She peeked up through her bangs to look at N’s scary friend, the apologies she had practiced with Hyuk earlier stuck on the tip of her tongue. Why did he look so scary today? Yesterday, he looked okay, the only thing really scaring her was his eyes. But today, he looked so tall, his eyes looking so angry, and she found her tongue refusing to speak. 

Hyuk sent her a smile as he prodded her forward, and she ducked her head when all their eyes landed on her. She cleared , throwing her hands behind her as she attempted to wipe her clammy hands on the back of her skirt. “I…I-I’m sorry a-about yesterday…”

“You don’t have to be sorry,” he said softly. She actually liked his voice; it was soft and friendly like her mother’s used to be when she was little. She just couldn’t understand why such a nice voice had such a frightening face. She couldn’t look him in the eyes, and she just knew N wanted her to say more. But how could she ignore his friend when he cried to her yesterday that he reminded him of Seok-jin? She knew, she knew more than N probably did, how damaged he was after Seok-jin’s death. She never again wanted to relive the broken N that had sat on the main room floor, his eyes never leaving that spot and his cheeks tear-stained. 

She wanted N to be happy.

So as much as his friend wanted to make her cry and hide, she was going to be nice to him for N’s sake. 

N’s face scrunched up as he nudged his friend, the smile that she had missed on his face. “Hey, stop that. You’re scaring her.” 

“Sorry.” 

She reached out and took his hand, telling him silently that they needed to go home, and she could see his face crumble. He looked up sullenly at his friend, his shoulders slumping as he said in a cracked voice, “We have to head home, I’ll see you tomorrow-”

“We can stay,” she said hurriedly, clocking his horrified look and knowing deep down that what she was saying was wrong. Her mother wanted her home the moment classes were done; she had nearly exploded on them when she first came back from her tutoring. Her mother, despite her leaving all the time, could not handle when she wasn’t home. She could only imagine what her mother would do, what her mother would do to N, if they didn’t come home. 

But she didn’t want to see N’s sad face on the way home. 

She wanted his smile. 

“I’ll just tell her I have tutoring today.”

“Saet-byul,” he said, his eyes betraying his calm posture to show her how truly frightened he was of that idea. 

“I’ll tell her, don’t worry.” She took his hand in hers and smiled as brightly as she could, masking her own fear. “You can stay and play with your friend.” N opened his mouth to say something when his friend cut him off. 

“You don’t have to stay if you can’t. It’s fine.” 

“I want to,” she said in the best voice she could, knowing N really did want to stay; and despite what he knew to be right, he couldn’t deny her. He breathed out heavily before slapping on a forced smile, looking over to his friend.

“Well…she wants to hang out for a bit. Can you do that?” His friend paused for a second before nodding, a small smile on his lips. His smile…it wasn’t so scary. Hyuk nudged her slightly from behind, and it took her a second to calm her racing heart before turning to look at him. He didn’t say anything, probably also scared of N and his friend, but she knew what he wanted. She fought to keep her cheeks from reddening as she nodded, inwardly beaming at how happy he was. 

They stood there in silence for a few moments before N cleared his throat. “Well, Saet-byul and I aren’t from Seoul, so you guys will have to show us some places to go. What’s a place you go to after class?”

“You’re not from Seoul sunb- I mean, hyung?” She wasn’t sure why they were so surprised by that, though she remembered that N used to go to school back in their hometown. She guessed you were supposed to go to schools in your town. They talked with N about places they could go, really she wasn’t sure what a ‘park’ or ‘arcade’ was, but when she saw that N was excited about them, they must be good places. 

In the end, N decided they should go to the park, since there would be less people. She liked that. 

As they walked, with N and his friend in the front, she caught Hyuk staring at her, the boy’s face reddening. “S-sorry,” he mumbled, rubbing the back of his neck, “I’m just not used to seeing you with gray hair.” 

She her long, gray hair quietly, biting her lip. “Do you not like it?”

“N-no! I-it’s not that. Just…did you and sunbae dye your hair together?”

