When Kenji is fifteen he suffers his first heartbreak.

Kenji isn’t an idealistic kid. He’s always been more grounded in reality. But when he’s fifteen he really thinks he’s found the person he wants to spend his life with. Kato is two years older, taller than Kenji by five inches, is an avid kendo enthusiast and never treats people with anyone but the utmost respect.

Kato is also ruggedly handsome.

So when Kenji, who’s older brother Daisuke is also on the kendo team at school, gets him a position as a junior member, and the opportunity to join and compete at tournaments the following year, Kenji doesn’t have to think twice. Sure, he has to follow the older boys around and pick up after them, and Daisuke has endless ammunition to with, but all in all, it’s not so bad.

Daisuke isn’t a bad brother. In fact, he’s a pretty damn good one. Even at fifteen, Kenji knows the difference between a good brother and a bad one. Daisuke never hits him, never tries to leave him out of things ,and when Kenji tags along to hang out with Daisuke’s friends, Kato being one of them, he allows it.

There aren’t a lot of seventeen year old boys who want their gangly, somewhat awkward little brothers following them around.

When Kenji calls him on it, Daisuke only gives him a firm smile and says, “We’re brothers. We have to look out for each other.”

What he means is their father has been in the ground for six weeks now. Their mother is a strong woman, but her whole world is now wrapped up in the tiny toddler she has as the last remnant of her husband. And their baby sister in question, Sakura, is much, much too young to understand what family is. So Daisuke is saying that as the head of the family now, he’s there for Kenji. He’s someone Kenji can rely on and trust and have the utmost respect for.

From Daisuke Kenji learns respect. Not from the father who dies when Kenji is fifteen, or the mother who cries herself to sleep each night. He learns it from his big brother, who is righteous but fair, generous and kind and courageous.

Daisuke makes Kenji into the man he is.

And Daisuke picks his friends very carefully. His brother has no tolerance for pandering underclassmen, the sycophants who want to use his impressive test scores, popularity and athleticism to their own benefit. He only chooses to be friends with people who have shown remarkable loyalty and kindness and restraint. He only associates with people he’s more than willing to defend without explanation, should the situation call for it. Daisuke chooses to be friends with Kato, so Kenji knows he’s a good man.

If Kenji is irritating, Kato with all his infinite patience allows it. He’s always friendly and welcoming when Kenji asks his opinions on things, when Kenji sticks around after practice and Kato is trying to wash up for the day, and when Kenji constantly invites Kato out for after school snacks before cram school.

Kato always says, “You’re a nice kid, Kenji,” and usually pats him on the back.

Kenji doesn’t like being called a kid, because he’s fifteen, but coming from Kato, it only feels like a compliment.

It’s no surprise he falls in love with Kato, then.

It’s no surprise he become almost desperate to be noticed, eager to please, and wanting reciprocation so badly that he lays awake at night thinking about it.

And it’s impossible to tell if Kato returns any of his feelings. Kato is genuinely a nice person, if a little quite and soft spoken. He’s gentle with people who are younger than him. When he holds a door open for Kenji, buys his lunch for him, or offers to carry his heavy bag, there’s no telling if he means it in a friendly way, or something else.

Kenji does his best to drop hints.

Daisuke sends him odd looks from time to time, noticing that Kenji is taking extra care with his studies and his clothing and how he speaks. Of course his brother notices that Kenji is doubling his efforts to improve his kendo, studying Korean hard to become just as fluent in it as he is in Japanese, and starts talking about acting more mature and being considered an adult.

Daisuke asks him once, “You like someone? You have a crush on someone?”

Kenji does his best to look absolutely nonchalant as he says, “Maybe.”

His brother muses his hair and says, “Leave the kissing until you’re older. Concentrate on your studies now.”

It’s rich coming from his brother who’s has a girlfriend since he was Kenji’s age.

So eventually everything come to a head. Kenji, who’s been driving himself crazy with his attraction to Kato, finally corners him in the locker room and confesses his feelings. He pours everything out, and once he starts, he absolutely can’t stop. He begs and pleads for Kato to return his feelings.

Then he pushes himself up to his full height and kisses Kato as forcefully as he can.

For one brief second, just a split one, Kato kisses back. His hands are on Kenji’s shoulders, his head is tilting to deepen the kiss and this, Kenji knows emphatically, is what heaven is.

A locker slams and Kenji spins away from Kato, breathing hard and terrified at the sight of his brother across the locker room.

