“What do you want from him?”

Taehyun light up a cigarette, inhaled once and leaned on the railings of the rooftop. Cold autumn wind rustling his hair softly, it was a contrast against his hardened stare directed at Mino.

What does Mino want, really? 

He asked himself back and didn’t find anything to come up with. He could just say so, but Nam Taehyun most likely would feel displeased, or maybe he would fix him a nasty glare. However, upon Mino’s silence, Taehyun just said a simple, “He’s not a charity case, so stay away from him”. That got Mino lifted his face, puzzled, before the words sunk into his mind and made him scrunched his nose. “I never—I didn’t think he’s something like that” that was a bad way to put it, Mino thinks. “Why would I think of him as that?”

“Then what’s with the coffees and your advances? Bad case of hero complex?” Taehyun cuts him.  

Startled for getting asked so forwardly like that, Mino opened up his mouth several times but uttered nothing. Taehyun rolled his eyes. He flicked the ashes of his cigar before leaning away from the railing. “You must’ve knew right?” he mumbled, annoyed when mino seemed more confused, “I know where it would lead on, so before everything turned out ugly, I’m gonna do you a favor, please stay the away from Jinwoo” he stared Mino right at the eyes seriously, “I mean it”, then leaving Mino in the rooftop afterwards.

Despite how rude Taehyun had been, his questions lasted inside Mino’s head. They bugged him everytime he saw how Jinwoo’s seat remained empty during their class. It’s almost two weeks since the last time he showed up. Mino’s memories travelled back to that one time under the rain. Was that it? Taehyun had looked so angry yesterday and the words ‘charity case’ still resonating inside his mind. Is he supposed to know something? Mino was only curious, or if he dared to say, it was just a harmless attraction. There was just something in the way Jinwoo stared blankly that attracted Mino’s attention just like that.

And then there is also guilt. Mino often heard how he’s an oblivious person, maybe he had said something or done something that upset Jinwoo so much, then? But it never crossed his mind, not even once, that Jinwoo is a charity case. He wasn’t trying to be a hero or something, a hero for what exactly, Mino really didn’t know.  

*

It was just curiosity, Mino tells himself. He had came back from his class and caught a glimpse of the handkerchief he still didn’t have a chance to return, laid on his study desk. The name is there; Lee Seunghoon. He didn’t know what made him turning on his laptop afterwards, typing that name and his university for google to search. He got several results, one of them is a huge headline news. His fingers had hovered over the mouse, hesitating. The article on his laptop’s screen just needs one click. The button had glared below the thumbnail of the headline, as if challenging him to go ahead and see if he still likes it.

He clicked and read. The article said Lee Seunghoon had died one year ago. The article stated the cause of the bus accident was slippery road and bad weather. Ambulance had came 1 hour later. It was raining heavily when it happened.      

He glanced at the handkerchief laid on his table, stared at the name embroidered on it and it reminded him of Jinwoo’s teary eyes, shaky voice and trembling hands.

The thing is, Mino knew how it feels to lose someone close to you. He remembered there was Jihoon, a friend he had back then before he moved to Seoul. There was also his father, who had smiled and waved at him before dragging a luggage away and never came back home since then. Both had happened when he was still young, still uncomprehending about everything. There were always questions that kept him awake at nights, with unshed tears and lonely heart. Jihoon and his father weren’t around near him anymore, but years after years later, his father sent a letter to him and he also had met Seungyoon. Sure he had wounded and painfully bearing with loneliness and lost, but those feelings were ‘compensated’. At least he knew his father was still present somewhere, still care about Mino and his sister and his mother, although not in the same way anymore. Mino didn’t wake up, breathe and then knowing he had to carry on through a day where some pieces of its routine are missing. Or maybe someone.

He wondered if this Lee Seunghoon used to be an important part of Kim Jinwoo’s days. He wondered whether Jinwoo once had eyes that aren’t blank and empty. He wondered whether this was the reason Jinwoo had taken temporary leave for almost one year from university. Mino kind of understood the connections, kind of understood why Taehyun said Jinwoo wasn’t a charity case, but Mino still couldn’t find what exactly does he want from it all. Or from Jinwoo.

*

Beep.

“Jinwoo-hyung, it’s Taehyun. I’m heading to your place right now, alright? Don’t lock the door”

Beep.

“Jinwoo-hyung, I have to be away for a week, I’m sorry this is emergency. Family matters”

Beep.

“Jinwoo-hyung, please answer my call?”

Beep.

“Don’t turn off your phone please”

Beep.

“Hyung, I’ll be back in two days, can you please reply my text?’

Beep.

“Hyung, I am worried right now, please tell me there’s nothing happened”

Voicemails deleted.

Beep.

“Jinwoo, baby, it’s me, Seunghoon”

Beep.

“, sorry. Anyway, you’re sleeping right now, and I have to go to my class and”

Beep.

