“A romantic stroll through the woods, huh? You really know how to make a guy feel special Hot Demon Dude.” Kyuhyun, a smile stretched across his face, leaned close to Changmin. “Now, slam me against one of these tree trunks and have your way with me.”

Changmin winced. “Oh god, please shut up.”

Kyuhyun cocked his head to the side, looking thoughtful. “I’d much rather you use some harsher language,” he mused. “Like, say — ”

“I brought you out here because the thought of you being around any of my family actually makes my skin crawl,” Changmin snapped, glaring at him. “And you’re leaving today by the way.”

“No I’m not,” Kyuhyun replied, without batting an eyelash. “Jaejoong-hyung — ”

“King Jaejoong.”

“…Jaejoong-hyung said I could stay as long as I want.”

Changmin felt his hands twitch, and he closed his eyes, taking a deep, soothing breath. He opened them a moment later. “Let’s change the topic before I break your nose,” he told Kyuhyun, and, expecting the angel to coo over the threat, hurried on. “How the hell have you remained in heaven this long? I’d figure you would have been kicked out by now.”

Kyuhyun shrugged. “Oh, everyone loves me over there. I mean, I’m one of the youngest angels, and being the youngest always has its perks.”

Changmin stared incredulously. “Being the youngest has never once worked in my benefit.”

Kyuhyun perked up. “Trade families?” he asked eagerly.

“No.”

Kyuhyun pouted; a moment later his previous cheer was back (it seemed the angel could never stay down for long; it irritated Changmin to no end). “So what’s the story?” he inquired. “Behind your family I mean…everyone’s paired off…” His eyes shone. “Everyone…”

“Shut up Kyuhyun, I’m not your boyfriend,” Changmin retorted. Despite his words, there was no real malice in his tone; he was fast becoming used to Kyuhyun’s odd behaviour. “And the story…well, Jaejoong was my babysitter a while back, and he and Yunho-hyung fell in love.”

“Oh really?” Kyuhyun stared in interest. “Wow, they must have been together a long time.”

“…and Yoochun was initially a revolutionary,” Changmin hurried on. “He was hell bent on bringing down the monarchy — and then he fell for Junsu-hyung, so those plans all went out the window.”

“And now — ”

“Kyuhyun, can you please go one moment without a ual innuendo, or declaration of love?!”

“…now I’m hungry,” Kyuhyun finished, beaming. “When’s lunch?”

…

Yunho was fuming.

“Uh…hyung…?” Changmin coughed, staring at his brother in confusion.

“Shh!” Jaejoong hissed. “Yunnie’s having a moment of anger!”

Changmin shot him a glare. “I can see that Jaejoong.”

“Jaejoong hyung.”

“But why is he angry?”

Jaejoong huffed in irritation, but, nonetheless, proceeded to answer his question. “Do you remember the monstrous beast that the villagers were complaining about?” he asked.

Kyuhyun pouted. “Hey! I only attacked one village, and it was only a little bit of water — ”

Changmin rammed his elbow into Kyuhyun’s stomach before he could continue.

“Yeah,” he said, glaring at Kyuhyun from the corner of his eye, “the one eating all of the crops.”

“…Well it wasn’t a beast after all.”

Changmin frowned, confused. “Then what — ?”

“IT’S THOSE MOTHERERS!”

Jaejoong and Changmin both jumped at Yunho’s furious exclamation.

Kyuhyun giggled.

“Those — those — ” the Demon King shook his head, eyes wide, chest heaving. “Gah, I HATE THEM! Can’t they find someone else to piss off?! I’m a King! I don’t have time for all this stress! I mean, I have the Grand Feast coming up, and - and I stress eat dammit! Do you know how much weight I’m going to put on? And then I won’t fit into my outfit, and — and — dammit I hate them SO much!”

“It’s the Big Bang Crew,” Jaejoong said.

Changmin blinked. “The Big Bang Crew are the monstrous beast?”

Wordlessly, Jaejoong handed him a piece of paper. Changmin stared down at it, and Kyuhyun peered over his shoulder. Written on it were the words:

It is I, G-Dragon, and the rest (TOP, Taeyang, Daesung and Seungri),

Royal (a.k.a King Yunho) — we tried to grab your attention through the crop stealing but it didn’t work, despite the fact that this has been doing on for THREE MONTHS ! So, TOP suggested we leave you a nice little message since subtlety clearly isn’t a word you understand ().

