”

Taeyeon’s blood ran cold, and her vision entirely focused on her brother. “YOU DID WHAT?! YOU F—”

Her brother cut her off with his hand. “—I’m not done yet, Taeng!”

She held her rebellious tongue.

“I told him to stay in his house because you’ll give him a gift. You know, for his birthday next week. That’ll probably be the best time for you to confess. I already prepared the cake.” Jiwoong walked downstairs, then returned with a red box in hand.

“What?” He asked when his sister said nothing.

“I—you—this—why?” Taeyeon stammered, waving her hands. Her brother had pretty much arranged her confession when it took her 3 years to do so. Her heart swelled involuntarily.

“Because. I don’t want you going all emo on me. And… he’s your first crush, Taeng. I want it to be special for you.”

“Wow… you’re not a rude arse after all.”

“Yah!” He glared. “Ugh, I’ve had enough with you. Just go to his house and give him the cake and confess. If you come back crying I’ll kill him.”

“Suuuuure.” Taeyeon rolled her eyes.

Her brother moved across the room, ing the cake in her hands. He smiled at her again, then ruffled her hair before planting a kiss on her crown.

Now, Jiwoong can be affectionate, and it is one of the rarest and most treasured moments in her life.

Taeyeon rolled her eyes again and stuck out her tongue at him. He waved her off and went to his room. She set down the cake and stared at her reflection, fixing her hair. She took a look at her outfit one last time before grabbing the box and going down.

This is it.

xoxo

You know, she could actually just walk to Leeteuk’s house. It was just two blocks away. But she didn’t. Because it was dark and who the hell knows who or what could be lurking in the shadows. Who knows what will happen when a cute—really cute—18 year old just walked alongside the street?

Nothing good, definitely.

So Taeyeon took her bike with her. At least, with a bicycle, escape would be quicker. And easier.

The cake was secured on her blue bike’s basket, screaming temptations for her to open it. She wondered what the cake looks like, how it tastes like, what was written on it with icing.

She wondered if he would like it, especially.

“Of course he’ll like it, Taeyeon,” she told herself. “That bastard likes everything as long as it’s food.”

One block away and Taeyeon felt the butterflies again.

Actually, butterflies are an understatement. It felt like killer bees. Frozen icicles. A chain tied to your gut. They were all stabbing at her stomach as a warning. But at the same time, that mysterious bad feeling came back. Now there was pain in her chest too.

She pedaled faster until Leeteuk’s house came to view. A simple three-floored house with white paint that made it look like a Greek temple. The fence was open, much to Taeyeon’s confusion.

Did he forget to lock it? No way… he always locks it.

And that was when Taeyeon started to panic. She grabbed the cake and placed her bike at the side of the road, calling out her childhood bestfriend’s name. “Leeteuk! Leeteuk! Yah!”

No response. She went inside. And gasped. The whole house was an absolute chaos. The couch was torn to pieces, the lamps and vases were broken and the pieces of glass were scattered on the floor, the chandelier hung limply on a thin cable, the tables were tossed upside down, and there were bloodstains on the wall. Oh God. Blood.

“Leeteuk! Teukkie! Oppa! Ugh. Leeteuk! Goddammit answer me!” Her cries grew more desperate as she searched the place, her steps careful so that she won’t step on the broken glass. “PARK LEETEUK!”

Still no response. And that was when she ran. She ran to the place where their childhoods were made: backyard. She burst through the doors and screamed.

There he was, the love of her life, fighting a massive beast. A giant wolf. Leeteuk had a shovel and used it to away the creature’s snout that was planning on chomping his arm off.

Instinctively, Taeyeon called out. “Leeteuk!”

Leeteuk’s head flew to her direction, and his face, violated by grime and blood, showed a shocked expression. “Taeyeon! What are you doing here?!”

“I—” She couldn’t even finish it. Her words were cut off by Leeteuk’s scream. A howl of pain. The wolf had bitten his shoulder. She screamed again as Leeteuk pushed the wolf’s head away, his face contorted in pain. Leeteuk fought back against the vicious monster. Taeyeon grabbed a rake on the ground and joined the struggle. Her mind was blank and all she can think about was that Leeteuk was hurt. Her Leeteuk was hurt. And that was enough to drive her senses gone.

She managed to hit the wolf’s back, momentarily distracting the creature. But it was a wrong move. The wolf’s head whipped to face her, and it bit her leg. She shrieked, letting go of the rake and punching the wolf’s eye. Her leg was released, but rows of teeth that dug deep into her were marked on her skin.

“NO!” Leeteuk shouted, jumping on the wolf’s back, his forearms grabbing tightly on its neck.

Her leg was burning with pain, and she was starting to black out. Her vision became blurry and she couldn’t think straight anymore. Her blood was staining the grass and with every move the pain doubled. It hurt. It hurt so much that tears were streaming on her face already.

“Get away from her!” Leeteuk continued to hug the creature’s neck, who, in turn, rose, standing on two legs, fending off the male by shaking its head. “NO—ONE—HURTS—TAEYEON!”

The wolf grabbed his shirt with its claws and threw him at Taeyeon. She yelped when Leeteuk’s body crashed with hers. They both tumbled on the grass, Taeyeon clutching her leg. Leeteuk grabbed a rock and threw it at the monster, hitting it right on the eye. It shrieked, hanging its head low and backing away. Leeteuk took the chance to rip his shirt and tie it on Taeyeon’s wound.

If this were an ordinary day, Taeyeon would have praised the heavens for Leeteuk’s topless body. But this wasn’t an ordinary day. And there was a chance that both of them would die.

“Run away, Tae. Quickly.” He rushed as he tied the last knot. “Hurry!”

“I won’t leave you!” The mere thought of it brought more tears into her eyes. Leaving him would mean that she would leave everything she had ever loved. Leaving him would be like leaving a whole new world to start an empty one. It wasn’t worth it.

“Tae! Watch out!” Her thoughts dispersed when she heard his voice, and her body flew to the right.

“Argh!” She groaned, blinking her eyes rapidly to check what happened.

Her eyes flew open just in time to see Leeteuk’s neck get bitten.

The world stopped.

Every single sound had disappeared.

Nothing but pain could be felt.

Taeyeon could sense nothing anymore. Everything was moving slowly. Everything seemed darker. Everything seemed broken.

Broken.

Just like her heart had become when she saw his blood flow from his neck wound, mixing with his shoulder wound.

Next thing she knew, the wolf howled in pain. Leeteuk had stabbed it with garden shears. The wolf stumbled back, back into the shed.

“Taeyeon! Please! Run!” Leeteuk desperately called out.

“Teukkie…” She was at a loss for words. Her whole body was shaking and she couldn’t stop. “Please! Don’t kill yourself! The world is lonelier as it is! It’ll be lonelier without you, Teukkie!”

“I won’t,” he flashed a last smile. “I’ll come back. So run! I’ll catch up!”

The shed collapsed on the two, which sent Taeyeon crawling towards it. “Noo! Leeteuk! Please! No!”

“Taeyeon-ah! Please live long! For me!”

And the shed burst into flames, seconds before it blew up. Taeyeon’s vision was swallowed by darkness. But she doubts that it will ever be darker than the void in her heart.

Because it broke into a million pieces when the voice of her first love faded along with his life.