~Part 2 – Meaningless Rainbow~

            Things don't get easier.

            Sometimes they do, but often it simply gets worse.

            It's making the worst of times bearable that get us through the seconds, minutes, hours, days, and years. It's our last hope sometimes, keeping things bearable enough to just get by to the next moment.

            The time they had was counting down quickly and there was nothing that could possibly stop it. Miracles only happen in stories and fairytales with a happy ending. It isn't like real life where no such thing exists. So they make the most of it as Sehun shields his heart little by little each day while Luhan keeps picking his walls apart unknowingly.

            It's scary.

            "You don't have to stay around Sehun…" Luhan's voice sounded hallow, weak, almost scared, despite the way he still tried to smile brokenly at Sehun.

            "I choose to be here with you," replies Sehun evenly. His façade isn't all that strong either because his hands tremble slightly in his lap. They're at a hospital because Luhan is scheduled for another check up and Sehun volunteered to come along with him.

            Luhan's name is called before he finds the words to reply so he settles with, "I'll be back."

            Sehun nods and waits as Luhan steps into the room.

            It's about half an hour before Sehun sees Luhan step out of the room again and he doesn't think much of it as he gets up to approach the other. Luhan sees him and offers a small smile, "Let's get go-"

            "It won't be long before he gets admitted permanently."

            Both Luhan and Sehun go rigid. The pronounced sentence rings in both their ears and Luhan seems to have paled considerably under the hall's fluorescent lights. Sehun doesn't know what to do but words just seem to fail him in this moment.

            The doctor opens the door and his eyes widen for a moment at seeing both Luhan and Sehun still standing there, stiff and looking almost lost. It's in this moment that Sehun snaps out of it and reaches forward to grab Luhan's hand. He doesn't wait for the doctor to say anything to them, he doesn't wait for Luhan to protest against it, he doesn't wait for anything.

            They're running out of time so why should they wait anymore.

            Sehun pulls Luhan straight towards the hospital's elevator and makes sure that there won't be anyone else getting on it with them. The metal doors close behind the both of them while they leave behind the second floor of the hospital, Sehun brings Luhan closer to him in a tight hug. He doesn't say anything, he just holds the older. He doesn't have the words but his actions can at least tell Luhan that he's here for him.

            "I'm okay." It's the first words that spill from Luhan but he can't even look Sehun in the eyes.

            Sehun can feel Luhan's hands trembling against his chest, "Stop deluding yourself."

            The elevator doors open and Sehun doesn't waste time in pulling Luhan outside with him. They make a straight line for the hospital's exit and head towards the dimmed lights of their university that's practically right next door. The night air is chilled but it feels good against their too warm skin.

            They stumble their way into the music room but Sehun doesn't turn on the lights and Luhan makes no move to separate himself from Sehun. Before either of them process what they're doing Sehun has Luhan pressed against the door of the music room. Foreheads touching and only the moonlight to illuminate their darkened sights.

            "Say it."

            "Say what?" Luhan knows what Sehun is getting at though but he still refuses.

            "Say what you're really thinking, what you're really feeling. Say what you really want. I can't see you right now so just let it out. Whatever false hope you kept up, whatever fantasy you played with all this time; you can put it down right now before me and it'll be like I never saw any of it because it's dark right now, I can't see anything."

            Luhan's heart stutters in his chest and he can almost see the delusion clouding his eyes disappearing. He doesn't want to let it go because when the cloudy fogs of his insignificant fantasy fades all that's left for him is a broken reality he doesn't want to face. Sehun wants him to face something that he can't even begin to grasp, he's not ready. Luhan thinks he'll never be ready but it is inevitable, just not right now.

            Luhan let's out a puff of air across Sehun's lips. "All I want is you."

            "You already have me," replies Sehun.

            "I want…" Luhan brings his arms up to wrap them around Sehun's neck, "…it to be for forever with you."

            Sehun can't reply to that because they already both know the unspoken answer.

            'There is no such thing as forever, it only exists in fantasies and delusional dreams.'

X

            That night becomes a distant memory, locked up tight and away from the daylight they face everyday but everything is far from over, it just temporarily returns to a foggy normality.

