“GO! LEAVE ME! LIKE EVERYONE DOES! THAT’S WHAT YOU WILL EVENTUALLY DO ANYWAY SO WHY NOT NOW?! GO AND LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!”

“FINE THEN! I'LL FREAKING

LEAVE YOU ALONE!”

“AND HERE I THOUGHT YOU ARE THE BEST OF FRIENDS, THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON I CAN TRUST AND ALWAYS BE THERE FOR ME. AT THE END YOU’RE ALL THE SAME!”

“WELL HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT OF WHY YOU CAN’T TRUST ANYBODY? MAYBE IT’S NOT THEIR FAULT YOU CAN’T TRUST THEM!”

“YOU’RE A DOUCHEBAG KAI! I HATE YOU! YOU CHANGED FROM AN ANGEL TO THE DEVIL ITSELF!”

“AND WHO’S FAULT IS THAT?!”

“WELL YOU STARTED THIS!”

“AND NOW YOU’RE BLAMING ME!”

“JUST GET THE HELL OUT OF MY APARTMENT AND NEVER COME BACK! LEAVE ME ALONE!”

How did, this even started…

This argument…

It wasn’t supposed to be this way…

Where did we went wrong…?

Turning my back against her, with a heavy heart I heave a sigh and stride away, stomping my foot as I leave her apartment. Then the sound of her front door being close with a loud BANG is the last sound I could hear. With much forces on my left foot, I bring my right one forward, swinging it. My first step and then everything went in a slow motion. As if the earth decides to spin slowly, like the time is ticking but time itself is taking some times to tick. The birds are flying, but they aren’t flying mightily. Instead, they are leisurely flapping their wings and the amazing part about this is that, gravity aren’t pulling them downwards to the ground. In fact, they look as though they are hanging mid-air. As weird as this might sound and maybe I am not Barack Obama, Gandhi or Alexander the Great; really just someone important, but at this right moment… The whole world revolves around me. Literally.

Exactly how did, did all of this started? I should probably start right from the beginning. This is my first step of my first thoughts, and the first of how all of this started.

My name is Kim Jongin and I am 20 years old this year. I was born on the 14^th of January in the year 1994. The year of dog as it was written in the Chinese Zodiac. My blood type is A positive and I am 182 cm in height. I would say I am average but anybody in their right mind would say they are special in their own way. I have two sisters above me and as embarrassing as this will sound, I am a mummy’s boy. Excuse my inner last-child syndrome, I was born with it. I grew up with a silver spoon in my mouth but that is just in a really general financial state of what my father’s occupation is, which is a lawyer. I am now currently studying my degree in law and hope to take over my father’s law firm. That is of course his hopes and expectations on me too.

Maybe that is where it all started, my 1^st semester of college.

The day where young Kim Jongin entered the campus with a big grin as he walked in ambitiously. Why am I talking in my head with a 3^rd point of view again? Oh right, yeah this is my thought. There’s no law that I need to abide. No pun intended, you don’t have to laugh. But please, it is my pleasure if you do so.

Three weeks later, I found myself in the library *which I’ve never really been into* to finish off tons of assignments. By now, you could guess that I have no idea where the law books section was and where the actual hell can I really sit. Because when did the library became so popular? It was like a pavilion of where these students meet. There were a lot of students. And by a lot, I mean A LOT.

So young and handsome Kim Jongin went to the librarian with a charming smile, and holding up his shameful face with a poker face, he asked where the law books were. And I use the 3^rd point of view again… I apologize. It happens all the time. Especially when I talk to her. Her. Yeah back to how I met her.

In case you guys are having this imagination of how I met her, no, I didn’t take the book only to meet her beautiful eyes at the opposite side of the shelf. Though, she does have beautiful eyes.

My day at the library was dreadful and tiring, needless to say, I was not happy. My assignments were not yet done and I couldn’t find the right book for the research. Moreover, just to add up my reasons as to why I was unpleased with the life that I had was because my sister called just to inform me that she was getting married to my buddy. I didn’t know when the hell they dated but just to justify things up for you guys, after they explained it to me, I get over it and feel happy for them. So my decision as a 19 years old teenage boy who thinks a walk down memory lane is better, I took off and drove my car to the park.

Adding things up to my stressful day, the traffic that day was the worst of the worst in the whole entire life I had lived and what is more worse than a traffic jam? When you’re caught in a situation which you can’t find a parking lot to park your car. What is life…?

So I chose the difficult path to my usual lazy self, to park the car at the hospital’s parking lot which is actually, really, scientifically, not that far. But to me, to the lazy people out there who understands me, yeah it’s not a pleasure for us.

As I walked down the pavements by the hospital’s playground park, I found an empty bench that overlooks the perfect scenery for somebody that had a tough day. In this case, me. The children were playing the monkey bars, the see-saws, the slides and of course my all-time favorite, the swings.

Now maybe you are thinking that that was a usual sight, however it was not. Because the breathtaking, heartfelt and really inspiring thing about that view was that the children were all bald. Yet there they were, playing happily without a care of the cruel reality. That sight hit me like a truck. I was complaining of my problems, my assignments and the fact that I can’t find the right reference book, and the stupid traffics but they had bigger problems that involves their life, literally their life. I smiled in joy just watching the kids played cheerfully.

And then she happened. She was playing football with a boy, a bald, small, adorable boy. Now just to be clear and specific, it was not to the extent of playing a World Cup but they were just kicking the ball, passing it to each other. However, her face while she was playing with him looked so genuine. So honest. As though she was willingly having fun with kids 20 years younger than her rather than being high and drunk in a club with boys around her waist.

Something kicked inside me. It felt like an alarm, a wakeup call, a good beating from Muhammad Ali; generally something that made me realize that it doesn’t mean somebody is happy when he gets everything. He just have to be happy with anything that he has. This girl made a decision, she chose to be here and cherish this young and pure hearts with happiness and I was somehow glad that she did.

The girl accidentally kicked the ball with a bit too much force and it flew and rolled right at my way. It ended up right beside my left foot so I picked it up and cocked my head to look ahead of me… only to find the boy running towards me carelessly, the adorable part was that he was grinning at me like a Cheshire cat. Truthfully, it looked a bit creepy.

And to add up the creepy part, behind the boy was the girl. She was legit yelling his name “JAMIE! JAMIE BABY STOP RUNNING, YOU’LL FALL!” over and over and over and over and over and over and over *I can continue this forever but never mind that* and over again until he fell, right before where I sat.

As an average boy, which I estimated to be 6 years old, he cried. Of course he would cry I mean he’s a freaking kid! So I crouched down to help pick him up ‘bridal style’, that sounds weird but you get what I’m trying to say here. I put him on the bench that I sat and crouched down on my knee. As if I was proposing to him. Why does all of the words I said have something to do with a wedding? Wait why am I asking myself?

“Hey it’s okay. You’re strong right?” I tried to console him but it was not working. Then she came and crouched by my side. “I thought I told you not to run right? Now look at you” she sighed after saying that. That, didn’t help the boy though. Instead, she added up fuel to a massive fire because the boy’s cries grew from the highest volume to the maximum capacity.

“Hey hey hey shhh, wanna hear a story?” I persuaded him. He was wearing an Iron Man shirt and just by that I could tell he was a fan of the movie. “Superheroes don’t cry, in fact, they can’t cry” I started, and to my surprise his cries slowed down a bit. He was interested to hear what I was about to say. “Do you like Iron Man?” I asked him and he nodded as a reply.

She was staring at me, clearly interested as to what I was about to do too. “That’s great! I love Iron Man too!” I stated and offered him a high five and to my will, I received one from him. Thank goodness, it would have been awkward if he ignored it. I can see her by the side of my eye as she furrowed her eyebrows. By that, she was either curious of me or just find me as a weird stranger.

“Well Jamie, did you know that Iron Man had his super power because he had pieces of shrapnel on his chest? That light thingy on his chest was created to prevent it from piercing his heart. But, when it happened, he didn’t cry now did he?” I asked the boy. Jamie stopped crying and was rubbing his eyes as he nodded to me. “Did he?” I asked again just to be charming. “He didn’t” the adorable boy said, shaking his head from left to right dearly.

“Now are you going to cry again or are you going to choose to rise up and be a superhero like Iron Man did?” I asked, smiling in glee.

“I’m going to be like Iron Man” Jamie said cutely and smiled at me.

“Wise choice kid” I said and stood up while patting his head. “Thanks, that was actually pretty amazing. It was never that easy to make him stop crying” the girl said. “Nahh it was nothing. Glad to help you by the way. I’m Kai” I offered my hand and she shook it. “I’m Hanna” she said smiling.

“You don’t look like you’re from here, are you?” I asked her, curios of her perfectly oval shaped face, hazel almond eyes with Carey Mulligan’s turned-up nose and her long wavy brunette hair that smells like Heather Lavender, with a hint of Daisy.

She shook her head, “Well basically I am not, I’m half British-Korean. I was born here but my mom and I migrated back to London. We just came back here last year after I graduated high school. And now here I am. I’m blabbering, sorry” she said, embarrassed.

I chuckled at her giddiness, “No, no it’s fine. You’re fine” I said, not realizing it. “I’m sorry, what?” she asked, rather surprised at my sudden compliment. We giggled and Jamie just stared at us questioningly. “I have to get the kids back at their rooms, I see you around Kai” we bid our farewell and I speculated that she either works here or she just volunteered as a caretaker of the kids. 

Hanna… I say that name more frequent than I breathe.

I stomp my right feet on the ground firmly and continue my walk as I take my left foot forward, bending my knee just a tiny bit to find my stability. My second step of my second thoughts, the second part of our story.

Our first meeting was actually better than the cliché movies like The Notebook, Dear John or even The Last Song but it will never be better than A Walk to Remember. That, I can’t deny, hands down people it’s the best romance movie ever invented. Yes I do watch those, even chick flicks, but we often watch fantasies and adventure type of movies. She loves them.

After the encounter we had at the park, I visited it again on the next week, same day, same time, and the same place. But, she was never there. Even the kids were not there and I have no right idea of where to find her. I didn’t even have an idea why the bloody hell did I go back there to find her. Yeah she’s beautiful, however I am not a prince in a Disney movie to marry the girl the day after I find her attractive but something strong pulls me to go there. A couple of weeks later, call it destiny, call it fate, I saw her at the campus. Specifically at the campus center park. She was just sitting there, leaning on a tree, reading the famous sequels of The Mortal Instruments: City of Heavenly Fire. She’s a fan.

I wanted to greet her but somehow, I couldn’t find any guts and courage to go there and say the word human probably says every day; hello. So I just stood from afar and stared at her. She is so gorgeous and alluring, truth be told, I believe that even words couldn’t define her beauty. Okay, judge all you want. Call me a stalker call me obsessed call me desperate call me a chicken-coward. Anything, because I believed I was.

I should’ve made my move as fast as I could because the next day as I was walking downtown after I had my dinner all alone, I saw her by the glass window. She was eating with much poise and etiquettes at the Sushi House, the downfall of the sight was that she was having a date. He looked at her admiringly and with much gentleness, I had a tinge and I didn’t know what it was. It was like something pinch me on my chest, specifically my heart. I couldn’t help but to speculate that he was her love of life, turns out he’s Alec, her lovely cousin!