Daisuke’s got Kenji’s bag, the one he left in the practice room, hanging by a few fingers. Daisuke is the kind of generous brother to make the trip all the way to find Kenji if only to deliver a lost bag.

But there’s something wrong with his brother. Kenji has never seen the pinched look on Daisuke’s face that he’s seeing now. It’s a wretched expression, full of something so bad Kenji shudders to put words to it. Daisuke looks angrier than he did at their father’s funeral, when their uncle, their mother’s brother, tried to comfort him.

Daisuke says nothing for long seconds, but neither do Kenji nor Kato. Until finally he grounds out, “Kenji, go wait in the hallway.”

Kenji can’t even think of doing what his brother says. He can’t move his feet, his muscles are all locked up, and he has no idea what his brother will do to Kato if he leaves them along. He has no idea about Daisuke, period.

“Daisuke--” Kenji tries.

“GO!” his brother shouts, and maybe the walls shake, the floor quakes and if the heavens are coming down outside, Kenji believes it.

Kenji darts for the door. He’s always been a dutiful brother, doing what he’s told, mainly because Daisuke never tells him to do things unless they’re necessary. Daisuke isn’t a frivolous person with his words.

Just before he slips into the hallway, Kenji manages to sneak a look back to Kato. Kato looks sad, like something is broken that can’t be fixed, and it isn’t Kenji that he’s looking towards.

For twenty minutes Kenji waits in the hallway. For twenty minutes he paces and worries and tries not to think about what might be taking so long.

When Daisuke comes out it’s with a determined expression on his face. He takes Kenji by the arm, starts to drag him away, and says, “We have to talk.”

The talk amounts to Daisuke telling him Kato is too old, Kenji is too young, and Daisuke isn’t going to allow anything between them. Kenji, who has always been on his best behavior and never steps toe out of line, screams that he won’t let Daisuke keep them apart. He loves Kato. They have something. Daisuke doesn’t know anything.

The next day at school Kato says, “You’re a nice kid, Kenji. But that’s all.” He shakes his head sadly and this time being called a kid is the worst insult in the world.

Kenji’s hearts breaks, and he never forgives his brother.

For long time afterwards, Kenji doesn’t dare risk his heart. The years pass, and like his older brother, Kenji ends up joining the military. Kenji tells himself it isn’t about honoring his late father, and that the military is an outlet for all the anxiousness he has in him. He doesn’t know if he believes himself, but the military does work out for the best.

Long after he’s settled in to a military life, and just after visiting his mother and sister, the world ends. The life Kenji’s built up spirals away as he’s placed on Hachijo with possibly some of the last Japanese survivors, burdened with the task of maintaining control of his designated area of the island, and then finally, after so many more years, he suffers his second heartbreak.

Truthfully, Kenji knows Sunggyu is going to break his heart even before he gets to know him.

Because Sunggyu is … probably the most human survivor that Kenji has seen since the ships have started dropping off the Korean and Taiwanese civilians. Sunggyu, who burns bright like a fire, has the kind of soul that doesn’t exist anymore. It’s not that Sunggyu hasn’t seen devastation, and hasn’t known loss, but it’s as if his soul isn’t darkened by it. Sunggyu is … far better of a person that Kenji is, and for that, Kenji knows he’ll never get to have him.

He tries anyway, because Kenji is nothing if not determined, and because Sunggyu is the kind of person that you fight to have.

And sure, Kenji makes mistakes, and Sunggyu grows angry with him, but this only urges Kenji to try harder, and be better. He just wants to make Sunggyu happy, and if he can manage it just a little, it’s worth how isolated Kenji feels himself becoming. He doesn’t have friends, he spends almost all his nights in his small room doing paperwork, and he worries endlessly. But when Kenji brings Sunggyu to Hoya and gets the kind of smile from Sunggyu that makes Kenji’s heart beat rapidly with pleasure, he feels … in love.

Kenji falls head over heels in love with Sunggyu, even if Sunggyu is in love with some brat named Woohyun.

When Kenji joins the military there’s a small portion of training dedicated to worse case scenarios. Even before the world ends, he’s trained in how to deal with situations where survival of the general population as a whole is not possible. The training teaches him how to pick who survives and who dies. It teaches him to prioritize people and judge a situation fairly, without letting his emotions get the best of him.

If he were to follow this training when the infection reaches Hachijo, he wouldn’t risk everything to save Sunggyu. He wouldn’t forsake the dozens of other people who might be saved to risk everything on someone whose doctors think he may die with or without medical treatment.

