Part 5

After that night, Seungyoon couldn’t stop thinking about what happened. He made different kinds of theories about why his body reacted in that way.

The first one was that it had been a long time since the last time he was with a woman, and his body had needs – like a normal young boy – but then, he looked around and no other woman around him made him hard.

 Then he thought it was because Taehyun as a girl was really beautiful and “Nam Eunsang” gazes over him were so soft and lovely that made him feel a little confused, but the real fact was that Taehyun as a boy was actually the one that made him hard, and Taehyun’s cold stares were always the ones that made him feel weird since the first day.

Or maybe – and the one that Seungyoon wanted to believe it’s the correct – it’s that he was pretty stressed and because of that his body was acting weird.

At the end, the important thing he needed to be concentrated on was their album and debut and not the confusing feeling of one night that he was sure it would never come back.

Neverthless the feeling of heaviness in his heart persisted, but he - as the leader - needed to go ahead and disregard it. 

Taehyun was eager about the recording of his solo, he was like a little kid during his first day of school. Maybe that song gave him headaches – especially the way it came to life – but also was one of his favorite songs he ever composed.

<Confession> was his scream of freedom.

He wanted to sing with all his emotions and get rid of them. Because even if he tried to end his stupid feels, he knew that the only way to get free was singing it. Convey his emotions in one song and forget about it, maybe the muse will never know the truth, but the peace that Taehyun knew he will have later would compensate the ache.

And of course the song was difficult to sing – Taehyun always loved hard ways – but if he was going to do something to get his freedom, he needed to do it well.

Inside the cabin, Taehyun was ready to start to record the song while he was trying to gather all his feelings at once.

 -Seungyoon-ah, it’s good to see you here – Taehyun heard and he didn’t need to try anymore, the feelings appeared as fast as his breath – Taehyun is ready to record his solo – the producer said.

-Yeah, I know. That’s the reason I’m here – Seungyoon’s husky voice said, and Taehyun felt how his heart jumped hard.

“It’s the last time you will jump like this, enjoy it” Taehyun said to his heart and looked around, cameras everywhere, the staff and Seungyoon, the last one smiled at him while he was waving his hands to him.

-Don’t pretend to be a responsible leader – Taehyun joked and looked straight to Seungyoon, it was his goodbye for those stupid feels, so he needed to look to his eyes, his warm gaze and his smile.

All his body shuddered at the intense glance of Seungyoon, as he was trying to say something but no one couldn’t understand, not even them.

Since the first word of the song, Taehyun was full of his own emotions. His heavy and confused heart was screaming, while the agony and the flutter of his heart could gather in one melody - in one song as if finally they could live together - screaming his anxiety and love.

“I want to give to myself to you baby”

He sang and stopped, he could feel his cheeks burning and the tears - that he would never allow to escape – accrued in his eyes.

-Seokjoon-hyung, can I turn off the lights? – He asked and the lights went off.

Seungyoon said something but Taehyun was so immersed in his own feelings that he didn’t listen. Finally his feelings were getting the freedom that he always wanted.

Looking at Seungyoon for the last time, he started to sing in the darkness of the cabin - the place he allowed himself to scream his emotions - for the one who was sitting in that chair, looking at him without knowing anything. The one that made him feel as he was a lost child in the world, but at the same time, without a word, could make him feel as his was at home.

The tears were falling, but Taehyun couldn’t stop now, he was singing with his distraught heart, he was confessing to him, to Seungyoon.

His tears were all over his face, he felt them, but he didn’t care anymore. Just for that day he allowed himself to feel – to real feel – as it anyhow was his farewell. 

When he finished the record, Taehyun almost forgot how to breathe. With his feelings showing up, all he wanted was to close his eyes and disappear. Overwhelmed, he embraced himself.

Seungyoon wasn’t there anymore; he knew it even if he didn’t look around.

After this, Taehyun will forget him, he will forget him for real. It was his last hope.

When Seungyoon saw Taehyun’s tears rolling down his cheek, immediately he said to the cameraman to stop the recording. Knowing Taehyun personality, Seungyoon knew he would hate that his tears were shown to the public or fans.

All those emotions in one song shook Seungyoon.

After all these years, Seungyoon knew that Taehyun was a great singer and excellent composer, but the way he sang it touched him in a way that he couldn’t understand.