How wrong I was…

Taking my third step and walking gradually, steadily. My third thought of our book. I take my breath, inhaling and then exhale it out little by little, air by air, and bit by bit.

I started to face down my fears and demons, gathering my courage and bravery instead, to finally converse with her on the first week of the second semester when she had the same class as mine. It was quite a surprise when I saw her sitting two rows in front of me diligently taking notes to what the professor said. After the class finished I hurriedly packed my things and waited outside by the entrance door for her, until she finally came out. She was the last one to come out, she always comes out last.

“Heyy! Hanna right?” I started. Truth be told, god knows how my heart beats accelerated from the top speed to 100000000000km per second. I was curious as to why it was beating so fast but I shrugged it off thinking maybe it’s just the usual nerve you’d feel when you meet somebody attractive.

Her response however, dissatisfies and disappoints me a bit. “Urm… yeah…” she was saying that while looking at me from top to toe, furrowing her eyebrows, her left eye bigger than her right. As though she was recalling back where in the whole wide living universe did she meet me.

my lips as the nerve controlled my whole body, I replied back to her, “You don’t remember me, do you?” “Wait are you the one that came over Nanna’s birthday party uninvited and got allergic over the flowers?” she asked me tilting her head to her right side. “Uhh, no…” I said, clearly shocked at the question and amused by her meticulousness.

“Oh , awkward…. I’m sorry, Nanna’s my grandmother and she have this flower shop nearby. We had her birthday planned out for her and all of a sudden I don’t know who the hell he was, he came and ruined the party and he didn’t even apologized, how rude of him. Then Nanna got pretty sad, I’m not sure because either her flower made him have allergies or because he ruined her 76^th birthday bash but I was not pleased with that anonymous man. I’m sorry I’m blabbering, who did you said you are again?”

She was really adorable and I held the urge to pinch her cheeks when I realize what was I even thinking about. “Uhh I didn’t but I’m Kai, remember? Ironman? The park? Jamie? Sorry about your uhh... Nanna by the way.” I said and smiled at her charmingly. I hope it was charming. Heck, I didn’t even know why I wanted her to find me charming. “OHH! Oh god, this is such an awesome coincidence. Bless the heaven, oh god, we meet again!” she said with a sudden excitement.

“Yeah, I know right. I saw you and I thought you looked familiar. I just trust my intuitions and well here I am, guess I’m right then it is you” intuitions my ! It took me one whole freaking semester to start a freaking conversation. I feel lame.

“Hahaha well, do you take law too then?” she asked me, her attractive and captivating smile greets my eyes after. I blink once, twice, thrice… and then it was as though my heart blasted off, the butterflies in my stomach exploded with flowers blooming and then a unicorn with this pink tiara came after… “Uhh Kai? Earth to Kai! Hahaha”

“What? Sorry I lost myself haha, urm yeah I’m studying law. Do you want to… urm… would you like to have some drinks with me?” she took her time to answer my question, I don’t know if she intentionally did it or she really just took her time calculating her time, oh god I thought I was dying back then.

“If its coffee at The Brew with a Tiramisu cake or a Mississippi Chocolate Mud Muffin, then yes I would love to” she said and grinned at her meticulous self. “I was thinking of that, now that we’re in the same page, what are we waiting for?” We went to the café and the funny thing that I observed and realized was that she just came in and the baristas greet her as if she’s their colleague or something. Then they just ask if she wants the usual, she asked for two of her ‘usual’ instead.

“I’m guessing you come here often?” I asked her taking a sip of the hot Americano she ordered. She nodded and put her mug down, there was this moustache of coffee on top of her lips and it was probably the cutest thing ever. “Yeah, it’s the perfect place to chill and hang out” she said and furrowed her eyebrows later.

“There’s something on my lips isn’t it? You’re looking at it as if you’re about to stab my poor lips” she said and took the napkin to wipe . I laughed at her silly behavior. My first impression of her was wrong somehow. It was correct but somehow it was still wrong. I thought she was the quiet and silent type, basically the introverts but she turns out to be quite loud and funny. She was not the ‘somewhere in the middle’ type, instead she was the type to know when, where and with whom shall she show her true self. And I’ve never felt any more generous that she showed me that side of her.

“Maybe someday I will stab your poor lips” I said and laughed wholeheartedly after. She grinned widely and rolled her eyes. “My poor lips, there’s a law against that! You abide the law mister” she said and ate the cake.

“But… I don’t abide the law” I said and cocked my head forward. “I abide my own law” we said simultaneously and laughed afterwards. “So I guess I’m not the only one who studies law but abide my own rules then” I said and offered her a high five. She accepted it and that was the start of how we build our yacht (she thinks that she’s not a low-bargained lame-o to use a ship)…

Taking my fourth step I thought of the times we spent with each other. So this is how we learn about each other I guess, from A to Z, from the most important thing to the most trivial matter. We learned about each other. No wait, we didn’t learn about it, we just somehow realized what it was. We knew of it not because we reminded each other daily, but because we observed each other thoroughly.

It was probably the time when we watched Harry Potter Marathon at her apartment and she ordered pizzas instead. I remember how she said that she hate popcorns because it will stuck in between her teeth and she finds it so annoying as it will be a bother when she watch movies. I thought she was kidding, but then when we had our 2^nd, 3^rd, 4^th, 5^th, 6^th and uncountable times of our movie nights and sleepovers, she kept on ordering pizzas as our snack. As a man who never tried eating pizza while watching a movie, I learn to love it. The chills of eating a triangular snack with beef pepperonis on top, it is actually a cool snack, heck it’s the best snack to go with movies.

The other thing that I observed was that she favors fantasy and adventure type of movies more than chick flicks. She does watch it but her face, her response, how she crunch her nose and furrowed her eyebrows, pouting her lips a bit when Voldemort destroyed the shield around Hogwarts (Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows) or when she clenched her fist and move her leg as Clary ran and fought Valentine in the heart of the New York’s Institute (The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones); she’s in joy when she watch those type of movies.

She will get tired and feel sleepy after our 6^th movie of the night and by then the clock will show that it is 4 in the morning. We will either lay on the floor of the living room or be on the couch getting all snuggly and comfortable with a lot of blankets and pillows. She was never the type to indicate skinships but on our 3^rd sleepover night, she accidently slept on my shoulder and the next thing I know, her loosely hanging head fell on my chest.

That was the first time when I felt it. No actually it was when I realize what I had been feeling all along. It wasn’t an act of attraction or admiration but instead, it was love. When I looked at her that night, on my chest by my right side and her hand tightly wrapped around my waist; she looked so beautiful and vulnerable. The way her eyes was tightly closed and her eyelashes gracefully curved over her eyes looked like they were even longer than before. Her lips was pouting a bit, like a newborn infant sleeping. I realized then, that I do love her.

There was this one time that I remember most; it was probably a couple of months after we associated, the 5^th time we had our movie night that she suddenly hugged me tightly because we watched King Kong and she was on the verge of crying. “Why?” I asked her, it was the first time she indicated something while being conscious. She hugged me by my side so firmly and it was so sudden, my heart was beating so fast and I had birds flying in my tummy, screw butterflies.

“I don’t like how they’re killing the King Kong” she said, then she snuggled closer to the crook of my neck, tightly embracing my waist just because she pitied the beast. I find it adorable and relieved because she trust me enough to indicate a warm hug and yearn for protections.

There was also this one time when we were so bored that we went to watch a horror movie in the midnight at the cinema. Funny thing was that, you know there’ll be this one month where there aren’t any good movies showing on the cinema, yeah coincidentally it was that time of the month. “What movie do you want to watch?” I asked her as we went to the counter. “Let’s watch a horror movie” she said, whispering. “But they don’t have a good movie now” I said, whispering back to her so that the worker won’t hear our conversation.

“Let’s just watch anything” so we did. We had no idea what the story was about, I don’t even remember the title but the only thing that I remember was that it was a horror movie, and probably the tiest movie ever. She was never the type to be scared over horror movies, and it was in the midnight, there were nobody inside the cinema hall so we took the opportunity and rolled on the floor at the front sit, ignoring the movie that was playing at the front.

There was also this one time when we watched The Conjuring after our class finished in the afternoon, and it was actually our first time going to the cinema together. I was expecting her to hold my hand and hug my arm tightly when she’s scared but Hanna… she is just full of surprises. Instead, she laughed at how funny the ghost looked. She even made fun of it and I couldn’t help but to think that she is just one in a million.

I reminisce the time when we rented a famous Bollywood movie, silly thing was that there were no subtitles. Hanna being Hanna, will always make the best out of everything that she have. So, we muted the audio and played it out using our own voices, improvising the dialogues. It was so funny and hilarious that we literally rolled on the floor laughing our asses off like mad mental crazy monkeys.

She is weird but I find her amazingly special…

Taking my fifth step, walking, and breathing, towards the elevator. The world is still taking it time to spin, the birds are still hanging mid-air, flapping their wings ever so slowly, leisurely. The ants are taking its time holding the ever so tiny foods. And I am taking my time ever so slowly. The fifth step, the fifth part of our tale.

After sometimes knowing her, going out watching movies, to The Brew, our late night movies at both her apartment and mine, I brought her over to my parents’ house. I thought she ought to know that I was trying to tell my parents that I like her, my parents got the message but I guess she didn’t.

We were talking on the phone at 2 in the morning, I can imagine herself on her pink fluffy bed all tucked up with a lot of pillows around her as she like it. “Hanna, do you think you’re free for dinner tomorrow?” I asked her, she didn’t realize that I was nervous as hell when I asked her. “Yeah I’m free, whyyyy? Are you going to take me to the sushi house downtown? It’s been awhile since I’ve been there” she said, chuckling afterwards and I joined her, laughing together.

“No that will be our lunch next week but I thought of having dinner at my parent’s and I, the mighty and handsome Kim Jongin want to bring you with me” I stated. “Hahaha sure I would love to meet your parents” so that was how I asked her. The next day when I picked her up I mentally literally chocked on my own saliva and it was as though I stopped breathing because she seldom wears dresses. She’s usually the type to wear skinny jeans with checkered shirt and printed shirts underneath, simply casual, but that night, she wore a casual white knee-length dress with a bit of ruffles at the bottom and I couldn’t help but to be stiff as her beauty captivates me.

I was under a spell. That, I can assure you. “I’m sorry, I look weird I should go and change…” “NO! I mean No, you look amazing, you shouldn’t change” I said, interrupting her decision. “Really? I just thought I should at least wear something decent in front of your parents.” I chuckled at her and I don’t know what she implied back then but it somehow made me think as though she wanted to impress her in-laws, my parents. And I smiled in victory to my dreamy thought.

I opened the front door of my car for her and she sat comfortably as I closed it back, gently. As I started driving, I kept on taking glances at her, I just couldn’t help it. It was as though there was this shining and dazzling angel by my side, I mean who wouldn’t want to miss THAT sight right? Right?

