Jongin wants to punch the wall in frustration. He didn’t mean all those words to slip. He had been too mean. Jongin swore that Kyungsoo was holding back his tears, he saw how Kyungsoo was clenching his fists and Jongin was sure that it hurts. The way that Kyungsoo’s eyes flashed with searing pain as soon as Jongin’s words hit him, made Jongin feel like a total . The elder was just plain worried about him yet Jongin had gone and yelled at him, stabbing him with words that the elder doesn’t deserve. When Kyungsoo gathered his stuffs and slammed the door shut on his face, Jongin wanted to follow the elder and tell him that he’s sorry. Jongin is ready to grovel if that would make Kyungsoo feel better. He wanted to follow the elder out but he knew that Kyungsoo will just brush him off.

Kyungsoo probably hates him right now.

Jongin dies at the thought.

Kyungsoo would probably ignore him.

He would probably never cook for Jongin again.

He would probably stop fussing over him.

He would probably ignore Jongin from now on.

Everything that Jongin built with the elder would probably come crashing down.

The bridge that Jongin managed to build would probably be burned down to ashes.

His relationship with the elder would probably turn into that of a monotonous one, with them being forced into false synchronization just for the sake of the old days.

All these probabilities scares Jongin.

He may not even be able to keep Kyungsoo within arm’s length for the elder might take it upon himself to keep his distance from Jongin.

Jongin’s scared that he won’t be able to have any of Kyungsoo’s smiles directed at him.

He’s scared that he won’t have the opportunity to gaze at Kyungsoo’s pretty eyes.

Jongin’s heart squeezes tightly, he can feel something cold flowing through his cheeks. He gripped at his shirt that is near his heart. Everything feels heavy and he just feels so stupid, he lay on the cold floor, curling himself in a ball.

Jongin feels like . How could he say those stabbing words towards that one person who showed more than enough care to yell at him for being reckless?

He curled himself tighter, he wanted everything to turn quiet. His thoughts churning loudly, hurting his head, suffocating his lungs, paralyzing his heart and he just wants to be away. Jongin doesn’t want to remember how hurt Kyungsoo had been earlier.

Jongin willed himself to shut down. He closed his eyes tightly, tears still flowing even from his closed eyes.

He doesn’t know what to do.

Jongin can feel the edges of sleep clawing at him and he gladly lets himself be pulled.

He dreams of petals scattered on the cold hard ground.

He saw a silhouette of a person moving farther and farther from his vision, there that person goes, on and on and on until nothing remained but utter nothingness.

The next day both Kyungsoo and Jongin did their best to not cross paths. The other members immediately noticed this and they all cast worried glances between the two. Almost everyone heard the two arguing and screaming at each other last night, and now it looks like the two aren’t about to settle things just yet. Their usual noisy breakfast table was now silent. No one dared to speak a word of complain as Kyungsoo placed their usual breakfast on the table. Their usual perfectly cooked bacons, eggs and hotdogs were burnt but no dared to say a word, well no one except Yixing.

“Kyungsoo-yah, what’s wrong? Why are the food burn-“

Yixing was interrupted by Luhan who shoved a forkful of hotdog on his mouth.

“Now now, Xing, doesn’t the food taste nice?” Luhan said with a gritted smile.

“But ge, there is something definitely-“

Luhan shoved yet a new batch of burnt bacons on Yixing’s mouth.

Chanyeol saved the situation by laughing rather loudly and eating a spoonful of eggs messily.

The other members followed Chanyeol’s lead and shoved their own respective foods on their mouths.

Weeks passed yet Kyungsoo and Jongin are still avoiding each other. Kyungsoo would retire early to the confines of his room while Jongin would come back later each and every night, claiming that he was out at the practice room doing their routines.

Even though Kyungsoo would hole himself inside his room, he couldn’t immediately sleep. He would lay by his side, staring on Jongin’s bed and wondering how far Jongin would be pushing himself for the night. Even though Kyungsoo decided to keep his worrying to a minimum he can’t help at times but to have this urge of hugging Jongin behind and pleading for the younger to stay with him, right there inside their shared room, and to stop overdoing things. Kyungsoo also has this urge to follow Jongin to the practice studio, watch over him and have them walk together on their way back, having him even just as the younger’s company would make him feel at ease rather than worrying his mind out at the dorm.