He swallowed every time the breath of Taehyun seemed to break or it sounded as a whisper in his ears. And a thousand of emotions gathered inside of him, because Seungyoon could feel the real Taehyun, he could feel the pain, the anxiety and the desire of him to be with her.

Her.

 A waterfall of an unknowing feeling traveled all over his body, erasing the good ones and bringing that awful feeling named jealous.

He was jealous of the muse, jealous of the girl that had the ability to make Taehyun compose beautiful songs and made him sang in that way.

The recognition of the feeling was like a punch in his guts, and before the song ended he was out of the room.

Seungyoon felt sick, again.

“Let´s overflow this world with songs that are made by strong men”

It was the message that Seungyoon made with all the members last names. Taehyun smiled as he remembered.

That day was beautiful, in the campfire just singing with s. Playing with them – even if they were really tired -  smiling and eating with them. It was indeed one of his most important memory with them.

Nevertheless, his eyes were almost all the time on Seungyoon: his face was puffy – he didn’t sleep at all because he was immersed in their album – and his eyes sleepy. His hands were redder than other days and Taehyun wanted to warm them with his. The thought of that made him feel as an idiot, after all the dramatic scene over his song, and his thought that <Confession> would be his freedom, he was there… thinking about Seungyoon, again.

In days like that, Taehyun just wanted to punch himself.

It was dark and Seungyoon couldn’t see anything, he just could feel a warm body in his bed with him. This person caressed his torso with his fingers and lips, as it was an exquisite food, and automatically his heartbeats increased. The air was hot and heavy, and he could only hear the sound of their breaths blended with deep moans.

Soft lips were kissing him, while a tongue was testing and trying to sink into his mouth. Seungyoon could feel the long hair of this person on his face and the aroma that it exuded – something familiar and heady.  Dizzy and , Seungyoon touched the body that was on him, enjoying every single place of that hot body, all he wanted was to release the urgency between his legs and the heat that was burning him inside.

He wanted more, he wanted all.  

“Hyung” the person moaned in his ear and Seungyoon almost came.

Seungyoon opened his eyes suddenly, and he was there alone in his bed – just the sound of Jinwoo’s snore could be heard and the sunlight was lighting up the room. He was sweating and his heart throbbed pretty fast. Immediately Seungyoon noticed how hard he was.

“It was just an dream” Seungyoon thought while he tried to remember it – without success – and with blurred flashbacks in his mind he touched himself. 

That morning Seungyoon was like a zombie, he couldn’t sleep because he tried to remember his dream, to be exact he tried to remember the person. It was so mysterious that made feel him annoyed and curious. “It was just a dream” he repeated in his mind “That person is not real, just a fantasy” he thought again, but the scent of this person felt so familiar.

When he entered the kitchen, all his hyungs were in it, Seunghoon was making the eggs – he was the top chef of their dorm – while Mino was cheering him up with funny jokes – he just wanted a little more in own dish – and Jinwoo was laughing of them with his whole body, as if they were the funniest guys in the world. Seungyoon smiled fondly, moments like that needed to be treasured. He looked in search of Taehyun, but the maknae was still in his room. Seungyoon thought about waking him up, but he gave up the idea.

Walking with tiredness, Seungyoon mumbled something to their hyungs and went directly for a glass of water; he was so immersed in his own thoughts – basically thinking again about his dream – that he didn’t notice Taehyun behind him, calling his name.

Suddenly, Seungyoon could smell the smooth scent, it was as wood and spices, he wasn’t sure, it entered through his nose and filled his lungs. The aroma reminded him of the forest, a cold and mysterious one, but he could also feel a sweet fragrance mixed up with it, as vanilla and something else. He gulped, it was “the aroma”, he was sure of that.

- Seungyoon – Taehyun said with annoying voice and touched his shoulder, sharply breaking the spell. But the aroma was still there, wrapping him and made him feel groggy. - Hyung – Taehyun insisted and Seungyoon almost had a mini heart attack.

“Hyung”, “Hyung”, “Hyung” was the only word that the person said in his moans.

-Seungyoon hyung, are you okay? – Taehyun asked again, and turned him around.

