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Word Count: 2, 397 words

Ten Reasons Why I Hate Park Chanyeol

An Essay by Byun Baekhyun

10. He’s too tall

Baekhyun hates how tall Chanyeol is. Chanyeol is a full eleven centimeters towering over him (and most of the world’s population). Meanwhile, he’s stuck at 174 centimeters, a decent height, though not compared to that oaf. He thinks that maybe all rappers are tall, that’s it’s a requirement in the entertainment industry.

Really it wouldn’t be a problem if he was any other person. But no, this was Chanyeol, his supposed husband-to-be according to the fans. And according to them, he was the bride. Yes, bride. And it irritated him to no end that it caused them to think he was some helpless little creature that stumbled into his hero’s arms (or in this case, Chanyeol’s, though Baekhyun would never do that, Chanyeol would probably drop him).

“I’m not short,” Baekhyun would say. “I’m just short next to you. What did your mother feed you when you were little?”

“Uh,” Chanyeol would answer, dumbfounded, “Milk. And broccoli.”

And then Baekhyun would sigh dramatically and roll his eyes, leaving the giant to ponder his childhood diet. “Eat your broccoli, Baekhyunnie!” Chanyeol would call over his shoulder, and Baekhyun would scowl, though he definitely didn’t complain that evening later on when Chanyeol fed him vegetables from his plate.

9. His ears

Chanyeol has these ears that stick out, it makes him look like a fairy, and Baekhyun calls him Yoda for it. He likes to flick Chanyeol’s ear when he’s being annoying or talking too much and Baekhyun just wants to sleep.

They’re even more prominent now that he’s gotten his hair cut from that horrid orange-y blonde style it was when they first debuted. Honestly, Baekhyun wouldn’t have noticed them if Chanyeol didn’t point them out himself. And being Byun Baekhyun, he of course had to for it. The fans seem to think that they’re cute and resemble a puppy’s ears (Baekhyun sees no sense in that).

“Stop talking,” Baekhyun flicks Chanyeol’s ear. “I’m trying to learn lines.”

Chanyeol shuts up, though he stares at Baekhyun, pouting like a kicked puppy, ears sticking out to the side. Cute, Baekhyun thinks, and then he mentally hits himself, suddenly getting up and leaving with a declaration of ‘I hate you Park Chanyeol’ and Chanyeol grins like a maniac as he storms out, slamming the door, already used to his frequent mood swings.

8. His voice is too deep

Their schedules don’t allow much time for sleep, since SM apparently didn’t know that they were supposed to have eight hours of sleep a day.

Baekhyun takes to sleeping in the van and airplane on the way from schedule to schedule. There’s nothing else much to do, and the other members seem to think the same as him, nodding off against the window. Chanyeol didn’t seem to have the same desire to take a nap anywhere and everywhere, always chattering away in the van with that deep, rumbling voice that he has.

Baekhyun didn’t expect his voice to be so deep when he first met him. Though he supposed that all rappers had naturally deep voices, or the entertainment industry was really biased against people with high-pitched voices.

Baekhyun would have no problem with Chanyeol’s voice. No, he doesn’t. But it does add to this supposed image of Sir Chanyeol the Deep Voiced and Princess Baekhyun the Helpless, which he does have a problem with. Compared to Chanyeol’s voice, his own sounds very high-pitched. His voice is not high-pitched. He actually had a very deep voice. Really. I mean, it was lower than Jongdae’s .

Baekhyun absolutely really very despises when they’re on an airplane and Chanyeol will stop his chattering and notice that Baekhyun’s too tired to flick his ear and shut him up, so he settles on lending his shoulder as a pillow and telling him to “Go to sleep, Baekhyunnie,” and it makes him feel really weird inside and he just hates it.

7. His smile is creepy

Chanyeol has a really unique smile. Baekhyun thinks that it’s creepy and tells Chanyeol all the time. It makes him look like a serial killer. It isn’t really noticeable. There’s only certain times when he smiles his Psycho Smile. when a grin breaks across his face from ear to ear, the very epitome of happiness, when he seems to radiate energy and buzz as a source of cheerfulness.

