February 7, 2015

Lee Joon-ssi lovely~ Lee Joon-ssi wonderful~

Our Hollywood star! It's your birthday hyung! I ate a chocolate cake in your name. Wah! You are so busy lately, you barely have time to sleep. Take care of yourself hyung, we don't want you getting sick. Are you sleeping well? Are you taking your medicines? I ask myself these questions, worrying over you every time I see you on TV.

Your movie was daebak hyung! And your drama is so good too! I postponed watching it for some time but now I am watching it. Thank god for the internet kkk.

Thank you for always being kind to me, even to the last moment. I never thanked you properly so thank you.

I admit I was bitter toward you. You were actor Joon, following your true path, while I was a traitor, MBLAQ's black hole, who would never accomplish anything outside the group.

I'm sitting in the recording studio at the YG building, pretending to write songs while I'm really writing to you.

I wish I hadn't Left J Tune Camp. You guys are my family and I hate it here.

Teddy hyung wants to record. I have to go.

He gave the CCTV camera a wary glance, knowing that Yang Hyunsuk was probably watching him from behind a screen. Sighing, he closed the notebook and set it aside, shaking his head to focus on his task. ‘Write a song for WINNER’, the CEO had said, and he was struggling to find something that would fit the boys’ style and wasn’t a depressing song reflecting his miserable mood.

Teddy walked into the studio, noticed the notebook lying next to him and ignored it. The people at YG had learned not to ask or mention the notebook, knowing what he wrote there.

“Do you have something good?” the producer said, pointing to the screen, where he was arranging the melody for WINNER’s new song.

“Yeah, I think so,” he said, and pressed play, to let Teddy hear what he had done.

December 14, 2015

Viva Actor Joon! Congratulations on your win of actor of the year! I knew you would get it. Good luck in the army hyung. Say hi to the others for me when you see them.

Sanghyun smiled at the TV, as he watched Joon’s acceptance speech. Short, but honest, deep from his heart, like all the things the older said. He remembered all the things Joon’s honesty had sparked in variety shows, with the media and with the fans. They had called him ‘Muscle Idiot’ for it, but all the MBLAQ members and their fans knew that Joon wasn’t an idiot. That he was a kind-hearted man, wise although not book smart.

He grabbed his phone and composed a text to Joon, to congratulate him. He never sent it.

It sat in his drafts along with the twenty others he had written to Seungho, Byunghee and Cheolyong and never sent.

He didn’t know if they had changed their numbers since he last saw them, but seeing their names on his phone felt like a small connection to them.

The only connection he had to them.