“What are you doing here?”

I met his surprised beautiful doe eyes when he opened the door to his suite. I looked down in embarrassment as I felt my cheeks burn. I don’t know. It’s just that every time I look at him after not seeing each other for quite a while, there’s this feeling inside me that I can’t describe.

I slowly lift my gaze into his and saw that his expression still hasn’t changed. I smile innocently, yet shyly at him, “Why? Don’t you want me he—“

I wasn’t able to finish what I had to say when he surprisingly pulled me inside his suite, afraid that maybe some unwanted people might see us together which can cause a huge scandal that would certainly ruin our images. I cursed myself mentally for being too careless. I mean, I wouldn’t really care what people would say about me… I’ve already accepted the pros and cons of my job. I’ve accepted the reality of it. Just it up, I tell myself every time I get hate comments. Well, you can’t please everyone.

But for him, we can’t risk anything. We can’t risk being caught and be involved in a scandal. After everything’s that happened just this year? It was too much to handle. I wouldn’t want to destroy his image and reputation. Rumors were already spreading that he’s leaving. Though I never talked to him about it, I’m pretty sure he’s hurt that some people thought of him like that.

I didn’t want to hurt him and I didn’t want to destroy his dreams. I don’t think I could ever forgive myself if I would be that person. He is someone who has a dear place in my heart that I would never want to lose.

In one swift movement, he locked the door shut as I was spun around and now, I find myself trapped in his strong, but gentle arms.

My hands slowly found their way to his back as I returned his warm embrace.

“I missed you,” he breathed out before breaking the hug which I missed immediately. He cupped my face and started drawing soft circles on my cheek.

My heart melted when I saw him looking at me softly with a smile forming on his lips. “I missed you too,” I said, leaning to his touch.

“How did you know I was here?” he asked me and I could only raise an eyebrow at him. Is he seriously asking me this question?

“Are you seriously asking me that question?” Of course I knew. He was all over the internet with photos of him at the airport, flying alone without s.

He chuckled and shook his head. He turned away and looked back at the cityscape presented before us. We were standing beside each other in front of a large window (with a safe distance away from it because of his fear of heights) that overlooked the beautiful nightlife of his hometown. Being a celebrity really has its perks. Like I said, he was given a suite which was located at the top part of the hotel, and that means we get to see beautiful sceneries like this.

I too, experience this all the time whenever I go abroad for work. And if I could find time, I’ll try looking for a place of mine. Probably in a high rise building and possibly take the top floor just so I could see beautiful sights just like this whenever I please. I just can’t get enough of it.

“Do your parents know you’re here?”

I froze for a second. “No,” I answered quietly, my gaze still fixated at the lights outside. “No one knows…”

We both stayed silent for a few minutes. I liked the calm and quiet atmosphere surrounding us. I can feel that he liked it too. People like him craved peaceful moments like this and I’d be more than happy to give it to him.

“How’s your mother?” he asks after a while.

I opened my mouth to answer but closed it just before I could let a word out. I crossed my arms as I thought about it. How is my mother? I haven’t spoken to her for over three months already. And I even had to find out from her personal assistant that she has cancer just last month. “I don’t know,” I honestly answered him because my mother shut me out. I don’t know why he asks me this all of a sudden when he knows that I don’t like talking about her. And I honestly feel a bit irritated about it.

My mother and I never really had a relationship. She threw me out of her life, choosing work over her own daughter. I lived with my dad all my life in a different country to where she was. And despite being apart from my dad, she still kept in touch with him. They even go on trips together once, or if their schedules permit them, twice a year without me.

Two years ago, she told me her reason for doing that. She told me that I was just a mistake. She never really wanted me in her life. Ever since then, I hated her. But what confused, and even angered me is after she told me that, she forced me to work for her as a model to launch her new clothing line. I didn’t want to do it but there was no other choice and I suffered a lot because of it.

Surprisingly, I did well on my job and I ended up liking it—no, I loved it. It even helped her become even more famous as one of Japan’s leading fashion designers. I received lots of modeling opportunities after that. I even made money I didn’t know I was capable of earning at my age. She gave me my freedom because of my success, but under one condition: I still work for her. Even though I won’t be the person who I am now because of her, I still felt hatred towards her.

I didn’t know that I was already frowning until my face began to hurt. I took a quick glance at him and I felt relieved that he didn’t notice my irritation. Or at least he was just being considerate not to ask me why.

I scolded myself mentally. Now was not the time to act like a brat. I know I have issues and I didn’t want to ruin his mood because of me. Instead, I released my frustrations by taking a deep breath.