Kyungsoo checked his phone’s clock and was surprised that it’s already twenty past one in the morning, just about the same time when Jongin would come back from the practice studio. His prediction were accurate though when he heard the knob of their room’s door turn slowly. Kyungsoo immediately locked his phone and feigned sleep.

He can hear shuffling and he knows that the younger is preparing for his bath. Another minute or so of more shuffling and he heard the door shut. Kyungsoo opened his eyes and sighed in relief. He was relieved that Jongin was already home, he was also glad that he didn’t hear any sound of discomfort coming from the younger. It’s because there are times when he would hear groans of discomfort coming from the Jongin and Kyungsoo worries if Jongin’s hips is giving him yet another distress. The times when he can hear Jongin grunt form uneasiness makes him want to reach out to the younger and give him massage.

Kyungsoo bit his lip, what can he do to at least help Jongin out? He wanted to do something for the younger but he was afraid that Jongin would refuse to accept it. Kyungsoo was interrupted with his worrying because he heard the door slowly opened, he immediately closed his eyes, once again feigning sleep.

He heard Jongin’s bed creak and he knew that Jongin was settled down. Kyungsoo can smell a whiff of a newly showered Jongin and he can feel his cheeks warm. He was suddenly thanking the darkness of the room because if not for this he would undoubtedly get busted, and he doesn’t want that humiliation to take place, thank you very much.

It feels like an eternity when the shuffling stopped and was replaced by Jongin’s quiet voice.

“Goodnight hyung.”

Kyungsoo’s heart swells at what he heard.

He was afraid that Jongin would hear the loud thudding of his heart.

It made him feel happy, hearing Jongin address him again.

Kyungsoo can’t possibly explain how that simple goodnight made up for those days when Jongin didn’t even speak to him.

He feels so happy that he can feel his lips stretch into a wide smile, the first one he managed to make in weeks.

It’s scary how Jongin holds the power to have Kyungsoo this way, smiling with just simple words, having him feel happy after weeks of mopping.

It scares Kyungsoo but it’s the good kind of scary, it’s the scary that he likes.

Kyungsoo waited for a few more minutes before opening his eyes.

And when he was certain that the younger was already in deep sleep, he mumbled his own reply.

“Goodnight, Jongin-ah.”

The next day, Kyungsoo woke up with a smile on his face. Last night he realized how silly he was being. He knows it himself that he feels something for Jongin and he’s just tired of trying to keep it under the wraps. Kyungsoo suddenly realized that if you want something you should take it upon yourself to make it happen, that you should work hard in order to have it within your reach. Kyungsoo realized that if he wanted his point to reach Jongin, he should not cower in fear, that he should instead have Jongin see his point straight ahead.

He clearly wants Jongin. He wants Jongin to want him as well.

Kyungsoo won’t have himself just sit and watch Jongin struggle, he’ll find a way to help the younger. He will find a way to make it work, he will find one because Jongin is that important to him.

It has been weeks since he last talked to Kyungsoo and that one last time that they did, they had a fight. Jongin wanted so badly to make up with the elder but he doesn’t know how, his cowardice getting the worst of him. He can’t even think of a way to properly apologize to the elder, he’s not sure how and where to begin, his mind is full of useless pieces of jumbled thoughts and he’s not even making sense to himself.

Jongin’s been under so much strain that he only knew one way to at least keep them at bay, that’s why he went to pack his bag and head for the practice studio.

Upon arriving, he immediately pressed play and began to dance all his emotions out. He glides to the music that calls out for his muscles, moves to the beat that makes his arms and legs move along with its rhythm, the bass making him forget about his thoughts.

Jongin feels all negativity sip out of the gaps of his body, and it made him lightheaded, this is the reason why he loves dancing so much, it gives him his own safe haven, dancing heals him, it pieces him back over and over. Jongin would always be one with the beat, alive under the heavy sound of the bass.

Jongin was too absorbed with his dancing that he didn’t notice a pair of eyes watching him from the outside.

Just as Jongin was about to head out Kyungsoo saw him and the elder of the two decided to follow the younger. So here Kyungsoo was at the moment, watching Jongin immerse himself with dancing. Kyungsoo can’t still help but to be petrified by the Kim Jongin that was dancing in front of him, it just feels like the first time that Kyungsoo really watched the younger dance. He still can’t believe how wonderful Jongin looks when he dances.