            Sehun and Luhan are back in the usual routine of going to the music room after school and staying late until they've had enough of the atmosphere. Sehun doesn't go with Luhan to the hospital for his check ups anymore and Luhan never brings them up.

            Suffocating.

            That's the only word that happens to come to Sehun's mind as he sits in the music room with Luhan beside him again. Luhan leans his head on Sehun's shoulder as he plays on the piano quietly, he's still working on his 'Nondescript Reverie' but it just seems like he's only filling up more of his notebook pages than the one page he desperately wants to finish.

            Absolutely suffocating.

            "Maybe you need a break?" suggests Luhan quietly, "It's really late."

            "No, a break isn't going to help me with this." Sehun sighs as he looks over the previous notes he had written down. They just weren't working together in a harmony that he wanted them to and he doesn't know what to do in order to fix it. A forth of the song is done but it seems the last three parts are escaping him entirely.

            Luhan frowns lightly at Sehun's reluctance and extricates himself from his lover. Sehun doesn't pay it much mind as Luhan saunters off, he figures Luhan is just stretching his legs or something so he goes back to flipping through his notebook. It lasts for a few short minutes as his mind stays focused only on the contents of the notebook.

            "Sehun." The call of his name from Luhan causes him to turn his head to the side where Luhan is crouched to eye level with him. Luhan give him a peck on the nose, surprising Sehun immensely, and without another word, Luhan easily takes the music notebook from Sehun's grasp and slips it into his backpack. "Let's get going."

            "Hey! I'm not done with-"

            Luhan cuts Sehun off with a look before tapping the bottom of Sehun's chin with the tips of his fingers, "You'll only end up staying stuck if you keep working at it so stubbornly. It's music, it'll have to flow for itself."

            Sehun clicks his tongue in petty annoyance, although he does agree with Luhan on the statement. "Since when did you become an expert?"

            "Since I dated you," replies Luhan cheekily as he holds Sehun's backpack out for the younger.

            With a noticeable roll of his eyes, Sehun grabs his backpack from Luhan and slips it on while Luhan glares at him for the offending gesture.

            "So where are we going?" asks Sehun curiously after placing an unexpected kiss on Luhan's pouting lips.

            Luhan melts a bit at the affectionate touch and switches his annoyed glare to a happy grin, "I'm hungry. Let's go get food~"

            "You do realize all that's open at-" Sehun glances at the clock hanging above the door, "-midnight, is probably twenty-four hour convenience stores right?"

            "Even better." Luhan doesn't wait for Sehun to make any more comments, instead he grabs Sehun's hand and pulls him out the door.

            They end up at the corner store down the street and Sehun stands at the end of the snack aisle waiting for Luhan to hurry up and pick out whatever so they could get going.

            "Sehun, how about this?" Luhan holds up a bag of spicy chips and shakes it in front of Sehun's face.

            "Just pick whatever you want, I don't care, anything is fine with me," replies Sehun with a shrug.

            Luhan puffs his cheeks up slightly, "You said that about the last twelve things I showed you."

            "So pick something then before I grab the first thing my hand touches," deadpans Sehun.

            "Fine, fine," Luhan turns around and dumps in the bag of chips in the small basket Sehun is holding before running back down the aisle to grab some random candy bars and two popsicles.

            Sehun gives Luhan a look since all the older picked out was sugary stuff aside from the chips, "Is this all?"

            Luhan nods contently, "Yep we're good to go now."

            Sehun scoffs at the reply in amusement as they go to pay for their snacks.

            Luhan ends up carrying the bag since he picked out all the snacks while they walk along the street eating their popsicles.

            Sehun's pretty focused on making sure his popsicle gets eaten before it drips all over his fingers to make a sticky mess but Luhan catches his attention when the older suddenly shouts out and thoroughly surprises him.

            Luhan's eyes are practically sparkling with anticipation, "Oh! I remembered something I wanted to do with you!"

            "What is it?" Sehun raises an eyebrow at Luhan's hyper reaction and mentally hopes that no one calls any cops on them for being loud so late at night.