His two soft hands were on Seungyoon’s shoulder, he was looking at him with concern eyes – everybody was looking at him, but he just had eyes on Taehyun – and his hair, longer than the past year, were falling on his face. Seungyoon almost forgot how to breathe, the aroma was stronger as well as his heartbeats. Taehyun was asking him something, but Seungyoon wasn’t capable to replay.

The truth shocked him. The person was Taehyun. Taehyun was the person.

Shivers ran through all his body and fear surfaced. So, Seungyoon did the only thing he could do before break into pieces, he fled.

With heavy steps, Taehyun was walking through hallways of the hotel, on his way to his room. He felt exhausted, not physically but emotionally; their last round of that day in Japan was over. He didn’t want to think that their fanmeeting was a success, because they have a lot way to go, but he was happy for their fans’ support.

Taehyun sighed for his fourth time in the day, Seungyoon was angry with him – he was sure about that – and he didn’t know how to manage it. Maybe they didn’t throw things or yelled between each other, that day, but Seungyoon was avoiding him.

Every time Taehyun tried to talk to him, Seungyoon just answered monosyllabic and disappeared as fast as possible. At first Taehyun didn’t take it personal – they were really busy with their album and Seungyoon as leader had more pressure on his shoulders – but then, Taehyun found out that Mino and Seungyoon were working in a song together and instead of fighting –due their different styles of music - they chuckled all the time and went out to watch movies behind the back of the staff.

Moreover, Seunghoon - the weirdo hyung that always searched fight with Seungyoon – now whispered things in Seungyoon’s ears every time he could, as he knew a little secret of his, and as an answer Seungyoon nagged him about his choreography.

 About the “nag”, lately Seungyoon didn’t nag him like before and it was not because he started to do the things well – he even did things wrong just to get a respond, but nothing happened - it was like Taehyun was transparent as a ghost.

And to top the things, Seungyoon almost kissed Jinwoo. 

“Jinwoo is mine”, Seungyoon said in Japanese - when they were talking about Jinwoo’s lips – and he went directly to Jinwoo, who moved his head and their lips almost touched. The gasp of their fans blended with his, the moment still repeated in Taehyun’s mind as a scary movie.

With another deep sigh, Taehyun kept walking; he didn’t even try to control the sorrow in his heart. He already knew that it was impossible.

Taehyun opened his room’s door and heard some noise inside, it was Seunghoon’s voice. Thanks to Seungyoon, now they shared room with Seunghoon too. Annoyed with that, he was about to slap the door but something stopped him, rather someone.

-Shut up, hyung – Seungyoon said with nuisance.

-Seungyoon-ah, you need to stop your behavior – Seunghoon said in a mischievous voice. – You almost kissed Jinwoo hyung – he said and Taehyun stayed in his spot without moving – don’t do that again – Seunghoon said.

-Hyung, fans…

-Don’t make excuses – Seunghoon told, interrupting Seungyoon -  I know that fans likes weird things, but that kind of fanservice is too much, you as a leader… don’t look at me with that face, you little brat.

-Hyung, I’m tired and stop your nag, which it supposed to be my job – Seungyoon answered with bother.

-So, now am I the nagger of the nag? – Seunghoon mocked – Ok, so maybe this would change your mind. – Seunghoon said with a mischievous voice - As you think it’s correct that kind of fanservice, what do you think if next time I kiss Taehyun? – Taehyun frowned in his spot.

-Shut up – Seungyoon replied, his voice sounded as he was annoyed. 

-You don’t like the idea, right? – Seunghoon mocked again, and Taehyun’s heartbeat started to raise – his lips seems soft, maybe I can…

The sound of a strong blow filled the room, and without thinking Taehyun run inside the room.

-What the hell is this? – Taehyun asked with shocked face at the view of Seungyoon at top of Seunghoon on the floor.

Immediately Seungyoon lifted his face – the redness all over it – mumbled something incoherent while he was getting up and run to the bathroom, locking himself inside, as Seunghoon was laughing so hard.

-Hyung, what the hell was all that? – Taehyun asked again looking straight to Seunghoon, which was smiling.

-Nothing, maknae, nothing – He said and started to search his pajama.

Foxed, Taehyun looked around and frowned. He had heard everything, but he couldn’t understand anything. Because the thing he was thinking was impossible. Frustrated, Taehyun kicked his suitcase.

Excellent, now he had a headache.