Kyungsoo’s heart sways with the beat, along with Jongin’s movements, and he swears he’s never been in sync with someone this way.

He remained watching Jongin from outside for minutes or was it hours? Kyungsoo can’t honestly remember for he was far too lost to keep track. He would have stuck there watching like a peep if not for Jongin pressing stop and sat with his back on the cool mirror. Kyungsoo crouched, afraid that he would get caught watching the younger like a stalker. He decided that it was enough watching for the day so he decided to get back on the dorm first but not before buying Jongin something to drink.

Kyungsoo left the bottle of sports drink outside the practice room. He stuck a simple note on the bottle.

“You’ve worked hard, Jongin-ah. Great job!”

Jongin’s tired limbs finally gave up on him so he decided that a little break won’t hurt him. He brought his bottled water to his mouth and drank all of his contents in one go. I’m still thirsty. He thought. He slowly stood up and made his way outside to buy himself something to drink.

When he opened the door though the door seemed to bump on something and a bottle of sports drink came rolling on the floor. Jongin crouched and picked the bottle up when he saw an all too familiar handwriting that was scribbled on a note attached to the bottle of sports drink.

He read the note. “You’ve worked hard! Drink this and have your strength zapped up! J”

He smiled widely, knowing all too well that it was his Kyungsoo-hyung. It’s definitely the older who left it for him. Jongin folded the note properly and kept it inside his bag for safekeeping. He drank the sports drink well and he feels his heart fill up with energy as well.

He could get used to this.

He doesn’t need to think too much into this.

Jongin should probably let his heart do the deciding form now on, for he figures that in doing so it would save him a great deal of energy and it would save his heart from having complicated knots.

Jongin’s just too tired to continue this denial and he badly wants to just completely give in to everything that is Do Kyungsoo.

Caving in won’t be too bad, he thinks to himself, especially if it’s Kyungsoo that he would be caving into.

Jongin feels surprisingly light as he came to terms with everything that has been confusing him for months now.  He smiled widely and reached for the player’s remote control, pressing play and made his way on the centre.

Enough running now, Jongin.

Just let yourself ride out your heart’s desire.

Jongin began dancing, feeling himself move easily as if he’s flying.

When Jongin came back later that night, everyone was already asleep, including Kyungsoo. He tiptoed towards the elder’s bed, admired his sleeping face for a bit, knelt and mumbled his thanks as he lightly caressed the elder’s hair.

“Thank you, hyung. For always looking after me. Thank you. I-I lo-.” Jongin chuckled lightly.

“Goodnight, hyung.” He leaned down slightly and pressed a butterfly kiss on the elder’s hair.

Kyungsoo woke up early the next day, he needs to practice his singing and he can’t be slacking off whilst Jongin is always doing his best. As he was heading for the practice studio he can’t help but flashback to his dream last night, he can feel his face warm at the mere thought of his dream.

Last night Kyungsoo dreamed that Jongin was caressing his hair lightly, he even heard the younger mumble a goodnight, but what got his heart accelerating was when he felt Jongin press a kiss on his hair.

Kyungsoo blushed even harder as he replayed it again and again.

How nice it would have been if that really happened, Kyungsoo heaved a sigh.

Even though it was just a dream Kyungsoo still can’t erase the silly smile that he’s been wearing since he woke up.

“Ah, this is such a nice day!” he chirped.

Meanwhile, back at the dorm, Jongin woke up and found that Kyungsoo’s bed was empty. As he regain enough control of his body to be able to stand up, he headed out his room and made his way towards the kitchen. He found Tao and Minseok eating their breakfast.

“Morning!” Tao greeted happily while Minseok smiled his greeting, his face was stuffed with food after all.

“Where’s Kyungsoo-hyung?” Jongin asked.

Tao and Minseok exchanged looks.

Minseok swallowed his food before answering, a smile present on his lips.

“Ah, so you’ve finally made up? Kyungsoo headed towards the studio to practice.”

“He left rather early.” Tao supplied.

Jongin can’t help but feel offended by the glint that Minseok’s and Tao’s eyes are supporting but he mumbled his thanks anyway.

“Thanks, hyung.”

Paying a little visit to the studio won’t harm him right?