“He said to call him hyung,” she said without thinking, berating herself when she saw him pull back. “But yes, we colored our hair together.” Hyuk didn’t know about why she and N missed those two weeks; didn’t know about how broken N was just a few days ago. She wasn’t going to tell him why it was so special to have their hair colored. 

She didn’t want Hyuk to know a lot of things…but she wanted to tell him so much. 

“We’re here!” N exclaimed, bringing her out of her thoughts as he reached back and grabbed her hand. “Isn’t it pretty Saet-byul?” 

Her eyes widened at the sight of the tall trees in front of her, the bright green grass tickling her skin. So this was what a park was? It was so pretty; she loved how there weren’t many people here, that it was so pretty and she could see it all by herself. She looked up at N excitedly, squeezing his hand, and he knew she liked it. 

She held N’s hand as they all walked around the park, her spending most of her time looking at all the pretty flowers everywhere. There were flowers in their backyard, though those weren’t as pretty as these. They usually died too. 

“Do you want ice-cream?” N asked, and she paused, not knowing what that was. She followed his finger to see him pointing at something someone was eating, and guessed it was food. She nodded hesitantly and he smiled, patting her hand. “Stay here, they’re too many people over there and I don’t want to scare you. Taek-woonie here will watch you, okay?” She forced herself to smile for him while deep down inside she trembled, her body stiffening when she saw his friend’s shadow loom over her. 

“Here, let’s sit down. It’s hot under the sun.” She flinched under his touch, shying away towards Hyuk. N’s friend noticed, pulling his hand back, awkwardly motioning towards a bench. Hyuk gave her a reassuring push and she hesitantly followed the older boy to the shade of the trees. 

She sat in the middle with Hyuk and N’s friend by her side. While Hyuk was completely fine by her side, N’s friend fidgeted while glancing at her every so often. Finally, when she looked up at him to say something, he blurted,

“Are you scared of me?” That got both her and Hyuk’s attention, her face reddening as she tried to think of a nice way to say yes. She must have taken too long to answer, his face crumbling as he drew in on himself, much like herself. 

“Y-your eyes are scary.”

A hand reached up and brushed his eyelid, his cheeks puffing out. “I’m not that scary am I?”

“You’re not that bad,” Hyuk offered, smiling as he leaned forward. “I have a cousin who looks way scarier than you. Compared to him you look really nice.” 

“Is that a compliment?”

“Er…yes?” 

“You…you can call me oppa if it will make you feel more comfortable.” Hyuk spluttered at that, though she just sent him a confused look. 

“What does oppa mean?” They both fell silent, N’s friend’s face going an even darker shade of red and Hyuk decided it best if he explained.

“It means older brother. But you could call guys older than you that too to show how close you are.” 

“You’re older than me, so would I call you oppa too?”

“W-what? No! W-we’re close enough in age, so we don’t have to. But you would call him and Woo-jin hyung that.” She followed Hyuk’s finger to see N’s friend continuing to look at her expectantly, and she realized he was still waiting for her to say something. She was supposed to say it with boys she was close with, but Hyuk didn’t count because he was too close in age with her, but she wasn’t close with any boys but N, yet this boy here wanted her to call him that…her head whirled as she tried to make sense of it all. He seemed nice, and he was N’s friend, so even though she wasn’t entirely comfortable with it, she wrung her hands together as she muttered out a weak,

“O-oppa…” 

“W-what?!” They all snapped their heads up to see N bringing back ice-cream, his eyes locked on her as he tried not to drop the food. She brightened as she ran up to his side, shaking him. 

“They told me to call you oppa. So does that mean I call you N-oppa?” 

“Hey! What are you teaching her?” he demanded to his friend, juggling the ice-cream in one hand as he pointed at the other accusingly. Both boys spluttered as they tried to reassure him that wasn’t what they meant when she spoke up again. 

“So I’m not supposed to call you that?”