Most of the time he doesn’t smile the Psycho Smile and just grins his charming little grin. Baekhyun always makes fun of it on shows and around the other members, but it never catches on.

“What are you talking about?” Jongdae asks when Baekhyun cracks a joke about it.

Baekhyun doesn’t really understand it. After they debut the members seem to notice it more as Baekhyun talks about it in interviews and the fans begin to acknowledge it. He searches up Chanyeol’s smile on the internet one day and finds pictures of the Psycho Smile. He talks to Jongdae about it and shows him pictures, but he only shrugs.

“I guess he never smiles like that around the other members,” Jongdae concluded nonchalantly.

“Yes he does,” Baekhyun protested. “I’ve seen it.”

Jongdae shrugged again, not really paying attention. “Maybe he only smiles his ‘Psycho Smile’ when he’s with you then.”

Jongdae doesn’t pay attention after that, flipping to the next page in his book, and Baekhyun sits there, frozen. Later, he searches up Chanyeol’s smile again, looking at the pictures of the Psycho Smile at fanmeets and airports. He zooms out of the picture, and surprisingly, there he is, standing right beside him. And Baekhyun sort of smiles at that, but it turns out creepy, and he scowls. Chanyeol walks into their room after that to ask what he wants for dinner, and Baekhyun slams his laptop closed and curses Chanyeol and his smile and how it was contagious and how people were going to think that he was a serial killer now and Chanyeol just smiles. The Psycho Smile. Baekhyun storms away and flicks his ear in the process, Chanyeol grins after him, and Baekhyun hates how Chanyeol’s Smile Disease is contagious. He hates it.

6. He makes no sense

Baekhyun keeps hating Chanyeol for his smile after that, ranting about it to Jongdae, who’s managed to finish his book and start the sequel.

“He makes no sense,” he sighs exasperatedly. “He makes no sense at all.”

“What?” Jongdae says in a monotone voice.

Baekhyun doesn’t understand. He’s come to the conclusion that Chanyeol only smiles that Psycho Smile at Baekhyun, but it makes no sense at all. He searches up Chanyeol’s smile again and zooms out of the pictures. There, next to him, stands Baekhyun, but there’s tons of other people around him. The manager, the fans, security, Jongdae. The list is endless.

“How can he only smile the smile only when I’m around when I’m not the only one around?” he asks Jongdae as he points to a picture on the screen. “It makes no sense.”

Jongdae shrugs, but his eyes are a little teary, and Baekhyun sighs because Jongdae is such a sap for crying at Twilight. “Maybe you two are always off in own little world where no one else exists.”

Baekhyun kind of hates Jongdae for giving him advice from Twilight, but that night he searches up Chanyeol’s smile again and zooms out of it. There, next to him, stands Baekhyun. And he’s also smiling (up) at Chanyeol. The picture has no blurring filter on it, but it seems like the only two people in the picture are him and Chanyeol. It makes him feel really weird and when Chanyeol comes in to ask if they’ve seen Sehun he slams his laptop shut again. “You make no sense!” He storms past Chanyeol, flicking his ear, and cursing him and his stupid smile and his mind and how no one should ever give Jongdae a Twilight book again and Jongdae flips a page. “He’s in the dance practice studio.”

5. His teeth

Chanyeol has perfect pearly white teeth, lined up in straight rows. When he smiles nineteen of them show. Female MC’s say it makes him handsome, male MC’s praise his hygiene habits. Baekhyun snorts mentally, what hygiene? (Honestly Minseok is the only one who has any shred of tidiness in his bones). Interviewers like to ask him what he does to keep his teeth clean.

“I just brush them three times a day,” Chanyeol answers.

“I heard Baekhyun-ssi has really pretty hands. Do you do anything to your hands?”

“I just put lotion on them,” Baekhyun replies. “I don’t do anything else.”

