Luhan took a deep breath, the more air filled his lungs, the wider his smile spread. How long it had been since the last time he was in his room? His own actual room? He looked around and realized nothing changed. His room was still the same since the last time he was here, he slept here, until he finally flew to Korea. He was sure her mother tidied it up a bit for him when he said he was going back home, though.

The door of his room pushed open and his mother showed up, eyes still watery but one couldn’t deny the happiness glowed. “Are you still tired from the flight? I’m making up dinner, do you want anything? Do you want mom to make you almond tofu?”

Her son smiled even wider at her sign of affections towards him and he couldn’t suppress a small laugh at her last question. “I’m fine, Mom, I’ll eat whatever you make. And I don’t think you have to make almond tofu since I have it some days ago, I’m afraid my allergy will relapse,” he nodded as he finished his answer.

“Okay, you can go to sleep, Dear. I’ll wake you up when the dinner is done.” Her mother retreated back and she was already outside when she peeked inside again. “Do you want me to close the door?—Oh, I’m sorry, Luhan, I talked too much, right?—I mean because since it’s been a long time,” she ended with a dry a laugh, somehow afraid that she would bother her son.

“Mom, it’s okay, really,” he reassured her with a soft smile, sort of understand what her mother was thinking. Years passed and she probably had forgotten how things used to be about Luhan, or maybe she was just worried if things had changed by the years passed. “And you don’t have to close the door, it’s fine,”

With one more nod, her mother really disappeared by the back of the door.

Slowly, as if he was afraid he would break it, Luhan sat on his own bed. His very own bed where he used to sleep over the years he was growing up. Once again, he took a deep breath. He wasn’t actually sure if it was the smell of his room, or the smell of his house, or the smell of Beijing; but he truly felt so right, felt so home. A feeling he had been missing for the past some years.

Luhan could hear his father laughed, he shifted so he could see his father outside; and the said man was on his phone, saying something that was not really loud for his son to hear, but Luhan was sure he heard his father said ‘don’t be like that to Tao.’ His father was on the line with Lay, perhaps? Ah, come to think of it, now only Lay and Tao were left to help the others translating his parents if they were calling. It would be fine if they still call them once in a while, right?

The thought remind him of another thing and he immediately pulled his phone out of his jeans, touched it for some times before bringing it to the side of his head, next to his ear. Tone of a call waiting to be picked could be heard. Why did it take you this long to pick up his phone? Were you sleeping? You were not probably crying and that’s why you couldn’t pick his phone immediately, were you?

“Hi.” Clear voice, at least you were not crying. Just like that, a small smile crept up his feature.

“Hi? Did you just say just ‘hi’?” Luhan teased you as he laid himself on his bed. He hadn’t made any change to his room which meant his bed was still his old bed, but it felt a lot better than the bed of the expensive hotels where the y usually stayed if they were overseas.

“Well, what do you expect, huh? If you were on a tour, I usually asked what time the rehearsal or the next schedule would begin. Now what am I suppose to say?” Yeah, this was weird yet exhilarating how he was overseas not for a tour, not even for any schedule, not even for a group vacation. Man, he came home.

“Okay, okay, calm down,” he managed to say in between laughs too. Thoughtlessly, he stared at the ceiling of his room, how long it had been since he was doing this? So bad he couldn’t enjoy this thoroughly, and couldn’t share this small happiness to his fans either, they would be hurt, wouldn’t they? He hurt them so much already, he couldn’t imagine hurting them more. But you didn’t say anything and he started to wonder if you were mad or anything. “You are not probably mad because I updated my Weibo first than I called you, are you?” he asked in a careful tone.

“Of course not! I’m not ten.” He could hear you let out a short snort. Luhan didn’t even need to ask twice, he knew you very well that you wouldn’t lie, and your tone said you were lying neither.

“I posted it on my way home, couldn’t help myself.” Luhan somehow felt a little guilty. He already made it as simple as possible. He was going to post long words about how he was so happy for being home again, how he had arrived safely and how being home felt so right. But think twice of it, his words might seem as if he suffered and didn’t enjoy his life in Korea. It wasn’t like that. He enjoyed his life back then in Korea, but nothing could beat hometown.

“There’s nothing wrong with that. Most of the fans are glad you are eventually home and even let them know. How are your parents? Why did your friend pick you up anyway? Not your parents?” Luhan smiled to your questions, this was one of the things he loved the most from you. You didn’t just love him he was but you also love him and his surroundings, his parents, at this case.

“Because I didn’t want to make commotion in the public. Can you imagine my parents cried and hugged me endlessly at the airport? You know I don’t want my privacy to go public, I’ll keep my family at home.” There was always a probability that some people might recognize him even if they didn’t come near. All his effort to leave Korea in peace would go useless if he arrived in China in uproar. “Oh, they are fine, by the way. My mom hugged me and cried a lot when I got home. I caught dad’s eyes got watery but he didn’t cry and just patted my shoulder, saying I did the right thing for myself.” How he wished his father wasn’t lying.

“Did you cry?” And he snorted. Why, gosh, out of every topic possible you could talk about, why talked about that?

“That’s a secret.” Luhan said it in a whisper as if he told you the ultimate secret of the world. Truth be told, he didn’t cry a river but he had to admit some tears fell down when he actually grasped the fact that he was home. Back to his parents, like a little kid came back home after a long day of playing outside.