“You should dress up like this more often” I said, genuinely complimenting her. But… “Omg Jongin, don’t tease me like that Hahaha” she mistook it as something else. So I just joined her laughs and we sang to Tom Jones’ songs after.

“Heyy mom, dad” I said and hugged both of them. She was beside me and bowed to the elders, “Good evening Mr. Kim, Mrs. Kim. I’m Hanna. It’s nice meeting you” she said, introducing herself. My mom, smiled at her and then at me, her face had this big word saying ‘PROUD’ plastered on it. “Such beautiful young lady! You can call both of us Mom and Dad okay?” Mom said patting her back. “Come inside, let’s eat then we’ll talk. Come inside dear” Dad welcomed and we went inside the house.

While eating dinner both mom and dad bombarded questions to Hanna as if they were interrogating her, and she just answered them smoothly. “Did you know Hanna, Kai never brought any girl back home. And I waited 20 years, finally, and a beautiful girl at that too” mom said smirking teasingly at me.

“Mom I thought we had a deal” I hissed and dad laughed at us. Hanna just looked really innocent and naïve at that moment and yes, it was sooo adorable. “Dad did you know, Hanna volunteers at the Central Hospital!” I added to change the subject. “KIM JONGIN!” she partly hissed at me. Mom looked surprise and asked, “You… you call Jongin by his real name?” she nodded at mom and told her that I asked her to. I did.

“Really dear? That’s great and very generous of you too. I actually have a friend there working as a surgeon” Dad stated looking at Hanna, interrupting my mother. She nodded her head answering dad’s question and wiped with the napkins before replying, “Yeah I do, well may I know his name sir?” she asked.

“Dr. Eric? I’m not sure which part of the hospital he’s working but he’s a surgeon…” “Oh I know him” Hanna said, excited with the topic. “He’s actually the doctor for the kids I’m taking care of” she stated. “Jamie?” I asked her, curious too as she never brought me to meet them before. She nodded at me and dad smiled at our small interaction. “Well I should tell him how lucky he is to have a caretaker as nice as you” Dad complimented Hanna and she blushed, flattered by it. I hold back my laughter watching her.

“So Hanna, what does your father do?” my dad asked her. I never entirely knew her family background back then so when dad questioned her, I anticipate her answer. Though, she looked a bit uncomfortable at the question, I could tell she hold back the urge to show it. “Urm, I’m not really sure, my parents had a divorce when I was 9” she said and smiled. This took me by surprise, I always thought she had a complete and perfect family with both of her parents guiding her through life.

“Oh I’m sorry to hear that dear, I didn’t know” my dad said, holding his chest in sympathy. “I apologize if you’re uncomfortable with this question, but do you live with your mother then?” mom asked her, concerned. “Yes, we migrated back to London. My mom is British and my dad is Korean. But I have been living on my own after I started college” she told us, she sounded as if it was her first time telling this story and I couldn’t help but to remind myself back then to ask her again later.

“Well, I am your dad now okay Hanna? We are both your parents now” dad said and smiled at her sweetly. After dinner, Hanna insisted on helping my mother do the dishes at the kitchen so both my dad and I had a little father-to-son talk at our garden in the backyard. Though, Hanna too had a little talk with my mother at the kitchen.

“You are special to him” she said out of nowhere while doing the dishes. “Pardon?” Hanna asked. “My son. He doesn’t let people call him by his real name, only the one he loves” Mom said and looked at Hanna admiringly. “Oh, I’m glad he does then. He’s an amazing person” Hanna stated, wiping the wet plates. “Thank you, for raising him well” she said and smiled politely to my mother. “No, thank you for being by his side”

“You like her” dad stated after he took a sip of his coffee. I heaved a sigh and nodded at him. “And she have no idea…” he guessed and I nodded, again. “...and you have no courage to tell her” again, I nodded. “She’s a blooming flower and a beautiful person. Now I don’t mean just on the outside son…” my dad said. He’s a wise man full with wisdoms and I praise him with his ability to give good and inspiring advice.

“If you ask me, she is categorized as the most beautiful people. The ‘one-in-a-million’. These people do not just happen, they are made. Look into her eyes and travel in her world, past, present and future. Learn her struggles, learn her suffers, learn her defeats, learn her aims, learn her by your own. There’s a reason as to why she pulls herself back from you. Learn the reason and you’ll have the answer” he said and it was probably a trigger for me because that night after the dinner, I drove to the beach.

Why? Because number one, we just love to do things randomly but number two, there was this idea on my head. I bought 6cans of coffee and packets of potato chips along with some chocolates, I have a blanket and 2 small pillows at my back sit and she had no idea as to why I drove us there.

Continuing my sixth step after I walked away from her, I continue on the same slow pace of walking. Simultaneously and automatically. My sixth step away from her, the chapter six of how I touched her soul.

“Why are we heading to the beach?” she asked as she realized we were not heading to her apartment. “Because, we are going to have our star gazing date tonight” I said and glanced at her, smiling. “Oh so we’re going on a date now ha ha funny Jongin” “Yeap, we are. You get what I’m saying, I’m not going to define that” I said teasingly and really, I just didn’t want to explain further that I really meant what I said.

As we got there, it was quiet and peaceful. There were no single soul at the beach. I parked the car and set out the blankets. Not on the sandy beach. Instead, we climbed on my car’s roof and lied there. I could feel our shoulders touching and it lingers, it was both comfortable and uncomfortable at the exact same time. Because, I love how the touch lingers but I was nervous as hell. We lied down so close to each other I swear to god I felt her warmth by my side. Like our soul touched.

Talk about soul, I heaved a sigh as we were looking at the starry night sky and told her the reason as to why I brought her here. “It’s on your bucket list. Number 34. Aaaaand I want to ask you something” I said to her, still looking at the sky up ahead. I saw her turning her head looking at me by the side of my left eye, heck she was staring at me.

“You remembered…” I always do. That’s the thing, I still do remember all of your bucket lists. After watching A Walk to Remember (which to her surprise, is my favorite) we decided to make a bucket list just like what Jamie Sullivan did. I turned my head to my left side and smiled at her. “Shoot the question” she whispered.

“What you said earlier, about your parents. I can’t help but to ask if you’re okay but that would be dumb because you’re obviously not” I said, audible only to her ear. Her smile turned to a thin line and then to a frown as she turned her head ahead, back to the night sky.

“I’ve never told anybody about it Jongin. I don’t know if you realize, but I’ve never had a friend in which I truly hangs out with. Until I met you. Well yeah there’s my cousin Alec but he’s busy and we only meet twice a year” she said and chuckled. Not in a way where she finds it amusing but in a way where it sounded like a reaction to self-pity.

“Sooner or later you will find out about my past, and I knew it the second I answered your dad’s question you will eventually ask me” she stated in one breath. “My parents, they divorced when I was nine because… Because… Because of me” she said hesitantly. I was still staring at her while she was telling me the story.

“Why?” I whispered. “Basically it was because I… I saw my dad cheating behind my mom. It was in the mid-winter when I was 8years old that I witnessed it. My mom was away at Paris, working, she’s an event manager and I thought my dad was still at his office. I got home after school and found my dad on top of a women, on the couch. They were literally eating each other’s faces. They were surprised to see me, still, he asked me to go into my room and wash up. It happened frequently, though it ended after my mom came back a week after”

She was telling me this past of hers and the way she was speaking, it was vulnerable. She even looked vulnerable. Hanna heaved a sigh and continued her story. “It took me a month to realize that my dad was cheating, I mean I was kid who grew up watching both of my parents loving each other so I was caught up between the crappy truths and the ty lies”

“What did you do then?” I asked, still staring at her beautiful side profile. “I knew the women he was with, she was working with him as his secretary. I stayed quiet about it for months and watched, painfully, how he cheated. On summer after I turned nine, I can’t hold it back anymore. I can’t bear the fact that my dad thinks his daughter is a stupid kid. So I yelled at him while we were eating dinner, it was actually our last dinner together as a complete family.”

I hummed in response and waited for her to continue. “I told him how I know he’s cheating on mom. My mom was surprised, funny thing was I thought she was surprised that he was cheating but instead, she was surprised because I knew. So they started screaming on each other’s faces. My mom thinks that my dad is stupid and not responsible for doing it in front of me while my dad thinks mom is too busy and that he doesn’t love her, not anymore. So they broke apart”

She turned her head and looked at me, deeply into my eyes. “My mom and I, we went back to London and live there since then. I don’t know what happened to my dad and I don’t even want to but somehow I don’t feel guilty. Is that a sin Jongin?” She whispered at me.

“It’s not. It’s not a sin. He lost your trust, that’s why it’s not a sin” I said, whispering back at her and smiled a bit. “Hanna…” I added. She hummed in reply. “Have you ever… Have you ever been in a relationship?” I asked her bracing myself for her answer.

She took her time looking straight into my eyes, swimming inside. “Once…” She whispered barely audible. I was surprised, I mean for a beautiful girl like her that could easily catch anybody’s attention. My eyes grew larger as a response and she chuckled. “Why?” She asked me.

“I just thought you at least had more than 4 exs. So, why one?” I asked her again. Her chuckles continued and grew to laughter. She shook her head at me and turned her head to the dark sky. “It’s not so that bad! Come on tell me Hanna!” I persuaded her, grinning from ear to ear.

“It was a stupid mistake. I was played, I mean yeah I liked him but still not like, I like him THAT much but he’s attractive so I said yes and a week later I was dumped. There I said it, laugh all you want” she said smiling, waiting for my laughs. But it never came and it never will.

I shook my head and my face changed to a serious one. “I think he’s dumb for doing that” I said truthfully. “I think so too” she said, forming a thin line on her lips. “Now you’re just complimenting yourself…” I said and chuckled. “No, no that was not what I meant. Not in that way” she said and looked back at the sky. I don’t know what it meant but somewhere along the way of knowing her, I eventually unfold the riddles.

She said that because she has an anger inside of her still burning. It started with her dad and it grew larger by the stupid boy. She thinks he is dumb for doing that not because he just lost a gem but because he broke something that is already broken.

Taking my seventh step, I thought of how we spent our days doing the things we love together…

Hanna is a fan of football. She love Manchester United while here I am, a Chelsea fan so by now you could guess what a disaster it was when we watch a football match. The first time we did, was in my apartment, on my couch, in my living room. It was at three in the morning and we watched the rivalry match of ManU vs Chelsea. I can assure all of you people out there, it was not peaceful. Next morning, we woke up with our legs tangled up to our heads and my apartment was the outcome of WorldWarIII.

That night though, we vowed to each other, well actually she promised to bring me to London and watch a live match between Chelsea and ManU at the Etihad Stadium for the Premier League. And she did. That was our first trip together and we basically went all-off for it. First class airplane ticket to her mother’s penthouse in Central London and eating fish & chips at the restaurant downtown.

Before we went to the match though, we made a bet. “If my team wins, you’re going to piggyback me back home!” she stated, chuckling as we bought the drinks. “Oh it’s your team now? Keep dreaming banana keep dreaming” I replied, taking a sip of the iced lemon tea on my left grasp.