“I can imagine your room at the dorm, one frantically brushing his teeth and the other rubbing lotion on his hands.”

Baekhyun laughs with the MC but it makes no sense in his mind because why would Chanyeol wash his teeth in their bedroom? Anyways, Baekhyun doesn’t use lotion that often. Just after every time he washes his hands.

Baekhyun studies Chanyeol’s teeth that night as they brush them together in the bathroom. He doesn’t see what’s so special about them. Baekhyun has nice teeth too, they’re all straight and white and pretty. All of EXO’s members have nice teeth. All of SM has nice teeth. Now that he thinks about, pretty much every idol has nice teeth. He wonders that the qualifications of being an idol require charm, patience, confidence, talent, and nice teeth.

Chanyeol has really nice teeth though. In the stories of Sir Chanyeol the Deep Voiced and Pretty Teethed and Princess Baekhyun the Helpless he seems to have a for Chanyeol’s teeth. Baekhyun doesn’t. He does not. Soon his eyes wander to the pearly whites, and he wonders if they’re even worth having a for. Sure, they look nice, but in the long run? Would it really feel that good to run his tongue over the back of his Chanyeol’s teeth, to feel them on his tongue? Baekhyun shakes his head and abruptly spits his toothpaste out, storming out of the bathroom and cursing Chanyeol’s teeth and the MC and everything and why did he go to SM instead of JYP and Chanyeol just grins and Baekhyun blushes as he stalks off because he doesn’t want to admit it, but in his head he answers himself, Yes.

4. His hands

Chanyeol has really big hands. Though that might just be because he’s tall. It might be because he’s a rapper. He thinks the entertainment industry is really biased towards deep-voiced big-handed rappers. Thank God he’s a singer. Who knows though, RapByun is pretty damn swaggy. Jongdae only pays attention to him when he says that word and stares at him judgingly before getting up and silently walking away.

Baekhyun inherited nice hands from his mother, and he doesn’t know how nice they look until he searches them up. There’s a lot of pictures of his hands though, and he didn’t know the fans liked them that much. Baekhyun can safely say he has the nicest hands out of all of the Exo members. He makes the mistake of searching his hands up on their fancafé and blushes, because Chanyeol certainly does not have a for his hands, and he definitely does NOT use them like that. It feels nice to hold Chanyeol’s hands though, and Baekhyun kind of spaces out dreamily thinking about them until he snaps out of it.

The next day at the airport Chanyeol  grabs his hand, but Baekhyun tugs it away, face heating up, and clings onto Jongin. The plane ride is relatively uneventful. Jongdae has managed to move on to Eclipse by now, and speeds through the book through the plane ride. Baekhyun purposely sits next to Jongin, because when he sits next to Chanyeol they’ll hold hands and now that he notices it, it feels really bad (good) to hold hands with him and he’d rather not. Baekhyun goes back to his theory of all rappers being deep-voiced and big-handede and turns to Jongin, lifting his hand up into the air. Jongin looks at him strangely but goes along with it silently.

When Baekhyun puts his hand on Jongin’s, the bottom of his palm matching the bottom of Jongin’s palm, the difference is unmistakable. Jongin’s hands are much bigger than his, and he can fold his fingers down to the second knuckle when he folds his fingers over Baekhyun’s straight hand. He grins and Baekhyun pouts, ignoring the glares coming from Chanyeol’s direction.

The next day when they’re returning to Korea, Chanyeol makes sure to drag Baekhyun away from Jongin to sit beside him on the plane, and he folds his hand into Baekhyun’s, and Baekhyun wraps his own around Chanyeol’s on instinct. Chanyeol smiles, satisfied, and Baekhyun blushes again, because it feels weird to hold his hand, but it also feels good. He looks away to hide his red face and looks over Beijing, now reduced to a tiny town. Maybe, Baekhyun thinks, he can settle for second-best hands in Exo. Whatever the fans say, Baekhyun thinks Chanyeol has the best hands out of all of Exo.