            "Let's go star gazing some time!" Luhan tugs on Sehun's sleeve in excitement and points at the dark sky which shows nothing but the moon shining on that night. "We can't see any from here since all the city lights block out the stars."

            "Star gazing?" Sehun looks up at where Luhan's pointing vaguely, a dark expansive sky before them, "We'd have to go pretty far for that though, plus I still have a lot of things to do at the moment it might be awhile until I'll be able to go with you."

            "What do you have to finish? Maybe I can help you with it so we can go sooner," Luhan bites off the last of his popsicle before chucking the wrapper into a nearby trash can.

            Without even thinking about it Sehun hands Luhan his popsicle to finish up since the older always asked for some of his food whenever Luhan finishes first. Luhan grins as he takes it and looks at Sehun, waiting for the other to answer his question.

            "I don't think you can really help me with it. I just want to finish the song soon," utters Sehun with a slight sigh.

            "Is… there a reason… that you want to finish so badly?" The way Luhan asks isn't confrontational. It's more of a given choice for Sehun, Luhan is letting Sehun choose to answer it or leave it be.

            Indecision settles in Sehun's chest but he pushes it away because this is Luhan who he's talking to so there's nothing to hide between the two of them. "I'm thinking about doing something that might seem really stupid to a lot of people after I finish the song."

            Luhan nods in understanding. "If it's stupid then don't do it."

            Sehun shrugs, "…I don't really see any other option though."

            "You don't see any other option or are you taking the easy route out?" Luhan stops walking and settles a challenging look at Sehun.

            "Quitting school can't possibly the easy way out can it? It may be stupid but it's definitely not an easy choice," remarks Sehun calmly. He's thought it through, it runs in his mind constantly. All the what ifs and what could happen, it's not like he's made out for this kind of stuff so leaving it all behind is the last option he has left.

            Luhan shakes his head as he walks past Sehun, taking another bite out of the popsicle to finish it off. "You're right about one thing though, it's a stupid idea."

            The impact of those words from Luhan pierced Sehun in the chest, the pain only slowly sinking down to his gut leaving a drowned out feeling throughout his being.

            Luhan turns back to face Sehun. He sees it on the other's face and body posture clearly, the weight that's slowly but surely dragging Sehun down to the depths of his own personal hellish nightmare. Luhan swallows down the lump he feels just at the tip of his throat, he almost wishes he could take back his words from before but that's impossible in this reality. "You still have time Sehun. Don't rush into anything. We all wish for a time that we could go back and change but that's the thing isn't it? You just can't."

            Sehun feels his frustration boiling, ready to spill over but he restrains as much of it as he can because this isn't Luhan's fault and he doesn't want to lash out on the wrong person. If anything he's to blame himself for everything that's accumulated to his current situation., "Even if I stall for a few more months what good will that-"

            Luhan cuts Sehun off again, "Just stay until your probation semester is over. When it's done then decide what's best for you after."

            There's a grimace marring Sehun's usually calm face. "That's almost an entire year if you include this semester, Luhan."

            "You have time," repeats Luhan as convincingly as he can but he can't miss how the last word broke with his wavering voice.

            Sehun takes notice of it too but he doesn't say anything. Luhan's right though, he does have time but that doesn't mean he wants it. Sehun just reaches out and wraps an arm around the back of Luhan's head, pulling the older closer to him in a light hug. "But you…" Sehun stops, it'd be too cruel to say something like that to Luhan so he changes his approach, "…At the very least I want to finish that song for you to hear too."

            Sehun let's go and starts walking again without looking at Luhan. He doesn't want to see the shattered look Luhan has from another one of his fantasies falling to pieces because of him.

            However, this time it feels different. Like the differences between a short sting of a band-aid being ripped off and it slowly being peeled away prolonging the pain, it seems like they're both getting better with dealing with the things they deemed completely agonizing before. Luhan hurries after Sehun only seconds later and latches on to Sehun's arm tightly, grinning at him. Sehun shows a short look of surprise but when Luhan's hand meets his, it's okay again. Everything seems like it's back in that sort of routine normality again.