May was the worst month ever, Seungyoon was tired and angry.  Angry with how he couldn’t finish the song yet, how their debut was delayed again, how his mood was unstable, how he started to fight with the members – especially with Taehyun – but the most important was that he was angry with himself.

He sighed and covered himself with a blanket of the hotel room, they were at the last stop of AON 2NE1 concert and he couldn’t stop thinking about all his fights with Taehyun in that month.

Seungyoon knew that he was negligent towards the maknae lately – it was just self-protection, especially after Seunghoon started to suspect about him – but he had never been so harsh with him until that day.

The fight started with something simple, but Taehyun took it as something personal. At first Seungyoon was going to let it go, but Taehyun, as stubborn he was, didn’t let him. Both were angry and said things they didn’t mean “you think you are a leader, but you are just a kid with power” , “you are not the only one working in this album, Seungyoon” “It’s not just your nag, it’s  all about you. I can’t stand you anymore”.

“The world doesn’t revolve around you, Nam Taehyun” , “if you stopped to be so stubborn, you will see that is a new world outside” , “I can’t stand you too, how could I? You are just a spineless kid”

Seungyoon sighed again, with heavy heart; deep inside he felt guilty and hurt. He was the leader and needed to control his nature, but the situation slipped from his hands. Now they didn’t talk at all, the others members tried to make them talk, but nothing more that monosyllabic went out from their mouths.

At first he felt so hurt that he didn’t want to see Nam Taehyun at all – it wasn’t like words could hurt him, but from whom those words were said, it made him feel betrayed – but then he noticed that he wasn’t the only one in pain, especially at Taehyun’s birthday: Taehyun smiled a little but his smile didn’t reach his eyes.

That day Seungyoon said “Happy birthday” and smiled at him. Taehyun was shocked at first – he noticed in his face – but then he smiled back. After that interaction they didn’t spoke at all.

Seungyoon knew that they needed to talk about but he couldn’t find the courage and time passed. Now they were in Malaysia – sharing a room with Mino and Taehyun – and they were acting like strangers. Seungyoon noticed the concern in Mino’s eyes.

“Talk to him” were Mino’s words “Even if it was his fault, you know he will never accept that”.

Seungyoon said to Mino that he will talk to him, but it wasn’t that easy. “Now who is the kid without guts?” he thought and closed his eyes.

It was pretty late when Seungyoon felt a gentle touch in his hair, at first he thought he was imagining it. But the way those fingers played with his hair awoke him. He opened his eyes a little and the touch stopped –it was real, someone was there caressing him in the middle of the night- he shifted in his spot and brought his own hand to his head; with a smooth move his fingertips touched that soft and manly hand. His heartbeats raised a little but he couldn’t stop himself and started to caress it.

He felt the hesitation in the hand, but at the end those fingers caressed him too.

-Hyung, I… I….

 - Shhu – Seungyoon interrupted, he knew Taehyun was about to apologize. But Taehyun wasn’t the only one in fault.

In the middle of the night Seungyoon smiled to Taehyun. Maybe it was because his eyes adapted to the night, but he could see him with his long hair framing his face and a smile painted on it.

Seungyoon knew that maybe he would regret his action later, but he pulled Taehyun in his bed, beside him, and hugged him from behind. Taehyun body was warm and strained but he didn’t move or reject him. Seungyoon smiled a little and leaned his face on Taehyun’s neck, while with all his body he embraced the maknae as he was a teddy bear.

-Let’s sleep now – Seungyoon said in husky voice and kissed his neck. And wrapped of the scent of forest and vanilla along with the flutter of his heart, Seungyoon finally could sleep well after a month.

After that day the things with Seungyoon improved, it wasn’t like old days – trainer’s day before WIN to be exact– but now at least they talked a little more.

Taehyun still shivered at the remember of the last stop in Malaysia: Seungyoon looked at him in the darkness as he could read everything on his face, he didn’t ask for an apology or either gave one, Seungyoon always accepted him the way he was. So, when he was in his arms –with his heavy breath in his neck –Taehyun finally recognized that he fell for Seungyoon and there wasn’t a turning back.

The next day, when he got up Mino was looking at him with a curious stare. Taehyun was red and Seungyoon was still sleeping.

-So, everything is good now? – Mino asked with a smile on his face.

