Chapter 6

March started out freezing and windy, and ended warm and rainy. It was the middle of April before the sun came out again, and by that time everyone had gotten sick of the grey sky. The clinic had about a dozen cancelled or changed appointments, and Kris couldn’t really say he blamed everyone. He got to leave early, and he stopped at a flower store to pick up a few things. When he got back home, he found Jamie prancing around in the beautiful green dress that Kris’ mother had sent for Jamie’s birthday.

“Look at you,” Kris said. “You look like a little spring fairy!” He pulled a small bunch of white roses out from behind his back. “What do you think, do these match?”

Jamie shrieked so loudly that he startled Jack Sparrow right off the kitchen counter.

“THEY’RE SO PRETTY!”

“Jamie, my love. Indoor voice.”

Jamie was practically leaping with joy. “Sorry, but they’re so pretty and perfect and they match the unicorn that Baekhyun gave me! I love them daddy, thank you!” And he kissed Kris’ cheek, snatched the flowers up and ran into the playroom.

Kris stood up and went to check on the poor kitten. Her tail was slightly fluffed, but she seemed more disgruntled than scared.

“I’m working on it,” Kris told her. “He’s just an excitable child.”

“He does it because you let him get away with murder,” Baekhyun said. Kris turned around and saw Baekhyun grinning at him from the doorway. “What’s behind your back?”

Kris shook his head. “Nothing.”

But Baekhyun wasn’t fooled. “I saw the plastic, just show me! Is it for me?” Baekhyun walked over and tried to peer behind Kris’ back, but Kris kept moving away.

“No, it’s for my other wonderful boyfriend.”

“So it is for me!”

Kris found himself backed into a corner and he sighed. “Oh, alright. They’re for you.” He pulled from behind his back a bunch of flowers similar to the one Jamie had gotten, but Baekhyun’s roses were yellow. “What do you think?”

Baekhyun’s smiling was almost blinding. “They’re beautiful, I love them. But what’s the occasion?”

“Jamie’s birthday. Consider it a thanks in advance for helping me out tomorrow.” Baekhyun’s smile flickered, and Kris’ heart dropped. “Is something wrong?”

Baekhyun shook his head. “I don’t know. I asked Jamie what he was going to wear, and he said he wanted to wear jeans and a white, collared shirt. I thought he was going to wear one of his dresses, it was a little surprising. I was just wondering if he said anything to you about it.”

“No, we didn’t really talk about it,” Kris said. He didn’t quite know what to think of the new development. “I’ll talk to him.”

Baekhyun’s smile was back. “Okay. I have to get going,” he sounded apologetic. “I’m meeting a friend later, I’m going to go home and make dinner since I have time.”

Kris leaned down and kissed Baekhyun. They kept it brief, since Jamie was very much around and awake. He had yet to see his father and his babysitter kiss, and Kris was going to keep it that way until he’d had more time with Baekhyun. They’re relationship was progressing, but they were still very much a new couple.

Baekhyun said goodbye to Jamie (after they both fawned over their flowers) and after he left Kris got to making dinner. He was starting to try things that Jamie could help with, and tonight they were making Jamie’s favorite food—pancakes. While they made the batter, Jamie told Kris all about his day, and he did it entirely in Korean.

“You’ve gotten very good at speaking in Korean,” Kris praised.

Jamie nodded. “Baekhyun is a good teacher, I like learning from him.”

“Good, I’m glad to hear that.”

“Can he be my teacher forever?”

Kris paused. “Not forever. Eventually, you’ll have to go back to school.”

Jamie looked sad. “Oh.”

Kris quickly changed the subject, but Jamie was subdued throughout dinner. After he ate, Kris told Jamie he could watch TV, but when he went to the living room he just laid down on the sofa and played quietly with his unicorn plushie. Kris cleaned up, his mind on what Baekhyun had told him earlier, and he decided to talk to Jamie about it.

His son’s mood had not improved since dinner. Kris sat next to him and patted his back.

“What outfit do you want to wear for your party?”

Jamie shrugged. “My cowboy jeans, and my blue stripped shirt.”

“Not one of your pretty dresses?”

Jamie shook his head. “No. I can’t.”

Kris froze. “You can’t? Why not?”

“Because dresses are for girls, and playing pretend,” Jamie said quietly. “I’m a boy. Boys can’t wear dresses.”

“Yes, boys can wear dresses,” Kris said. “Jamie, you can wear anything you want to as long as it makes you happy.”

Jamie sat up, and Kris was horrified when he saw that his little boy was crying.

“Baby, what’s wrong?”

