Seunghyun’s eyes fell closed. He couldn’t pin out what to do next. His mind was racing and everything swirled into a series of blurriness.

And the same questions kept repeating among the chaos in his head. Did Jiyong hear what I said? Did he even listen to my confession?

The phone was still gripped tightly in his hand, pressed against his ear even long after Jiyong had hung up.

Seunghyun looked up when the door opened. He was hoping that Jiyong had changed his mind and came back. He blinked a few times and sighed at the sight of his roommate.  

Zen paused in the doorway for a moment, holding the door opened, before walking over to Seunghyun and closed the door behind him. He lowered himself next to his roommate.

“I screwed up,” Seunghyun mumbled, head hung long between his shoulders.

Zen wrapped an arm around Seunghyun's shoulders and rocked them a little. “Did you talk to him?” He said after a moment.

Seunghyun sniffled. “Yeah.”

“Was that him? On the phone?”

“No. Well yes, but he was here before. We talked and things-” Seunghyun inhaled and sighed, shaking his head, “things didn’t go well. And he’s so mad at me, Zen.”

“I’m sorry, man.” Zen sympathized, arm still tightly comforting around Seunghyun’s shoulders. “Maybe you should give him some space for now.”

Seunghyun’s head snapped up, eyes blown wide. Cue panic in three, two, one. “Give him space?! NO. No way. What if he refuses to talk to me ever again? What if he thinks he’s done with me? What if he wants to break up? No, I can’t do that. I can’t give him space to let him imagine me out of his life and then maybe like the idea. I can’t give him space if it would drift him away from me and falls out and never-“

“Whoa! Whoa! Hey! Seunghyun, relax. Calm down.” Zen cut him off and shook him hard. “Calm down.”

Seunghyun’s chest heaved with heavy breaths. He scrubbed his face with his clammy palms, wiping away the tears he didn’t notice had rolled down his cheeks.

“What I’m saying is, give him time,” Zen paused when Seunghyun shook his head. “Seunghyun, listen to me. Give him time to calm down and time to think. Both of you are clouded by anger and anxiety right now. You can’t think straight. It’s definitely not a good time to make a decision.”

“What if he’s already made a decision?” Seunghyun squeaked.

“Seunghyun,” Zen scratched his head, “you need to stop making stupid assumptions like that. Don’t be dramatic. You are killing yourself.”

Seunghyun inhaled deeply when he found truth in what Zen just said. “I can’t lose him, Zen. I don’t want to lose him.”

“You won’t.”

Seunghyun scoffed. “You don’t know that.” And the panic washed over him once again. “He was mad. I’ve never seen him mad. And he didn’t want to talk to me. He picked up my call, yes, but he didn’t even say a word. It was just me blabbering like an idiot. I even told him I loved him but he didn’t say anything and hung up.” Seunghyun blurted out and heaved for air.

Zen blinked. “You told him you loved him?”

“Yes, but he didn’t say anything back. How cruel is that? Like, was I supposed to guess if he loves me back or not? Or should I just pick a flower and pull at the petals one by one? Or maybe I should-“

“Good God! Seunghyun, please stop. I am this close to hitting you right now. I said relax.”

“I can’t relax, Zen! How can I relax?”

Zen sighed for the umpteenth time. “I know. I know. I get how you are feeling right now.”

And then they both fell into silence. Zen was simply giving Seunghyun an interval to catch his breath and to clear his mind. It almost turned awkward when Zen spoke up again, with one detail that kept beaming in his head like an annoying neon signboard at a beat-up motel.

“You told him you loved him?”

Seunghyun just nodded, eyes staring at the floor. He didn’t even spare his roommate a glance.

“Well,” Zen trailed off, trying to find the right words to say. “Well, that’s- that’s good?” A remark oddly turned into a question because he was not sure how Seunghyun would react, but the words slipped out before he could stop them. He quickly pursed his lips when Seunghyun looked up, face scrunched up in frustration.

“He didn’t say anything back, Zen, how is that good?”

“I- I meant good for you. Because you weren’t the type to let your feelings out and confess. At least not before the other person does. This is like a…umm…a…like um…like a change. A good change.”

Seunghyun scoffed. “Well then, lucky me. The first person I poured my heart to thinks I’m an .”

“No, he doesn’t.”