“How are you?” I ask him. I was quite surprised myself that I sounded so worried. I read in various social networking sites about his current condition and I’ve been worried sick about him. He even missed the concert in Bangkok. I tried calling him but the different time zones from where we were was a burden. I flew back to Korea after my work was done only to find out that he already flew here in Beijing. I decided to fly the next day so I could get a little rest, and here I am now.

He turned to me with a smile but the smile didn’t reach his eyes. “I’m feeling better.”

I pouted at his answer. I wanted to believe him. I wanted to believe that he really was feeling better but seeing him so pale and weak like this didn’t convince me.

“Hey,” he slung his arm around my shoulder and pulled me closer to him, “I may not look better but…”

“But?” I ask, tilting my head a little as I wait for him to continue.

“You help me feel a lot better because you’re here,” he said, causing my blood rise to my cheeks. “I’m really glad that you’re here with me.”

I couldn’t help but break in to a smile with what he said. “Then I’m really glad that you’re glad that I’m here with you,” I said and pinched his cheeks which made him laugh.

“Okay, come on,” he grabbed my hands and pulled me towards the couch. “Let’s order dinner.”

The next morning, I woke up earlier than him. I didn’t wake him up because I wanted him to have all the rest he could have. I walked out of the room and did a few stretches in front of the window where I felt the warm sunlight touch my skin. I smiled in contentment when I felt my muscles relax from being stiff.

I walked to the kitchen and opened the refrigerator and sighed in disappointment when I saw that it was empty. Luckily, there was a coffee maker on the counter and had complementary coffee packets beside it. I nodded in approval and decided to make coffee for him first. I’ll just have to wait for him to wake up then we’ll have breakfast.

He woke up sooner than I expected. I was sitting on the couch, with a cup of hot chocolate in my hand and my phone on the other as I read my e-mails. I turned to the bedroom door when I heard him yawn.

“Good morning,” he said as he yawned and rub his sleepy eyes. I laughed a little seeing how cute he is with his bed hair sticking up in different ways. “Good morning. I made you coffee, it’s on the counter.”

He gave me a smile and nodded, walking towards the kitchen. I returned my attention back to my phone.

Monday, September 22, 2014 –  photo shoot in Hong Kong. 8:00AM

Tuesday, September 23, 2014 – fitting for designer Xi Yu Fei. 2:30PM

September 24-26, 2014 – photo shoot in Singapore .Time TBA.

I sighed and locked my phone after reading the schedules I had. The week hasn’t even started yet I felt the exhaustion already. I closed my eyes for a moment and opened them again once I felt him sit beside me.

“You okay?” he asked and I could feel the concern in his voice.

“Yeah,” I nodded my head and gave him a reassuring smile, hoping that he didn’t see my schedule. I didn’t want to tell him I’ll be leaving after two days.

“Have you eaten breakfast?” he asked sleepily and I shook my head in response and he frowned at me. “You should’ve ordered food, you know.”

“It’s fine, I don’t like eating breakfast right away. And I wanted to eat with you,” I told him and prayed that he won’t scold me anymore for not eating. “How’s your coffee?” I ask as a distraction.

He smirked before answering. “I haven’t tasted it yet. I’m still letting it cool a little.”

I started feeling nervous as he raised the cup to his lips. I don’t drink coffee because I was never a fan of it’s bitter taste hence, I don’t really know how to make it; I don’t know how to make it taste good.

And this boy in front of me knew that. He sent me one last teasing look before taking a sip.

I didn’t know that I was holding my breath until he took it away from him. He didn’t let out any reaction which killed be because of the tension. I didn’t even know why I was getting so worked up just because of coffee.

“So..?” I looked at him with expectant eyes, my mouth staying in that “o” position as I prolonged the sound.

He turned to me with pursed lips and I sighed dejectedly. It’s okay, I reassured myself. “I’m sorry. You know I don’t know how to make—“

“It’s good,” he said and pinched my cheek teasingly. “I was just messing with you,” he said and continued drinking.

“Really?” I grinned in triumph. I normally would make a face or feel annoyed whenever people trick me like that but I felt genuinely happy that I made good tasting coffee. Especially for a coffee addict like him.

“You’re getting better at this.”

“Of course! I’m awesome like that!” I beamed, still giddy about the fact that he’s praising me for coffee. Haha.

He let out a small chuckle and shook his head. “Taste it?” he offered the cup and I looked at with a hesitant feeling.