“Stop calling me banana Jongout” she stated, rolling her eyes at me. “Keep that eyes straight ahead young lady. And I will if you stop calling me Jongout, at least Hanna Banana is rich in potassium” I replied back at her and she laughed at me. “Well screw that puny joke, back to our bet…”

“Okay, if Chelsea wins I want you tooooo… you know what, I’ll tell you later when they win” I said and smirked at her. “Hey that’s not fair I told you mine!” she said and hit my shoulder lightly. “Well dear Hanna Banana, life is never fair” I said at her, winking. We split apart later because we chose to sit with our dear crazy fans-friends and funny thing was that we skyped throughout the first-half of the match.

It was still 1-1 and god knows how much I wanted Chelsea to win back then because I was about to ask her to kiss me, at least my cheek… at the very last minute of the match, Rooney kicked the ball and scored making everyone and I mean everyone screamed in the stadium. Half screamed “GOAL!” and the other half, well WE generally just screamed.

At that moment, our eyes met. Screw the crowd, screw how we were divided and the fact that I was at the other part of the stadium from where she was but our eyes met. Be it if she’s in Egypt and I’m in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, I will make sure somehow I will get to see that eyes of hers. She smiled at me, provokingly as if telling me that I lost and she won, not the match but the bet. I rolled my eyes as a reply and we met after the game at the main entrance.

“Well what are you waiting for dear slave, carry the princess diligently!” she said with full pride and grinned at me jokingly. So I did, I crouched down in front of her and she hugged my neck, her legs embracing my waist. “Oh god you’re so heavy Princess Banana!” I exclaimed at her. It was a lie, of course. She was as light as dusts. She hit my shoulder and rest her head on it.

I was nervous, I can literally feel her breath on the crook of my neck and that was actually the first time I carried her, heck it was the first time I carried a girl in my life! “You said you were going to tell me about your part of the bet…” she whispered on my ear. I hummed as a response, “Well I said I’ll say it if Chelsea wins, they didn’t” I whispered back and continue walking, carrying her on my back.

Maybe I didn’t get a kiss, but hey, at least I got to carry her on my back for the first time right…

Taking my left foot ahead, forward, swinging it ever so slowly while taking a deep breath. Inhaling the polluted air surrounding me, continuing the systemic respiration of humans’ lung. My eighth step and my eighth chapter of our tale.

I learned how she like flowers. Not the cliché and mainstream red roses, instead her favorites are heather lavenders and daisies. “Why do you always change them every Monday?” I asked her in a fine morning before we head to our class together. “Because I want the scents to stay and enhance my whole apartment” she answered me, changing and t the flowers in the vase on the coffee table in her living room. “But isn’t it a waste, why don’t you just buy the scented candles or the spray thingy?” I asked her, sipping the coffee she made.

“It’s free, my grandma is a florist. Her store is just a 15minutes drive from here” she said and grinned at me before she went to throw the leftovers stems. So two weeks later I decided to buy the flowers for her. I left my house early and went to her grandmother’s store for the very first time. The interior was cozy and truth be told, it was beautifully decorated. “May I help you young man?” an old lady asked me by the counter. I speculated that she was her grandmother and I was right.

“Yes, I am actually Hanna’s friend and I thought of buying some lavenders and daisies for her” I said and received a sweet smile from her. “You’re quite close with her” she stated as she went to grab the flowers. However, I knew it was not a question. It was actually a statement so I just nodded and hummed at her. She took a glance at me before asking, “How old are you young man?”

“Oh please, call me Kai. I am in the same age as Hanna” I answered her and smiled genuinely. “Well Kai, while I’ll find some daisies behind why don’t you take a look at her childhood photos. But remember it’s our secret” she said, winking at me before taking an album. I laughed a bit and sat on the stool by the counter as I turned the pages.

Her smile is still the same, she will always smile with her teeth showing on display and the corner of her eyes would wrinkle a bit. But somehow there’s a slight different, maybe because her smiles now are not 100% genuine. As if it was a mask, a façade that she put on.

As I turned pages by pages, I realized that there’s not a single photo in which her dad was in. All of the photos are either Hanna by herself or she’d be there with her mother by her side and most of it are in London. “Here you go Kai, send my love to Hanna and maybe yours too” she said handing me the flowers and winked while doing so.

I furrowed my eyebrows for a moment, I didn’t quite understand what she meant and smiled after as I took the flowers. I thanked her and drove off to Hanna’s apartment. We kinda have each other’s key so it was never a problem for me to barge in whenever I want to. I went in and dropped my bag and keys on her dining table, moving forward towards her coffee table.

Staring at the vase on top of the table, brainstorming on how the actual hell am I supposed to proceed my ‘surprise’. I heard the gushing sound of water from her bathroom stopped, indicating that she had finish taking her shower so I my phone and started googling on how to prune and change your flowers. I legit did it accordingly and smiled in content at my masterpiece.

“Oh god you scared me!” she came out, jumping backwards a bit. Her pure face without any make ups greeted me with a shining smile as she came closer. Her hair was dripping wet, but she refused to give any attention to it. “You changed my flowers for me!!!!!” her voice was full of excitement, jumping around me she stopped and hugged me. “It’s beautiful, thank you” she whispered, soothingly to my ear.

“No biggie Hanna Banana” I said breaking off the hug and winked at her. We sat down on her comfortable, cozy couch and she turned around facing me. “Where did you buy it though?” she asked, tilting her head. It look so adorable I had to control these wild butterflies I had in my stomach. Smirking teasingly at her I answered, “I saw your baby pictures” I said and stuck my tongue out playfully before I ran to the kitchen to get some coffee for us.

She came running and yelling at me with her big, goofy and adorable eyes popping out, “I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU WENT TO NANNA’S AND LOOKED THROUGH MY BABY PICTURES!” she said and punched my chest. Grabbing her arm I pulled her closer, we were basically an inch away. I looked down and she cocked her head upwards, seconds passed by, blink by blink, we just stared at each other. “Are you mad?” I whispered, still looking deep into her Hazel’s brown orbs.

Seeing that she was not going to reply to my question, I added, “Well, before you make your decision to punch my chest until my diaphragm pops out… I woke up extra early today just so I could find where the hell is ‘her store is just 15 minutes away from here’. You know how difficult it is for me to wake up in the morning and google map was not helping at all. If it makes you feel any better, you look absolutely beautiful and adorable in pink fluffy gowns” I half-ly whispered, my voice came out huskier than I thought it would.

“Nanna didn’t say anything, did she?” she said, inaudible. I shook my head and furrowed my eyebrows. “Well she did ask me to send her loves to you” I answered back, oblivious and curious of why she was so enraged. “Why? Are you… are you okay?” I asked her. “No, nothing it’s just that, wait you didn’t see any pictures that…” she stooped midway and just looked at me, as if she was trying to put together a sentence.

“That…?” I said cocking my eyebrows upwards. “Look Hanna, I’m sorry if I didn’t tell you but no I just looked through the pictures of you and your mother when you were in London and in my defense, your grandma gave me the album” I answered back, still holding her arms. She sighed and looked down to her feet. I let go of her arms and it fell hopelessly to her side, taking her chin, I made her look at me again.

“What is it Hanna?” I asked her, full of seriousness. She sighed once again. “There’s something in that album that I’m not supposed to see or…?” I asked again, guessing. “I’ll tell you later” she said smiling again, tiptoeing nearer to my face, she kissed my cheeks taking me by surprise. “What…” “Thanks for the beautiful flowers Jongin”

Walking side by side, we went into the library. Our final was just around the corner so we had planned on revising everything that day. Sitting at our usual spot at the far end behind the shelf, the place where nearly nobody knows of, we studied and studied and studied. Hours passed by and I grew tired of the words on my textbook. I took a glance at her, she was still focusing diligently on her book. She would sometimes bite her lover lips when she’s trying to recall something.

I speculated in mind that her fumes was maybe because of the fact that there were not one picture of her father or maybe there are but well, maybe she was scared I would know what does her father looks like. Maybe she was scared I would judge or maybe she was scared I would know more of her past; something that I know, she is still holding on. Her past.

She’s a puzzle. She speaks in riddles. She’s an equation no mathematician can solve. But I am not a mathematician…Taking my ninth step away from her apartment, the clock is ticking ever so slowly. My ninth step of our past.

I remembered how she did my birthday surprise. It was the start of a new semester after our holiday break. On a fine and chilly Wednesday night I came back home from my dance practice only to find my apartment full of pink post-it notes. Furrowing my eyebrows, I walked closer to the wall by the entrance door and read what was written on the post-it notes. It was all the same, ‘FOLLOW THE ->’

It took me by surprise, I mean who the hell came into my apartment and decided to stick millions of post-it notes. So I started recalling who have my apartment keys, well there’re Kyungsoo, Sehun, Chanyeol, Baekhyun, Suho and of course Hanna. But who would suddenly took the liberty to decorate my apartment walls into pink madness land.

Taking one of the pink sticky notes, I went out and found another one on my shoes. I can swear on your ancestor’s grave it was so creepy. I wore that shoes just minutes before and came inside the house, how would you feel if you comes out and find something different about the shoe you just wore.

Furrowing my eyebrows, I leaned down and wore my shoes as I took the notes and saw that it was another ‘->’ written on it but this time there’s a heart underneath. The arrow was legit pointing towards the elevator across my apartment’s door so I pressed the button and waited.

As the elevator’s door opened, I walked inside only to find there was another post-it note by the buttons. ‘20^th floor ;)’ was written on it, so I took the paper and pressed the button 20 speculating in mind that this is maybe just another prank from the boys. There was another sticky note by the wall as I walked out of the elevator that showed an arrow pointing to the emergency stairs on the left side so I took the paper and opened the door. I swore to god I was basically cursing every vulgar words I know by then, I didn’t know who was playing with me until I found another note that showed another arrow pointing upwards.

Taking the paper I walked upstairs towards the rooftop’s door and opened it. What greeted me however, was beyond anything that I expected. The rooftop was decorated with lights all around it and the balcony walls were full of post-it notes. There stood the girl that I find so beautiful, the girl that took my heart without even realizing it, the girl that with every blinks, every breath, and every energy that she takes will give me the purpose to wake up every morning. Hanna was standing there, holding a small cake.

The candles were igniting, with a big smile on my face I walked nearer to her. “So you were the one that decorated my whole apartment into a Barbie land, should’ve known” I said and blew the candles. “Happy Birthday Kim Jongin” she said and put the cakes down on the table. What she did after took me by surprise, she hugged me tightly and whispered in my ear “I’ve never been more grateful that you’ve been brought up to life, happy birthday.”

The post it notes around the wall were reasons on why she’s thankful she have me by her side, and some of it are quite amusing though I still do keep all of the pink post-it notes safely in a box. I would sometimes read it at nights in which I can’t sleep, it helps me remember why she needs me and why I wake up every morning. She’s a medicine and I was addicted, now I’m overdosed.

There was also this one time which I was the one who did a birthday surprise for her. We had different classes on the day of her birthday so I had plan on not wishing her anything, well at least not yet. I just greeted her like I always do and her face looked so adorable when she furrowed her eyebrows, I could tell she was wondering why I didn’t wish her anything.

