It felt like fate was playing an awful trick on her when Yoona saw two particular C.N. Blue members turning around the corner at the end of the hallway backstage. She wanted to die-no, she wanted to dig a hole, then die. Just so he couldn’t see her wrinkly dead state. “Let’s get some water”, she turned around and pinched Seohyun by the shoulder.

Seohyun didn’t seemed to have heard a word she said, instead she stared fixatedly at the two figure coming their way. Yoona comtemplate abandoning her and just walk off but she, she couldn’t. Could she? No, nope. At least not to Seohyun, even if she does currently look like a lovesick puppy.

A loud sigh left her lips and then she felt a tap on her shoulder. Yoona turned around, only to be met with a glaringly bright grin from Jung Yonghwa, guitarist, leader and all around happy fun guy. And then behind him, her very worst nightmare-Lee Jonghyun, guitarist, her boyfriend-technically-and all around chic guy who goes around kissing people.

The very second that she tries to steal a look at him was the same second he lifted his head to look straight into her eyes. Immediately, memories from a few nights before floated to the forefront of her mind:  their lips parting, her pushing him away, still unable to free herself from his grip, him pulling her closer and then the intense look in his eyes and then…

Yoona kissed him which stunt him. This, in turn, gave her the chance to push him away and escaped but then, pathetic as it is, she lost her focus. He had her in his spell with his one hand spread across her collarbone, exerting pressure on her warm skin, saying more in that one action than anything could, persuading her to stay. He then coaxed her inside, pulling her in while grabbing hold of her other arm and then-

The car door slammed shut.

She shaked her head, trying to get rid of the invading memories from before. Their eyes caught one another again, and the knowing look on his face was a dead giveaway to the thoughts swimming inside his head: their make out session. She literally wanted to die. Who says embarassment doesn’t kill?

Yonghwa had already started a conversation with the maknae. So they were left there standing, cast off to the side by their respective members without any choice but to interact with each other. Yup, cue the death sentence!

“C’mere.” He said it cooly, his one arm outstretched, gesturing at her to come closer.

 She thought she heard him wrongly. He couldn’t seriously want to be all touchy-feely with her now, right? Not like she would allow it, anyway.

“What-“

He pulled her to stand by his side as another group of people walked passed. A male idol group-newbies?-bowed and politely gave their greetings. Both of them, in turn, put aside their hostility towards each other and displayed their smiles. Overall, everybody was an actor in their own skin. Yeah, what’s new?

‘God, how many of them are there?’ Yoona couldn’t even remember their names anymore, even as they introduce themselves to her one at a time. She was a bit dazed what with all the different hair colours, the overcrowded hallway, the prying eyes and everything.

They left, eventually. And like magnets, Seohyun and Yonghwa returned to their topicless conversation. They probably be eager to talk about the weather too as long as they were given the chance to talk to each other. It was sad, how bad they were crushing on each other and even worse, how dumbly unaware they were of each other’s true feelings. It was a Spanish soap opera set in real life, and the twist? Both of them would be dead the minute they so much as hold hands in public.

The sad life of an idol. Jonghyun sighed as he watched the scene. Robbed of any real freedom. He let his eyes strayed to the person beside him, both of them currently leaning against the wall behind them, and watched her fidget with her fingers, ‘So why? Why am I playing this game?’ On impulse, he reached for her hand that was hidden right between both of their legs and threaded his finger through them.

Yoona, as a reflex, tugged their hands back towards herself, right between her legs and the wall. If anyone were to see this, they be dead. She wouldn't even need to fake a suicide this time. “What are you doing? Do you have a death wish?” It was a tough job trying to keep the semi-calm expression on her face while she was whispering death threats under her breath. Moreover, the fact that it wasn’t working.

It was like working through a dead knot, after prying a finger off, another latches on; she was handcuffed. The smile was slipping, the façade was off, she turned and was about to verbally introduced him to the classified listings of her infinite vocabulary when she noticed the intense look he was giving her.

He was staring at her in a way that made her felt transparent; like an unsolve puzzle. And why her? She followed his gaze as they travelled from her face to her arm, completely losing the fight in her to struggle free from his hold for a moment and just letting him rubbed her palm. It was having this odd effect on her: his thumb tracing lines over and over again in her palm, she felt less afraid. The insubstantial things like pressure to perform her celebrity role well and other people's spying eyes took a temporary backseat in her mind.  His gaze travelled down somemore until it finally landed on where their hands connected, pressed right above her backside, at the base of her back. Their entwined fingers tightly squashed behind her body and the wall.

His eyes darkened.

She immediately shaked his hand off, determined, and succeeded. “Let’s go.” No time for mannerisms and other ladylike gestures, she linked her arm in Seohyun’s and practically dragged her away.

‘What’s wrong with me?’ She was back in their resting room, unconsciously rubbing her hand, feeling for the lingering heat there. Everytime she closed her eyes, just behind her eyelids were that pair of piercing eyes. And the way he looked at me, she thought, I don’t exactly dislike it. Any other time a guy would give her that look, she felt disgusted, dirty, but yet, she felt weirdly attractive when he looked at her like that.  

At the same time, these feelings were being overshadowed by fear because she knew he was going through a phase right now. She had seen it herself in Taeyeon too. "Even air must be let out of hot air balloons for them to navigate through storm clouds, Deer." It was the one thing Taeyeon had said that night, when they found her in the doorway, drunked and perspriring cold sweat. Their manager was practically aging a few years in the short span of time he stood there beside Taeyeon, hauling her arm, holding her up. She had looked straight at Yoona then and said that right before she black out of consciousness.

It made her felt self-conscious, something she never felt the need to be whenever she was around her members. But Taeyeon singling her out with that statement-though weird-was understandable. And everyone knew why: Yoona was made for stardom. She, among all of the others, was the most comfortable being in the limelight. She was born to be a star, a fact countlessly reconfirmed by people in the industry, friends and even strangers. She didn't longed for the restrains or the handcuffs but she didn't do anything to rebel against it either, not like the others anyway. She knew well enough that the disadvantages heavily overweight the benefits, and really she had no real reason to, anyway.

As her thoughts jumbled up together, she received a message on a phone :

Are we okay?

And then, a second later: I'm sorry.

She paused, and thought about it before she slowly typed out her reply: Yeah.