Part One.

In life exists different kinds of people, good, bad, outgoing, solitary, cheesy, cold... Because of that each relationship and friendship has their own color and their own way to work. Taehyun always thought in that way, and after all these years he was sure about it.

Right now he has some many doubts, so many questions, so many fears that make him so scared, but that is all he desired for a long time.

He almost can’t remember how his life was before he decided to join YG. He had the desire of being a singer since he was young. He was selected in a small company that, instead of teaching him how to sing, taught him how to model, changed his appearance to an androgynous. “You had the aura” they said, so he made it. Even if he hated when people demanded things, it was his dream. So he just made the way they wanted.

In that moment of his life he was rebellious; he loved his mom and brother a lot, but his temperament was difficult.

The first time he saw him, Kang Seungyoon, was in 2010. He was the same age as him.  Another rebellious boy chasing his own dreams. At first he didn’t care about him and his guitar, but week after week, he started to admire him, son of a single mother from a poor family with a lot of debts and with that wide range of voice. His mother, grandmother and brother were in love with Seungyoon. They sent text message every week to vote for him, and held their breath in each elimination; now he can’t remember in which week he started to send his own text messages and held his own breath. Obviously he never said that to his family, because he was not a fan.

When Seungyoon was eliminated he felt disappointed, maybe because his mother always said that every time he watched Seungyoon he reminded her of Taehyun and in some way he felt like he couldn’t achieve his own goal. But in another hand, life keeps going on, right?

He’ll never going to say this out loud but the day he read that Kang Seungyoon entered to YG as a trainer, was the day he decided to try himself. Kang Seungyoon was not exactly YG style and Taehyun neither, so if that kid could, he could give a try, right?

And that was how he started in YG.

Kang Seungyoon signed with YG because he wanted more. He knew that he had a lot of flaws, so maybe one year as a trainer would help him to develop his skills, it would be easy because he was ready to achieve his own dream. How fool was he for thinking it would be easy?

Did he cried?, of course he did but always when he was alone and couldn’t hold stress of his bad dancing. It was really difficult. His body moved in different directions and that frustrated him. But he learned that with hard work everything was possible.

The first time he saw Nam Taehyun, Seungyoon was a mess. Without showering, with dirty clothes and his hair messed up like he had a fight with a cat. He was not Kang Suengyoon of Super Star K 2.

He can’t remember exactly their first conversation, but he can remember his face and his eyes. He was a pretty guy with an especial aura, the kind of guy that would make girls heartbroken and boys doubt their ual orientation. And Seungyoon can’t deny that his eyes were on him, even when he tried not to, and he was sure that he was not the only one.

 Because of that, he started to stay away from Taehyun. They maybe could have interactions; all trainers have when they are living together. So, when the rumors of Taehyun being gay started, he noticed that others trainers were a little hard with him; not like fighting or something like that, but their glances and whispers were way too much every time Taehyun was with them.

Seungyoon was focused on chasing his own dream so he didn’t do anything, he just stayed away and talked to him when it was necessary. Maybe it was selfish, but it was more like trying to protect himself. Especially when Taehyun’s eyes were on him and his heart jumped a little, he didn’t like that, he hated when he couldn’t control his own body.

Now, he regrets his past behavior, realizing he was such a stupid kid.

Nam Taehyun cried a lot, he never thought that it would be so difficult.

First, their vocal coaches demanded him to work harder on his voice, “Your breath is out of control, how you can think that you would be a singer if you can’t control it” “We don’t have so many trainers, not because we didn’t accept them, it’s because they are not strong enough or their talent is mediocre. They don’t fight” “Do you really think that if you keep singing like that you can stay here?” “Do you really want to be a singer?”

And then the other trainers. At first they looked at him with a bad face on. “I’m their competition, it’s natural” he thought. Then they started to whisper things like “He looks like a girl” “He sings like a girl” “Never change your clothes with him in the same room” “Be careful if you share a room with him” “His singing is bad as his temperament” “Why he is still with us? YG it’s not his place” “We don’t want gays here” “His attitude bothers me”.  It wasn’t like all trainers were like that, but the ones who didn’t say anything stayed away from him. Even Kang Seungyoon, the kid who reminded his own family of him, how ironic!