-I think so – Taehyun mumbled and ran to the bathroom. After he locked him inside he could hear Mino’s voice saying – Yah, Kang Seungyoon, get up! You are supposed to be the leader.

Taehyun sighed after recalling the moment, automatically he felt like a fool. Even if he recognized his own feelings, that didn’t change the fact that they were just members of the same group.

Fading away his thoughts, Taehyun finished changing his clothes, that day he would go out with his friends; in fact one of them was waiting for him in the living room.

-Taehyun-ah! Hurry up – his friend said with anxious voice, - the guys are waiting for us – Taehyun was about to answer, but the sound of the door interrupted him.

-Who are you? – Taehyun heard outside of his room, it was Seungyoon’s voice and Taehyun was out of his room in a snap.

-Hyung – Taehyun said, while looking how contorted Seungyoon’s face was at the presence of a stranger in the dorm – He is Yejoon, my friend, we are about to leave and don’t worry, staff gave me permission – he said at the examining Seungyoon.

-So, you are the leader, right? – His friend said – Kang Seungyoon – he muttered with a light smile in his face.

Seungyoon smiled back with confused eyes and Taehyun wanted to punch his friend, why he was acting so weird in front of Seungyoon.

-I’m the one who made Taehyun’s tattoos – he commented looking straight to Seungyoon’s eyes – Do you have one? – He said with amused voice and spark in his eyes.

-I don’t, but maybe in the future I’ll made one, who knows? – Seungyoon said with an odd tone of voice and Taehyun looked at him, surprised – Right now, I’m into music. Creating, composing, and writing, things like that – Seungyoon added.

There was something in Seungyoon’s gaze that Taehyun couldn’t describe. It was as he was annoyed and was about to get into a fight. So, before things slipped of his hands, Taehyun said – It’s time to go –

-You are right, Taehyunnie, it’s time for our date – his friend said with affectionate voice. Taehyun looked at him with a strange gaze, since when did he talk to him like that?

-Taehyun-ah, before you go I need to talk with you – Seungyoon interrupted and walked to the kitchen without even look at Yejoon.

Taehyun frowned but followed him, he was a little bewildered due Seungyoon’s roughness towards his Yejoon, but he didn’t say anything.  

-Hyung, I have permission, if you don’t believe me, you can call… - Taehyun couldn’t say anymore because Seungyoon covered his mouth with his hand.

-I believe in you – he said but didn’t let his hand go and Taehyun was so shocked that he didn’t move. – I…. – Seungyoon sighed – be careful, Taehyun. – He said and let his hand go.

-It’s because he is a tattooist, right? – Taehyun said with a frown in his face, he didn’t want to think bad, but Seungyoon was acting weird – he is my friend, a pretty close friend. He is good...

-Don’t be a fool – Seungyoon interrupted and leaned his hand on one of Taehyun’s shoulder – I was talking about fans, you are not Nam Taehyun the unknown trainer anymore, fans and public will recognize you and sometimes they could be intimidating, just be careful. – He said and smiled a little.

Taehyun just murmured an “okay” while the familiar flutter appeared in his heart and he looked away.

-Taehyun, be careful and…. –Seungyoon paused -… come back home – He said the last part in low but caring voice.

In that moment Taehyun’s heart was wrapped with a warm feeling, he lifted his gaze a little and saw that Seungyoon was blushing.

-I’ll be back home – Taehyun answered with his heart jumping inside him as their gazes locked.  Electricity ran through his body while they both smiled back at each other, and Seungyoon’s smile was sweet and warm.

 There was something in there, Taehyun could feel it – but he wasn’t sure. Seungyoon opened his mouth as he was about to say something, but Taehyun’s friend interrupted and the spell was broken.  

They were in New York, preparing their photoshoot to the album. All the members were really excited about it, everything was new and different. The weather, environment and even the people were strange, and due that Seungyoon was amazed.  

When they were at Central Park, preparing for their photoshoot, Seungyoon looked how a couple of two boys were walking at the park. The couple had their hands intertwined; one of them had blond hair and was smiling with enthusiasm while the other talked to him near his ear. Seungyoon knew that stare couples was rude, but he was intrigued. The guy with blond hair suddenly gave a sweet kiss on the other guy’s lips. Seungyoon was a little shocked of it at first, but then he saw how the other guy hugged his boyfriend and deepened the kiss without even looking around. Blushing, Seungyoon looked away and bit his own lips, because a fast image appeared in his mind, an image of him and Taehyun walking and kissing just the same as that couple. Embarrassed of his own thoughts, Seungyoon faded it away.

