“Jiyong!” Finally. “Where are you?”

“Does it matter?”

“Jiyong, just tell me where you are.” Seunghyun almost screamed that out into his phone.

Jiyong sighed. “Your dorm.”

“Wait there. Don’t go anywhere. Jiyong, please.” Seunghyun grabbed his jacket and stormed out of the bar. He didn't care if Zen was following after him or not, he just needed to get to Jiyong.

No, Zen didn’t follow after him. He decided to give Seunghyun and Jiyong their space to talk, so he stayed at the bar. He shook his head at how dumb his roommate can be sometimes and he really hoped that things would turn out fine.

“Hey, Zen.” A voice startled him and he almost choked on his drink. Wiping off the spilt drink on his thighs, he turned to the intruder.

“What are you doing here?” Zen turned his head away.

“Ooh, harsh,” Jin smirked. A cigarette wedged between his lips and he lit it up. “Nice to see you, too.” He took a drag from the cigarette and blew the smoke out through his mouth. “You didn’t talk much earlier.”

“Yeah, about that. I want you to stay away from Seunghyun.” Zen warned without even looking at the man.

Jin smirked and took another draw. “Wow, you’re still playing his bodyguard. How endearing.”

“Look,” Zen, almost fed up, turned to him again. “I don’t like you. In fact, I’ve never liked you. At all. I was only nice to you before because you were with Seunghyun. But now, I don’t have a reason to. I’m gonna say it again; stay away from Seunghyun.”

Jin scoffed. “Does the pink-haired..nymph..have anything to do with this?” He tapped his cigarette against the ashtray.

Zen didn’t answer, but his fists tightened and he took a couple of deep breaths to calm himself down or else this cocky son of a would find himself waking up in a hospital bed the next morning.

“Oh, come on,” Jin had the nerve to nudge Zen with his knuckle. “Just tell me already. They’re going out, aren’t they?”

Zen refused to answer or even react.

“Alright, fine,” he continued as Zen remained silent. “I won’t touch your precious friend. I just want to know what the deal between them is so that I can-”

“Just what do you want?” Zen spat through his gritted teeth.

“Yo, chill.” Jin laughed, putting out his cigarette in an ashtray in front of him. “Seunghyun.” He canted his chin up and huffed out the final smoke from his mouth. “I want Seunghyun back?”

Zen let out a cynical laugh. “Why? Did the bastard you left Seunghyun for dump you?” He sneered when Jin didn’t say a word. “He did, didn’t he?” Zen downed the remaining of his drink. “Good for him. I’m not sorry.”

“It’s none of your business.”

“Well it is if you’re gonna stir up some trouble in Seunghyun’s life again.”

“Why are you so defensive over him?” Jin folded his arms across his chest and narrowed his eyes. A mocking smile etched onto his lips. “Oh, could it be that you have a crush on him?”

Zen cursed under his breath. “I’ve known him long enough to call him my brother. And I was there when you decided he was no good for you and left for someone ‘better’.” Zen mimicked the quotes in the air with his fingers. “You think I’m gonna sit around and watch you ruin his relationship just because you want him back?  off. I won’t let that happen.”

Jin was still smiling, like what Zen just said didn’t register in his head at all. “So they are in a relationship?”

“Just stay away.”

Jin took out another cigarette from the pack and lit it up. “Sadly, you don’t have a control over this.” He craned his neck and huffed the smoke upward. “I had him wrapped around my finger once. I’m sure I can do it again. ”

“Huh, good luck with that.” Zen scoffed.

Jin stood up from his seat and pulled the hem of his shirt and jacket, straightening them out. “Thanks. But I don’t need it.”

Zen shrugged. “I wouldn’t be too confident if I were you. That pink-haired nymph? Yeah, he isn’t just another guy.”

Jin let out a laugh. “We’ll see about that. But thanks for the heads up.” He patted Zen on his shoulder. “I gotta go. Nice seeing you again, Zen.” He smirked one last time and walked pass Zen towards the exit door.

Zen rubbed his temples and shook his head. I need to talk to Seunghyun.

Jiyong didn’t know why, of all places, he ended up in Seunghyun’s dorm. Maybe, unconsciously, he felt the need to confront this matter, to get some explanation. He looked around the room and noticed a few of his own belongings casually placed on the racks, the nightstands, and there was even his cardigan hanging on the closet door. He had spent countless nights in this room; be it for group assignments or group studies with Zen or just a movie night, or game night, with Seunghyun or both.