So he was alone, and even if he liked being alone, he felt depressed. Those days were so difficult to him, he even thought about quitting.  But he didn’t want to deceive his mom, not after all his rebellious fights about being a singer.

The day after the kid Teddy Lee left YG. One of his friends started bothering Taehyun as it was his fault. Taehyun ignored him, gave him a death glance and kept doing his own things.

-When trash like you stay with us, and people talented as my friend are out... It makes me sick – he said like looking for a fight.

Taehyun was tired of that kind of , so he put his belongings aside and faced him.

-What do you say?

-You heard me, little – he spat the words.

All the anger and resentment that Taehyun had were turned into a punch. The punch was unexpected and the kid fell on the floor.

-Stupid – he screamed while he was recovering from the punch and trying to get up.

Taehyun was ready to keep fighting when somebody stood between them.

-STOP - Seungyoon screamed. Taehyun was going to spit over Seungyoon, then he noticed that Seungyoon was not screaming to him, but to the other guy.

-STOP IT! I know you are angry and all, but Taehyun doesn’t have fault. Leave the kid alone – he said and grabbed the boy’s arm – let’s go.

Before Seungyoon disappeared, he looked at Taehyun as he was searching something but not in a bad way, because his stare was warm. It was the first time Taehyun felt his heart jumping, it was just a second but he felt it. When Seungyoon went out all the other trainers were looking at him a little scared.

“Great, now I’m the fighter” thought Taehyun and tried not to laugh of his own cruel joke. He took his belongings and went to the bathroom.

The next day all trainers were together at dance practice when one of the coaches came and started to give them a speech. It was more like a speech for Taehyun only.

-YG it’s a company that makes artist – he started- all our artist are well mannered, they don’t start fights with other idols or reply offensive comments with punches, and greet all their sunbaes with a big smile, even if they have a bad day. Our trainers have to be like that, if you are not like that, why are you here? If you can’t sing well and your behavior is like , please take your belongings and go away.  

Seungyoon looked at Taehyun, which was looking at his feet while his long hair covered his face. He was there from not more than a month and he looked like he was breaking into pieces. Maybe not everybody could see it, but Seungyoon could.

That day, Taehyun mistook his steps while dancing. He couldn’t reach notes and looked more distant than other days.

When Seungyoon entered their shared room, Jinwoo and the others trainers weren’t there; it was just Taehyun, putting his belongings in a case. Something inside Seungyoon, which he couldn’t define in that moment, hit him.

-Taehyun – he said, without knowing what exactly he needed to say. He was really bad at talking with people.

Taehyun moved his face a little, saw him and then continued what he was doing. Seungyoon knew this would be difficult.

-If you leave, you will let them win – he said, and noticed how Taehyun stopped what he was doing – I thought you were strong enough, since the first day I saw you I felt that.

-Let them win? Strong? – Taehyun replied in sarcastic way – they want me out, trainers, coaches, everybody… you told me that I’m strong, well maybe I’m not… not for YG.

Seungyoon frowned and sit beside him.

-Who cares about the other trainers or coaches? It’s your dream being here, if you let it go now, how many things you will let it go in the future? – He said with passion – Don’t speak as if you don’t deserve being here, when they accepted you here was because they saw your potential. Things are not going good right now, the beginning is always difficult. For me was so hard, did you saw my dancing? –he asked.

-I did.

-Well, my dancing was worse than now, I moved the opposite side, and coaches screamed me a lot because of that. They were hard with me, they are still hard. I had flaws, a lot of them, but I know that if I try harder everything will settle down.

-But you are not a dancer, you are a singer… a good one – Taehyun replied. He was so stubborn with his negative thoughts.

-And you too.

-Don’t lie to me – Taehyun spat, this time looking at Seungyoon’s eyes with angry – I know my limits, I know that my voice is weak. So don’t lie to me.