3. His laugh

Chanyeol has a really deep, booming laugh that’s easily recognizable. Baekhyun thinks it stems from his deep voice. Baekhyun’s laugh is normal. It’s whatever you’d expect from an idol in a pressured schedules having to deal with a roommate that he absolutely hates.

Baekhyun really hates Chanyeol’s laugh. It’s a low rumbling laugh that seems to echo in the room. Or at least that what it seems like to him. It always stands out to him. It’s really loud to Baekhyun, so that it overpowers everyone else’s laugh, even when they’re all the way across the room. Chanyeol  doesn’t notice. He doesn’t notice how his eyes crinkle up a bit and how he leans forward a little and how he claps his hands. And then Baekhyun feels down about it because he does notice it. He watches old reruns of their shows and seems to hear Chanyeol’s laugh everywhere.

Baekhyun searches up his laugh in the fancafé and seems to only find things about Tao’s laugh or Jongdae’s. Baekhyun reads about how their laughs are always loud and can be heard through everyone else’s. Baekhyun can’t make sense of it.

“I don’t get it,” he says to Jongdae. Jongdae pays him no attention since he’s made it to the last book of the series and only acknowledges his presence when Baekhyun steals the book away.

“I don’t know,” Jongdae says as he tries to reach for the book, nearly tackling Baekhyun in the process. “Maybe his laugh is the only one you hear.”

“It’s probably because he gets more screen time than everyone else put together,” Baekhyun reasons.

“No, he doesn’t,” Jongdae argues, clawing at Baekhyun’s arm in an attempt to retrieve his book.

“Yes he does!”

“You just don’t pay attention whenever anyone else is on screen!” Jongdae bursts.

Baekhyun drops the book and sits up quietly as Jongdae reads through the book. He remains there, mouth opening and closing like a fish until Chanyeol walks in with their manager, telling them to get ready for their next schedule. Baekhyun throws Breaking Dawn at Chanyeol and curses him and his laugh and Chanyeol just grins the Psycho Smile at him as Baekhyun flicks his ear. Jongdae glares at them both because he is whisked away by hair stylists and makeup artists before he gets to finish his book.

2. He’s stupid

Baekhyun searches Chanyeol’s room one day, stealing one of his hoodies and putting it on even though it’s oversized, trying to find his diary to see if he really likes Sehun the way that Jongdae told him he did. He finds no mention of him in Chanyeol’s diary. He still finds nothing when he searches the text messages on his phone to his sister, Yura. And then he sees it, the little text saying that he thinks Sehun’s cute. Baekhyun puts down the phone dejectedly, sniffling a bit. It feels really weird in his stomach. He doesn’t really know what it is. Baekhyun wonders why the entertainment industry is so biased towards tall deep-voiced big-handed idiots who have a crush on the maknae. Then he realizes that it isn’t the entertainment industry that’s biased, it’s him.

Baekhyun sniffles a little more and blinks a few times as he hears footsteps come closer and closer to his chair. Baekhyun doesn’t turn around since he knows who it is and he really doesn’t want to face him right now because his stomach feels weird. A paper drops in front of his face, and Baekhyun blinks so his vision isn’t blurry anymore and he sees the title on the paper, neatly printed.

His stomach feels really weird. It doesn’t feel like butterflies like the books say, it feels like a swarm of killer bees. He topples over the chair as he jumps out of it, clinging onto the first thing his arms land around.

“You’re stupid,” he says against Chanyeol’s chest, flicking his ear.

He chuckles, a low rumbling chuckle, and Baekhyun can feel the vibrations in his chest. “I know.”

’10 REASONS WHY I LOVE BYUN BAEKHYUN:

AN ESSAY BY PARK CHANYEOL’

1. Him

“I hate you,” Baekhyun says one night as they lay in bed together. He reaches up and flicks his ear.

“I hate you too,” Chanyeol replies as he pulls him closer, nestling his face into his hair.

Baekhyun really really hates Park Chanyeol.

But he doesn’t mind at all. 

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