WE HATE THE MONARCHY! DOWN WITH THE MONARCHY! (and no, we are not revolutionaries, because those guys are just ANNOYING)

Just wanted to tell you that, and also to watch your back, because we’ll be coming after you

Love G-Dragon and the Big Bang Crew

P.S. Jaejoong is a

“How dare that bastard call my BooJae a !” Yunho snarled.

“They have been the ones stealing the crops?” Changmin spluttered. “Hyung, I told you something was wrong when the villagers kept finding abandoned sickles!”

Yunho shook his head, breathing hard. “My Boo is a thousand times better than — ”

“Hyung!” Changmin barked, snapping his fingers. “Focus! What does he mean he’s coming after us?”

Yunho blinked. “Where did he say that?” He reached out, snatching back the piece of paper. His eyes scanned the page, and widened, almost comically, as he took in what was written.

“Royal ?!” he spluttered a moment later. “Well I’ll show that…that…! What sort of name is G-Dragon anyway?!” He started to pace, as Jaejoong, Changmin and Kyuhyun looked on with wide eyes. “Hey G-Dragon, Daesung’s a — and TOP — and Taeyang — and Seungri, well, he’s a too!”

He whirled around, and, noticing Changmin’s incredulous expression, said defensively, “well, I didn’t know which one would hurt the best!”

“None,” Changmin retorted. “I doubt anyone is as pathetically whipped as you are.”

…

“He looked angry,” Kyuhyun said, when Yunho and Jaejoong had disappeared into their room (“Yunho needs ual therapy” Jaejoong had said, to which Changmin had slapped his hands over his ears, screaming, “I don’t ing need to know that!”, and Kyuhyun had stared pointedly at Changmin).

“G-Dragon causes a lot of trouble around here,” Changmin replied.

“And he is…?”

“The leader of the Big Bang Crew,” Changmin told him. “They’re a famous outlaw group — probably the the most well-known in all of Hell. G-Dragon is famed for his ruthlessness, cunning, and flowing locks.”

“…His flowing locks?”

“Mmm,” Changmin said, absently. “And then there’s TOP, the groups resident spy — you won’t find anyone better than him. His ability to hide in paintings allows him to spy on almost anyone - and he has some pretty awesome blue hair.” He scowled lightly, muttering, “I wanted blue hair, but do you know what my Umma said?”

“That you should get married instead?”

“Anyway then we have Daesung. No one knows why he is so feared, other than the fact that his own people had to chain him up for years. Then Taeyang — he lost his arm in the Great Battle of Bloodshed and Tears — ”

“Wait, wait,” Kyuhyun interrupted (‘don’t scream’, Changmin told himself; ‘he doesn’t know any better’), “if there was a random blue haired dude hiding in paintings, wouldn’t someone notice?”

Changmin shrugged. “TOP is just that good I guess. Now, stop interrupting, and let me finish. So - Taeyang goes and loses his arm - my grandfather chopped it off himself. Except its probably even worse now, because he has a metal arm, and can probably crush your head with his pinky finger.”

“Wow,” Kyuhyun whispered, his eyes shining in awe. “Hell is so damn awesome — I mean the only things you can crush in Heaven are the clouds when you step on them, and people’s hopes and dreams when awaken them to truths of their miserable, harp-ridden lives.”

Changmin stared. “…Uh, right. Of course. And then there’s Seungri, who — uh — I have mentioned that you are really obsessed with harps, right?”

“I hate them with a passion,” Kyuhyun said fervently. “You would too if you’d been subject to them your whole life. Morning harp music, evening harp music, harp music to signify that it was teatime, harp music to signify that it was time for our compulsory harp lessons — ”

“And on to Seungri,” Changmin interrupted hurriedly, “who’s famous for his torture methods.”

Kyuhyun cocked his head to the side (seemingly having forgotten his previous rant). “What does he do?” he questioned.

“He…” Changmin shuddered. “He talks.”

Kyuhyun nodded, thoughtfully. “So…they’re the most feared outlaw group in Hell.”

“Yup,” Changmin said. “That’s basically all you need to know about them. Now — you go somewhere else and leave me in peace. I need a break from you.”

He began to walk off

“You say that, but I can see the truth it your eyes,” Kyuhyun retorted, following after him. He paused, and glanced behind him, before continuing his journey.

“By the way, awesome painting back there,” he said, hurrying to keep up with Changmin’s swift strides. “That blue hair is really vibrant.”

...

AN:

YES! Finally updated this thing! SO sorry for the long wait guys, I've been procrastinating like hell, but I've finally managed to finish this chapter! And haha, Big Bang have entered the scene - if you couldn't tell, I've taken inspiration for their characters from the "Fantastic Baby" video xD

Hope this chapter was worth the wait!