But even Kenji can be selfish once in a while.

And he’s in love, which makes him stupid and emotional.

At least for a moment.

Once he’s sure Sunggyu and his friends are safely on the ferry, his training and intelligence seem to kick back in.

Woohyun shouts at him, “Don’t be stupid!” Woohyun, who’s this possessive, bratty sixteen year old that Kenji really wants to hate, looks at him with disbelief as Kenji says he’s going back.

Kenji doesn’t, not even for one second, consider getting on the ferry. He wouldn’t have even if Sunggyu had sat up in that moment and confessed his love.

Kenji is responsible for dozens of men. He’s been charged with protecting people, women and children included. And his uncle is back further inland. His father’s brother. The man is the only tie that Kenji has to his father, especially since he hasn’t been able to get in contact with Daisuke since zombies became a real thing.

This isn’t to say, however, that Kenji doesn’t want to stay with Sunggyu. He wants to take Sunggyu into his arms just once and experience what a hug from him feels like. He wants to steal another kiss, even if he won’t ever do such a thing again, and if Sunggyu is going to die, he wants to be there. He wants to hold Sunggyu’s hand when he slips away and whisper to him that he is the fire. He is the flame. He is a human soul that shines brighter than the sun and is spectacular in its beauty.

“I have to try!” Kenji shouts back to Woohyun after the first zombie comes into view. “Take care of him, Woohyun! Don’t you let anything happen to him or I’m coming for you personally!”

He knows full well as he rushes back to the truck that he’s probably going off to his death. He is fortunate to have never seen the swarm of zombies that tore into the human population during the initial outbreak. He hasn’t seen personally the damage they can do, other than counting the numbers of casualties. But he doesn’t need to see to know. They are a relentless force. They don’t tire, they don’t stop, and there is absolutely nothing human about them.

If they get at Kenji they’ll rip him to literal shreds, and he’ll be alive when they start eating him.

Kenji hears the ferry sound a horn behind him as he nearly slams into the truck at full speed. He jams the key in to the ignition and has it going without even bothering to close the door behind him. Foot on the gas the wheels spin for a half second, the rain coating the windows, and then the truck is zooming off.

“Colonel Watanabe!” he shouts across the radio as he swerves down a side road that runs parallel to the coastline. “This is Captain Watanabe calling Colonel Watanabe!” He can see the ferry bobbing and dipping dangerously in the water. “Colonel Watanabe!” He’s on the special frequency he and his uncle usually communicate over, like it’s their secret and they can speak freely when on it.

Kenij forces himself to not look at the ship anymore. The ferry is the best shot any of them have at surviving but he’s well aware that it may not weather the storm. Still, drowning is preferable, he thinks, to being eaten alive.

The radio continues to crackle and Kenji presses harder on the pedal even as the truck threatens to fishtail. He has to get to his uncle. There are three officers higher in rank than his uncle on the island but they’ve most certainly already gone with the scientists and researchers out to the few military ships located in the waters on the other side of the island.

Kenji knows his uncle. His uncle is the kind of man that Kenji tries to be himself. Neither of them are the kind to leave survivors behind if any of them can be saved. If his uncle is still alive, he’s trying to coordinate what’s left of the military to protect the regular civilians. His uncle will gladly fight a losing battle if only to buy the civilians a few more seconds of life.

This is how, Kenji’s been told, his father was like.

“--enji?”

The road swerves suddenly and Kenji can see the hoard of zombies in the distance as the radio sparks to life.

“Uncle?” Kenji demands, decorum flying out the window.

“Where are you?” the man demands over the line, voice going in an out.

Kenji has the truck’s windshield wipers working furiously as he clamps down on the button of the radio and says back, “I’m at the port. It’s been overrun!”

It’s hard to understand his uncle, but eventually Kenji hears orders to head to one of the central outposts nearby, His uncle says they’ve got it held for the moment, but doesn’t know how long they’ll last. Kenji doesn’t know what he can do to help, but he’s going towards it without a second thought. He’ll fight side by side with his uncle to the end gladly.

“--island is lost,” his uncle says at a shout, gunfire crackling behind him.

Kenji nearly flinches when he hears it. “I’m a few minutes out,” Kenji promises his uncle. “Just hold on! I--”

Then he plows into something. The force of the impact nearly takes the truck out completely. Something red and brown splashes up on the windshield and the car spins, tipping onto two wheels. Kenji shouts, head smacking into the side window and cracking it.