Because Taehyun and Seungyoon weren’t them and Korea and New York were different.  

With a deep sigh, he seated on a bench while the other members were with the staff, fixing last details of their outfits. Seungyoon looked how Mino was “fighting” with one of the noonas, he talked a lot and noona wanted to work without laughing. Jinwoo just smiled back to any suggestion of the staff, while Seunghoon was ready and was talking with the photographer.

Now Seungyoon’s eyes were on Taehyun.  He looked stunning, dressed in a suit, his long legs in that kind of pants fitted so well that Seungyoon felt his mouth dry. With a simple white shirt and a tie he looked like a model, a hot one. His hair wasn’t a mess but Seungyoon could imagine the wind playing with it. Without noticing, Seungyoon had a sweet smile in his face – Taehyun was laughing about something funny that Mino said, his body moved gracefully and a big smile was painted on his face along with his droopy eyebrows.

-Don’t be so obvious – someone said and Seungyoon skipped in his spot – you don’t even realize that I was coming– Seunghoon chuckled.

-I don’t know what are you talking about – Seungyoon answered, trying to sound serious.

-So, now you don’t know – Seunghoon said and sit next to him – Seungyoon – he told in a serious voice – I’m really thankful about how you always try the best for the group, I really am.

-Thank you hyung, but why…

-Let me finish – Seunghoon interrupted and Seungyoon nodded – but you are still young, sometimes we let feelings rule us – he added – but don’t let it happen with Taehyun, you as the leader need to think for the group, not just for you or for one of the members, you need to think for all of us.

-Hyung – Seungyoon exclaimed with an ugly feeling inside him – what the hell are you saying?

-I know – he answered and smiled a little – even if you try to deny it, I know. And I don’t want to be the bad guy here, but I’m realistic. We just started as a group, we haven’t debut yet, and you know the same as me that the showbiz is a , whatever we say, whatever we do will be in the public eyes. Do you really want to push Taehyun in a world where he would be pointed out? – he said and Seungyoon felt as he received a punch.

Seungyoon looked to Mino, Jinwoo and Taehyun having fun with the staff. He was right, Seunghoon was right. Biting his own lips, he felt the hopelessness filling his body.

-I know how you feel – Seunghoon muttered – it’s difficult just being friends, but sometimes, especially in the spot we are now, it’s the logic and best thing to do.

-Hyung, are you…

-It’s not you or Taehyun – he chuckled – don’t worry about it, I’m getting over it – he added but Seungyoon didn’t believe him, not when his voice sounded sad and his eyes were looking the other members with melancholic eyes.

-You don’t have to worry, I don’t know what make you think like that but I saw all of you as my friends – Seungyoon lied and looked Taehyun again, which was smiling in a cute way, - but in something you are right, I’m the leader and sometimes some decisions will be difficult and will hurt us but at the end they are the correct – he told while a hole was growing inside his body.

Seunghoon was about to say something else, but Mino voice interrupted him. It was time for work, and while he was walking toward them, he saw how Taehyun was looking at him with a concerned look. Seungyoon wanted to run toward him and hug him, but it was impossible.

It was not correct.

Nam Taehyun was concerned, that was their last week before their debut and Seungyoon looked like a zombie. After their trip to New York, Seungyoon took the role of leader too serious. He was never in their dorm, it was like his house was the studio –even if they already finished to record all the songs, he was always there – he wasn’t eating well either.

It was like the stress attacked him and he was on the verge of falling apart and Taehyun couldn’t do anything and that frustrated him.

He even tried talk with him, but it was in vain. Seungyoon said he needed to check every little detail about their debut and that he was fine. At some point Taehyun really wanted to punch him, but he didn’t insist, because he knew that nobody could stop Seungyoon when he had something in his mind.

"He tells us that he is straightforward because he has a bad personality, but I think such a character is required for a leader. I wish I could have been a more affectionate member since I am the youngest. I feel bad that I am not like that. But I know that we understand each other without saying things out loud and I want to tell him that there is no need to worry. He is a leader who works with us, instead of ordering us what to do."  