“It’s not that, you can call me whatever you want. I just wasn’t expecting it.” He carefully handed her the cup of ice-cream, nearly shoving the other bowls in his friend’s and Hyuk’s hands. “Here, I’ll help you eat.” He took the cup back and grabbed the spoon, scooping a small piece up before putting it in . She yelped at how cold it was, though she immediately wanted more when she tasted how sweet it was. She liked it. 

“So…why were they teaching you about ‘oppa’ anyway?” 

“Your friend asked me to call him that.” N’s head snapped to his friend, his eyes burning, and his friend hurriedly waved his arms back and forth. 

“I was trying to make her more comfortable. She thinks I’m scary…”

“Can I call him that?” she asked, and she could see N’s hand on the spoon tighten, nearly snapping it in half. His friend looked so scared waiting for his response that she actually felt bad, his scary face actually looking so afraid. 

In the end, N sighed, his shoulders slumping. “You can call him that if you want. But you’re definitely not allowed to call anyone else that, understand?”

“Yes N!” she chirped, opening to let him give her more ice-cream. She liked it a lot. Maybe when her mother was on one of her good days, she could bring some home. She looked back to N’s friend who looked extremely relieved and smiled back at him, no longer thinking he was frightening. “Hello oppa!” 

N choked. 

“Don’t just call him oppa,” N scolded her as they all got up to leave after finishing their ice-cream, holding her hand again. She fidgeted under his stare; still not sure why he was still angry at her for calling him oppa when he had said was okay. “People might get the wrong idea if you say it that way. Say his name too; call him Taek-woon oppa.” 

She turned to the boy in question, blinking up at him as she tried it out. “Taek-woon oppa…?” N’s friend, Taek-woon oppa, nodded quickly at her, his hands bunching up handfuls of his coat. She turned to Hyuk, noticing his put out expression. “I really don’t call you oppa?”

Hyuk opened his mouth to answer but N beat him to it. “Hyuk is the same age as you, so no. But that means you get to call him cute names. You should call him Hyukkie, I’m sure he’ll love that.” N was grinning so excitedly, and Hyuk’s face was reddening so much; she giggled at his reaction. 

“Would you like it if I called you Hyukkie?”

“W-w-what? I-I…you..y-you…uh…you can call me Hyukkie!” She laughed at how flustered he got, both Taek-woon oppa and N chortling as they tried to cover their mouths. That seemed to embarrass Hyuk more; he refused to look at her after that. 

“Well, Saet-byul and I better not stay out too much longer. If we get home later than her tutoring usually goes, her mom is going to throw a fit. Say goodbye Saet-byul.” She waved enthusiastically at the two, grinning brilliantly. 

“Goodbye Taek-woon oppa! Bye Hyukkie!” 

Both of their faces reddened that time.

--

“Where the hell were you two?” was what they were greeted with the moment they stepped inside, her mother waiting for them with the iron rod in hand. N instinctively stepped in front of her.

“She had tutoring today. It went a little longer than usual, so we’ve only just got back.” 

Her mother’s eyes narrowed, her hand around the rod tightening. “And exactly how long will she have this tutoring?” 

“Until her test grades go up. They don’t trust me with teaching her at home, it’ll only be when she gets better.” Her mother didn’t particularly like that answer, stalking right up to N’s face, the rod dangerously close to his face. She huffed and glared for so long that she was sure she figured out they had stayed out playing. She gripped N’s coat tightly as she stared up at her mother, and could feel her heart hammering in when she finally did step away. 

“Tell them I don’t like her being gone for so long. Tell them to shorten it.” 

“They’re only an hour long. I doubt they’ll-”

“I don’t care what they think. Tell them I said so.” 

“…yes.” She and N glared at each other for a little while longer, almost as if they were having a silent argument, when she finally looked away. N took that moment to take her hand and drag her to their room, slamming the door shut and letting out a sigh of relief. She hesitated in sharing his enthusiasm, having seen the sad look on her mother’s face. 

Despite her mother scaring her on more than one occasion, she and her mother used to be extremely close. She had spent the first thirteen years of her life only knowing her mother; it hurt that while she was growing to love N with all her heart, she and her mother were growing apart. 