“Oops, sorry again. Anyway, I’m so sorry, I made you cried again last night. I know we’ve been kind of…tired lately, and what we had said to each other was likely out of anger and frustration. I’m not..I’m not tired of you, I’m sorry it even came out from my mouth last night, I’m so sorry baby. And, uh….let’s go to Busan? You always wanted to see ocean there and trying so many street foods and visiting my school and…I think, it’s just, I just want to make it right again? I just want us to be alright again. Yeah, that’s it. I hope we can go on Sunday. I love you, baby”

*

There’s a rumpled paper hit him squarely on the forehead, snapping him back from his daydream. “Dude, prof is calling you” Seunyoon hissed. It is then Mino just realized the professor is looking at him with annoyed expression. He straightened up and hastily walked to the front, receiving two sheets of papers. He saw Song Minho and Kim Jinwoo written there. He groaned inwardly.

“Hey, isn’t this your perfect chance to woo your dream girl?” Seungyoon asked when they’re having lunch. Mino sighed, his mind is still puzzled and full of questions after he found out about Seunghoon. He had tried to connect the dots, had tracked back as well, remembering all the theories he had read and how Jinwoo carried himself on daily basis and if he wasn’t mistaken, Jinwoo showed some symtomps of depression. He wondered why he even went that far, but maybe it was started with that damn curiosity and a tinge oy sympathy. Maybe he wanted to know what he had done wrong afterall, but instead he found too much and the worst is he really doesn’t have an idea what to do about it all.

“—need to go to his dorm”

“Huh?”

Seungyoon stared at him, annoyed because Mino is daydreaming once again. “I said we need to give this” he flails the paper on his hand, “And telling Kim Jinwoo about your big project. As his good teammate, professor asked you to explain this to him. God, Mino, did you even listen?”

“No” Mino deadpanned and gets a slap on his shoulder. “What’s with you? You were pretty eager before, did he reject you? I told you not everybody drinks coffee” Seungyoon yelps when Mino shoved him. “I did not get rejected, you ” Mino hasn’t told anything to Seungyoon, so he doesn’t know how to say that it might be not a good idea if Nam Taehyun found out he went to Jinwoo’s dorm. Not that he’s afraid, but he really, really has no explanation at all. He also doesn’t want Seungyoon to know anyway, he would never get the end over this.

*

Mino had asked Seungyoon to tag along, in which the latter agreed easily. “I want to see your dream gets crushed” he had said wickedly, seemingly too amused. Mino had pouted, but a bit thankful, because at least he had something to distract him from the things still muddled around his head.

When they arrived at the address they had gotten from university’s administration, Mino expected Taehyun would burst out of the door and glaring at them both. The image is so ridiculous, he wondered whether Seungyoon would laugh if he told him. He wasn’t prepared when he tried to knock, the door is unlocked and easily pushed open. Both he and Seungyoon stared at each other for a moment before pushing the door further, peering a bit inside.

The room is too dark without any lights on, even it’s still 3 pm. The windows of what seemingly a living room are opened wide. “Hello?” Mino tried to call but got no answer. He feels a bit worried when he stepped a foot inside and immediately spotting some stains on the floor. “Jinwoo hyung?” he tried again, but still no answer. He roamed his hand around the wall and switching the lights on. “Holy ” he heard Seungyoon muttered. The stains on the floor are something red. Mino doesn’t want to think what are they, but they’re dotting the floor, creating some kind of pattern that disappeared into a room. “, Mino, is that blood?” Seungyoon pushed past him and knelt down, peering close to it. “It seemed more than a day, it’s drying”

Mino strided over to the room, walking past Seungyoon who still knelt down. He wrenched open the door and felt ice dreading down his throat when he saw a figure lying down on the carpet. “Jinwoo-hyung!” he rushed over, trying to nudge him awake. He looks far paler than ever. There are black circles under his eyes. “What happened? Is he breathing?” Seungyoon asked, panic also started to seep into him. Mino puts his fingers under Jinwoo’s nostrils and feels relieved when he felt a breath there. He tried to nudge him awake once again, sitting him up and that’s when he felt Jinwoo’s body burning up. “He’s breathing but I think he has a fever” Mino says. “I’ll call a doctor here, just, don’t move, I think it’s also because of his bleeding foot” Seungyoon pulls out his phone and started a call.

Mino tried to straighten the body in his arms, leaning him onto his chest and rubbing the back. He stares worriedly at Jinwoo’s right foot wrapped messily in bandages. He noted how the room is full of sheets strewn across the bed, the window is also opened wide, there are shards of glasses and pills scattered all over the floor. Is this what Taehyun had meant? Is this why he asked him to stay away?

As his mind wandered back to Lee Seunghoon, to Jihoon, to his parents’ divorce, to the news about that bus accident, to Jinwoo’s blank stares; Mino unconciously pulled the body closer to his chest, rubbing what he hoped are soothing fingers on Jinwoo’s shoulder.   

*