Weeks past. Months past. I found myself slowly having her in my life like a habit. She’d text and calls me; I found it annoying and just ignored it. She would come early in the morning at the university and greet me with a lunch. Whenever she came over or when we met up, I got used to her smile. I got used to her cheerful personality. There were moments where I was curious on whom she really was. She would be quiet, understand my feelings without me even saying anything. White had a quiet, calm side to her too, which somewhat made me interested. When she smiled sometimes, it was different. It wasn’t the overdone, excited smile; it was a genuine, gentle smile, I realized I didn’t mind her teeth much. I kind of liked that expression. One night White came over and we just talked, I kind of like those serious talks. She started talking about Black, about how they fought and Black sought refuge in White’s home. How they would do such inappropriate things (well..in White’s opinion haha).

I remember there was one night where I tried to kiss her, she stopped me and said that she wasn’t going to do those things. That surprised me; despite her appearance she actually had standards. However, White told me that Black was going to break it off with that guy for sure. For some reason, relief flew through me. I finally have a chance with Black. I can prove to Black that I’m better than that guy who broke her heart. I messaged her that night after White had left, Black and I have still been in contact. Well, Black was crying that night since they just had a huge fight. So, I went over. When I got over there, Black was in the corner crying. It was there when she told me not to leave her. I didn’t and I held her for the rest of the night. For some reason, my heart felt heavy, at the time I didn’t understand what those feeling applied to. Did I feel guilt? After that night, Black and I would always text and talk to each other, she would vent out to me about her life and I was happy to listen. I cared for her. Whenever White and I met up, I would always be on the phone chatting with Black.

After weeks of chatting, I knew I wanted to be more than just what we were now. I told her that. She never replied back. Two days later, she agreed, but then she was hesitant with White being by my side. I told her to not worry. At the time I thought, “ah, I could get rid of her easily,” …that’s what I thought. I texted her immediately to meet up, I wanted to be clean just for Black.

We met up on the streets of Hongdae. We met up as she came running to me in her usual cheery self. Now that I think about it, her outfit was not bad looking. She looked bright that night, bright as in…white? White bright? She was glowing. We started walking as she began to talk about her day when I stopped her. I wanted to make it quick and simple, no pushing around the bush. So I came out flatly and said, “Hey, let’s stop meeting like this,” she stopped her tracks. I looked at her expression, it was blank. It was my first time seeing such an expression.

“Wha…What did you say? I think I heard you wrong”

“Let’s stop meeting like this,” I repeated.

“Wha..What do you mean ‘Let’s stop meeting like this?’”

Frustrated, I raised my voice, “I said, let’s stop meeting like this. Look, I’m sorry if you thought there was actual a thing between us. I’ll be honest an