When Jongin arrived at the studio, he heard Kyungsoo before he even saw him. Jongin stopped just before he reached the door of the studio, content with just hearing Kyungsoo sing. The elder was singing one of their songs “What is Love” and Jongin finds himself swaying to the melody that Kyungsoo produces, his heart in a steady drum of fast paced beating as he hears the elder singing.

After the elder finished the song, he played another one, this time the elder starts singing a song in English. What was the title of this song again? Jongin bit his lip in thought.

The sun comes up on another morning
My mind never wakes up without you on it
And it's crazy to me, I even see you in my dreams
Is this meant to be? Could this be happening to me?

We were best of friends since we were this high
So why do I get nervous every time you walk by
We would be on the phone all day
Now I can't find the words to say to you
Now what am I supposed to do?

Could there be a possibility
I'm trying to say what's up
'Cause I'm made for you, and you for me
Baby now its time for us
Tryna keep it all together
But enough is enough
They say we're too young for love
But I'm catching feelings (doo-do-doo-doo-do-do-do-do-do-do-doo)
Catching feelings (doo-do-doo-doo-do-do-do-do-do-do-doo)

Jongin was once again held hostage by Kyungsoo’s voice. As Kyungsoo’s voice filled the spaces of the room along with the crevices of Jongin’s heart, the younger finds himself caught within the spell of the his hyung’s melody, unable to register anything aside from the pounding of his heart and the echoes of Kyungsoo’s tune. It’s like Jongin has his own set of playlist to himself, a Kyungsoo Playlist, a playlist only exclusive for him. The thought made his heart grow.

When Kyungsoo finished the song, there was silence. He’s probably resting, Jongin thought. Ah! His throat should be parched, I should probably buy him something to drink.

Jongin came back bearing with him a Taro flavoured bubble tea, he remembered the elder ordering this that one time that they went out to grab bubble tea. They should really went out often after everything’s settled between them. Jongin was standing outside the studio’s room, unable to decide on how to approach the elder.

“Uh hyung, here, bubble tea for you!” Jongin groaned, he sounded silly.

“Please accept this along with my apology.”

“Hyung, I’m sorry, forgive me?”

“Can we talk, hyung?”

“Hyung, here, I brought- ugh, damn it! What am I even doing?! Jongin you-“

Jongin almost dropped what he was holding because Kyungsoo suddenly came out of the room.

“Jo-Jongin? What are- what- why are you here?” Kyungsoo asked, startled by the younger’s sudden appearance.

Jongin smiled weakly “Uh I thought you could use a little company?” he finished lamely.

“Uh, I could probably use some company.” Kyungsoo smiled.

“And by the way hyung, this is for you.” Jongin gave the bubble tea that he was holding to Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo beamed completely at this, Jongin fanboys inside. “Thank you, Jongin-ah.”

The two sat side by side on the floor. No one spoke, the silence suddenly building up pressure for the two. Kyungsoo opted to drink his milk tea, to at least do something. Jongin stood up, his back facing the older and reached for the player, he pressed play and “Into your world” began playing.

Simultaneously Kyungsoo and Jongin were brought back to that one night that they spent dancing and singing to each other’s rhythm. Jongin suddenly turned around and extended his hand towards the elder.

“Shall we practice together, hyung?”

Nostalgia assaulted Kyungsoo’s senses and he accepted Jongin’s hand with his trembling ones.

Three

Two

One

They began dancing.

And because Kyungsoo’s all too nervous with the familiarity of the situation he loses sync to the beat and it had Jongin pausing the music.

Kyungsoo met Jongin’s eyes and the elder saw this glint in Jongin’s eyes, telling him that Jongin is also remembering the same memory that Kyungsoo is remembering at the moment.

Kyungsoo’s heart trembles.

“Do you need help, hyung?” Jongin asks calmly.

“I-I guess I’ve been singing so passionately that I kind of messed up the steps inside m-my head?” Kyungsoo stuttered.

“It’s my duty to help you then. You’ve been helping me a lot lately hyung. Let me return the favour.” Jongin’s not breaking eye contact, Kyungoo is near to hyperventilating.

“Deal.” Kyungsoo replied, breathless.

But instead of Jongin positioning himself behind Kyungsoo, just as how it happened before, the younger pulled the elder into a tight hug.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, hyung. I’m sorry for saying those words. I’ve been selfish. I- I didn’t mean to say those words that way. I’m sorry hyung. Sorry. Sorry.” Jongin breathed on his collarbones.