I continued the cruel act towards her until our classes finished in the evening. I met her at the entrance door with two cans of coffee in my hand, I gave her one and leaned in closer, tilting my head sideways cutely. “What do you want Jongin?” she asked, annoyed. “Well, accompany me to the dance studio? I need to practice for the upcoming showcase”

“Need to go back home, I’m tired” she answered, her voice sounded cold and distant. She must’ve been thinking that I forgot about her birthday that she got that mad. I chuckled at her, gathering my guts and strength, I did a cute and adorable gesture saying “PLEAAAAAASE” over and over again until she gave in.

We drove to the dance studio and as we walked in to the elevator, I stood behind her. Walking closely nearer, I took the cloth and tied it to her head. “WHAT THE, Jongin why am I blindfolded?!” she asked, turning around. Chuckling, I patted her head and put my hands to her shoulder respectively.

I pushed her forward as the elevator’s door opened, asking her to walk and mind her step. “Jongin you know I hate the dark” she muttered under her breath. “Well, I’m dark, you like me” I answered back jokingly. “You did not just admit you’re tan” she said and chortled. I opened the door and pushed her lightly inside, we stood by the entrance of the studio for a while until I heaved a sigh and opened the blindfold on her head.

“What…wow….” She said, whispering the last word. It was as if she was really mesmerized by it that words couldn’t define her feelings. In front her, was the dance studio decorated with candles on the floor, pictures on the mirrored wall. The amazing part was that it was full of our pictures, together. At the center of the studio was a picnic rug, two slices of her favorite tiramisu cake. There’re strawberries dipped in chocolates and a box of pizza.

Hanna turned around, with a fascinated and touched face, riveted to the ground underneath, she just gave me the most genuine, beautiful and lovely smile that I had ever seen. Just like that, I was spellbound. “You did this?” she asked.

“Well yeah I actually skipped my class just now and prepared the whole thing” I said, and rubbed my nape, feeling both nervous and embarrassed. I went to the speaker and played the song, it was Yiruma’s Maybe. Taking the flowers that I hid by the side I walked to her, she was staring at me the whole time.

“I tried to find daisies but your grandma’s store is closed today, so…” I said and gave her the flower bouquet. “I chose those flowers because, you would do things randomly and we would end up rolling on the floor laughing our asses off. You are playful and you have this adventurous and sporty attitude in you; you’re like the pink Hyacinth. I appreciate every breath that you breathe, every nano seconds that spend your precious longing time with me. I appreciate the calmness in your soothing voice when you handle a situation. I appreciate the movie nights that we spend watching probably quarter of the whole movies ever invented. I just, I appreciate your existence; the flower of appreciation and calmness, Lisianthus. You told me the story of your past, and I can bet on my grave that’s not even half of it but its okay. Because underneath your angelic, alluring beauty, you’re just a lonely girl. The thing is, you savored the pleasures of solitudes. You’re stuck behind that thick, tall, mighty wall that you build around your kingdom. Still, you dream that somebody, anybody will come and break that wall. I admire your strength, Hanna. I literally admire the years you took to build that barrier, because to stick those bricks by bricks together, it’s not an easy job to do. I admire you because you knew the purpose on why you build that wall, for protection… I am not going to tell you now that I am going to break that wall because I’m not some stupid bastard like that guy you told me that would suddenly come and break something that is already broken. You took years to build it and I am not going to put that wall to a waste. Instead, I am going to climb that wall. Sweat by sweat, bit by bit, brick by brick and I’ll live with you. By your side. In that beautiful kingdom of yours. And I’ll be your protector. So let me. The flower of admiration, solitude, beauty and protection; Heather Lavender. It also indicates that wishes will come true. Happy Birthday Hanna”

She hugged me, holding the flowers in one hand and whispered in my ear soothingly, “I don’t want to know where you learned about that, wiki, google, I don’t care. Thank you Jongin, so much.” I kissed her cheeks lightly and she turned around facing me. “What was that for?” she asked.

“That was for giving me a clue” I said and pulled her hand to sit on the mat. She furrowed her eyebrows and asked me what clue did I meant. “You like Heather Lavender. That was the clue” I said and winked at her, handing her the cake. She smiled at me, “Who would’ve thought, Kim Jongin would crack my flowers code” she said and ate the cake.

We danced to the song and she whispered a question at my ear,

“Jongin…”

“Hmmm”

“You didn’t explain anything about the Lavender Roses, it’s in the bouquet”

“…”

“Jongin…?”

“One day, just, not yet…”

Taking my tenth step, I walked consistently forward, away from her. My tenth step and the tenth part of our tale.

Weeks after that, she somehow looked paranoid. As though she was distancing herself further into her world of fantasy. She didn’t attend the classes, she didn’t reply to my texts nor did she accept my phone calls. “Heyy Kyungsoo!” I called up to my friend. “What up Kai ma mannn” Chanyeol who was by Kyungsoo’s side patted my shoulders.

“Hey guys, have you seen Hanna?” I asked them. “Well she didn’t come to the classes today, last time I saw her was on her birthday bash” Kyungsoo said and Chanyeol nodded. Well, the boys kind of surprised her for the 2^nd time. They did this party for her, sang for her, danced for her, cooked for her, in conclusions, they love her. “Okay, thanks man” I said as I hurriedly walk pass through them and ran.

“WHERE’RE YOU GOING?” Kyungsoo yelled from the end of the hall. “FIND HER!” I yelled, answering back and ran away like a lightning bolt.

I went to her apartment only to realize that I didn’t bring the keys, “” I muttered under my breath and knocked on her door continuously. “Hanna? Hanna open up it’s me” she opened the door slowly and went inside.

I followed her from behind, “What the… what happened to you?” I asked. Her apartment looked as though somebody decided to shake it and rolled it only to throw it like a ball. “You hate mess” I said, my eyes were as big as an owl’s.

She sighed and growled, walking into her bedroom and jumped on it. Laying on her right side, she curled up like a small kitten and closed her eyes. “Know what, let’s go” I said and took her hand, pulling her. I took her handbag by the side table and closed the door. “Wear your shoes” I commanded.

“Where are we going…? Jongin I’m tired, give me my handbag back” she said like a breathing corpse. “Nope, not going to happen. Wear your shoes” I said again, strictly. She sighed and wore her sneakers. Hanna straightened up and smiled fakely at me, “Happy? What now Mister follow-my-commands?” she asked, sounding irritated.

“Let’s go” I said and grinned in triumph. Taking her hand into mine, grabbing it, holding it tightly, I took her to my car and drove to the nearest train station. “Okay Jongin it’s not funny anymore, where are we going?” she said, stomping her feet like a rebellious child. 
“It was never a joke at the first place, just trust me on this okay Banana?” I said, and patted her head. We walked into the train and sat.

I bought the premium sit, so that it would be more comfortable for both of us. As the train started moving, I turned around and faced her. She glanced at me with a really annoyed expression plastered on her face and said, “What?”

“Are you going to tell me or not?” I asked her, cocking my eyebrows. “Well are you going to tell me where are we going or not?” she answered me back with a question. Sighing, I answered her and asked her to tell me the story, again.

“My dad” Hanna said, turning her head to her left side. She gazed out watching the scenery from the glass window and sighed.

I thought that it was quite a shocker, I mean, I was thinking that it was possibly some money issue or her mom or even her time of the month. But then again, you know how every single person in the world, dead or alive, have their own taboo words? In which when we heard somebody, anybody says it, we’ll have this tiny anxiousness that arouses us to punch that person’s face; even if they’re innocent. Well, it doesn’t take a genius to realize that the word ‘dad’ itself is her taboo word.

“What about him?” I asked her as I put my hands on her chin and turned her to face me, ever so softly.

“He… Jongin… He… He’s… Remember how I told you that after they got divorced my mom and I went to London and I’ve never heard of him since then… and the fact that I don’t even want to?” She asked me, crunching her nose a bit, her eyebrows furrowing. She was in a state in which she’s tensed. Talking about something that you don’t like, generally your taboo word brings forth anxiety.

“Yeah, I do” I stated, nodding my head.

“I lied” she said, closing her eyes and sighed.

“Huh? What do you mean you lied?” I asked.

“Well, not practically. But, Jongin it’s really complicated”

“I am no great genius Hanna, but I can manage complicated things” I coaxed softly. “Go on, tell me…”

“Well… When I was fifteen, he got into the prison” she said, audible only for my ears. It took me by surprise but what the heck, she’s just full of surprises.

“He… He was found guilty because he cheated on a business deal with his shared companies. His company went bankrupt so one day he went out and got drunk, badly. Something happened, and there was a mob of gangsters. People were injured, he was. So the court gave him 4years of imprisonment and some penalties. And… Its embarrassing Jongin. For me it is”

“Okay that I can understand, but what does it have to do with you suddenly getting depressed…?”

“He’s out and free now… He… He came to my apartment last week, drunk and created a mess” she said and blinked her tears.

“Oh god Hanna, why didn’t you tell me earlier?” I said and pulled her to my embrace. Giving her the comforts she needed. “What happened then?” I asked as we break away from the hug.

“The security came, they wanted to bring him to the police station but I asked them not to. I have absolutely no idea where he is now” she said, rubbing her tears that hung by the tip of her eyes.

“Does your mom knows? What about Nanna?” I asked her.

“Mom’s at Milan, she’s managing the fashion week there. And Nanna went back to London, my aunt is not well” she stated and faced back front.

Sighing I said, “Well guess what, good thing I am your knight in shining platinum armor! We are going to call the university’s administration and inform them that I have an important family matter that I need to attend across the globe and you’re accompanying me so we can’t go to our classes for a while”

“Okaaay, and how long is a while?” She asked me, tilting her head sideways. “Until we puke happiness” I answered and sat straight again. She put her head on my shoulder and I rested mine on top of hers.

“I promise you, we’ll have all the randomness and fun we’ll get together that you’d forget how to even spell your own name” I whispered. “Go to sleep, it’ll be a long ride”

“You should’ve brought me to the airport instead Jongout” she said and chuckled lightly under her breath. I joined her and replied, “Now you’re just demanding…”

Inhaling, I take my eleventh step. Walking gradually slowly, I push my left foot forward with force and pressure from my right. My 11^th thought of the eleventh part of our story.

After the dreading train ride that I must say despite choosing the premium sit, it was STILL uncomfortable, we reached our destination. A local island that attracts a lot of foreigners to visit. They say it’s the island of hope. They also say it’s the island of solitude; it’s at the far end of the continent, away from the bustling city, very…very… very isolated.

Regardless, the island did gave me hope. Imagine it as a beautiful tropical island with soft and sandy golden beaches. The exotic palm trees stood tall almost everywhere with an ocean of flowers. The water is crystal clear, almost transparent. The corals are insight for our eyes, the island almost seem like a fairytale garden.