Jamie sniffled. “I can’t go to school, because I wear dresses. That’s why I got in trouble. But everyone has to go to school someday, and that means that…that someday I won’t be able to wear dresses anymore. And I’ll have to look like other boys. And boys don’t wear pretty things, they wear ugly clothes and…and cut their hair, and stomp on frogs.” His voice broke and he started to cry for real. “P-poor little froggies…”

Kris had no idea what Jamie was talking about, but he wanted to cry too, hearing his son say such things. “Jamie, who told you this? And who is stomping on frogs?”

Jamie pointed at the TV. “Baekhyun was making lunch…and a commercial was on. The boys were all shouting and running, and they didn’t look like me, but it said that this is what boys do, and then the…the boy stepped on a frog…and then Baekhyun came back and turned off the TV, and he said not to listen, but I saw it again, and again…”

Kris remembered that incident—it was a few weeks ago, Baekhyun had mentioned Jamie being upset about something he saw on TV, but Jamie hadn’t told him exactly what it was and Baekhyun hadn’t heard it. Kris had even seen the commercial that Jamie was talking about, it was for laundry detergent, and it was about all the things boys did and how this one brand could get all the stains out. The frog Jamie was talking about hadn’t actually been stepped on, there had been a close up of a frog and then a boy putting his foot down, but the camera cut away before the frog could be stomped. There had even been a bit of backlash for that, Kris had seen it on the news, and the brand had assured that no frogs were actually harmed during the filming. But Kris knew that everything Jamie was saying was true to some degree, and his son was a gentle little boy who didn’t even let Kris kill spiders. The idea of a frog getting hurt could have easily terrified him.

Kris pulled Jamie on to his lap and hugged him close. “Sweetie, do you remember when you saw the movie where that big building blew up, and I told you that sometimes people used computers to change a video and make it seem like something happened, when it really didn’t?”

Jamie nodded.

“And do you remember that I told you that you can’t always believe what you see on TV?”

Jamie nodded again.

Kris gently wiped Jamie’s cheeks. “That frog didn’t get hurt, I promise you it’s hopping around a lake right now. And all boys aren’t the same, just like all girls aren’t the same. There are boys like you, who like to wear dresses and pretty things. You don’t have to stop dressing the way you want to.”

“What about when I go to school?” Jamie asked quietly. “Will I have to then?”

“I hope not,” Kris said. “I’m going to do everything I can to find a school that will let you dress how you want to.”

“What if the other boys laugh at me?”

Kris didn’t know when he’d ever been so sad before. The way Jamie was talking, like he’d already given up hope of being happy at school, it broke Kris’ heart. And he didn’t know how to make Jamie feel better.

“If that happens, then you tell me, and we’ll try to find a way to fix it together. No matter what happens, I’m always going to be around to help you. And you can wear whatever you want. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. If you want to wear cowboy jeans tomorrow, you absolutely can, as long as it makes you happy.”

Jamie rubbed his eyes. “I don’t want to wear my ugly cowboy jeans,” he said, “I want to wear my jeans with the sparkly butterflies and my purple flower shirt!”

Kris almost laughed in relief. He knew that Jamie fluctuated, sometimes he did wear “boy’s” clothing, but for a week he’d been talking about how excited he was to wear the butterfly jeans that his aunt Jessica had gotten him, and for him to suddenly change his mind Kris knew something had to be wrong. he was just glad that Jamie was being true to himself once again.

“And you never have to step on a frog,” Kris said firmly.

“Never!” Jamie yelled. “Never hurt froggies!”

Kris didn’t often worry about Jamie’s confidence in himself, because he thought Jamie was too young to think about such things, but apparently he was wrong. Jamie did worry about these things, and he was painfully aware of everything that happened around him. He needed support, and Kris didn’t know how to give it to him. He briefly entertained the thought of wearing a woman’s blouse around the house (he would never find pants that would fit him in the women’s section), but he also knew that changing his own routine suddenly was not the answer to Jamie’s problems. He supposed that the only thing he really could do, was continue to support Jamie as he had always done, and be there to support his little boy. And he needed to clue Baekhyun in on what was going on.

Kris waited until after Jamie’s birthday party to speak to Baekhyun about the issue. Baekhyun stayed behind to help Kris clean up. They put Jamie to bed together, earlier than usual, because he was so tuckered out. When Kris gave Jamie his goodnight kiss, he held out his arms and asked for one from Baekhyun, too. Baekhyun always seemed surprised whenever Jamie asked him for any affection in front of Kris.

“He loves you,” Kris told Baekhyun as they left the room, “You don’t have to look at me as if waiting to see whether or not I’ll kick your if you give my son any attention.”

