TRULY SORRY

All of my problems would be solved if I was Beyoncé. 

"All of my problems would be solved if I was Beyoncé," I said it out loud this time and straight into the receiver of my phone. 

"What? Avery, that's completely irrelevant to what's going on right now. Can I crash at your place or not?" 

Before you think that I was planning some sort of rendezvous with another man to spite my boyfriend, the person on the other end of the line was none other than my brother twenty-two-year-old Luhan.

While I was socially awkward but had a small okay-ish future, Luhan wasn't exactly going anywhere in life. Luhan, whilst being barely older than me, acted about seven years younger. He was currently in the midst of planning a trip to Seoul so that he could 'visit me.' Well, that's what he'd told our parents. I knew that he was only coming over here so that he could stir up some trouble and he also knew that I'd bail him out. I always did. It was a habit that I couldn't break. And it's weird because I don't even like Luhan. 

Luhan had just called to ask me if he and his friend could stay with me while they visited. While I wanted to say no, I knew that they wouldn't be too much of a bother because they'd probably never even be there in the first place. 

But while planning and everything was great, all I wanted to talk about was how my boyfriend could possibly be cheating on me and I didn't know if I was supposed to break up with him or just forgive him. 

And I logically (stupidly) thought that if I was Beyoncé then I would be having none of these problems. Taeyeon always knew what to do and there was no way in hell that any man would ever cheat on her. Like she was the queen and people knew not to cross her. I needed to gain her confidence. 

However, Luhan gave no s about my love life and I didn't even bother asking him for advice because I knew that it'd be stupid and I didn't have the patience for that. 

"Are you even paying attention to me? God, what kind of sister are you? I kind of need  a place to stay and all you can talk about is how you wish that you were a beautiful, talented woman. Well, guess what, Avery? You are none of those things and you will never be any of those things. Now answer my question, can I stay with you or not?" My brother snapped into the phone. He complains more than I do, and that should mean a lot to you. 

"I'm sorry," I said. Wait, why was I apologising? What did I say that made him deserve an apology? If anything, he should be apologising to me. "I mean, no, I'm not sorry. I just have a lot on my mind at the moment." 

He snorted. "Really? With what? Your abundant social life?" 

That was a bit harsh, but it was also kind of true. 

"Don't worry about it," I dismissed him. 

"Don't worry, I wasn't going to in the first place." Well, okay. "So, can Jongdae and I come and stay with you or what? Because I'm going to have to book a hotel soon if you say no and I'd really like to not be broke for the rest of my life." 

"Fine, whatever, yeah, you can stay with me. But you can't pull any stunts or whatever because I have a reputation to protect her and you can't ruin it," I tried to sound as threatening as I possibly could, but I don't think that it was working. There really wasn't a reason for it to work because I don't think that Luhan had never been afraid of me. I probably would have been concerned if he was. 

"A reputation? Really? Avery, you're killin' me with the jokes," he laughed on the other end of the line. "Hey, how's that boyfriend of yours?" 

Luhan and Kyungsoo had met last summer when we'd first gotten together. Me and Kyungsoo, I mean. Not Kyungsoo and my brother. They got along pretty well because they were both pretty big on doing dangerous things and they both had a way of annoying me. It wasn't really much of a big deal because the two of them lived on different continents and I was probably the only thing that was holding them together, so I normally wouldn't have minded Luhan asking about my boyfriend, who probably was the most interesting thing about me. 

"He's fine," I answered slowly, which was stupid because I knew that Luhan wasn't going to ask any follow-up questions. Like, he didn't care that much about who I was involved with. If I kept acting so suspicious he was going to ask me, even more, questions. Except, again, he probably wouldn't, because Luhan did not care that much about my personal life. 

"Great," I told you. "I'm telling Dad that you're cool with me staying at your place. If you back out, I'll kill you." 

"You're welcome. I love you too Oppa." 

"Don't overkill it," I could hear the disgust in his voice. "Have fun with your miserable life of not being Beyoncé. I would say that this will all work out in the end, except it probably won't. But don't let that get you down - you'll have a good run." 

"Don't call me until you get here," I said into the phone dryly. 

"Deal." 

"Bye. See you soon," I said before hanging up and tossing my phone back onto my bed. That was also the same time that there was a knock on my front door. I knew that it was Jongin before I opened my door because he was the only person that still bothered knocking on it. Everyone else would just knock and then enter, which was not cool because I was already paranoid about how the front door didn't lock and I was convinced that someone was going to brutally murder me in my sleep. And it didn't help that my landlord found this to be no big deal because my life was actually on the line here. 

"Hi, Jongin," I said before the door even opened all the way. 

His eyes widened in surprised. It was easy to impress him because he's actually a toddler in disguise. "How did you know that it was me?" 

I didn't feel like bringing up the crazy killer story out loud and it would take the fun out of things if I told him that there was also a peephole for me to look out of. I was also aware of how the word 'peephole' would be manipulated into meaning  something different and I was becoming more aware of that kind of thing. We did not need a repeat of last year. 

"Lucky guess," I shrugged. I lied. I was lying. Why was I lying already? Beyoncé wouldn't lie. She would tell the truth and would even wear heels while doing so. "What are you doing here?" Was he going to tell me that Kyungsoo was cheating on me? Because I couldn't deal with that.

"I wanted to see how you were," Jongin answered simply and I couldn't tell if he was being sincere or not. Like, he had his moments of being a tolerable person and it made me uncomfortable because I didn't want to like Jongin. I need consistency and that meant that I needed for Jongin to be consistently annoying and to never stray from his over-simplified personality type. 

"I'm okay," I answered him slowly. "Why? Am I not supposed to be okay? Do you know something that I don't know that would lead me to not be okay?" 

"I don't think that I know anything that you don't know? Why? Did you hear something?" Jongin countered me. 

"No. Why? Was I supposed to hear something?" I was panicking. 

"I ... I don't know? I don't think so? I don't think that we hang around the same people." And now I wasn't sure if that was a dig about my friend group or if he was just telling the truth, because, minus Sehun and Kyungsoo, I wasn't sure if I even knew anyone else that Jongin was associated with. In case you haven't noticed, I don't exactly get out much. Plus it didn't help that Jongin was younger than me and I didn't know many people outside of Hanyang students. 

"So why did you want to know how I was?" I asked him suspiciously because we weren't just going to look past that very important detail. 

"Because you looked upset yesterday? It was just a general concern; I thought that it was the right thing to do," Jongin said as he stepped farther inside of my apartment. I'd never actually invited him in. I mean, I wasn't going to kick him out or anything, bu