Seungyoon read it like for thousandth time while the warm feel wrapped him again, Taehyun wrote those things about him. Such beautiful and meaningful words that touched him deeply inside.  In some way Seungyoon felt as it was his way to say “sorry” to him.

 “But I know that we understand each other without saying things out loud”

They were always like that, even when they were mad at each other or they fought over things, they never needed words. And it was one of the reasons why Seungyoon was concerned. Their chemistry was always different and special – Seungyoon loved it so much – but now, he knew that he needed to stay away a little, it wasn’t only because of him or his confused feels. Now, he had to think about the group, about their future, and that made his heart being in pain. He needed to find a solution or he would get crazy.

With a sigh, Seungyoon tried to not thing about it again. He took a decision in New York, and now he had to concentrate on the promotion of the group. They had already debuted and their songs were on top of the charts, he was happy about that – even if his and members self-composed songs weren’t their principal track – and now they were recording in music shows and preparing their debut in Japan too. Therefore Seungyoon didn’t have time for those kinds of concerns.

Nevertheless, Seungyoon read again those words printed in their debut album and a melancholic smile painted his face.

During the beginning of their promotion in Korea, Taehyun was mad with Seungyoon, the leader was avoiding him again – even if Seungyoon denied it, Taehyun knew it was true – and Taehyun didn’t know the reason behind his attitude.

The irritation of Taehyun increased every time Seungyoon talked about how excited he was about meeting girl groups in music shows – the leader that told them to be concentrated on their debut, now was all about girls – and to add insult to injury Mino followed him , “She is so beautiful” “You have to look her legs, she is so ing y” “I watched a variety show with her on it and she is so funny” “I think the other member is more y, you know… do you see her waist? So thin and …. Indeed she is the y one” .

Those were their stupid conversation every time they finished to record in a music show, at first Taehyun knew it was common for boys to talk in that way, but that didn’t change the irritation and annoyance inside his body.

But it was not only that, Seungyoon took advantage of every situation to talk with members of other groups. He knew he was polite and all, but sometimes Taehyun felt that Seungyoon preferred to be with random people than him.

Even when Zico appeared, Taehyun noticed how excited Seungyoon was – he was talking to Mino about how great artist Zico was and all – at the beginning Taehyun was indifferent of the situation, but then when they were together and Seungyoon was all cute towards Zico. Taehyun wanted to punch him for real in his dumpling face.

Excluded because he wanted so, Taehyun saw their interactions and felt hurt. Even when the cameras weren’t around and Mino talked in private with Zico, Seungyoon was like a kid waiting for his turn. Obviously Mino was happy about that, he was close to Zico and now that Seungyoon – his new best friend – wanted to be with them, Mino smiled a lot.

“His new best friend” Just the thought about it made Taehyun felt a little sick. It was not Mino’s fault; he was always a good boy with a precious heart that could make people fall for him easily. Mino is the kind of person that is friend of everybody, because he doesn’t judge and he tries to be nice with everybody. But on the other hand, it was Seungyoon, - just the thought of Seungyoon annoyed him – Seungyoon, the boy that even if he smiled a lot and was polite, never trusted easily. Taehyun saw in those months how their friendship developed, Seungyoon was comfortable around Mino – and Taehyun knew that it was good for the group, but the bother inside him didn’t disappear – the leader touched Mino with familiarity, and even when they recorded, Seungyoon always leaned on Mino the most.

Taehyun punched his own pillow for a thousand of time that night. Since they arrived of their last recorded on Inkigayo, he didn’t feel well and even if he finished to save all his belongings in his suitcases - because next day they have to take a flight towards Japan due their debut album and the beginning of their tour concert – Taehyun felt irritated, or maybe he was frustrated. He wasn’t sure; he just wanted to punch Seungyoon in his face.

Throwing his pillow at the floor, Taehyun got up like a hurricane and walked to the kitchen for water. Outside his room, the living room was a disaster, all the other members were talking about something but got quiet when he appeared.

Taehyun, irritated as he was, looked at them with cold eyes and superiority attitude.

-What? – He asked, while he examined their faces.

-Taehyun – Seunghoon was the first to talk, and Taehyun didn’t like how his voice sounded – we need to talk to you – he added and Taehyun frowned.