The truck jerks to a stop, the engine cutting out and Kenji takes in a shuttering breath. He feels something warm and wet dripping its way down his neck and when he reaches up to feel he pulls back fingers red, wet and sticky.

“Damn,” he says, then reaches sorely for the door handle, realizing that he’s cracked the window completely. There are shards of glass all over him.

There’s a hurricane going on around him when he’s out of the car. He’s already soaked from the run to the ferry, but it seems like only now he’s feeling to cold. He shivers as he tries to focus his vision. It’s blurring slightly, his head is aching terribly and he’s probably got a concussion. The urge to be sick and the way he’s swaying a bit probably elude to as much.

Kenji squints down the road to see what he’s hit. There’s a form of something on the ground a bit back, something twitching.

God, he thinks, please be a zombie.

If it’s not a zombie and he’s hit …

A roar cuts through the air and Kenji sees the hoard.

He’s in the truck again lightening fast, turning the key to the ignition. And naturally, the engine won’t turn over.

“Oh, no, please,” Kenji says, using his arm to wipe away some of the blood that’s been leaking into his vision. “Please, no.” He can’t go like this. He won’t die stranded with a dead truck as the hoard reaches him.

As he frantically pumps the gas, trying not to flood the engine, he spies his handgun on the passenger seat. If the hoard reaches him he’ll shoot himself in the head before he lets them eat him.

“Start!” he demands as the hoard roars louder. He can hear them snarling and they’re more noisy than the storm. Kenji has never heard anything so terrifying in his life. “ you, start!’ He slams his hand down on the wheel, sounding the horn, which probably only attracts more of them.

But the truck starts.

He is not going to die here. He is not going to go out like this. He is going to live for a bit longer. He is going to go to his uncle and they’re going to fight to win. They’re smart and they’re strong and Kenji is going to see Sunggyu again. He’s going to because Kenji isn’t ready to die yet.

Kenji hears the discharge before he sees the outpost. He’s never heard so much gunfire in his life. It sounds like a war zone and figures it is. If this isn’t war, he doesn’t know what is.

“I’m coming in hot!” Kenji shouts over the radio as the truck dashes even closer to the heavily manned checkpoint. He flashes his headlights towards the soldiers on the front machineguns as he nears the base, and they let him pass for only a second before they’re firing at the hoard behind Kenji.

Kenji stomps on the breaks as the truck swerves to a stop. A heavy gate closes behind him and Kenji jumps from the truck.

All round him there is screaming. The military men are screaming. The civilians are screaming. The rain is screaming. The guns are screaming. There’s so much screaming Kenji is nearly deaf.

“Kenji!”

A hand comes down hard on his bicep and he’s spun around into a tight hug.

Kenji’s uncle is shorter than him by a few inches, completely gray already, but still as intimidating and imposing as ever. He’s gotten older over the years, like anyone, but he hasn’t gotten weaker. Kenji sinks into his embrace like he isn’t a grown man and a solider himself.

His uncle is the kind of man who can make a person feel safe in the most unsafe situation, and even if the safety is a lie, Kenji lets himself have it for a second.

“You’re okay,” his uncle says, catching his face with rough hands. It takes Kenji a second to realize his uncle is checking his wound. It seems like it’s stopped bleeding, however. And for better or worse, the pain has diminished a bit.

“I’m okay,” Kenji says, and then they’re darting out of the rain towards a nearby building.

“The island is lost,” his uncle says quickly as they walk so fast they may as well be running. “We can’t save it. Right now we need to do what we can to manage the losses.”

Kenji asks, “How long do you think we can hold this outpost?”

His uncle takes him down a hallway with a linoleum floor and Kenji almost slips with his wet boots. “My men and I can hold it for ten minutes more. Maybe.” His uncle has a dark look on his face. “People are being infected faster than we can kill them. And there are more infected then bullets.”

“I’m here to help,” Kenji says right away. But his eyes widen when he thinks of his handgun still sitting on the seat in the truck. He’s left his firearm behind. Never loose your gun. This is one of the first and most important rules, and Kenji’s gone and broken it. Stumbling a little, Kenji feels like a new recruit all of the sudden.

“You …” his uncle stops him suddenly, holding up three fingers in front of him. “Are you sure you’re okay. How many fingers?”

Kenji pushes at his uncle’s hand. “I’m okay. There are bigger things to deal with than this.” He gestures to his head. “And honestly, we both know it doesn’t matter.”