“What are you doing right now? Your parents?” His unoccupied hand reached out to his desk next to the bed, picking up his old alarm. It wasn’t ticking. It must have been long since it was out of battery.

“I’m in my room, enjoying my room sweet room, haha, mom is making dinner and I hear dad on the phone with EXO members, I guess they called right after I texted I have arrived.” Another thing bothered his mind and he was thinking about how he should tell you. “Come to think of it, there are only Lay and Tao left to translate anything in Chinese.” He messed everything, didn’t he?

“You are feeling guilty, aren’t you, Luhan?” Just like what you always did, you saw straight through him.

Ignoring the fact that you couldn’t see it, he nodded. “I—I don’t know. Am I doing the right thing? It seems like I disappoint everyone...” He sighed. s supported his decision and they kept on saying that it was fine, that they knew what he was feeling. But somehow he was still feeling insecure. And he haven’t mention about the fans.. They must’ve disappointed so much, right? Were they thinking that he was irresponsible? But he already did his best…

“You didn’t disappoint anyone. If there’s any, it is yourself if you keep on blaming yourself like this. Don’t be like that, Luhan. Time goes on, and everything will be fine by the time being.” Luhan was going to oppose again but stopped when he heard your next words. “Trust me, will you?”

Just now that he was home he realized how stressed he was. He had so much in mind and no matter how many times he had shared it with you, with the members, with his friends; he never made it to the see the end. The best he could have been was having the feeling of relieved that some more people understand his feelings.

And now with you asking him to trust your words, it seemed hard but at least he felt that some people wouldn’t leave him.

“Luhan, are you there?” By that, Luhan realized he had been quiet for too long and laughed at your question. You must’ve been so worried. Since he was still slightly on his thought, he just hummed loud enough to reach the line. “What is your closest plan?”

He hummed again at your question, mind wandered again, but this time towards his plan. “Let’s see… Tomorrow noon my friends asked me to play football, maybe we’ll eat dinner after that.” Luhan actually had two predictions about your reaction, whether you would lecture him for taking your serious question as a joke or jokingly going to cut the line.

“Fine, that’s it, Luhan, I’m hanging up the phone—“ See. Luhan’s laugh burst loud that he had to come to sitting position, curling his body because his stomach tickled so much. It was so funny how his prediction was the exact same with your reaction. “But really, Luhan, what are you going to do?”

He took a deep breath and shook his head. Luhan himself was not sure if he shook it because he didn’t know the answer or to clear his mind. “I’m not going to do anything in a while, I don’t want to. I want to pull myself back from the camera, at least for now. Is that okay?” He was not ready to face the camera again, to have to feel the old feelings, to do all of that by himself without s’ strength. He didn’t even know if he was going to eventually ready one day.

“Luhan, you should ask that to yourself, if you are okay with that, then it is okay. I know you are so considerate of others, but you should put yourself before anyone else. It is your life and it is your right to do whatever you want, I’ve told you, right? Just, be you, and whatever you will be, I’ll always be on your side, the people who love you will.”

Luhan sighed again. Sometimes he hated it how your words always hit him at the right places. “I’m still worried about the fans. They are the only one I can’t directly talk to. I can talk with you, with the members, with my parents. Like, I want to tell them everything, at least I want to tell them I love them; but I couldn’t.” His eyebrows furrowed in frustration. His fans must’ve suffered as much as him, if he could, if he would meet his fans and hug them one by one.

“Who said you couldn’t? It’s not like your agency took over your phone or SNS.” His eyes widen as if he just saw a ghost, but he knew he didn’t.

An idea his head strongly that he jumped in his sitting position. “Why didn’t I think about that?” he asked, almost screaming. “I’m hanging up the call, okay? I’ll call you later. And you probably already know this, but you know what? You’re the best,” he spilled his words in one breath, and quickly cut the line after you hummed in response.

He still had his Weibo and Instagram, why didn’t he think about that before? As quick as possible, he opened his Instagram and made a post, as if he would forget it if he didn’t post it as soon possible. His post was ready and he only needed to touch the check button to post it when he wavered a bit. Would this post made even more commotion?

But he decided that he didn’t care, you were right, it was his life and his right to do whatever he wanted to do. People who loved him would always stay by his side no matter what, and now it was his turn to tell them that he loved them too.

Luhan eventually touched the check button.

He shook his head a little, he had no idea what he was going to do if you weren’t there all this time. You were, indeed, his best.

I think I failed this two last chapters, I’m sowry hiks. By this chapter, I (shamelessly) state this story as complete. I hope you enjoyed all of them. I’m sorry and thank you for coping with my late update. Thousands hugs and kisses for your support, I noticed all your supports (comments/subscribes/votes) and every single one of them made my days, really, I just don’t know how to reply ;-; Thank you, thank you, thank you. If you want to talk to me go ahead don’t be afraid, I’ll be glad.

My Luhan feeling is everywhere, I literally cried when I saw the news about Luhan went to the coffee shop. I mean, after the news about the termination, it was our first time to see him again ;-; He was so casual and his hair was black, he looked so down to earth, oh my God, Luhan, you are an angel trapped in human form and stuck in this cruel world ;-; We’ll support him, no matter what, won’t we?

Now, that this story reached it's end,

Because Luhan worth more than 12,421 words and immeasurable amount of love. No matter where you are, what you are doing and what decision you take, we will always pray for your goodness and happiness, because you are practically an angel inside.