We stayed in a suite hotel room by the beach side, the word awkward had long faded away for us. The first night though, it somehow surfaced back. I remembered perfectly how it happened…

I was laying on the long couch and she was taking a shower in the bathroom. She takes at least, I repeat, at least 40 minutes to shower so she asked me to wash myself first and to stop trying to be a gentleman. So I did. We arrived at the island late at night so there was almost nothing that we could do, and adding to the fact that we were tired so we decided to call it off a night and start the fun tomorrow.

On the couch, I started thinking; ‘Are we sleeping on the bed tonight or… Nah, Jongin let her sleep on the bed. You’ll be fine on this remarkably uncomfortable couch. Why is my leg so long…?’ the sound of the bathroom door opened and closed again made me stopped the thoughts.

“You’re finally done” I joked, sitting up on the couch. “Yeap, whatchu doing?” she asked, flopping down beside me on the couch. “Wait, why is the pillow here?” she asked pointing her finger to the pillow that laid still on the end of the couch.

Before I even replied she cut me through, “You’re not going to sleep on the couch Mister” she said with a grumpy face. “And why not?” I asked. “Hanna, you’re a girl… As much as I appreciate it, I respect you, as a girl I mean and I am not going to take things for granted” I added before she answer my question.

“Well number one, you paid the train ticket and you also paid for the room and I can bet on my love for pizzas that you will pay for our food, our trip, our fun well generally almost everything sooo, I trust you dear Jongout” she said and smiled encouraging me.

“I trust myself too, it’s the small guy that I don’t trust…” I thought to myself.

“WHAT SMALL GUY?! EWWW JONGIN YOU DID NOT JUST CALL IT A SMALL GUY” she said and laughed, hitting my shoulder a bit. “Wait I said it out loud…?”

 So that night I slept on the floor, because of my lovable mouth. And brain. I thought of sleeping on the couch but after 5 minutes, I couldn’t feel my leg because the couch is too small for my height so I took the comforter and slept on the floor by the bed.

I couldn’t go to sleep though I have no idea why. Maybe because of the fidgeting sound from the bed. Hanna kept on turning, shuffling around and around, she was basically trying to find the perfect comfy spot. At around 3 in the morning I heard her whispers…

“Jongin?”

“You asleep?

“Jongin?”

I didn’t know why I didn’t answer her, I just kept quiet facing the window with my back on her. Then I heard the some shuffling sound and the bed squeaked. Moments later…

I felt a hand, running around on my back then it hugged my waist. I could feel the radiating warmth on my back, the familiar scent of lavender and daisies.

“I can’t sleep. For months” she whispered in the back of my nape. So I turned around and hugged her tightly. Her delicate face laid in the crook of my neck, my chin rested on her head. Both of her hands was on my chest and mine on her waist and the other at the back of her head, keeping her close to me.

I didn’t say any word, not until I felt her breath steadied and her body relaxed indicating that she fell asleep that kissed her forehead longingly, softly, and lovingly. “I’ll be your sleeping pills” I whispered and she snuggled closer to me.

The morning though, IT WAS SO AWKWARD!

Let’s not go deeper into that just because… it’ll get things awkward. But nonetheless, the situation went from awkward to something beyond that. We just realized that we had no extra clothes…

Courtesy of my credit card, we went shopping and I had never felt shopping was that appealing. I had always have this idea of shopping seems so girlish and so tiring, but she changed it. She changes everything.

And when we said we’d do the craziest most random thing we could do, we mean it. After lunch at some local seafood restaurant ran by an aged grandma whom had grew attached to Hanna in just an hour and gave us massive discount, we walked around the town.

The town however, it was nothing fancy nothing big about it, something lesser than suburb but it felt like home. The feeling you’d get when you came back home from a dreading day at work and you’d get to snuggle in your bed eating cereals even though it’s midnight. 

It was around twilight that Hanna and I found this ultimate awesome playground so we walked side by side with popsicles in our hand and sat on the swings. “Do you remember?” I asked, finishing my ice cream.

She turned around and looked at me deeply, “You kid me not, how could I?! Playground was where it all started” she said and grinned. “You know I actually thought that your story about the Ironman, superheroes and the explosion stuff was cool” she added and laughed.

“Oh so I did impressed you then?” I asked, sarcastically trying to be funny. “Wait…” she said, finally getting the point of it. “So you were just trying to impress me?!” Hanna asked, her eyes bulging out.

I started laughing hysterically, “Oh god Hanna, you can sometimes be a bit gullible. Nooooo, of course not. I was trying to stop Jamie from crying” I stated to justify things out. In my defense, I didn’t lie to her. I mean, hell yeah of course I was trying to impress her then but I just filtered what I said. Nevertheless every lie needs a tinge of truth in it therefore people will believe it is the truth.

She squinted her eyes at me, examining my expression. Looking back at her while trying to hold my laughter, I realized there were security cameras around the park.

And so I came up with this brilliant but stupid idea. It was as though there’s this gigantic light bulb above me suddenly glowing. I took her hand in mine and stood up, “Heyyy…” she said, clearly surprised by my sudden act.

“You know, you have this habit of pulling me anywhere you want to” she said trying to catch up with my pace. Chuckling I slowed down and looked at her. “I have an idea” I said grinning like a Cheshire cat.

Furrowing her eyebrows, she finally got the idea of it. “Oh god, we are so dumb!” she said. I didn’t need to tell her, our minds connect like a plug to an adapter.

So we started singing and acting to Sixteen Going on Seventeen to the security camera. I am not sure if the people controlling the cameras were laughing or actually enjoying the show but either way, we had fun.

There were other undeniably abnormal things that we did; she dressed up as pacman and I dressed up as the ghost as we walked around the town holding hands and whenever anyone saw us, we’d pretend we were embarrassed and run off screaming “Wocka! Wocka! Wocka!”

She also did dare me to dressed up as a superhero, so I chose Ironman (we literally had to buy the costumes) and stop at least one petty crime. I stopped this cute kid from littering, she cried and yelled “DADDAAAAA!” so loud that I ran off. *P/S sorry kiddo*

Later after the incident, I changed back to my jeans and shirt to grab dinner. Hanna went mental after, she could not stop herself from laughing. “I can’t believe you left that poor girl alone!” she would repeat that for quite a number of time while laughing.

To stop her from having a heart attack or worst, end up in an asylum, I came up with another odd yet awesome idea. When the Maître d'hôtel ask for how many person and our names, we answered that we only need two and told him our name, “It’s Mark Getsetgo and Rowena Ravenclaw.” So when he called our name, out loud, needless to say, there were many weird faces.

On the 4^th night at our stay on the island, we went to their baseball game though we were not really a fan of baseball, just football. Nevertheless, it was not a reason for us to not enjoy the night. We ate nachos and cheered on both team, when people booed, we booed, when people screamed, we screamed. It was exceptionally pleasurable.

The night of our last day there, Hanna literally dragged me to this fun fair beside the hotel that we stayed. It was at the beach, it kinda had this Santa Monica feeling to it though Hanna had the most fun. I find it amusing that she’s in love with amusement park.

There was this shooting game where we have to shoot the duck, she challenged me to it albeit I knew the only reason she asked me to was because she wanted the cute Baby Taz teddy bear. I, of course, won the teddy bear for her. How could I not.

After we bought our cotton candy that she became so excited about, “It’s fresh from the machine thingy Jongin! Do you know how difficult it is to find it in the city?” we went on a Merry Go Round ride, which also, I got dragged in to.

I was just standing awkwardly in the middle of two horses, one was occupied by Miss Banana and the other was unoccupied. When suddenly a girl, which I recognized as the one that cried yesterday came with this adorable puppy eyes, asking me to carry her to sit on the horse.

Hanna started giggling and shoved me to continue helping the kid, sighing at Miss Banana, I turned and gave the kid the most charming smile I could and lifted her up to sit on the horse. She smiled at me and muttered a shy “Thank you sir.” I can bet on my grave she did not recognize me.

When the Merry Go Round started moving, with this really childish song playing, Miss Banana pulled me and asked me to sit behind her. So I did. We sat together on a horse having all the fun we could singing to the nursery rhymes playing. After it finished, I helped her to get down and then I helped the small girl, what she said after took me by surprise, “When I’m old enough, I want to have a prince just like how you treated your princess!” Hanna was blushing. She had this big puffy red cheeks that won’t go away. I smiled at the kid, “You will but only if you be kind, just like my princess. Okay kiddo?” I asked, and she nodded as we helped her to go out.

Our last ride was the Ferris Wheel, which is actually our favorite. The higher it goes, the better it is. On the ride, we talked something meaningful. “Jongin?” she uttered under her breath.

Sitting beside her, gazing at the starry night sky full of shining stars that are millions of light years away I hummed in reply. “I won’t ever forget about this” she said, flopping her head on my shoulder. I smiled I content. Satisfied that I made her life extra blissful.

“Hanna, when we get back, there will be a lot of ty things that come to our life. Obstacles, hurdles, disappointments, mistakes, everything. But remember, I’ll be with you. I always had” I said as I put my head on top of hers.

“Thank you Jongin, again”

Exhaling my breath, my arms sways, simultaneously to my leg. The world is still in a slow motion. Everything looks a lot more peaceful this way. Taking my twelfth step, starting my twelfth part of our amazing story.

After we came back from the trip, we rode an airplane of course. It’s much more comfortable and it takes lesser time to get back to the city. Two days later, Kyungsoo invited us to his party though we didn’t know what the party was about. It was just, a party to celebrate absolutely nothing.

Hanna and I went together wearing our usual casual clothes to Kyungsoo’s house. On our way there, we made a bet that if we could turn as many things as we could upside down inside Kyungsoo’s apartment without him noticing it, we have to grant the winner a wish.

So when we arrived at his apartment, instead of acting all cool and swaggy, we became a little too nervous. “Heyyy Jongin and Hanna are here!” Baekhyun yelled from the living room. We should’ve replied with a greeting but all we came up with were a stiff smile and an awkward hug.

“Why are you behaving so… so…. Weird” Suho said, it was not really a question, it was more of a statement. I nudged Hanna as a warning to act normal and we tried. After we ate some food and played a couple of games, nobody, and I mean nobody even realize how many vases and mugs we have turned upside down.

I went to Kyungsoo bedroom, without them noticing and quietly tip-toed to his side table. Sneakily, I turned almost all of the small things inside his bedroom upside down. While doing so, Hanna was in his study room doing the same thing. She literally turned his chair upside down though.

When I walked out of the room, I bumped into Hanna and we high fived each other. “Guys we need to go back, I have a class early in the morning tomorrow” Hanna said to the others when we walked into the living room. “Sure, take care of her Jongin” Sehun said and hugged us, following with the others.

As we came out of the house, we couldn’t contain our laughter and we just exploded like a laughing atomic bomb while we walked to the elevator. “I wonder how many hours would it take for him to notice his stuffs are upside down?!” Hanna said, laughing hysterically.

By the time we got to my apartment it was nearly midnight; to us, youngsters, midnight is not even near ‘middle’. Bored and felt uneasy as we sat on my cozy couch while watching Disney’s Lion King Reruns, we decided to play Monopoly, just because.

An hour later when I gave up because Hanna bought all of the expensive cities and I was left doing mortgages and ended up in bankruptcy, I forced her to play the game Taboo. Only when I took the box that I realize the game needs to be in teams.