            "Your music will be great. I want to hear it as soon as possible okay?"

            "When I finally sort out all the noise and turn it into music. You'll be the first one I show it to."

            It's a promise.

            A real promise.

X

            No matter how many insignificances Sehun points out in Luhan's fantasy it doesn't deter the other in the slightest.

            They're on a date this time. Luhan chose the place since Sehun said he didn't mind where they went or what they did, although the place they ended up at surely caught Sehun off guard. The club they walked into was loud and alive with pulsing music and roaming multicolored spotlights. Dancing bodies, all grinding against each other while passing alcoholic drinks to whoever's available hand came up next to grab it. It was dark, chaotic, disorderly, and completely distracting.

            Sehun understands why Luhan chose to go to a club for their date but he's definitely not going to voice anything about it out loud. If this is how Luhan is going to choose to cope then Sehun won't stop him.

            Luhan's hand is tightly gripping Sehun's as he maneuvers the both of them through the crowd of people on the dance floor in order to reach the bar on the other end.

            "Two of the strongest drinks you have," orders Luhan immediately.

            Sehun raises an eyebrow at the order but the bartender behind the counter doesn't even bat an eyelash at it.

            "Partying it all out tonight? Let me guess midterms are over for the both of you?" questions the bartender with a scoff as he prepares the order. The club is in relative close proximity to the university so it isn't a surprise that most students come here to relieve their stress or as the bartender states party the night away.

            Finding no need to explain anything, Luhan nods with a grin and accepts that as an adequate excuse to down ridiculous amounts of alcohol. He hands the money to the bartender before taking the drinks, handing one to Sehun and quickly downing his own. Sehun only takes a small sip, choosing to remain sober enough because he's not completely sure what Luhan even has in mind. Luhan sets his empty glass down and laughs giddily as he pulls Sehun towards the dance floor with him, giving the younger only a few seconds to put his nearly full glass down on the counter.

            The room's stuffy and there's a lot of people around as the lights flicker with different colors, it's disorientating but it seems that's what Luhan is enjoying most. Luhan presses up against Sehun closely, it seems the older has already given into the hazy buzz of his drink, and pulls Sehun by the collar of his shirt so their lips smash together. It's rough and needy as their bodies continue to move against each other in time with the music.

            "This is different…" Sehun mumbles in Luhan's ear when their kiss breaks off.

            Luhan giggles drunkenly again, "A good kind of different right?"

            Sehun isn't even entirely sure, "I guess. You seem to be enjoying yourself."

            "Of course! I'm here with you, loud music, and drinks! We can just party the night away without a single thought or care! I've never been to a club before but I'm glad I decided to go to one tonight!" Luhan sways a bit but Sehun makes sure to keep his arm wrapped around Luhan's waist.

            "Hey, be careful." Sehun leads Luhan closer to the back where the lights are dimmed and there weren't many people loitering around them.

            "Not tonight." Luhan giggles again as he leans against Sehun. Luhan's arms tug at the back of Sehun's neck, pulling the younger down for another opened mouth kiss.

            Sehun reciprocates it without fail because he understands. He tastes the bitterness of the alcohol Luhan drank moments ago as the latter's tongue makes it way into his mouth. Luhan is restless tonight and Sehun feels like he's getting drunk off of Luhan's taste.

            Luhan detaches his lips for a breath of a second, looking up at the younger through his eyelashes. "Sehun. Just for tonight-"

            Sehun doesn't let Luhan finish his sentence as he leans down to kiss him again. Slowly, languidly, without any rush as if they had all the time in the world to love each other as much as they wanted to; Sehun's lips trail from Luhan's lips to the latter's cheek and all the way to the shell of Luhan's ear. "Just for tonight, live it as if it was your last. You wanted tonight to come here to forget and run away right? I’ll help you. Just for this night live all you want, however you want."

            Luhan gasps and his grip on Sehun tightens a little more. Sehun isn't sure if the latter is holding back tears or just slightly sobering up.

            "One night is too short."                        

            "You still have time remember?"

            "Not for long."

            "…I know."

X

            Their days just keep getting shorter and shorter.

