I couldn’t be a burden to Sehun anymore. I had to return to my husband and face the sad reality. I sighed before walking out of my car and stopping just to look at the house probably for the last time. I was petrified. I was scared that this was the last conversation I would ever have with my husband. Maybe it was pathetic, but I didn’t care. I just wanted to stay by his side. Was it too much to ask?

I stepped inside the house, the grip on my bag tightened as if it was the most precious thing I owned. I looked around and didn’t hear any sound. He wasn’t home as expected. I took off my shoes quietly and as I was about to walk to my room, I saw him standing where I stood two weeks ago, observing as he slipped off his shoes and told me he was tired. I glanced at him, trying to read his mind, but I wasn’t able to do that, I had never been able to read his mind. He blinked twice and then his heel and headed to the kitchen. I was taken aback by his indifference. I was absent for a week and yet he didn’t even bother to greet me, but at least he didn’t say he wanted a divorce, yet. I went to change into some more comfortable clothes and as I was walking to the kitchen I heard the front door shut. He was gone. I was alone yet again and it didn’t even surprise me. I let out a bitter chuckle and only saw him starting the engine and driving off only God knows where.

He came back around three in the morning wearing the thick smell of another woman. This time he didn’t hide it. He looked at me and kissed me on the cheek saying he was tired. It was so natural for him to do that and so painful for me to go through it. He knew all too well what he was doing but he was also aware of the fact that I was too weak to do anything to stand up for myself. I was indeed pathetic.

I was sitting on the sofa in the living room, staring at the ceiling, hoping that looking up would stop the tears from coming out. It didn’t help. Maybe I should kill myself. Would someone notice my absence? I wondered if Luhan would feel something, if he would be filled with regret and remorse. Probably only during my funeral.

Life continued as if I knew nothing of him cheating and he didn’t of me knowing. Funny. Almost two months passed and he was rarely at home as usual, but so was I. I was walking around the neighbourhood, around the city. I was meeting up with Sehun. I must admit we grew closer with each other and he was the only one I trusted  and had faith in. I stopped believing in love. Why was I with Luhan then? Because he was my addiction, I was so used to the pain he caused me I wasn’t able to stop that. At least not yet.

‘Babe…’ I heard his voice from the hall. I didn’t even bother to stand up from the garden chair I was sitting in. I just looked at the perfect blue colour of the pool water and then back at my book. He returned surprisingly early. It was only 8 Pm. But I wasn’t going to jump out of joy and run to him to give him a kiss. Recently I became distant. The only person I talked to was Sehun, the only one who saw me smiling was Sehun, he became the person I wanted Luhan to be. I didn’t have any romantic feelings towards my best friend, I was still married after all.

‘Baby…’ He called me once again. I wanted to be his only baby, but I knew it wasn’t possible so I didn’t want him to call me like this. It hurt a lot more when he acted as if nothing happened. Maybe he thought I was crazy and stupid for staying with him that’s why he was toying with me. Checking how much patience he could use until I exploded.

‘Oh, here you are, honey.’ He smiled at me, walking through the glass door that led from the living room to the garden.

‘Mhhm.’ I hummed not sparing him a glance, pretending to be reading the book.

‘Jin-ah…’ He whined cutely which always got him everything he wanted from me. I looked up from the book at him and sighed.

‘I’ll prepare something to eat.’ With that I stood up and walked past him only to be stopped when he appeared right in front of me. He grabbed my wrist and pulled me toward him.

‘Jin-ah…’ He smirked ily. ‘I want to do other things.’ He came closer to me and pecked my lips only to start kissing me down my neck afterwards . It felt strange. It felt wrong. All of a sudden I thought about Sehun, hoping he would come here and take me from him. But he wouldn't. I had to be the one rescuing myself.

‘N-no.’ I muttered and tried to pry off his grip on my waist. He only pulled me closer and raised an eyebrow.

‘What?’ He then returned to kissing my neck and trying to take off my shirt.

‘No.’ I pushed him harder and cleared my throat. ‘I’ll… I’ll prepare the dinner.’ I intended to once again walk past him straight to the kitchen but yet again I didn’t achieve my goal. He grabbed me by the waist and frowned playfully.

'Dinner isn't what I want to eat.' He winked at me and I felt disgusted. His flirting should cause butterflies in my stomach but instead of feeling lightheaded and happy I was about to puke. Dirt was dripping from those words of his and it simply felt strange to imagine that my once innocent husband turned into some sort of a hedonist.

'Lu...' I whispered softly hoping that my plea would help. 'Please...' My voice was shaking because I was somehow afraid that he would do something against my will.

'Yes, honey. I'll do everything to make you beg more.' He didn't stop trailing kisses down my neck to my colar bone. 'My lovely wife... your skin is so soft.' He murmured caressing the other side of my neck, pulling me closer to him.

Lovely... wife? His lovely wife. I wasn't his. Since long ago I haven't been his, but it struck only now. He was using me, I knew it, but what I didn't comprehend was that I didn't want to be used. In some twisted way I was also using Luhan. I needed him not to feel alone, but I felt even more lonely when he was around and didn't acknowledge me.

Another thought came to my mind - was i his first today, or second? Or third? The thought of him screwing someone before me didn't hurt as much as I thought it would. I just didn't want to be his next. This was all that mattered at this point.

'Stop.' I said harshly and was shocked that I could ever snap at my husband. But everything changes, he was first to change. And it didn't leave me a choice but to change myself. This was the first step. 

'You want to play hard to get?' He whispered and nibbled my ear. 'I like it. Why hadn't we played like this before?' His voice was husky which added him iness but to me he was just ually aroused and I had to leave the house as fast as possible.

'I'll be staying at Sehun's. Take some rest.' I took one step back and placed my palms on his shoulders to prevent him from coming closer to me.

'What? You're staying overnight again? Are you cheating on me?' He furrowed his brows and shot me a questioning gaze. I stood there dumbfounded, did he really just ask that? I looked at his expression and burst out laughing. I was crazy, indeed. He - the one who cheats on me constantly - had the nerve to ask me if I cheat on him. It was an absurd situation. It was like a bad, black comedy.

'I'm not you.' I didn't know why I was so courageous all of a sudden, but it was true that I was tired of this life. I've had enough of his lies and this humble and easy to hurt me. As Sehun once said, I could do so much better, I deserved better. And finally I was ready for the better things to come to my life. I was hopeful and more than eager to leave behind my misery and start afresh. Of course I was terrified and aware that doubts would come along with hardships but I had Sehun. My lovely best friend whom I could always trust.

'What did you-' Luhan spoke coldly, but I didn't care. He wasn't my whole life anymore. He was just a part of my life I wanted to forget and move on.

'Nothing. Just... goodbye. You're a free man again. Congratulations Mr. Lu. My lawyer will contact you.' I smiled at him and left the garden heaving a sigh of relief.

'Are you out of your mind?' His question made me giggle once again. He stood in the doorway, looking at me, confusion and disbelief mixed. I couldn't tell what he felt, I didn't care anyway. Not anymore.