“Let’s just play twister, how does that sound?” Hanna proposed. Before giving in though, I threw a tantrum at her, “But you’re damn flexible and I’m as stiff as rocks.” “Well do you have a better idea?” she asked, with a sneaky smirk on her face. “Fineeee, you win Banana” I said as I walked to my bedroom and took the box.

After some time of spinning and changing our positions, we ended up being tangled to each other. She was on top of me, doing a semi-bridge with her hand in between my leg and I was in a really weird position underneath her. My left leg was half-squatting and my hands were in the very both ends of the twister mat.

As she was trying to spin it again, Hanna lost her balance and… and… she fell. On top of me. Chest to chest. Leg in between mine. Squeaking as she fell, I caught her waist and held it tight to lessen the impact of the fall.

Everything stopped for a nano second there, we just stared at each other, and her eyes were fixed in mine. We were scrutinizing each other’s soul, swimming inside the two pools of hazel brown orbs.

Until, I felt it. I thought it was just me. But I felt it. Her heart was beating fast and it accelerated faster and faster. It felt like a small vibration of an iPhone ringing inside her chest. Almost to the feeling you get when there’re thunderstorms outside and you get the pulsation of it. Or when you’re in a music studio and somebody is playing the drum, only thing is the bass sound fills in the room, loudly. Making you have goosebumps and your organs inside tremble.

Her cheeks glowed sweet pinkish red and Hanna bit her lower lips, an action she only does when she’s nervous or flattered. I’m guessing both. I was the cause of it, and that made me happy because it gave me hope.

Our little interaction of unspoken conversation ended when my phone rang loudly, indicating somebody was calling but we didn’t move. My right hand did though. I took my phone beside the twister mat and looked at the caller id; Dearly Gloin. Just for your information, it’s Kyungsoo. I named him after the dwarf in the Hobbit.

“Hello?” I said. Hanna was still laying on top of me and I myself don’t know why we didn’t bother to change our position. She was just staring at my face.

“I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU GUYS PLAYED A DUMB TRICK ON ME! MY STUDY CHAIR? REALLY? AND THE VASES! DON’T EVEN MAKE ME START ABOUT MY BEDROOM! WHAT THE ACTUAL BLOODY HELL WERE YOU THINKING? ARE YOU GUYS THAT BORED OR YOU JUST HATED TO LIVE…” and I ended the call.

My eyes were bulging out and I turned to look at her, for a while, until we barfed out laughing. “It took him 4 hours!” I exclaimed as we sat up, finally. I thought I might die in giddiness.

That night though, after the fun of pranking Kyungsoo and playing board games, we build forts of blankets and watched the whole fifth season of Pretty Little Liars, just because I have a guy crush on Ian Harding and maybe the whole girls. WHO DOESN’T?!

Taking another step, I take a deep breath. The time is still ticking slowly and I can’t comprehend the reason why the whole wide living universe is revolving around me. At least I feel so. My thirteenth step and the thirteenth chapter of our fairytale.

She have always love the idea of reading books. Story books, mostly fantasies, biographies and histories interest her the most. A week after that particular night, it went passed by in a rather dreading way. Probably because we were busy with classes and assignments.

It was a Sunday night, the weather was a bit chilly and it was nearly eight. I went to her apartment without even telling her beforehand and dragged her out to eat doughnuts with me. We went to our favorite café and ended up in a library at the corner downtown.

We basically spent our day at the library sitting comfortably on the floor in between the shelves at the far corner. When we get bored we read another Shakespeare’s literature, when we get bored of it we’ll play another dumb games on our phone.

Hanna came up with the idea of living cute post-it notes of the book that she read, so I lend my pen for her to use. She even left some really corny jokes and emoticons by the side of the note and paste it inside the book at the first page.

“You don’t look that good” I commented, finally catching the hints that she left for the past week. Hanna is a girl with a really big appetite, and watching her barely eating half of the portions she usually eat triggers me. Hanna who was leaning on my shoulder while writing her opinions for a book that I may never knew of scooted away and looked at me, furrowing her eyebrows.

“Why so sudden? I’m fine though” she said shrugging her shoulders. I gave her the, I’m-not-buying-it look as a reply and she sighed leaning on my shoulders again. “I’m just worried about my father… I thought I didn’t care but why am I thinking so hard about him?” she said, her voices sounded exasperated, as though she was totally and unshielded. And I felt the need to protect her, again.

“Oh god this is worse than clichés romance movies” she said and chuckled at the end. She was making fun of something that she knew she was not supposed to, but Hanna is being Hanna and she did it anyway. I knew it then that there must be something else that she didn’t reveal to me, but I didn’t want to be that desperate to muddle into her problems.         

Exhaling my breath, leisurely I put forces on my left feet and bring my right one forward. Starting my thoughts of the fourteenth part of our story together.

Days passed by and Hanna was more distant than ever that I started speculating she was sick, so I went to her apartment in hopes of checking her up and cheering on her, giving her the strengths that she needs, the shields and shoulders that she yearns for.

We bumped into each other at the entrance door in the lobby. She was wearing her casual clothes with checkered shirt and simple skinny jeans. “Jongin, what are you doing here?” she asked me, looking bewildered.

“Urm… Why can’t I?” I asked her, answering her question with a question. “I mean, I don’t need a reason to hang out with you do I Hanna?” I stated and sighed as I walked closer to her and took the groceries bags she was holding. “You shouldn’t be holding this heavy bags you know, it’ll hurt you” I said, partly whispering to her and walked away to the elevator.

Turning back, I found her still standing at the entrance door as stiff as a rock, “Why are you still standing there?” I asked. “Huh? Oh yeah…” Hanna said and came to me, finally back to consciousness.

As we went inside the elevator I asked her what we should cook for lunch. Chuckling she answered, “What do you want to eat?” “Well, we ate local foods the other day so how does pasta sounds?” I asked glancing at her.

“Olio? Mac and cheese?” she asked as the elevator made the BING sound indicating we’re on her floor level. “I don’t mind” I said ad winked playfully at her.

We cooked the meal together and I kept on playing with the ingredients that she prepared. “Jongin stop it” she said and her laughter follows afterward. I was playing with the fettuccines that she boiled, and she found it both amusing and annoying. I find her laughter very amazing.

“You know what, go sit in front and entertain yourself with whatever thing that can provide you entertainment” she said, holding a spatula in her right hand. I thought she looked like the owner of Tom in the cartoon Tom&Jerry though they never had shown her real face…

So I went and took my phone to check any notifications and grew bored at almost everything which brought me back to the kitchen. She was cooking the pasta, that cute pink apron hung perfectly to her waist with her hair tied up in a high bun, the Miley’s bun they say.

Sneaking up behind her, I walked slowly and hugged her waist from behind, “I’m bored when I’m alone” I whispered to her ear. Hanna turned her head and looked at me sideways, “I’m nearly done” she whispered back. I can swear upon my ancestors that she blushed madly then, and she did try to hold the urge of showing but I ignored it.

After we ate and cleaned up the dishes, Hanna and I pampered ourselves with the movies and comfortable couches, just another lazy day. Until…

A loud banged came, somebody was knocking on her door like a mad beast and rang her bell as though somebody was asking for a war. “What the…” I said and stood up first, of course I decided that it was better for me to open the door, I mean I am a man.

Though who stood there in front of her front door was a surprise, she looked almost in her mid-forties, wearing an elegant styled outfit that I guessed to be an expensive designer's clothes. “May I help you?” I said politely.

“MOM?” Hanna’s voice echoed, she stood near behind me and I turned around as I heard her voice. I was surprised, shocked and absolutely curious too. I mean that was the very first time I met her mother. Her only family members that I have ever met was her grandmother.

“Hanna!” her mother squeaked and pushed the door slightly as she went inside and hugged her daughter leaving me by the door standing awkwardly. “Oh god, dear thank god you’re okay” Hanna’s mother said, soothingly and kissed Hanna’s forehead. They look alike though I’m guessing she got her turned-up button nose from her father. “I miss you mom” she said and hugged her mother again.

I didn’t want to ruin their mummy-daughter moments so I closed the door and waited like a bodyguard by the side. Hanna, finally realizing that I was there, broke the hug and smiled at her mother. “Mom, this is Jongin. My urm… my…” “Her bestfriend” I continued.

Why? Why did she hesitate? Is it because she herself doesn’t know the actual feelings that she has for me or… because I knew that I have feelings for her but I couldn’t just say it to the world, it was a secret and it became an unspoken conversation. But why did she hesitate?

I bowed out of respect and manners towards her mother and she smiled at me sweetly, “Bestfriend, really Hanna?” she said before taking my hand and hugged me like how my mother would. That did took me by surprise, but I gave in anyway. She just have the mother power in her that just made me bowed down like a slave. Or son…

“How are you urm…? Madam?” I asked, confused to which name I should greet her. She laughed at me and shook her head, “You can call me mom Jongin its fine” “Oh then, how have you been mom?” I asked absentmindedly.

Hanna came by my side and punched my arms lightly, “I should be the one to ask that, now I have a rival, how could you mom?” she said and pouted adorably. We laughed and Hanna asked her mother to sit while she make some drinks for us to which I refuse because I thought they should have their own time together, so I took my leave and I did gave the most stupid reason of all time; “my dog caught a flue”

“I thought your dog is at your parents’ house” Hanna said, bringing over the tray of drinks and snacks. “Yeap which is why I just got a text from my dad asking me to bring him to the vet” I answered and stood.

“Him?” she asked. “It… It to the vet, to bring it to the vet” I answered back, correcting my words. As I shook her mother’s hand and hugged Hanna, I took my leave but that is what they thought. I stood for quite a while at her entrance door, not that my intentions was to eavesdrop or anything I was just, curious. You can’t blame a person for being curious.

Though what I heard was vague, just some words like dad, prison, letter, apartment, property and some other weird things. Shrugging it off, I took my leave, for good this time and went back home. With a big question mark in my head.

I take another step forward away from her, ever so slowly. Just what happened to the time? Is the earth really orbiting around the sun in a slow motion right this instance? My fifteenth step and the fifteenth part of the story.

Weeks passes by and what I didn’t expect to happen, happened. I should have never left that day when her mother came. I should have just sat there and held a stoic dumb expression listening to whatever private things both of them discussed about, not that I want to pry into their affair. 

She didn’t reply to any of my text messages, she didn’t return my calls nor did she answered them. Needless to say, she ignored me COMPLETELY. And I have no idea why. So that night after I finished my class, which we supposed to have together but unfortunately she was absent again, I drove to her apartment. With her keys this time.

As I got there and opened her door, what greeted me was an empty house. She was out, to where, that I may not know so as always, I make myself at home and flopped on her comfy couch. Minutes passed by and I grew bored, heaving a sigh I stood and went to the bathroom as I felt my bladder growing to the size of a balloon with a ton of sack dropped from a great height putting a  lot of pressure on it.