He sat on the edge of Seunghyun’s bed. He’s spent countless nights in there too. They haven’t gone all the way, but Jiyong loved nothing more than to sleep in Seunghyun’s arms; getting a good night kiss right before he closed his eyes and a good morning kiss right after, or sometimes even before he opened his eyes. He smoothed his palm along the Spiderman bedsheet and the corner of his mouth curled up into a smile unknowingly, remembering all the stuff they did around the room. But when the event at the club came rushing back to the front of his mind, it was suddenly overwhelming. He felt sick.

“I shouldn’t be here,” Jiyong whispered to himself and stood up abruptly, wiping a tear that he didn’t know had rolled down his cheek. “What am I doing here?” He gathered his jacket into his shaky hands and quickly left the room.

But his steps faltered in the hallway and he just stood there; shoulders slumped, his jacket in one hand. His breathing changed and he felt even more like crying; not out of sadness but he was angry, probably more at himself than the person who was standing a few steps away from him, blocking his exit.

“Jiyong,” Seunghyun took a step forward but stopped when Jiyong stepped back. He raised his hands carefully, about the height of his chest, letting Jiyong know that he was not trying anything aggressive, and hoped that Jiyong would relax a little bit. To be honest, Seunghyun was taken aback, afraid even. He had never seen Jiyong like this; glaring at him, with hands fisted on his sides, chest heaving with heavy breaths.

Seunghyun braved another step and gauged Jiyong’s reaction before taking another step. When Jiyong didn’t repulse from it, he strode closer. “Let’s talk inside,” he coaxed in a hush voice, hands lightly curled around Jiyong’s elbows; not too tight because the atmosphere was too fragile Jiyong might break, and not too loose that Jiyong could escape.

“No!” Jiyong pushed him away and snapped his arms out of Seunghyun’s hands.

But Seunghyun quickly stepped back, squaring his shoulders. “I’m not gonna let you leave like this.” Voice stern, his hands were back on where they were on Jiyong’s arms.

Jiyong huffed in anger; still didn’t know whether at himself or at the other. Probably a little at his own tear ducts for the tears that kept on rolling off the corner of his eyes. He pushed Seunghyun away again, but this time, instead of trying to escape, he pushed the door to Seunghyun’s room open and walked inside.

Seunghyun dropped his hands to his sides with a heavy sigh; as heavy as his steps into his room.

Jiyong stood in the middle of the room, arms crossed and eyes fixed on the back of the door and he waited.

“Jiyong,” Seunghyun stopped just a step away in front of Jiyong. He ducked his head to look into Jiyong’s eyes. “What is it? Tell me.”

Jiyong scoffed, rolling his eyes. “What is it? You want me to lay everything out for you to understand? For you to see? Well then, nothing!” Jiyong kept his eyes glaring into Seunghyun’s.

Seunghyun cradled the side of Jiyong’s face. “You’re crying over nothing?” He meant it as a tease, although in the back of his mind he knew that that was a bad move. But it was too late to take it back.

Jiyong pulled away, removing his face from Seunghyun’s fingers, eyes flaring with fire. “Why, thank you for rubbing salt into my wound by reminding me that I’ve wasted my tears over nothing!”

Seunghyun gulped. Definitely a wrong move. He deserved that sarcasm.

In his defense, he was trying to approach the matter carefully with delicate questions. But apparently, Jiyong didn’t have the patience for all those kinds of sweet talks right now. And his lack of social skill was not helping at all.

It was probably easier to just dive in straight on. He reached out for Jiyong again.

“Jiyong, I’m-”

Jiyong swatted his hand away. “Don’t you have a boyfriend to entertain? He seemed more important than me. Why are you here? Bothering yourself with me?”

“Jiyong, don’t be ridiculous.” Oh crap. That can’t be a right thing to say either. Seunghyun is clueless. Everything he said, everything he did seemed to enrage Jiyong even more. Somebody help me. Zen, where are you?

Jiyong snapped. “I am ridiculous. I deserved to be ridiculous because I am mad for letting myself into this , for letting myself believe that this could mean something more. I should blame myself. I am blaming myself. Because whatever the hell you do shouldn’t bother me because it has nothing to do with me. I don’t know where I stand in this. I don’t even know what ‘this’ is. Do we have a name for this? Do we even have ‘this’?” Jiyong was breathless at the end of his spitfire.

Seunghyun couldn’t say anything. He didn’t know what to say or how to react. Given the evidence of his miscalculations earlier, he decided to swallow all his words and just wrapped Jiyong in his arms instead. He stiffened at first, waiting for Jiyong to retaliate, to violently shake out of his embrace.

But the opposite happened; Jiyong broke down. He buried his face in Seunghyun chest, hands on the fabric of Seunghyun’s shirt. “How could you..”