Seunghyun squinted. “Pick a side, Zen.”

“No, I’m not gonna pick a side, I’m Switzerland. I pick your side and I pick Jiyong’s side too. I am rooting for both of you. I’m the matchmaker if you don’t remember. Just-” Zen paused when Seunghyun rose from the bed to take his jacket off and draped it over the back of his chair. “Just let it be for tonight, okay? Sleep on it. You’ll get a clearer mind when you wake up and hopefully things will turn out fine.”

“Yeah..” Seunghyun didn’t bother changing into something else. He just dropped himself back, face first, onto his bed in his shirt and denim.

Zen folded one leg up and turned halfway to pat on Seunghyun’s back. “Just one more thing.”

Seunghyun looked up sideways.

“Be careful with Jin.”

Seunghyun frowned.

“He’s up to no good.”

Seunghyun huffed. “Huh?”

“Yeah, we talked for a while at the bar.” Zen clicked his tongue. “Just be careful, okay?” He warned once again.

Seunghyun nodded against his fluffy pillow. “Thanks.”

“No problem. Good night.”

Seunghyun muttered back as Zen patted his back one more time before he rose from his seat. Seunghyun lied there, on his front, trying to stop the carousel of thoughts playing their arguments over and over again. He couldn’t shut his eyes, because every time he tried, all he could see was the image of Jiyong’s face; so sad and broken. So he rolled onto his back, blinking up at the ceiling.

Things will be alright. He cooed himself. I’ll make it right again.

He reached for his phone and typed up a short text.

"Good night, Jiyong. I’m sorry."

His thumb hovered over the ‘send’ icon for a moment and then he tapped it before he could change his mind.

He didn’t get a reply.

When the alarm went off the next morning, Zen woke up to an empty room. He thought Seunghyun might have gone to his class but then he noticed Seunghyun's satchel was still slung onto his swivel chair. Zen got out of his bed, scratching his bum, looking around the medium-sized room. He knew he would have already seen Seunghyun if the guy was in the room.

He can't really hide in this room with that height of his. Even if he can, why would he hide? Zen asked himself before he realized how stupid he sounded. He shook it off and stretched his entire body, let out the biggest yawn, and was about to grab his towel when the door opened.

"Hey." Seunghyun walked in with cups of coffee in his hands. He was dressed in a pair of black Adidas tracksuit and he was drenched in sweat.

"Hey yourself. Where have you been?"

"I couldn't sleep, so I went for a jog."

"The entire night?"

"No, just a couple hours ago." Seunghyun placed down two steaming cups of coffee onto his desk. "Here, I got you coffee."

"Sweet. Just what I needed. I'm still kinda-" Zen was cut off by a little detail. "Wait. If you're already holding one and I'm holding one, then whose coffee is this?" He asked, pointing at another cup nesting in the cardboard holder.

Seunghyun sipped on his coffee, nervously looking at his roommate over the rim of his cup. He even blushed a little bit.

Zen went ahead and picked up the cup out of the holder when Seunghyun avoided answering the question by pretending to keep drinking his coffee. Zen turned the cup around to look at the scribbled name. His face scrunched up while he tried to figure out what was written there. And when he did, he snorted.

Seunghyun groaned and lowered his cup. “You have a class with him this morning, don't you?”

“Yeah.”

“Can you--" Seunghyun fiddled with the zipper of his jacket. "Can you pass the coffee to him?"

Zen smirked and shook his head in disbelief. “You’re such a cheesy sap.”

"I hate you so much."

Zen walked into the lecture hall, with two cups of coffee in hands, and noticed the pink mop of hair right away; Jiyong was sitting in his usual spot, minding his own business. Zen walked over and took the empty seat next to Jiyong and cleared his throat. Jiyong turned around.

“Oh, hey Zen.” Jiyong shifted nervously. He had a pair of sunglasses on.

"What's up with the shades?" Stupid question. He must've been crying all night.

"Oh, um..I--" Jiyong croaked and hawked nervously. He sat up from his slump, hands arranging the books and notes on his desk. "I'm still a little hungover from last night."

Yeah, right. But Zen bit his tongue and said this instead. "Good thing I have this for you then." He placed the cup onto Jiyong’s notepad.

"Ah, thanks." Jiyong let out a relieved sigh, hands nestling the warm cup. "You're a life saver."