“We probably shouldn’t do that again,” N advised as he collapsed onto the bed. “I don’t think she’ll let us go a second time.”

“I know,” she said as she padded over and plopped down on his stomach, her face inches from his. “But I liked playing with you, Taek-woon oppa, and Hyukkie.” 

“Are you really going to continue calling him Hyukkie?” N asked excitedly and she giggled. 

“He said I could. He seemed to really like it.” She paused for a while, thinking over, before she poked his chest cautiously. “Do you really not like it when I call your friend oppa?”

“Oh, it’s not that I didn’t like it. I don’t trust you with any guys; guys are bad. Hyukkie is okay because he’s just adorable and I know he won’t hurt you. But Taek-woon is okay I guess. He’s a real softie and if there’s anyone I guess he’s fine. But I’m super serious when I say you can’t call anyone else that.” 

“So I can’t call my tutor that?”

“Hell no!”

She jumped at the curse, haven’t hearing him curse since the first time they met, though she just giggled at his heated response. “Why not? He’s older than me too, right?”

“Only call them that if you’re close with them. Are you telling me you’re about to go and start giving that guy hugs?” Her nose wrinkled at that, the idea not even plausible in her mind, and it was N’s turn to laugh. “So unless you’re okay with hugging any guy out there, don’t say it.” 

“Can I call you that?”

He didn’t even hesitate when he shook his head, his smile waning slightly. “You don’t call dolls oppa. Just N is fine.” 

She pouted, her body slumping. “That’s not fair. There’s a lot of things I can’t do with you.” 

“Hey, there’s a lot of things you do with me. For one, you hug me more than you’ll probably hug anyone in your life. Two, you and I sleep in the same bed. Now that, you better not let me catch you do with anyone else. Three, we live together. You’ll never do that with someone else.” 

“But what if I marry?”

“Marry?” he parroted, surprised. 

“Like how Mommy must have married Daddy to have me, right? Mommy told me that you have to have in order to have a baby, so I have to marry right? Wouldn’t that person live with me?”

“W-wait,” he called out, sitting up; she rolled unceremoniously off his lap and onto the bed, looking up at him upside down. “Your mother wouldn’t teach you math and reading, but she’ll teach you about ?” 

“She said one day I’ll have to marry. That’s what…” She trailed off, not wanting to say any more knowing it would only upset him. He was so happy right now, teasing her, and she loved it. She would never do anything again to upset him. “That’s what Mommy said.” 

He snorted, shaking his head as he grabbed his backpack and pulled out his books. “I’ll never understand your mom. You two are the weirdest people.” She stuck her tongue out as she followed suit, climbing over so she right next to him. He shook his head at her before grabbing her scheduler, flipping through the pages. “You didn’t meet that useless tutor of yours today, so we’ll have to work on your homework together.” 

“He’s not useless,” she mumbled as she laid out her books. He gaped noiselessly at her, his face making her laugh out loud. 

“D-don’t defend him!”

“But Won-shik oppa helped me figure out quadratic equations! He’s very helpful.” 

She thought N’s head would have exploded from how hard he seemed to be trying to compute what she said. It took a good minute before he was able to say anything audible, stuttering so hard she thought he would burst. It took all her willpower to keep a straight face.

“W-w-what? What! D-d-did you j-just…you…!” His hands flew around as he tried to make sense of what she said, finally just slapping the bed. “Did you just call him oppa?” She snorted, unable to contain her laughter anymore and that seemed to make him even more flustered. “You can’t call him that!” 

“Don’t worry N, I won’t call him that again. I was only teasing.”

“Don’t tease me again,” he gasped out, collapsing tiredly against the wall. “You nearly gave me a heart attack.” 

“Don’t worry; I won’t call him Won-shik oppa anymore.”

“Saet-byul!”

Hello!

I recently had some spare time, so I was able to finish up this chapter and give you guys a quick update! I don't know when the next time I'll be able to update though. Midterms come up next week so I'll be pretty busy. But I'll try to get the next chapter up sometime soon!

Thanks for reading!