“Uh.. no thanks,” I pushed the cup back to him gently for the coffee won’t spill.

“Come on,” he insisted.

“I don’t like coffee,” I said, narrowing my eyes at him.

“Try it just this once please,” he asked, blinking his doe eyes at me and batting his eye lashes like a little kid asking for a gift on Christmas Day.

I felt my cheeks burn as he acted all cute and desperate like this. “F-fine,” I stuttered and looked away from him. I took the mug from him and sipped a tiny amount of coffee. I made a face, even though it did taste good, I still didn’t made me change my feeling towards it. “Yeah, I’m sticking to good old hot chocolate right here,” I tell him, raising my mug to show him and drink in front of him proudly.

Once I took the mug down, I felt him staring at me and it made me feel nervous all over again. “What?” I ask, feeling insecure all of a sudden.

He wiped my upper lip with his finger, taking me by surprise. “You had foam there.”

“Oh. Thanks,” I looked away, trying to hide the blush creeping on my face.

It was silent between us after that. It didn’t feel awkward at all too. It was a very comforting kind of silence.

I looked over at him when he placed his empty mug on the coffee table. He adjusted his sitting position and turned to face me fully. “I’m planning to dye my hair black,” he said, running a hand through his blonde locks.

I frowned in shock and looked at his hair. Since we were near the window, his blonde hair shone like gold because of the sunlight. “But I love your blonde hair.”

He smiled. “I like it too but I really wanted to show the fans a new style from me since the concert would be held here. I want them to see me as natural as I could be. Just like before I left the country to go study abroad. I want them to know that I haven’t changed, you know?” he explained and I definitely understood him.

I didn’t have the heart to stop him from doing what he wanted after hearing his reason. I definitely understood him and it warmed my heart that despite being the idol that he is right now, he stayed humble and didn’t forget who he truly is.

“When will you do it?” I smiled at him softly, feeling his soft hair with my hand. I might as well enjoy this color on him before he changes it. Even though he has thousands of pictures with blonde hair, seeing it in person still gave of a different vibe to it.

“I already scheduled an appointment with my personal hairdresser later in the afternoon,” he said.

“Oh,” I nodded. “Can I come?”

He looked at me with a stunned expression before breaking in to a large smile. “I want you to come.”

We ended up staying until midnight at the hairdresser’s because I decided to have my hair colored blonde just like his before he changed to black.

This time, he woke up earlier than me. I don’t know how long he’s been awake but when I got out of the room, I saw him in the living room, sitting on the couch with his back facing me. I quietly walked behind the couch, careful for him not hear me. When I was already behind him, I fought the urge to laugh at my success, proud that he didn’t hear me sneak up behind him. I was about to cover his eyes with my hands—

“Good morning to you too,” he chuckled. I froze on my spot, feeling disappointed right away. He turned to me with a bowl of noodles in his hand while the other my cheek lovingly. But then he gave it a light slap. Oh my God, did he just— “Come on, let’s eat,” he said, sitting back on his original position. I looked over and saw food packages already set up on the coffee table.

“Wow, that looks like a lot,” I said, taking a seat beside him on the couch and taking the other bowl of rice.

“I was really hungry when I woke up,” he said cheekily. I looked at the food and realized that it was a traditional Chinese breakfast. I nodded and started eating.

Both of us were quiet as we ate, and I had to admit, the food is really delicious! I was too engrossed on eating that I didn’t notice that he was staring at me again. “What is it this time?” I asked and wiped my face before he could surprise me again.

I watch him as he leans closer and grabs a lock of my hair. “This color suits you.”

Oh yeah. I ran a hand on my head and locked my fingers around my hair. I looked at it and I had to agree with him. “My scalp hurts a lot though,” I smiled sheepishly.

“It’ll go away soon,” he told me. I smiled at him and nodded. I ate another spoonful of rice and turned to him. I examined his hair this time and honestly, he looks really good with black hair.

I ran my hand on his hair this time and he looked at me with inquiring eyes. “This needs some getting used to,” I chuckled. “But I like it.”

He grinned widely at me. “So, blonde or black?”

I pursed my lips as I thought about it. Even though he had many different colors over the past years, I really thought that blonde hair suited him the best. But as I look at him now with a more natural hair color, I’m feeling a bit torn between them. “Everything looks good on you,” I answered.

“Eyy,” he whined, pushing me lightly. “Answer my question.”

I sighed and thought more about it. “Since I still am getting used to this color, I’ll have to say blonde, okay?” I told him and he smiled at me in understanding.