No. Seunghyun tightened his arms around Jiyong frail shoulders. “Jiyong, no. This is just a misunderstanding.” He swayed them both in the embrace. “I’ve been dying to call you my boyfriend and introduce you to the world. But we’ve never talked about this. I was afraid that I would scare you if I address you as my boyfriend out of a sudden. Maybe it’s too early for you.” He ran a soothing hand up and down Jiyong’s back and the action seemed to calm the latter down a little bit.

They stood there in silence for a minute. Or maybe ten? Or thirty. Or maybe an hour? They didn’t know. But it was almost deafening when Jiyong finally spoke up.

“Let me ask you one thing.” He looked up; no more daggers, no more fire in his gaze. The brown eyes were now soft and hopeful.

Seunghyun knew from the way Jiyong was looking into his eyes that the question was important to Jiyong and a wrong answer would change everything. If Jiyong were to ask if he loved him, Seunghyun already had the answer at the tip of his tongue; he was so ready to say it out loud. He didn’t care if it would scare Jiyong away.

“Anything..” Seunghyun was also ready to lay his heart out.

Jiyong nodded. “Do you..” Jiyong paused and sighed. The question weighed heavy on his heart string. He knew the answer could either be his poison or his cure. “Do you still have feelings for him?”

Wait a minute. Seunghyun was stunned. That wasn’t the question he was expecting. Jin was long forgotten. He knew, positively, whole heartedly, that he had no feelings whatsoever towards that man anymore. He had Jiyong now, and everything revolved around him. Jiyong was all he could think of in every living second. But Jiyong was doubting him, doubting the way he felt. Through this confusion, Seunghyun didn’t realize that he had left the question hanging.

The long pause crushed Jiyong. He shut his eyes in frustration and wiped his tears before he twisted in Seunghyun’s arms and freed himself. Seunghyun panicked.

“Jiyong, no! I don’t have feelings for him anymore!”

Jiyong shook his head. “Too late. That pause said it all.”

“No, it didn’t!”

“I have nothing else to say to you.”

“Jiyong, please. You know it’s not true.”

“I don’t know what is true anymore, Seunghyun!” Jiyong raised his voice as the glare returned. “And I don’t know what to believe. You practically abandoned me the moment he showed up at our table!”

“You went to the bathroom and never came back!” , not again. Seunghyun regretted that as soon as he said it.

“So it was my fault? Is that your best defense, Seunghyun?” Jiyong gritted his teeth. “I sat at the bar and watched you having a good time with you ex. I quietly cursed myself for being stupid for believing that any of this is true. Zen found me at the bar. A random friend found me at the bar. But you? Do you have any idea how insignificant you made me feel?”

Seunghyun was thoroughly frustrated and helpless.

“So tell me what I should believe.” With that, Jiyong marched out of the room and slammed the door behind him.

Jiyong threw himself on his bed once he reached his room. He was huffing and tossing and turning when his phone beeped.

It was a text.

From Seunghyun.

Jiyong. I’m gonna call you in a minute. Please, please, please pick up. I know you don’t have anything to say to me, but please hear me out. Please.

Seunghyun dialed Jiyong’s number as soon as the tiny remark in the conversation bubble indicated that the message has been read. He took a deep breath and held it and counted the dialing tones. There was a soft click after the third ring.

“Jiyong?” It was quiet, but Seunghyun knew Jiyong was there and listening. It’s okay. At least he picked up. I still have a chance.

“Jiyong...” Seunghyun began. “Please believe me that I don’t have feelings for him anymore. If you need me to say it a thousand times, I wouldn’t mind saying it for 999 times more. Just please believe me. I’ll make it right, Jiyong. I want to make it right. Just give me a chance. Please.”

Seunghyun paused, fingers of his other hand pressed against his temple. It was still quiet on Jiyong’s side. So Seunghyun continued.

“I’m sorry I made you feel like you were not important, like you were insignificant. You are not. You are a big part of my life now and I don’t plan to change that. Not now, not ever.”

Seunghyun inhaled deeply. He sat there helplessly in silence with a hand fisted in his hair.

“Jiyong,” he called out after a few moments. “I wish I had said this earlier. But.. I don’t-” Seunghyun sighed again. “I didn’t know how to. I’m not good at this. But I hope you know and remember that I mean it with all my heart.”

Seunghyun paused and gathered the courage to say what he said next.

“I love you, Jiyong. I really do.”

Seunghyun felt like a huge rock has been lifted from his chest after the confession. He believed in ‘action speaks louder than words’. So he was surprised at how easy it was saying it to Jiyong. And it felt right, too. But the silence that hung after that was deafening. Did he hang up? Was he even listening?

But then Seunghyun heard a soft shuffling sound through the phone. And a sniffle too.

“Jiyong?”

“Good night, Seunghyun.”

Click.