That was the last letter. Seungho felt his cheeks burning slightly. They had hidden their relationship from the others, trying to find the right time to tell them, but it never came. Sanghyun left MBLAQ and went to YG, and they broke up on their debut after the news of his leaving broke out. They put on smiling faces for the fans on their concert, but the break was there. Sanghyun had been holding back the tears the entire show, Byunghee's spiteful words resonating in everyone's ears. As soon as the concert was over, Sanghyun grabbed the things he had brought with him to the show and left by himself. They never saw him again.

A tear ran down his cheek as he looked up to his brothers and saw they were all in similar states. Cheolyong was red-faced sobbing like he only did, hiding his mouth with one hand to muffle the sounds. Changsun was crying silently, his cheeks tear-stained. Byunghee had hidden behind sunglasses, but he could still see the tears glistening in his eyes, and saw one escape and run down to the fur man's chin.

"That—that was the last one." He looked down at the notebook still open in his hands. The paper was crumpled in some parts, a few parts blurry, from tears that Sanghyun had cried while writing the words.

"We knew, hyung," Mir said, wiping his face. "About you and Doongie hyung."

"You—you did?"

"It's hard not to, when the dorm walls are so thin and you have your room next to yours," Byunghee said raising an eyebrow behind his glasses. "I couldn't sleep because of the noises."

Seungho's light pink blush turned crimson at his friend's words.

"There were times when I wondered if you weren't killing him in there," Mir said cheekily, his face still red and his eyes puffy. "The way he moaned—"

"Yah!" Seungho yelled, grabbing the younger by his shirt. The maknae only smirked at him, but he could see the pain in his eyes. Across the table, Joon was half-chuckling, half-sobbing behind his hand. "I—I t-think that wa-was the reason f-for my insomnia."

"All I could hear at night was the thumping of your bed against the wall," Byunghee added with a snicker.

"Shut up, you bastards!" Seungho hissed, tomato red, at his ex-bandmates, as they laughed at his expense.

The laughter died down pretty quickly when they remembered why the other half of the joke wasn't there.

Seungho's hold on the old notebook tightened, crumpling the pages even more, as more tears fell down his cheeks.

"We should go see him," Mir suggested.

"Yeah," the other two chorused, nodding.

They all looked at him, like in the old days, when he was their leader and his word was the final one. He didn't want to go. It would make everything more real and he avoided it as much as he could, he even ignored Dara's call the day after, not even wanting to think about it.

He agreed in the end, after seeing the expectant looks on his dongsaengs' faces. He paid the bill and they left amongst a blur of flashes.

It took them ten minutes to find the place, and when they did, Mir dropped to his knees to bow at the slab of stone. Byunghee and Joon did the same but he couldn't move. His eyes were glued to the picture. Sanghyun's sweet, smiling face looked back at him and all he could do was let the tears flow.

"I'm sorry Doongie, I miss you so much."

The day after his last letter was written, Sanghyun was in his van, driving to record a show. The car was hit from behind and toppled over the railing. His manager died instantly but he was still alive when the police got to the car, and he was rushed to the hospital. One of the medics from the ambulance had told Dara that all the boy did was call his name.

Seungho, Seungho, Seungho, Seungho...

Those were his last words. They put him in the ICU, but it was too late. He died ten minutes after.

Dara had called him over and over and over again, but he refused all her calls. Then she called his mother and she passed on the message.

Sanghyun is dead, the memorial is tomorrow. He’ll be buried the next day.

He was thankful to know that he wouldn't be cremated. At least this way, he would have something more than an urn to visit when he stopped being a coward.

The media was a frenzy on the day of his burial, the buzz being how his ex-bandmates and their families had gone to pay their last respects to him, except for himself—even Seunghoon had gone, and he had never been close to Sanghyun. The MBLAQ members were given a special place next to Sanghyun's family, at Dara's request, claiming they were his second family, his brothers. The people at YG had been pushed to the middle except for the 2ne1 girls sitting a few rows behind Dara, showing her support. It would have been a beautiful ceremony if it wasn't for the paparazzi flashing their cameras at whatever celebrity came on their path.

The news articles that came after, only talked about MBLAQ paying respect to their former bandmate, wondering where their beloved leader was. Sanghyun's death and accident were mentioned almost in passing.

Even in his death, he had thought bitterly, closing his laptop with a loud noise throwing it away, even in his death he's thrown aside in favor of the rest. And in that moment, Seungho understood why Sanghyun had left.

He watched as Mir carefully placed the bouquet of flowers on top of the stone and he had to look away from the words written in gold.

Park Sanghyun

Oct. 7, 1990–Sept. 30, 2019

Beloved son, friend and brother.

"I'm sorry for not believing in you, Sanghyun. I hope you are in a better place now."

Disclaimer: this is just a figment of my twisted imagination. None of this is true and I seriously hope it doesn't become true either.

OTL please don't hate me for this ending.

I haven't written anything this fast since that seungdoong a couple of years ago, for Ho's birthday... hmm, it seems his birthday is very inspirational and productive for me.

Let's continue to love and support MBLAQ, no matter what.

MBLAQ fighting!

A+ fighting!

Happy anniversary, my loves.

Happy birthday Seungho.

I wish you all the best.