“My mother wanted me to come home for lunch later and I’m taking you with me.”

I almost choked on my rice as I looked at him in shock. I drank my glass of water and wiped my lips with a napkin. “You’re going to take me where?”

“Lunch. At my parents’ house,” he said repeated like it was the most natural thing in the world to say.

I froze. I heard him the first time but hearing it again took it to another level.

“Why? What’s getting you all worked up?” he smirked as he noticed that I was still frozen in my place.

I raised a brow at him. “You’re going to take me to your parents’ house. They don’t even know me,” I whined. I’m not really prepared to meet his parents at the moment. “And look!” I pointed at my hair, “it’s ash grey, for crying out loud!” Well, my technically, we didn’t finish dyeing my hair to blonde because I had black colored hair. We still had to bleach it a few more times before finally getting to blonde. But whenever I look at it, I might just stick to this color for a while.

“That’s why I’m taking you with me,” he chuckled, rolling his eyes. “And who cares if your hair is colored like that? They’ve seen me in worse hair colors. They’ll understand.”

“What about your rehearsal?”

“I’ll go to rehearsal after.”

Damn, how do I get out of this one?

“I’m taking you with me and that’s final,” he dismissed with a smirk still hanging on his lips. “I’m gonna go get ready, okay?” he ruffled my hair and placed his empty bowl on the coffee table before going inside the bathroom.

I looked at my own bowl and saw that it was still half-full. I think I just lost my appetite until the rest of the day.

“You look, fine,” he told me for the nth time today. We were fetched by their driver (yes, they have a driver) from the hotel and was driven to their house. I couldn’t stop fidgeting and fixing my hair and my clothes while we were in the car.

I looked over at him and he was wearing casual clothes; a plain white shirt over a plaid, long-sleeved polo. While I on the other hand, am worried that I was underdressed or something. When I looked at the clothes I brought with me, I noticed that I really didn’t bring casual clothes and was stuck with high fashioned ones. But fortunately, I found a pair of skinny jeans and a thin, white long-sleeved shirt and decided to wear casual over flashy ones. “What if they think I look ridiculous?” I mean, they might not believe me if I tell them that I'm a model with what I was wearing. I wasn’t really buying his comforting words. My mind was just blocked from anything besides looking pleasant and perfect.

“What if they heard bad things about me?” I gaped in horror. “They’re gonna hate me—“

He grabbed me by the shoulders and turned me to face him. “They won’t do that,” he laughed. “I promise.”

I did feel a little better after he calmed me down but I still had that pout on my lips. He leaned back and faced front and I followed him, praying that what he told me was true. Since I’ve heard rumors that his parents didn’t really approve of his dream of becoming a singer, I assumed that they are not fond of famous people because I was kind of a celebrity too…

I felt him squeeze my hand reassuringly and I looked up at him. He was wearing a very angelic smile, making me feel like everything really is gonna be fine.

“I thought you said I was meeting your parents, not your entire family,” I narrowed my eyes accusingly at him.

“I honestly didn’t know that everyone would be there,” he defended, quite surprised himself.

Both of us looked back at his family who were waving goodbye to us as we drove away. “But you had fun, right?” he asked me.

Meeting his family was quite overwhelming because of their large quantity. I was also expecting a language barrier between his family and I but I was surprised that most of them knew how to speak in English (I just discovered)— even he knew how and I wondered why he didn’t talk to me with a language that I am fluent at. His relatives were very kind and they didn’t let me feel left out. It was also fun interacting with his super cute toddler nephews and nieces. The kids also made me laugh when they asked if I was some kind of fairy because of my hair color. I also met some of his cousins that were also interested in fashion; I was able to relate to them well.

As he promised, his parents didn’t hate me. Or should I say I didn’t feel them have some kind of dislike towards me. Both of them were so kind and welcoming that I felt sad for myself that my parents weren’t like that, at least my mother anyway. I had a really great time. I envied him for having such a big and happy family. Plus, I really loved his mother’s cooking.

I look back and waved goodbye to them as well before turning to him. “I loved it,” I say, giving him a genuine smile. “Promise to take me back there someday again, okay?”

It has been hours since he’s been rehearsing by himself at the large stage. I watched his performance and gave my comments in a fan’s perspective to help him know how he should do fanservice. When it was time for his solo, I watched intently and as a fan, I wasn’t contented with how low high he lifted his shirt up. “I think you should show a little more skin,” I said through the microphone. I had requested one from the staff so he could hear my comments without yelling from where I sat, which was very far from the stage.