 – It’s about your attitude in some shows – Seungyoon was the one that talked now - we were looking online and some people wrote things as you looked listless, as if you didn’t care, we know that…

-So you are here telling me that I don’t care about our group or fans, that I didn’t work hard like you – Taehyun interrupted with anger in his voice without letting Seungyoon explain himself.

-If you listen to us first, before you spit the you are saying, maybe you can understand us – Seungyoon said with red face. Taehyun knew Seungyoon was angry but he was too.

-Since when do you care about me? You almost didn’t talk to me in those months, but because now it’s something about the group, you act as you care – Taehyun claimed with his stormy feelings ready to explode.

-Are you listening what are you saying – Seungyoon spitted – you didn’t let us to tell you why we are here, trying to talk to you, and you said that I don’t care, that bull – he added all mad about it - that’s your problem Taehyun, you just heard yourself.

-STOP – Mino intervened with serious voice – you two need to calm down, we are here to talk about something important. I don’t want another fight between you too, I don’t understand what kind of problem you both have but both of you need to chill out .

-Hyung, you are always by his side – Taehyun said, irked – you all are always by his side – he said and pointed the others hyungs – I’m so sick about this – and without listening to the words of any of the other hyungs, Taehyun walked back to his room and slammed the door.

Seungyoon felt his blood boiling with rage. Taehyun was always like that when he was angry and even if Seungyoon understood him in a lot of things, in that moment he just wanted to slap him just to make him open his eyes and see that all the members cared about him.

-Where the are you going? – Seunghoon asked when he saw Seungyoon walking towards Taehyun’s room – don’t enter Seungyoon, let him calm down first – he insisted but Seungyoon didn’t heard him.

-Don’t interrupt us – was all Seungyoon said, before entering Taehyun’s room, and ignored his hyung’s warnings.

Seungyoon opened the door furiously and locked it inside, under the astonished gaze of Taehyun.

-Why the are you here? – Taehyun said and got up from his bed, facing Seungyoon with cold face – get out of here – he spoke icily.

-Listen to me. I’m tired of your behavior – Seungyoon said while moving his hands- Hyungs don’t deserve to be treated like that and you didn’t even hear us out, you made up stupid ideas in your head and nobody was attacking you – Seungyoon pointed out.

- Get out of my room, Seungyoon-hyung – he answered in sarcastic way – I wanna be alone, NOW.

- You are something, Nam Taehyun, yes you are – Seungyoon said while moving his head with a disappointed look - You are not the Taehyun that I thought I knew – Seungyoon snorted and turned around, his hyungs were right: the best was let Taehyun calm down first.

-You are the one that made me like this – Taehyun spitted – and … I hate you for that – Seungyoon was about to open the door but those words stopped him – I hate you so much that I want you to disappear forever.

The wrath and the pain filled Seungyoon’s heart at the sound of those cruel words in Taehyun’s mouth. He turned around and faced Taehyun.

-What did you say? – He asked with a distorted face and clenched fists, while walking towards him.

-You already heard me – Taehyun snorted, with a smug look while a creepy smile was painted on his face – I hate you – he said those poisoned words with a cold stare as expecting that Seungyoon would fall apart, but he was wrong.

Seungyoon was stronger than Taehyun thought; those cruel words couldn’t make him anything. Not when his blood boiled and the wrath increased inside of him.

As an answer, Seungyoon grabbed Taehyun by the shirt and placed his face near his – So, you hate me – Seungyoon said in a malicious way with a low tone as a whisper – I hate you too, Nam Taehyun, and I’ll give you a real reason to hate me – he added acidly while he looked with rage and anger those cold eyes that seemed to mock of him.

And, without thinking, Seungyoon took Taehyun’s face in his hand and he kissed him, without even a warning. It was not a chaste or sweet kiss, it was a punishment one with anger and frustration in it, deep and hungry while he searched for more.

Now, Taehyun had a good reason to hate him and Seungyoon didn’t care, not when he was tasting the forbidden fruit and it tasted like heaven.

Author’s note: Hi everybody, first I’m sorry for my late update and for that I did this chap extra longer than others . Hope you like it, and thank you for your comments and support.

I want to thanks Gaia, without her this fic wouldn’t be here! Also my dear Zee, her words helped me to complete one of my ideas and my chingu Keax because she helped me to find some facts that I needed. And of course my kangnam circle too. I love you all.

Cookies to everybody and thanks!