Baekhyun gave Kris a shy smile. “I just wonder if it’s okay for him to get so attached. I won’t be his babysitter forever.”

Kris was aware of that. “Yeah, but that doesn’t mean you never have to see him again.” And then before he could lose his nerve, he took Baekhyun’s hand and tugged him closer. He leaned down and kissed Baekhyun’s cheek. “You never know what can happen.”

Baekhyun looked stunned, but he smiled. “True, I guess I don’t know.”

Kris took a moment to be thankful that he didn’t completely scare Baekhyun off. “And you know, it’s good for Jamie to have someone else around who supports him. He was upset because he thought once he went back to school, he would be teased if he didn’t dress like other boys. Just let him know that you love him—and it’s okay to say that you do, and tell him that just as girls can do whatever boys can do, boys can do things that girls do, and they can wear whatever they want, you know?”

“Okay, I can do that.”

“I’m sure you already do a great job. Just keep it up.”

They cleaned up the mess from the party—family friends and their children had been the only guests, but it had amounted to almost 20 people and there was a lot of garbage to be taken care of. By the time they were done, they were both tired. They slumped down on the couch, arms and legs tangled together. Baekhyun snuggled against Kris’ shoulder, and Kris wrapped his arms around Baekhyun’s waist and hugged him.

“Baekhyun…do you want to stay for the night?”

Baekhyun looked up at him tiredly. “That depends. Will I be sleeping on the couch?”

Kris’ heart skipped a beat. He kissed Baekhyun’s forehead. “No, you’d be sleeping in my bed.”

“With you?”

Kris hoped he wasn’t sweating all over the place, that would be super gross.  “Yes, if you…if that would be okay. But we would just…just sleep.”

Baekhyun grinned. “Sleeping sounds good. Is kissing allowed?”

Kris felt like his heart was going to beat out of his chest. “Kissing is allowed.”

“Can I use your shower?”

“Of course.”

“And I would need to borrow a toothbrush. And some clothes, unless you would like me to sleep in my underwear.”

“I think you would get cold,” Kris said quickly. He stood up and pulled Baekhyun with him. “Come on, I’m sure I have some clean pajamas around here somewhere.”

Kris didn’t wake up right away. He was conscious, but also still sleeping. He heard something rustling behind him and remembered that Baekhyun had stayed the night, but then…Baekhyun was in his arms. Kris remembered, he had fallen asleep with Baekhyun’s head lying on his chest, and he had his arms around Baekhyun’s waist. He was still holding Baekhyun, so who was behind him?

Kris finally opened his eyes and turned around. He laughed to himself. He should have known it would be Jamie. Clearly Jamie had decided to play dead when he realized Kris was waking up, he was halfway on the bed, flopped down on the mattress. Kris maneuvered his arms out from under Baekhyun’s dead weight and sat up. He scooped Jamie into his arms and brought him up onto the bed, laying him down in between himself and Baekhyun. Jamie stopped pretending to sleep and looked at Kris with wide eyes.

“Did you and Baekhyun have a sleep over?”

Kris put a finger to his lips and looked over at Baekhyun. He was still sleeping—and he wasn’t faking. “We did,” Kris whispered. “It was late, so he just stayed over.”

“Daddy, he’s wearing your shirt.”

Kris nodded. “He is. He didn’t have any pajamas.”

Jamie looked absolutely delighted. “Is Baekhyun going to have breakfast with us? Is he going to have lunch with us too?”

Kris ruffled Jamie’s hair. “We’ll see, okay sweetie? Right now how about we go back to sleep?”

Jamie reached behind himself and took Baekhyun’s hand, and draped it over his waist, and then burrowed into Kris’ shirt, humming to himself. “Yes, we can sleep. Goodnight, dad.”

Kris kissed Jamie’s forehead, and reached over him to Baekhyun’s cheek. He was so happy in that moment, he wished he could freeze time and make it last forever.

When a rainy evening cancelled their plans, and Baekhyun’s apartment was empty, Kris knew right away where this was leading, and he didn’t know how to tell Baekhyun that he wanted to be wrong. He didn’t want to hold off, but he didn’t want to say it right away either, but he didn’t want to wait and then make Baekhyun feel bad. So it ended up being that as soon as they’d taken off their shoes and closed the door, Kris turned to Baekhyun and blurted, “I’m not ready to sleep with you.”

And then he actually banged his head against the wall, because he said it completely the wrong way.

