I was crazy. I didn’t know what to do so I ran away, not having the strength to face my husband. I was a coward, but he was too. We got married two years ago, I was 23 at that time and he was 25. Perfect match, everybody said and I thought so myself. But life wasn’t as kind as I thought and now I was losing everything. First, I lost my job and now I was losing my husband.

I drove crying, my makeup was ruined and I probably looked like a zombie, but it didn’t matter at that exact moment. He still didn’t know I saw him. He still wasn’t aware of my presence when he kissed her neck, touched her thighs tenderly. We still lived together and pretended that everything was perfectly fine and this was just another night when I couldn’t stand my life.

‘You’re here.’ He said when I entered his apartment. I smiled weakly and nodded. ‘He still hasn’t come back home?’ Another nod. I didn’t want to talk about it. I just wanted someone to comfort me, to give me the warmth I didn’t receive from the person I loved. ‘Come here.’ He hugged me and I dug my nails into his shirt, sobbing soundlessly and trying to control my shivering body. ‘You’re still going to go back home, aren’t you?’ He my hair as we swayed, while being wrapped in each other’s arms. I couldn’t help it, he was my husband after all, I couldn’t just leave him. It sounds like I’m a pathetic, desperate woman who gets used by the one she loves. And I am. We made a vow after all and I was hoping he would eventually remember what he’s promised me.

‘I… I…’ I choked out.

‘Yes, I know you love him, but he obviously…’ He paused. I knew what he wanted to say but didn’t have the courage to end the sentence. My husband, my one and only didn’t love me. Had he ever loved me? He must have, he wouldn’t have married me if he hadn’t. That’s what I thought.

‘S-Sehun… why… am I that… horrible?... Am I… that stupid?’ My words were forced because I couldn’t make a proper sound without my voice breaking, the sobbing didn’t help either.

‘Of course you’re not. Hey… look at me.’ He put his index finger under my chin and lifted my head so now I was facing my best friend. ‘Don’t ever say that, okay? He just doesn’t deserve you. Maybe it sounds cliché, but that’s the truth, he’s a prick. And he’ll come to regret his actions when it’s too late.’ He whispered and offered me a smile. I only sniffled, blinking away my tears.

And again I was alone in this big house of ours, looking around, trying to spot his silhouette. He hasn’t come back home yet, even though it was 3 in the morning. I went to the kitchen and grabbed a glass of water, intending to simply go to bed without him. It didn’t even matter if we fell asleep together or not. When I was passing through the hall, I heard the door open and he stepped inside, letting out a small yawn. I stood there, with a glass of water, looking at him intently. When he noticed me standing across the room, he smiled gently and started taking off his shoes.

‘Hey baby, why aren’t you in bed yet?’ He asked as he approached me and planted a kiss on my cheek and then on my neck. 

‘I felt thirsty.’ I whispered, suppressing the shivers that the kisses caused. It was always like this.

‘Oh, sorry I’m this late. Work, you know…’ He put one hand on my hip, playing with the fabric.

‘Uhm…’ I hummed in response and sent him a small smile.

‘Shall we go to sleep? I’m tired.’ Nothing’s changed. It’s still the same. Endless excuses and telling me he was tired. It’s been like this for over two months, he was constantly unavailable when I tried to reach him when at work. He came back late, flashing me a tired smile and telling me we should go to bed, because it was already late. And he always received a small nod from me, just like today.

‘I made you breakfast.’ I peeked inside the wardrobe, where he stood in front of the mirror, fixing his tie. He was handsome. He was almost perfect. To me, he was the most handsome man in the world and he probably knew it, because he used my love, my fidelity and my patience to such extent that I didn’t know if I had those attributes anymore. Maybe I was just used to this life, to him treating me like that that I didn’t even bother to fight. Maybe I just accepted the fact that he wasn’t fully mine and maybe I learnt to cherish every moment with him, not caring about him leaving me afterwards. I was gullible, wasn’t I?

‘I’m in a hurry, sorry…’ He looked at me in the mirror and I smiled nodding, anticipating that he wouldn’t even eat the stupid breakfast with me.

‘Have a nice day at work.’ I stood in the doorstep, observing how he drove off in his car, dialling someone. I waved at him but he was too busy talking on the phone. I let out a small sigh and went inside the house, looking around the cold, empty