"Don't thank me," Zen turned the cup, with the side where the handwritten name was on, towards Jiyong.

But Jiyong was confused. Because what he saw, was not his name. He blinked a few times when he noticed the scribble was a bit too long to be a name. He picked up the cup and read it.

“What does an angel have above his head? ;)”

“Halo,” Jiyong whispered out the answer. It sounded like ‘hello’. A smile slowly crept up along his lips. He remembered the time when Seunghyun’s phone rang and Seunghyun muttered the riddle quickly before answering the call with ‘halo’ instead of ‘hello’. Jiyong thought it was so funny he couldn’t stop laughing even until after the call ended. He also remembered the proud smile on Seunghyun face for being the reason of his laughter.

But the smile disappeared as quickly as it appeared when Jiyong remembered the event of last night.

He didn't say anything to Seunghyun about the coffee. He didn't even text Seunghyun anything. But he still received one later that night, right before he went to sleep. Something short and sweet; wishing him good night and sweet dreams.

The next afternoon, Seunghyun found Zen in the library.

"Zen!" Seunghyun called out in a loud whisper. He stood across from his roommate, leaning against the table with both hands on the tabletop.

Zen looked up but his gaze quickly fell onto a little notebook in Seunghyun's hands. "What's that?" He asked, pointing at it. He didn't know what it was but he could guess who it was for.

"This?" Seunghyun straightened up. "This, is a notebook. Jiyong's notebook. He left it in our room the other day and I know he's gonna need it for his class later." He smiled, tapping the notebook against his palm, looking back at Zen meaningfully before he tossed it across the table.

“Again?” Zen complained, stopping the notebook from falling off the edge with his hand. "What, did you write a sonnet for him somewhere in here?"

“Shut up. You said you were rooting for us.” Seunghyun ignored his roommate's groan, clicked his tongue and shot him with his finger gun.

"You better forgive him soon, Jiyong," Zen muttered as he lowered himself into his seat next to Jiyong.

"What?" Jiyong asked. He didn't catch what Zen was saying.

"Here."

"Ah, my notebook!" Jiyong took it into his hands and fanned through the pages mindlessly. "I thought of dropping by your room and- Oh!" Jiyong stopped in the middle of his lie, noticing something on the pages, which got Zen curious.

He peeked over Jiyong's shoulder. "What? What is it?"

"Er, nothing! No- nothing." Jiyong slammed the book shut and tucked it away from Zen.

"Cheap." Zen squinted. "He wrote you a sonnet, didn't he? I knew it. That cheesy sap."

"No, he did not." Jiyong trailed off into soft chuckles and shook his head, biting on his lower lip to contain his embarrassment. He knew he was blushing.

Halfway through the lecture, when he was sure Zen was not paying attention to him, Jiyong took out the notebook. He flipped the pages until he came to one particular page, where it said "I'm sorry" at the top right corner of the page. He could feel his heart melted a little.

The next page, at the same corner, "I know I really messed up, but..."

But...? He turned to the next page. No more words, but there was a drawing of a guy, wearing a shirt with "I'm sorry" written across it. That's it?

He turned to the next page out of curiosity. Oh?

Now the guy had something in his hand. It looked like a lid, like a cover of a box, a gift box. Then it dawned on Jiyong as he flipped the pages forward.

A flipbook.

Jiyong returned to the first page and held the rest of them between his thumb and forefinger. He then slowly released them, revealing the dodgy animation as the pages fanned forward.

The guy was indeed holding a box lid. And Jiyong figured that that guy was actually standing in a box when he sat himself in it and covered it with the lid. Another guy with the widest grin across his face appeared and accepted the box that had the first guy inside as a gift. A heart-shaped word bubbled up above the box with a message that said, "I'm yours forever."

Jiyong couldn't help the smile. He replayed it again and again and again.

So, you're saying that you're sorry. And you know that you really messed up, but you're mine forever?

Jiyong's heart melted entirely, sizzling like butter on a hot pan.

"Have you tried talking to him?" Zen asked the next day. He and Seunghyun were at their favorite table in the library, the one in the farthest corner, which was completely hidden by the towering shelves but offered the view of the entire open space. Like a fort. They even called it 'The Fort'. They loved it here, especially when they talked a little too loud, while discussing calculus or the stupid open ended movie they watched the night before, they knew the fort would spare them from annoyed glares and 'shhh'.