“It matters if you can see straight,” his uncle says.

“I can shoot straight,” Kenji assures.

They’re moving again after that, this time they’re actually running, and his uncle calls back, “I care if you can drive straight.”

They burst through to a room and the contents are not what Kenji’s expecting. He’s expecting to find his uncle’s best men. He’s expecting to find a cache of weapons. He’s expecting to find something to fight the zombies that are literally on their doorstep.

He is not expecting to see two young women, one elderly man, and three kids. All of them are in their pajamas, wet, and most of them look like they’ve been crying. They’re huddled together like they know the end is coming, but they’re also looking at him with confusion and fascination. Maybe even hope.

“What’s this?” Kenji asks his uncle at a whisper.

His uncle leans over carefully and says into his ear, “This is what’s left of our civilian population.”

Kenji’s head . That can’t be right. Not six people. Not out of the thousands on the island.

“I don’t …”

There’s a gun wrack nearby and his uncle pops it open quickly, pulling out a shotgun and tossing it to Kenji. He says, gesturing to one of the women, “This one claims her husband has a fishing boat nearby. It’s tucked away, can’t be seen from the road, and has the keys in the ignition. If we get her there, and her son, everyone else gets a free ride off the island who’s with her.” Kenji doesn’t ask where her husband is.

He does say, “I came here to fight with you!” his voice is rising and he doesn’t understand.

His uncle hands him a spare pistol and states, “All your men are gone, Kenji. And all my men fighting right now, know they’re next. I can’t spare anyone to take these people to that fishing boat, but you’re the unaccounted for variable. You can save these people, Kenji, and yourself.”

“I am not leaving you behind!” Kenji shouts. He is not losing anyone else.

Something explodes nearby. It’s a huge enough rumble that the building shakes. The children all scream and Kenji grits his teeth.

“I promised your father,” his uncle says, bringing a hand down on Kenji’s shoulder in such a way that it feels like an embrace, “that I would look after you and your brother and your sister. I will do what I can to save you.”

Kenji shoots back, “My father is dead, so I don’t really care about whatever promises you made him.”

His uncle smacks his cheek lightly. “What is your first priority?”

Kenji grits out, “Protect the civilians.”

Turning back to the civilians, his uncle reinforces, “This is what’s left of them. This is it. We will save people, Kenji. We will save at least them. Do you understand?”

“What about the scientists?” Kenji pries, but part of him is already giving in. Part of him already knows he’ll be leaving his uncle’s side. He has to do what he’s told. He has to save who he can. And saving even one person, is more important that protecting his uncle’s back, no matter how little he likes it.

The answer is swift from his uncle, “They’re dead. All of them.”

Kenji doesn’t ask for details, but he assumes this means all the military with them, are dead as well.

Five minutes later, when the first zombie breaches the outpost, and the last machine gunner goes down, Kenji places the last child on the truck and slips into the driver’s seat.

“Go now,” his uncle says, the last of the soldiers hurtling themselves towards the zombie hoard in a last ditch effort to buy them as much time as possible to get away. “Don’t stop until you get to the boat.”

Kenji reaches a hand out and snags his uncle’s uniform, feeling as if he can’t let go no matter how much he has to. Even with so many people dying for him, and depending on him, he can’t let go. He needs just one more second with his uncle, before the man dies and Kenji fails to save one more person.

“Kenji,” his uncle says quietly, eyes softening. “You need to go, son. Let go.”

Tears in his eyes, Kenji chokes out, “I love you.” He’s so sorry he’s leaving. He’s sorry they don’t have more time, and his uncle doesn’t get to live. He’s sorry.

“I love you too,” the man says back. “Now go!”

Kenji hits the accelerator just in time to see his uncle whip around and fire at an incoming zombie.

The rain is coming down just as terribly as before, maybe even worse, and Kenji struggles to see through it. At least until he realizes its his tears he’s struggling to see through.

“Where are we going?” Kenji demands from the woman next to him. The rest of the few civilians are tucked in the back area of the truck, huddled together, but next to him is the woman with the boat. Her husband’s boat. Kenji doesn’t even know her name, and frankly, he doesn’t want to know it.

The sky is alight with fire in the rearview mirror and Kenji smothers down another cry. Now isn’t the time to be weak. Now is the time to survive.