Kyungsoo felt something wet on his collarbones.

“Don’t cry Jongin-ah.” Kyungsoo hugged the younger tighter.

“Please forgive me, hyung. I’m really really sorry.”

Kyungsoo the younger’s head “I-I can’t stay mad at you for anything, Jongin-ah.”

He pulled the younger’s face away from his collarbones and held his face on his small hands.

“Listen Jongin-ah, I’m not mad anymore okay? You- you have my hear-“

Jongin cut him off “No hyung. Let me say something first. Let me be the one to say it first.”

Jongin removed Kyungsoo hands from his face and held them in his hands instead.

“Kyungsoo-hyung, just like a beautiful petal slowly falling from its bud, my heart that has been intact, slowly, ever so slowly fell and landed into your dainty hands.” Jongin slowly kissed each of Kyungsoo’s finger as he speaks.

 “You can freely let it fall to the ground, and leave it somewhere where the wind could carry it away and have it never to be found, or you could keep it in your hands and cherish it just as the mind memorizes and treasures every fragments of a very pleasant memory.” Jongin made to close Kyungsoo’s hands into fists, as if having him keep something inside, he then kissed each knuckle as he continues to speak.

“You could also keep it close to you, just as the heart remembers everything about a very wonderful instance where nothing else existed but a spark that fuels all there is about passions and emotions.”

Jongin placed Kyungsoo’s hand on his chest, Kyungsoo feeling the erratic pounding of Jongin’s heart.

“Hyung, you have my petals.”

Tears suddenly ran down Kyungsoo’s eyes with Jongin’s words. Jongin wiped them away with his fingers as he continues to speak.

“The tinctures of my heart are in your hands, where it rightfully belongs. Hyung, you deserve nothing but beautiful flowers and I hope that my petals, which you now hold in your hands, are pretty enough to bring you the justice that you deserve.”

“Jongin I-“

“Shh let me finish hyung.” Jongin pressed a finger on Kyungsoo’s lips to stop him from talking.

Kyungsoo reached for Jongin’s hands and brought them to his lips.

“Hyung, you are the most beautiful person that I have ever laid eyes on and I know that I pale into comparison when I’m beside you but hyung, I hope, no, I know that we will complement each other well. Hyung, I hope you will see that no matter how different we are, we make up a good possibility of compatibility. Kyungsoo, I love you. I love you.” Jongin kissed Kyungsoo’s forehead gently.

Kyungsoo’s tears won’t seem to stop. He’s so happy that he finally got to Jongin.

He cupped Jongin’s face and made him look into his eyes.

“Jongin-ah, my heart is wherever your heart is. Even though we’re like different stars, but please remember that you are the harmony to every song I sing, you’re my favourite song. We’re imperfect but I love you, I love you so much. I love you too, Jongin.” Kyungsoo wiped the tears that escaped from Jongin’s eyes and kissed those tears away that still won’t stop from falling.

Kim Jongin and Do Kyungsoo were finally able to meet eye to eye.

Feelings that were supposed to be expressed were expressed. 

Kyungsoo and Jongin locked gazes, the elder leaning forward whilst the younger leaning downward, and as their lips met, both envisions a place where they see endless petals falling and falling and filling up the empty spaces of their entire being.

-END-

IT HAS FINALLY COME TO AN END. AND I FEEL LIKE CRYING. HONESTLY MY OWN HEART STILL TREMBLES AS I AM WRITING THIS, KAISOO AND THEIR HAPPY ENDING, THERE YOU GO GUYS!

THANK YOU TAHNK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING!

(oh and I’ve kind of burrowed a few song lyrics from a few songs that had me going as I write this final chapter ahahaha wanna take a guess on what are those?)

AND BEFORE I FORGET! HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY FRIEND REEXA! I SUCCESSFULLY FINISHED THIS ON YOUR SPECIAL DAY! HOORAY! YOU OWE ME TEN PAGES OF REACTION FOR THIS ONE LOL JK. BUT SRSLY. ANYWAYS HAPPY BIRTHDAY AGAIN! I’M BROKE SO I ONLY HAVE THIS TO GIVE TO YOU AS A PRESENT, I HOPE I DIDN’T DISAPPOINT THO XOXO LONG LIVE TO THE BIGGEST KAISOO SHIPPER I KNOW!

AGAIN THANK YOU GUYS FOR READING :DDD