            It's the dead of night but there are still dim lights glowing out of Luhan's living room window.

            "It's two in the morning," notes Sehun nonchalantly.

            Luhan, who's curled close by Sehun's side, hums in response as he continues drawing with a black pen on Sehun's forearm.

            "We're drawing pen inked tattoos on each other under a make shift tent in your living room at two in the morning," deadpans Sehun. It's not that Sehun's annoyed at this fact, he actually doesn't mind in the slightest and finds it entertaining but he just felt like pointing out the obvious.

            Luhan laughed, eyes still focused on his drawing as he holds Sehun's hand steady. "I wanted to go star gazing tonight but you didn't want to pitch a tent in the middle of nowhere so this is as close as we're going to get it."

            Sehun rolls his eyes, but an amused smile displays on his lips. "There's a high chance it was going to rain tonight and I'm not getting soaked at two in the morning only to come back here with you to dry off or something. Besides a star blanket pitched over the tops of your couches with this camping lamp is decent enough for star gazing."

            It was true though, the way they set everything up was like having a camp out with all the comforts of home, with a bonus being that it was warm and cozy too.

            Luhan scoffs at Sehun's excuses, "You're just lazy."

            "That too." Sehun chuckles.

            "Ah, don't move. You almost made me mess up," complained Luhan as he moved the pen a little too far, almost smudging the wet ink.

            "My bad." Sehun looks over Luhan's shoulder trying to get a peek at the drawing Luhan has been working on for the last five minutes or so, "What are you drawing anyways? It seems really detailed with all the pen . You do realize it's just going to fade after I take a shower right?"

            Luhan's pen stutters to a stop and before Sehun could ask what's wrong, Luhan turns his head so he's looking at Sehun. There's an all too recognizable smile there and Sehun isn't sure why it feels a little too familiar.

            "It's just for fun. It'll leave a good memory don't you think?"

            Ah, Sehun realizes why he got that feeling from Luhan's smile. It's like his. Fake and forced in every way especially when confronted with the things that are hated most. Luhan's gotten better at faking it too but still not good enough for faking it in front of Sehun and he knows it.

            "Memories aren't substantial enough."

            "Then what is?"

            "Permanent markers."

            Luhan looks taken back, eyes wide for a moment in surprise at Sehun's answer. He expected some serious or cynical words but his young lover's face was deadpanned in every way.

            Sehun raises an eyebrow at the look Luhan was still giving him, "What?"

            "Pfft," Luhan bites his bottom lip in an attempt to stifle his laughter.

            "Why are you laughing?" Sehun tries to keep his tone even but his voice cracks just slightly in amusment at the situation.

            Luhan shifts over a bit and winds his arms around Sehun's torso while burying his face into Sehun's chest, stifling his laughter against the younger's shirt. Luhan nuzzles into Sehun for a few warm moments before murmuring just loud enough for Sehun to hear, "I think I just realized again how much I really love you is all."

            The jump in Sehun's heartbeat isn't missed as Luhan hears it loud and clear with his ear pressed right against the center of the younger's chest. Sehun's arms find themselves around Luhan without a second thought and he just holds the older against him.

            "I really… love you too," murmurs Sehun quietly. He can't seem to find any other words, he doesn't know what else he could possibly say other than that truth. Love was not a concept he thinks he fully understands just yet but with Luhan he can grasp just the right meaning to explain it in his own actions. His mind leaves him blank though as his arms cling to Luhan.

            It isn't long before Luhan pulls back with a slight grin, "I'll be right back." The older shifts over and crawls out from the make shift starry sky they have set up, leaving Sehun to sit in silence until he returns. When Luhan is back there's a pack in his hands and once he's settled, curled by Sehun's side again he shows it to the younger.

            "Permanent markers," Luhan states seriously before another wide grin turns up on the corners of his lips, "So this can last longer than memories."

            Sehun doesn't hesitate to smile back as he let's Luhan take hold of his arm to continue on with the ink drawn tattoo. "Sounds good."

            A few pen in and Luhan speaks up again as he continues tracing the already drawn lines, "You're not sleepy are you? I want to finish this today so I'm going to keep drawing