“Here,” the woman says, pointing Kenji left at the fork in the road. “Go here.” Her voice is shaky, and her eyes and rimmed red, but at the moment she seems like she’s holding herself together more than Kenji is.

Live, he tells himself. Drive. Survive.

These are the only things that matter. Live. Drive. Survive.

And get back to Sunggyu. Sunggyu who has Woohyun and doesn’t need Kenji. But Kenji needs Sunggyu, even if what they have can never be romantic. Kenji needs the light from Sunggyu’s soul. He needs the hope it makes him feel.

“How far ahead is it?” Kenji asks as he drives, hands gripping the wheel. He doesn’t look away from the road again, especially since they’re on some kind of side road now, veering away from the highway. The last thing he needs is to ruin their chances by slamming into a tree.

A second more and he can tell how close they are to the old resort area.

It must be overrun by now. Kenji thinks of all the people living there, or who used to live there. It was made up of children and teenagers primarily, and they had bon fires and birthday parties and a good existence.

It’s probably in ruin now. And they’re driving so close to it and Kenji is nervous. They’re driving close to a lion’s den, essentially, or a pit full of scorpions.

The woman next to him, after they’ve been driving for a few minutes, points ahead and asks, “What’s that?”

Kenji doesn’t now, but he sees what she .e There’s a light up ahead, a swaying, swinging, jerking light of some kind, and the sound of something slamming. Metal against mortar. Plus shouting.

Human shouting.

“People,” Kenji says. And he hesitates. The truck can hold at least a dozen more people. And if there are people shouting, they haven’t been overrun yet. Maybe he can …

No. How can he even be thinking about stopping. His uncle was clear. Take the civilians, go to the boat, survive. He has to keep these six people alive.

But then he hears kids. Young voices calling out for help. And Kenji can’t resist.

“What are you doing?” the woman asks in a frightened tone.

Kenji’s got one hand on the wheel and the other is reaching for the nearby shotgun. He asks he abruptly, “Can you drive?”

“What?” she demands.

Kenji can barely remember the area. The resort is further up, but they’re not there yet. The noise must be coming form a nearby utility complex. It’s a two story building surrounded by power generators and electricity lines that normally supply power to the resort area.

“Can you drive a stick if something happens to me,” Kenji repeats.

He’s doing this. He can’t not do this.

“You can’t be serious,” she moans out, but then she’s throwing off her seatbelt and saying, “If I have to, I will leave you.” Kenji remembers her young son is in the back of the truck. He doesn’t fault her for thinking of him first.

“Deal,” Kenji says.

A second more and they’re close enough to see the utility building. The truck’s headlights illuminate the area and Kenji can see the half dozen zombies all frantically attempting to scale the walls to where a handful of survivors are clustered together being pelted by rain.

Kenji nearly weeps with relief. Six zombies. They’re still a threat, still something that can take him out, but they’re also manageable.

“Leave me if something happens,” Kenji tells the woman who’s sliding into the diver’s seat. He wracks the shotgun and says, “If I go down, you leave me. Don’t try to save the people. Don’t try and save me.” She gives a serious nod and Kenji believes she will leave him the first second she has to. “Hey,” he says, noticing the first zombie turning towards the car. “Don’t leave prematurely, okay?”

Kenji doesn’t wait for her response.

Instead he charges ahead into the darkness and the rain. He doesn’t know exactly how quickly he has to take out the zombies, but he’s got to be fast. There’s no way there aren’t more in the area, and what he’s about to do is going to attract a lot of attention.

“Hey!” one of the kids from the roof shouts.

Kenji ignores them, and instead he lifts the shotgun, takes aim, and blows the head off the nearest zombie.

Kenji has never liked shooting a gun. His brother Daisuke is different. Aside from being a kendo champion, Daisuke is also extremely good at skeet. He’s a more than decent archer, and Kenji’s known him to spend hours at the firing range. His brother likes the feel of a gun in his hands, even if he doesn’t like what the gun can do. Kenji is different. Kenji shoots only when he has to, and tries to make that as infrequently as possible.

This is, however, one of the times it is extremely necessary.

Kenji fires one shot, taking down a zombie. A second shot wounds another in the shoulder, and then the whole thing become a dance.

These zombies are not the kind from the bootleg American film Kenji saw when he was nine. They’re not the zombies from the black and white movie, the kind that stumble around stupidly.

These zombies are smart and quick and if Kenji doesn’t land headshots, they’re back up and moving towards him faster than he can comprehend. And they certainly don’t give him time to reload. Every shot has to count.