“I’m sorry,” Kris said, not meeting Baekhyun’s eyes, “I didn’t mean to just…I wasn’t accusing you or anything and I don’t want you to think that this is all I’ve been thinking about it’s just, I’ve been here before and…again I’m not accusing you, I just had to say it or I would have been waiting for it all night and probably freaking out about it.”

“It’s alright,” Baekhyun said, taking Kris’ hand. “It’s something we should talk about. Is there anything else you want to say about it?”

Kris nodded slowly. “Maybe we should sit down.”

They went to the sofa, and Kris tried not to sit too close or too far away. He wanted space, but he didn’t want to alienate Baekhyun.

“I don’t talk about my career in probably as often as I should,” Kris began. “First of all, I should tell you that I’ve never gotten any kind of STD. I should also tell you that while it’s been a few years since I left the industry it kind of…haunts me. I’ve dated before, years ago, and each time I always broke off the relationship sometime after I slept with my partner. I realized early on that when I had , I slipped into a role, and I couldn’t tear myself away from how I was onscreen. And…I wasn’t enjoying it. my partners never would have guessed, but I started thinking of it as a job. Like I said, it has been a while, and I’ve never…felt for them what I feel for you.”

He looked up at last. Baekhyun grinned at him and squeezed his hand. Encouraged, Kris continued, “And it’s not that I don’t want to…or that I haven’t thought about having with you, I just don’t want to take that chance yet.”

“Do you think you ever will?” Baekhyun asked. Then he quickly added, “I don’t want to push you! I just…how do you feel about it now?”

Kris paused to think about how he wanted to say it. “If things continue like they are now…I do think that I’ll want to have with you, yes.” And possibly spend the rest of my life with you, Kris added in his head.

They talked about that for a little longer—experiences, things they were okay with and things they wanted to stay the heck away from (“Werewolf role play. Never again.”), and Kris ended up being very glad that he’d brought up the subject, because he felt so much more comfortable with Baekhyun now, and he knew Baekhyun could sense it and it made him happier.

It was official, Baekhyun had stolen Kris’ heart. And Kris really didn’t mind, Baekhyun could have whatever parts of his heart didn’t already belong to Jamie. Baekhyun was absolutely the perfect boyfriend, and Kris didn’t know how he could have possibly gotten so lucky. He was more comfortable taking Baekhyun on dates, sometimes with Jamie, and it felt like Kris had known him forever. It was the little things they did, conversations that revealed more than they intended, gestures of affection, the way Baekhyun seemed so at home in Kris’ life, and the way Kris was starting to feel at home in Baekhyun’s. He and Baekhyun went out with Jongdae, Chanyeol, and Kyungsoo to see a baseball game, and Kris got along with them so well that it didn’t feel like it was the first time they’d gone out together. He didn’t notice the age difference, and honestly, it made him feel young again.

And Kris finally got to hear Baekhyun sing. It hadn’t been planned, Baekhyun stayed for dinner one night and as he was washing the dishes, he started to sing. Kris had stood there, absolutely stunned, and Baekhyun was about halfway through his song before he realized that Kris was still in the room. He froze and blushed to the roots of his hair, but after a few seconds he continued on. Kris was so glad he hadn’t looked Baekhyun up on Youtube, because hearing him sing in real life was so much better.

In the beginning of April, Baekhyun gave Kris some amazing news.

“Yixing heard me sing, he asked me to feature on a single he’s going to release next month. It’s the first time I’ll actually be recording a song!”

Kris was thrilled for him—how could he not be? And Jamie was so pleased that he didn’t stop talking about it for weeks. When the song was released, it debuted at #12 on the charts, without any on-air promotion. Since Yixing was openly gay, and raising a family, and foreign, it was hard for him to get on TV in Korea, but he had a large online following and several international blogs did reviews of his song, which got Baekhyun a lot of attention as well. His Youtube subscribers quadrupled after the release of the single, and then in the middle of May he got a life-changing phone call.

There was going to be an adaptation of the musical Singing in the Rain, and the producer wanted Baekhyun to try out for one of the minor roles. Baekhyun was beside himself with joy, this was what he’d always wanted! And Kris was so happy for him, and so proud to have been there to see Baekhyun’s dreams coming true. It did not surprise him at all when Baekhyun called him a week after his audition, sobbing with joy, and said that he’d gotten a part in the play. He was going to be on stage every weekend, five shows in total, for at least two months, and he would get to sing.

It was amazing, and Kris was so happy for Baekhyun. But he and Baekhyun both knew that once rehearsals started, Baekhyun would no longer be able to devote the same amount of time to Jamie that he once had. And Kris did not look forward to breaking that news to his son.

Only 2 chapters left!!!