His back-up dancers cheered and he looked down in embarrassment. He looks so cute. “I mean, you are performing in your hometown,” I said, trying to persuade him (and yeah, maybe I wanted to see a little bit more for myself). “You should give them a very special stage!” I grinned and showed him a thumbs up.

He put his hands on his waist and shook his head with a laugh. He motioned for the sound team to redo the song and started his solo again.

He still didn’t lift his shirt high enough.

He didn’t even need to say that he was tired when we got back to the hotel. Heck, it was written all over his face and I started getting worried again. It was only the rehearsal, what more if it was the actual concert itself? It’s a two-day concert…

He was working really hard.

“What’s wrong?” he asked as he plopped himself on the bed, covering his eyes with his arm and breaks me from my thoughts.

“Are you really alright?” I asked, narrowing my eyes at him. I was leaning on the doorframe with my arms crossed.

He removed his arm but his eyes remained closed. “I am…”

“Well, you don’t look like you are,” I said.

“Why do you keep on thinking that I’m not even if I tell you that I am fine?” he snaps at me and I flinch at the tone of his voice.

I frown at him and walk towards him until I was at the foot of the bed, my arms still crossed. “Are you actually getting mad at me for being worried about you?”

He sits up and finally meets me in the eyes. I felt like crying when he glared at me. “Why can’t you just believe me? It bothers me so much that every time you ask me how I’m feeling and I tell you that I’m getting by,  you always think otherwise! What’s the use of asking me if you won’t believe me?”

I bit my lip and fought hard to not let my tears fall after he yelled at me. It’s always different when it’s him. I usually am a strong person whenever I get into fights but whenever it’s with him, he always has this power of making me feel so wronged, like I really am the one at fault.

I don’t know why he found it so annoying that I worry about him. It’s just natural to worry about someone you care for, right? I don’t really see what’s so wrong for contradicting his answers. It’s just so hard to believe.

“Why don’t you take a look at yourself in the mirror and tell me if the person you see doesn't look like he’s about to faint,” I challenged him with a scowl.

He scoffed and pushed himself out of the bed and walked towards the bathroom. “Whatever,” he said with his back facing me before slamming the door.

I didn’t sleep in his suite that night.

It was already late in the afternoon when I decided to check my phone. I was in my room; a floor below his that I actually booked the same day I arrived. It was a back-up plan in case I couldn't stay in the same room with him.

40 missed calls

21 text messages received

10 new mails

I felt like crying when his name didn’t even appear on the log book even though I received lots of messages and missed calls. Was he really that mad at me? He also didn’t even bother looking for me last night for no texts or calls were received by my phone last night.

Now with this situation, it made me think if I should still attend the concert or not. I looked at the time on the screen. Only two hours to go before it starts. Would he talk to me if I came? Or would he just ignore me?

I almost dropped my phone when I felt it vibrate in my hands. I looked at it and saw that my best friend was calling me. I my bottom lip nervously before answering.

“Hello?”

“Thank God you finally decided to answer you phone,” he said with an annoyed tone.

I smiled apologetically even though he couldn’t see it. “I’m sorry.. I was busy…” I lied. I woke up late in the morning and just lazed on my bed, thinking about our argument. When I checked the time, it was already two in the afternoon and that’s just when I started to take a bath and get dressed.

“Oh, really?” he asked in shock. “I’m sorry, are you working right now?”

I laughed a little as he sounded so scared for thinking that he bothered me. “No, no. I’m currently on a vacation right now.”

“Jesus, I thought I was bothering you or something. I didn’t want to get scolded again for bothering you,” I heard him sigh in relief. “Well, where are you then?”

“Um.. some hotel here in Beijing,” I answered, almost sounding like a question.

“You’re here?!” he shrieked making his voice crack and I couldn’t help but laugh at him. He cleared his throat before speaking again, “You’re here?” he repeated in a much composed manner. “Does that mean you’re coming to see the concert?” he asked me hopefully.

I made a face, “I don’t know…”

“What do you mean you don’t know?” I heard him scoff. “You might as well come if you’re here, right?”

“I don’t know if he wants me there.”

“What do you mean? Who doesn’t want you—“

“Who are you talking to?” My heart skipped a beat when I heard his voice. My best friend told him that he was talking to me and I became nervous all over again.

“Do you want to talk to her?” he asked but I didn’t hear any response which made my heart sink. “Well, that’s weird. Hyung just walked out on me— hey, oh my god, are you telling me that he’s the one who doesn’t want y