By the time he takes down the fourth zombie he’s dangerously low on ammo and starting to think he’s made a terrible mistake.

“Watch out!” someone from the roof shouts, and Kenji barely has time to bring the gun up on a new zombie, one that’s emerged from the woods around them, before it’s on him. He uses the gun like a brace, shouting instinctively as his strength starts to fail him. His head is pounding now, his vision going blurry again, and at any second he expects the headlights to disappear and the woman to take off in the truck.

He doesn’t expect one of the kids on the roof to be a daredevil, or a complete moron, and jump down to help him.

A baseball bat in hand, the kid lands roughly on the gravel nearby, probably tearing up the skin on his palms. But he recovers quickly, and with all of his might he swings on the zombie pushing at Kenji. He swings hard enough to dent in the zombie’s head and stun it so Kenji can put a buckshot in its head.

“There!” the kid shouts, though he’s more around Sunggyu’s age than a child, and Kenji puts the last shotgun shell into the second to last zombie.

From the roof a different kid screams, “There’s one more!”

Kenji drops the shotgun immediately and pulls out his pistol. He only has to give the teen next to him one nod and then they’re working in flawless tandem. The teen delivers a swift hit to the zombie’s head and Kenji puts several bullets into its brain.

Breathing hard, the teen says in a deep voice, “Holy . Man. Holy .”

Kenji sways a little, trying to keep his feet under him, feeing light headed. He needs to sit down. Soon. But first he needs to get the rest of the kids down.

“I’m Yongguk,” the teen says as Kenji snaps out how quickly they need to move.

“Yongguk?” someone from the roof calls out. “Are you okay?”

The teen, Yongguk raises a hand and calls out, “I’m okay, Himchan. You and Zelo okay?”

“How did you get up there?” Kenji demands.

There’s a ladder, actually. The kids were smart enough to pull it up after them and they’re quick to let it down when the woman from the car shouts, “We need to go! Hurry it up!”

There are six of them in total. Six more that Kenji can save.

Kenji gets them all into the back of the truck sixty seconds after their feet hit the ground from the roof, and as the rain finally, finally starts to let up a little, Kenji feels like he’s done something to make his uncle’s sacrifice worth while.

“You’re one crazy son of a ,” the girl in the passenger seat says to Kenji when they’re back on their way. They haven’t seen a single more zombie since the one that came out of the woods, but Kenji doesn’t think it means anything.

Kenji doesn’t know how to respond. “Fair enough.”

She stares at him for a second and it’s unnerving. Then she adds, “Most people wouldn’t have stopped to help. I wouldn’t have stopped to help.”

Before Kenji can say anything back to her, Yongguk slides the window divider between the front cab and the back portion of the truck open and calls out, “I hope you have a plan, not that we don’t mind the rescue!”

Kenji tells him quickly, “We’re going for a boat that’s nearby. We have to get off the island. You all okay back there?”

Yongguk flashes a thumbs up. “My brother looks like he’s going to throw up on me at any second, but that’s pretty normal, actually.”

Kenji isn’t sure if he appreciates the humor or not. “What about the girls?” He personally helped them climb into the back of the truck minutes earlier, but neither of them have said a single thing.

The smile falls from Yongguk’s face and is replaced by something more somber. “That’s Krystal and Jessica. They’re sisters, and they’re pretty shaken up but they’re okay too.”

Kenji gives a nod. “Just sit tight, okay? I think the road is about to get even more rough.”

The rain isn’t storming as much as before, but the wind is getting worse. The road devolves into nothing but packed dirt, Kenji feels the truck sliding around so much that he has to reduce speed or risk sending them all tipping over.

Not to mention he’s seeing double of everything now.

Against the odds, and with infected swarming everywhere, they make it to the private dock where the boat is parked. The ocean is swaying violently and it’s knocking the boat around so viciously that Kenji isn’t sure how they’re going to get everyone on.

None of it matters a half second later when the infected start pouring into the area. Maybe they’ve followed the sound of the car, or maybe there are just so many that it’s inevitable they’ll end up everywhere. Kenji doesn’t care which is it. He just knows trying to get everyone on the ship safely and calmly isn’t an option anymore.

Instead he picks up one of the kids, ignores his squirm of protest, and all but throws him up into the boat.

It’s a mad scramble, and for Kenji, who’s struggling not to pass out, it’s almost something impossible.

But he pushes through, gets everyone and himself on the boat, and he does it before the zombies reach them.

