The coffee is there once again. A cup of medium caramel macchiato with Jinwoo’s name scrawled hastily on its side, placed on top of his usual front desk where he would check off the library’s books. He doesn’t drink coffee. Not anymore. Coffee is too much of a reminder. He doesn’t say anything, though, as he quietly takes it and is putting it away wherever he wouldn’t see and be reminded about anything in the past. He took off the post-it with ‘Jinwoo hyung fighting!’ written on it, crinkling it and dumping it in a trash bin. Jinwoo tried not to lift his head and let his eyes roaming around, because he knew the guy usually lingers a bit longer after leaving the coffee.

*

“You promised”

“I know”

“You promised you would take care of yourself”

“I know”

“You promised you would get back to uni and carry on”

“I know”

“You promised you’d finish your degree and make him proud”

“I know”

“Then what are you doing here?”

“…I don’t know”

*

“You always do that,” a husky voice came from behind him and Jinwoo turned around so fast he almost lost his balance. It’s the guy. The guy who had read his name aloud thanks to his nametag while his books are getting checked. That was two weeks ago. The coffee always comes ever since.

Today, he’s wearing a familiar black hoodie, one arm on the table and donning a sad eyes on his face. Jinwoo clears his throat, straightened up and trying to conceal his hands that started to shake (he could already feel the familiar panic crawling in his skin). “C-can I help you?” he hates how shaky he sounds. He heard a sigh before a book presented on the table. He turns it around, seeking the familiar barcode to scan, but instead of that, he found a paper plastered there: ‘My name is Song Minho^^’. He stills for a moment, hand still gripping the back of the book as he feels heat creeping on his pale face, slowly turning it red. “Please don’t do that again, it’s vandalizing public belongings” he finally found his voice, hastily ripping off the paper but apparently today the odds arent on his favor, for the back of the book also gets ripped along with his pulling.

The sound of paper ripping is so tragic.

There’s a stretched pause once again afterwards. Jinwoo could feel his face gets redder as he stares at the ripped book with wide eyes. “Well” he heard Mino says, voice filled with amusement, “Isn’t that called vandalizing public belongings?” Jinwoo snaps his head up, “I didn’t do it on purpose!” he reflexively says and immediately regrets it after several heads turned toward him. “See? That wasn’t so hard, right?” Mino smiles, leaning his chin on his palm. “W-what?” Jinwoo asks, puzzled. “Lifting up your head and talking to me” he replies.

*

They have met at the library. He was a visual arts major and Jinwoo was a psychology’s. “Why psychology?” he had asked on their second meeting, when he wore a blue shirt and Jinwoo wore a grey hoodie under his uniform apron. He had wanted to say, because I wanted to understand myself, I want to know why I always get shivered and bothered within a lot of people, but instead he answered, it’s interesting. He had heard a laugh afterwards, but it wasn’t filled with teasing, it’s the kind of laugh you would share with your old time friend. “I lied, I know you majored in Psychology. I have a friend who’s at the same class with you” Jinwoo had stared at him, unsure of what to reply. He heard another chuckle, but it sounded a bit embarrassed and sheepish. He had stared at Jinwoo then, eyes alight with cheerfulness and curiosity. “Can I have your name? I never went to library before and I hope it could be enough excuse for me”    

There was a hand stretched out in anticipation. The hand gripped not too hard when Jinwoo took it, just enough power to embrace and letting him know he appreciated the gesture. “Jinwoo. Kim Jinwoo” he remembered he had answered softly. The smile he received was wider than before. Sincere and unassuming. As if, Seunghoon wasn’t bothered by how wary he was. Wasn’t bothered by how hesitant his smile was. Wasn’t bothered with how he must have heard from his friend that Jinwoo was always alone most of the time.

Seunghoon had smiled. Only smiled. Even if he knew he had all the rights to not to, especially much, much later on, when Jinwoo finally opened up his palms, showing the grey he usually hid in the deepest corner of his heart. Seunghoon had all the rights to not stay, especially much, much later on, when he finally knew what it takes for someone like Jinwoo to function for a day.

But Seunghoon had stayed. He always stays.   

*

“Please pick me up”

Taehyun didn’t say anything, only asking for his location and told him to breathe. The lines on their phones are still on. He heard Taehyun moving his jiggling keys and some hushed talking sounds. “I-I broke a book today” he says as he heard Taehyun closed the door of his car and started off the engine.  “Manager Jung wasn’t angry, but I got my salary cut this month” he breathes, “The guy came again. Y-you remembered him, right? From the class that I have to repeat this year?” he felt tears started welling up on his eyes. “I hate rain, Taehyunnie. Today’s raining again. I had to run. I don’t have my umbrella. He waited for me. That guy. W-with the coffee” he inhales, exhales and closed his eyes tightly. “The road was a bit slippery. He fell down because of me”

“It wasn’t your fault”

“I ran. And he meant to chase after me. He meant to apologize”

“It wasn’t your fault. Neither is when Seunghoon died”

The rain is still falling outside. The familiar drizzles drumming on the window. He tried to breathe, but all he could hear was a lot of voices.

“Please come to me”

“I’m on my way to you, Jinwoo-hyung. I would always be”

He choked a sob.

“Breathe”

-tbc-