After finishing the duty of a human, I flushed it down and walked out of her bathroom, closing the door afterwards. As I was walking out of her bedroom, I noticed how messy her bed was. Not her quilts, but there were a lot of documents on her bed. Feeling a bit inquisitive, I walked closer to her bed and sat on it.

Taking some of the paper into my hand, I started reading the contents. I didn’t understand fully as to what the documents were about but I am not dumb to realize it’s about her father’s case. I’m guessing it’s their lawyer’s document because the name rings a bell, so I read further.

I was right, she didn’t tell me the whole story.

When her dad came last few weeks to her apartment, she was abused. And her dad had been harassing her since the day she left for London. The letters that he sent to her were, undeniably unacceptable. He was blaming her for everything. Because she was the one that started the argument that night before they had their dinner. He blames her for the fact that his girlfriend, the one that he cheats her mom for, left him just because she has took what she needed most; money. He blames her because after the divorce with her mother, his company suffered bankruptcy so he had no other choice but to use fraudulence. He blames her for the fact that he got drunk that night because of the stress he had, he blames her for the fact that he ended up in prison. He blames her for everything. He blames his daughter.

“What the… Jongin?!” I heard. I turned around and found Hanna standing by her bedroom door. She looked furious, but mostly betrayed. Her face looked so pained and exhausted, the eyebags under her eyes hung like a hopeless shadow. Her pale lips that she could’ve chose to put some lip gloss on but she didn’t. Her dry skin that tells me she had been living inside the room for too long that she forgot to hydrate herself with water. She looked so… broken.

“Hanna” I said under my breath, I didn’t know what else to say. What was I supposed to say?

“What the actual living fantasy are you doing inside my bedroom?!” she half yelled. She was mad and I didn’t know why. What was so wrong with me sitting inside her bedroom, I basically do it almost every day.

“I…” “You..?” I didn’t know what to say, I have no reason to say defend myself until she came closer and took the paper I was holding.

“You read this?” she muttered.

“You didn’t tell me the whole story, why is that?” I asked standing on my feet.

“Why should I Jongin? The fact that you came to my apartment without even telling me and decided to look into my stuffs that are very personal might I add, why should I?!” she said, raising her voice at me.

“Why should you? What about this Hanna, I care for you! I freaking care for you more than I care about myself! What do you think I felt every single time you hid something from me! You didn’t lie to me, true, but you obviously didn’t tell me the whole truth either!” I yelled back at her, finally feeling the needs to defend myself.

“I AM NOT YOUR GIRLFRIEND JONGIN!” she screamed at me, releasing her anger. Something, inside of me, it shook. It was not the butterflies that usually feel when I’m around her but instead it felt like there’s a big blue whale swimming inside. And it was not pleasant. It hurts even.

“Of course… what do I expect…?” I said and chortled out of sarcasm.

“You know what Hanna, let me ask you this; where is my worth? Where do you put them? Underneath your feet or high above the clouds?” I questioned her, lifting my eyebrows.

“Why…?” she said under her breath. Tears finally forming in her eyes. I was mad but that sight pains my heart even more, knowing that I was the cause of it.

“You should ask yourself that. I gave you the commitments I should have, more even!” I said, raising my voice higher.

“Why did you come into my apartment?! Were you that curious?!” she yelled back.

“YES I WAS CURIOUS! HAPPY NOW? I WAS GOD DAMN CURIOUS WHY YOU’RE SO DISTANT LATELY! YOU DIDN’T REPLY TO ANY OF MY TEXTS, YOU’RE ABSENT FOR THE WHOLE TWO WEEKS, YOU DIDN’T ANSWER ANY OF MY CALLS AND WHAT’S EVEN MORE WORST THAN THAT; YOU DIDN’T RETURN ANY OF IT EITHER! I WAS CURIOUS BECAUSE YOU DIDN’T EVEN BOTHER TO UPDATE ME WITH WHATEVER HELL YOU’RE FACING! AND HERE I AM LIKE A STUPID SLAVE WAITING FOR A COMMAND!”

Her first tear fell from her left eye, the old wives tale says that if it’s from the right eye, it’s the tear of happiness and if it’s from the left, it’s the tear of sorrows. I felt as though every organ inside my body stopped working, that sight, that one drop of tear made me feel so weak. But I continued anyway, and I didn’t know why. Why can’t I control the demon that lives inside me?

“YOU KNOW WHAT… YOU LIKE BEING ALONE THAT MUCH? FINE I’LL FREAKING LEAVE YOU ALONE! FOREVER! THIS THING THAT WE HAVE, WHATEVER IT IS THAT WE HAVE, IT’S DONE”

What was I saying? I don’t want it to be done, I want to make it work…

“GO! LEAVE ME! LIKE EVERYONE DOES! THAT’S WHAT YOU WILL EVENTUALLY DO ANYWAY SO WHY NOT NOW?! GO AND LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!”

No don’t say that… I’m not like everyone else… Were you expecting me to do it? Leaving you…

“FINE THEN! I’LL ING LEAVE YOU ALONE!”

What am I saying…? I’ve never use such vulgar words in front of her before… why am I cursing…

“AND HERE I THOUGHT YOU ARE THE BEST OF FRIENDS, THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON I CAN TRUST AND ALWAYS BE THERE FOR ME. AT THE END YOU’RE ALL THE SAME!”

I am… I am the best of friend… more even… you can always trust me… I want to always be there for you… I am not the same as them…

“WELL HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT OF WHY YOU CAN’T TRUST ANYBODY? MAYBE IT’S NOT THEIR FAULT YOU CAN’T TRUST THEM!”

What am I saying…? She trusted me why do I have to question her trusts…

“YOU’RE A DOUCHEBAG KAI! I HATE YOU! YOU CHANGED FROM AN ANGEL TO THE DEVIL ITSELF!”

I did? I did… she never calls me Kai, she has the perfect voice to call my real name...

“AND WHO’S FAULT IS THAT?!”

Why did I ask her…? It’s my fault, I was too curious… stop Jongin, why are you arguing with her…

“WELL YOU STARTED THIS!”

I did… I questioned your trusts, I questioned you…

“AND NOW YOU’RE BLAMING ME!”

She’s not blaming, she’s stating a fact…

“JUST GET THE HELL OUT OF MY APARTMENT AND NEVER COME BACK! LEAVE ME ALONE!”

Why am I walking away from her…? Why am I doing what she asked me to… why am I leaving her alone?

Taking my sixteenth step, away from her apartment I started realizing….

She’s scared. That’s it. And the whole wide living universe starts to operate back in its normal pace. The time is now ticking like it always does, the birds are flying mightily like it always does, and it was no longer stuck in a slow motion movie…

So I run back, I take back the past sixteen steps that I had walked away from her apartment’s door. I run as fast as I can back to where she is, I need to. Opening her door, barging in as if it is legal to do so, I walk inside and find her, crouching down… crying…

“Hanna?” I says as I walk further inside, nearing her.

 “Jongin…” she replies and run, hugging me tightly.

“Look…” I start, breaking the longing hug. “I’m sorry…” she stares at me, anticipating what I am about to say.

“I’m sorry because I questioned your trust. I’m sorry I questioned you. I’m sorry for everything and the thing is, after I went out of your apartment, I went through this flashbacks. Of everything. I’m sorry it took me 16 dreading steps to remember why I fell for you in the first place. And now I am not scared to say it because if I am scared than how the hell am I supposed to protect you…Hanna… I love you…”

I confess, putting my feelings as I says it.

“Jongin… I…” she starts.

“No, wait listen to me first, remember how we met? Hanna I felt so lifeless on that day, I was on the verge of giving up but when I saw your face playing Jamie with full happiness I thought, why such a young girl would spent her time with a bunch of children when she can go hang out with her friends or go shopping or be at the club. You inspires me, you always have. I thought I was just attracted to your beauty, so I went back there, to the playground to find you, the girl that made me feel butterflies flying happily in my stomach, though you were never there. Hanna… call it luck, call it fate, call it destiny but weeks before I talk to you in front of the class, I saw you. I told you that I just followed my intuitions but no, it took me weeks to greet you. It took me weeks to gather up my courage and the fact that I thought Alec was your boyfriend kinda makes me laugh sometimes. I saw you reading Heavenly Fire by the tree at the campus park that day, and I felt it again; the butterflies so I felt scared, scared that you wouldn’t find me attractive like I do to you. It took me weeks. But then you were so easy to talk to, so humble, so friendly and I fell for you even more. I didn’t know what the feeling was until that one particular day, our 3^rd sleepover night that you accidently slept on my chest. I knew it then that I fell for your charms. I fell for the girl that I least expect it. I like it how different you are from everybody else, you don’t like to follow the crowd and you’re fine with it. The society calls you weird and as much as you deny it Hanna I know it breaks your heart. But Hanna, I find you amazingly special. You’re a beautiful person and not just on the outside but on the inside too. Beautiful people do not just happen, they are made. You’re a blooming flower but the thing is flower grew through dirt. You said that the guy who broke your heart is dumb… because you have an anger inside of you, still burning. And I understand now that it started with your dad and it grew larger by the stupid boy. You think he is dumb for doing that not because he just lost a gem but because he broke something that is already broken. Do you remember the day when we went to watch the match in London? And we did a bet… I told you that I will say my dare if Chelsea wins and I couldn’t define how angry I was that they lost. Do you know why? Because I was about to dare you to kiss me. But I thought it was okay, at least the first piggy back ride that I gave to a girl was you. Hanna, after I bought you the flowers from your grandmother’s store and you became so enraged that I saw your childhood photos, I realized something… you’re a puzzle. You speak in riddles. You’re like an equation. An equation that no mathematician can solve. But I am not a mathematician. And on your birthday, that flower bouquet I gave you… Hanna I was confessing to you in the most secretive way that’s possible…the lavender rose defines love at first sight. I was enraptured by you, by your charms. I know Hanna, you can’t lie to me. I know you have feelings for me too. Your heart beats faster when you’re with me, I can feel it. Your adorable cheeks turn pinkish red when…”

And she kisses me.

It caught me by surprise but it turns into a passionate kiss, full of sweet love and care. Just like the flower daisy itself, the kiss was innocent. It was a pure kiss.

“You talk too much” she mumbles. Her delicate hands circles around my neck and she hugs me.

“I love you Hanna”

“I love you too Jongin”

To say that from now on, we will have a ‘happily ever after’ like every other tale there is would be an understatement. I am not going to go against the weight of the future for it is much heavier than the present. And I am certainly not going to go against the theory of relativity. What lies ahead of time itself, is something no man can explain but I’ll risk my present, my past and I’ll risk everything for both of us.

In life, we’ll meet a lot of people. Some can be a great blessing and some are just lessons. But the most special of all are the one who comes as both. And one day, whether you are 15, 21, 45 or even 70, you will stumble upon a fire. So great that it burns most of your kingdom. So you’ll build a wall around your castle to protect it; strong, tall and mighty walls. But do not, ever let anybody break that wall. Those are the ty dreams the society says to you, because one day, when you least expect it, somebody will come and climb that wall instead of breaking it.

Brick by brick, bit by bit, sweat by sweat and step by step.

And…

It took me 16 steps to witness a wonderful kingdom of hers.