Eventually, as Kenji slips down to sit on his , the engines vibrating underneath him, he stops caring. He can’t even keep his eyes open. The rain is pelting him, he’s rolling a bit with the boat on the ocean, and maybe the boat is getting to safety, maybe it isn’t. Kenji doesn’t know, Kenji doesn’t care. The only thing that matters is that he’s tried as hard as he can to save people. He’s tried to make his uncle’s sacrifice worthwhile.

And he’s fought as long and hard as he can because he wants to see Sunggyu again.

Now everything is in fate’s hands, and he’s okay with it.

He thinks he feels hands underneath his arms, dragging him, but everything is sort of fading away.

He falls asleep.

Or passes out.

The only relevant part is that he rests, and when he’s out, he dreams about Sunggyu. He dreams that they’re in Tokyo, there are no zombies, and Sunggyu says he loves Kenji.

It’s the kind of dream that makes waking up hard. So he doesn’t for a long while.

“Hey,” a kind voice says when he does wake up.

“Sunggyu?”

It isn’t Sunggyu.

Kenji blinks blearily up at a face he doesn’t recognize, not at first, confused when he realizes that he’s in some kind of infirmary, hooked up to a drip and dressed in a flimsy hospital gown. “What’s going on?”

“You know Sunggyu?” the teenage boy asks. “Do you know who I am?”

Kenji, mouth parched, nods a little. “I don’t remember your name. But you were on the roof.”

“I’m Himchan,” the boy says, and he carefully helps Kenji take a drink. “You saved me, and the others.”

Kenji sinks fully into his pillows after sipping the water. “What happened?”

“We made it off the island,” Himchan says, “but the boat almost capsized. We started taking on water, and we all thought w were going to die.” Himchan pauses, then adds. “Again. Plus, we were worried about you. We didn’t know you were hurt so bad. You were throwing up and confused about where you were. None of us has any medical training.”

“But we’re alive,” Kenji points out.

Himchan nods. “Hachijo actually has two islands. We were on the main island, Hachijo-Fuji. But when the boat looked like it wasn’t going to make it, we aimed for the smaller island Hachijo-Kojima. We took shelter there. There was a fresh water source and places to hide out for a couple of days.”

Kenji’s eyes widen. “Days?”

“Days,” Himchan reminds. “You were feverish the entire time. You kept … calling out for Sunggyu. I didn’t know you knew him.”

Kenji doesn’t know if Sunggyu is even alive. Maybe he’s dead, maybe he suffocated to death. Or maybe the ship sank. He probably won’t know for a while. But he hopes Sunggyu is well. He hopes sacrificing the urge to save others, to make sure Sunggyu and his friends got on the ferry, ends up meaning something.

“Anyway,” Himchan continues. “We were on that island for days. Then eventually a ship came. A military ship. It’s the ship we’re on now. They rescued us. The fishing boat had a flare gun and we were able to set it off. They picked us up and we’ve been here ever since. We’ve all been taking turns sitting with you. We owe you, you know.”

Kenji’s fingers curl into his blanket and he asks, “Did anyone else make it?” It’s stupid to hope for his uncle, but he can’t stop himself.

Himchan asks, “Other than everyone in our group? I don’t think so. We’re not too far from Hachijo and we’ve been looking for survivors for days. I think if we were going to find them, we would have already. I’m sorry.”

His uncle is gone then.

It’s something Kenji always knew, but it’s so much more real now. And painful.

With a quaking voice, Kenji asks, “Can I have a few seconds?”

Almost abruptly Himchan stands and says, “I’m sorry. Of course. I’ll, um, I’ll give you a few minutes, then I’ll go tell your doctor you’re awake.”

Himchan scurries away and Kenji turns on his side. He tries not to dislodge the IV in the crook of his arm and pulls his legs up towards his body, tucking in tight.

He supposes he should be thankful that he’s alive, and that there’s a possibility that others are as well. He should be thankful that he was able to save twelve people, and that his uncle hasn’t died for nothing. He should be thankful that eventually he’ll get to reunite with his mother and sister, and there’s a strong possibility that his brother is perfectly fine. And he should be on his knees grateful that the human race is strong and resilient and will come back from every hit dealt to it.

But for the moment all he can do is finally shed the tears that have been building up inside him for such a long time.

And truly, the crying feels better than the knowledge that he’s continued to cheat death.

It’s the crying that finally makes him feel human. It’s the crying that makes him feel alive.