Sitting across each other, they had their feet raised up onto the chairs opposite them. Zen, a book and a highlighter in his hands and a spread of foolscap papers in front of him. Seunghyun, also a spread of foolscap papers in front of him but in his hands, was his phone.

"Well, you said to give him space, so I am giving him space." Seunghyun retorted without looking up at his roommate. His attention was on his phone, fumbling with who knows what.

"Obviously I didn't realize that I was gonna be the middle man when I said that. Just go and talk to him.”

“I do talk to him. When-“

“Talk through what? Texts? Grow a pair, dude. Just go walk right up to him. I mean, he's there."

Seunghyun clicked his tongue as Zen gestured towards the open space; rows of tables arranged in a boring classroom layout. Some tables were unoccupied; some were occupied by stacks of books left unattended, and the rest claimed by at least one student each. Some were immersed in their notes and books, some had earbuds plugged in their ears, shutting out the world with music from their iPods, and even some who had nothing better to do than gossiping.

And then there was one sitting at the table all the way across the room from the fort; head propped on one hand, arm folded by the elbow, while the other hand spun a pen around its bony fingers. He was probably bouncing his legs from the way his head lightly nodded as he stared down at the textbook splayed open in front of him. His eyebrows furrowed after a while; most probably confused by whatever he just read from the book. If they were close enough, they would hear the frustrated gush of breath that he let out as he sat up, letting go of the pen with an angry thud against the tabletop.

Jiyong raised his arms above his head to stretch and he rolled his neck. He heaved another heavy sigh as he slumped back down, staring blankly at his textbook. He tapped on his phone to check the time and decided it was time to go. So he gathered everything; notes, textbooks and all, and was about to stuff everything into his backpack when his phone buzzed.

Back at the fort, Seunghyun muttered, nudging his roommate with his toes. "Watch.."

Zen glanced over at Jiyong who sat back down into his seat, tapping on his phone screen.

"What am I watching?"

Seunghyun clicked his tongue. "Give it a moment. Just..watch."

So Zen did just that, ignoring the smug on Seunghyun's face and his widened smirk when he noticed Jiyong began to smile, and maybe laughed a little, pressing the back of his hand against his flushed cheeks.

He liked it. Seunghyun felt relieved.

"What did you send to him?"

"That, my friend, is not something you have to be concerned about. I've got tricks up my sleeves."

Zen snorted, rolling his eyes. "Tricks up my sleeves." He mocked. "You wouldn't have gotten into this mess if you had tricks up your sleeves."

"Shut up."

Seunghyun kept his eyes on Jiyong, appraising his reaction. He knew this would be it. It has been three days since they last spoke to each other or seen each other. And not on good terms either. Jiyong must've missed him, right? How long should they go on like this?

And the tiny voices in his head returned. He's done with you. He's moved on. He's happier now. He wants nothing to do with you.

NO. Seunghyun snapped out of his thoughts. He took his phone and typed out another text.

"I knew you would love that one."

Jiyong paused mid-step and as if knowing exactly where Seunghyun was, his head snapped up right towards the fort. Of course he's been in the fort more than a few times in the past four months he's been with Seunghyun. They even made out a quite number of times in there. It was only natural for him to assume that Seunghyun was there. His eyes widened; surprised as much as embarrassed knowing that Seunghyun might have caught him smiling and melting over the text earlier.

Their eyes locked and for a while, it was a staring contest between him and Seunghyun.

Am I still mad? Jiyong asked himself. The question went round and round in his head before he looked away and continued walking. Maybe a little bit.

Seunghyun refused to give up this time. He swore he saw longing in Jiyong's eyes just now. So he quickly gathered his stuff, startling his roommate in the process.

"Zen, come on, let's go! Let's go. We're leaving."

PS: The flipbook was inspired by this:

PSS: The text that Seunghyun sent to Jiyong was the link to this video. (But let's omit the marriage proposal part because it's way too early for them. But I'd like to keep the 'princess' part hehe)

PSSS: And this is how I imagine Zen. Ladies, meet Sen Mitsuji. Gorgeous man. Thanks to yuki_no_ who mentioned it in a comment and since then, this face stuck in my head as Zen.