-That’s your problem – he replied – you think that you have limits, and the truth is that you don’t, your limits are in your head. You saw a note and thought “I can’t reach it” so when you had to sing that part you couldn’t. If you keep thinking like that, it’s the best if you just leave.

Taehyun moved his face and looked at the floor. Seungyoon knew that he was being harsh but sometimes some people need it.

-But remember, your voice is sweet and you have this special tone that with a good training will be become a voice that would made girls crazy – he said softly while Taehyun’s hair was covering his face – it’s your decision, and – Seungyoon’s hands touched his hair and with a gentle movement put it aside, then looking at his face he said – you are manly too. – After that Seungyoon went out of the room.

The next day he didn’t see Taehyun in dorm, but it was his day off so he was not sure if his words changed something or not.

The day after, Taehyun arrived to monthly assessment with short hair and another style of clothes. Everybody looked at him with surprise, Seungyoon couldn’t help himself and smiled at him.

-Hey! Taehyun I reserved a spot for you – he said. Taehyun looked at him, with his cold look but walked to him – Are you ready?

-I am – he replied with seriousness and fire in his eyes while he was staring at the others trainers.

-Good – Seungyoon said with a grin on his face – by the way, you look nice today – he added and finally Taehyun looked at him – your long hair was great, but now I can see your full face – Seungyoon whispered.

Taehyun looked at him with mixed feelings in his eyes, and a blush on his cheeks.

Cute, Seungyoon thought.

Taehyun wanted to say something, but couldn’t because Seungyoon was being called to perform.

That day Seungyoon sang a song that talked about courage and being brave. He couldn’t help but looked at Taehyun.

Cutting his hair was a difficult decision for Taehyun. Not only because he never had short hair before, or because he wanted to fit in, that would be a stupid reason. Cutting his hair meant another thing to him. The truth is that he did it because it was his way to show the world that he was facing this path with a new spirit and will.

Little by little, everything changed to better after that day. It’s not like the others trainers changed their behavior with him easily, because it was not just his appearance, but also his attitude. For years his attitude always had caused problems, because people always tended to mistake him.

He accepted to live like that, good friends would understand him anyway. The others would be just acquaintances.

But something happened one day.

It was almost midnight and Seungyoon smiled at him.  And that was strange because they had dance class and they were really tired.

-Why are you smiling? – Taehyun asked, while letting his body fall on the bed.

-Because I finished it in time – he said, and Taehyun looked at him confused.

-What are you talking? – He asked – Are you in drugs or something? – Taehyun joked.

-Too expensive – he replied while he was giving him a pen drive– it’s for you – He said and looked at him with a grin in his face.

-Mmm, thanks? – he said confused.

-Just look inside – Seungyoon told him and took his towel and clothes – Happy Birthday, Nam Taehyun – after that he ran out of the room, screaming – IT’S MY TURN TO USE THE BATHROOM!

Taehyun felt his cheeks burning and his hands shaking. He didn’t say anything about his birthday, but Seungyoon knew it. Suddenly he wanted to cry, emotions overwhelmed him so easily that he wanted to punch himself.

-Something is bad, Taehyun? – Jinwoo asked, while he was entering the room.

-Nothing – he replied and smiled at Jinwoo.

Jinwoo looked surprised but smiled back.

That night, while Taehyun was watching the video that Seungyoon made for him for the thousandth time, he understood that Seungyoon was not just another trainer for him, but maybe he had just found a friend.

He couldn’t behave and showed the video to his schoolmates, “Kang Seungyoon made a video for his birthday” “He is a friend of Kang Seungyoon” “They are close” he heard for some people and he just laughed at it.

Friend, Close, Kang Seungyoon were words that made him smile.

After that day, his friendship with Seungyoon changed to better. It’s not like they were best friends or that they talked a lot. It was more like he felt that he had somebody who he could rely on even if they didn’t spoke at all. For people that would be stupid, but for them that kind of friendship was the best.

Seungyoon always said that he had a difficult personality, but for Taehyun it was perfect to him. Because it fitted with him in a strange way despite they were opposite in another way.

They just fitted.